Good Morning, ! It's Thursday, February 12, 2009
The second half of a man's life is made up of nothing but the habits he has acquired during the first half. --- Fyodor Dostoevsky
Thanks to Trish for this follow-up on that cute Koala in the wildfire: VIDEO: Thirsty koala Sam the koala survives the bushfire and drinks three bottles of water courtesy of CFA volunteer David Tree
Two elderly women were trying on shoes in our store. When I slipped a shoe onto one woman's foot, the end of my tie got caught beneath her heel. Unaware of my predicament, she stood up and started toward the mirror. For a few seconds, I found myself crawling along the floor beside her, trying to get her attention. "Look, Martha," her friend said. "he wants to go home with you!"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for adults
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An elderly woman had just returned to her home from an evening church service when she was startled by an intruder. As she caught the man in the act of robbing her home of it's valuables, she yelled, "Stop! Acts 2:38!" (....repent and be baptized....) The burglar stopped dead in his tracks. The woman calmly called the police and explained what she had done. As the officer cuffed the man to take him in, he asked the burglar, "why did you just stand there? All the old lady did was yell a scripture to you." "Scripture??" replied the burglar, "She said she had an ax and two 38's!!!"
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Amber Carter, 35 in Bellefontaine, Ohio Teacher cut class for prostitution BELLEFONTAINE, Ohio - A fourth-grade teacher had a side job as a prostitute, and even skipped class after using a school computer to arrange an afternoon tryst at a motel, authorities said Wednesday. Amber Carter, 35, left school early Tuesday — taking half a sick day — and was arrested in a motel parking lot in Bellefontaine, where authorities had set up a sting operation. An anonymous e-mail was sent to the Logan County Sheriff's Department on Feb. 4 saying a local woman was posting cash-for-sex ads on the popular Web site Craig's list, Lt. Rob Bibart said. Detectives found the ad and arranged Tuesday's meeting with Carter, he said. "It was done very subtly. We pulled up, I identified myself," he said. "I put her in an unmarked car, and off we went." Detectives were uncertain how long Carter had been advertising for sex, Bibart said. Bellefontaine, a small city of 13,000, is about 50 miles northwest of Columbus. Carter was placed on administrative leave, said Bellefontaine City Schools Superintendent Larry Anderson. She has worked for the district for 13 years, starting as a kindergarten teacher. Carter was charged with misdemeanor prostitution and a felony count of unauthorized use of property, related to the school computer. She was released from Logan County jail Tuesday.
A SHORT HISTORY OF MEDICINE: "Doctor, I have an ear ache." 2000 B.C. - "Here, eat this root. That will be one payment on my sandals, please." 1000 B.C. - "That root is heathen, say this prayer. That will be one payment on my donkey, please." 1850 A.D. - "That prayer is superstition, drink this potion. That will be one payment on my wagon, please." 1940 A.D. - "That potion is snake oil, swallow these pills. That will be one payment on my Buick, please." 1985 A.D. - "That pill is ineffective, take this antibiotic. That will be one payment on my Mercedes, please." 2002 A.D. - "That antibiotic is artificial. Here, eat this root! That will be one payment on my yacht, please."
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Ann Re: No program associated with Dear Webby Quite often (but not all the time) I get the following notice with an email...."This file does not have aprogram associated with it for performing this action. Create an association in the Folder Options Control Panel" It is mostly with Power Point files. Do you have any idea what this is and how I actually do that... or is this an "Empress" question? Thanks as always for your great ezine and advice. Ann Dear Ann RIGHT-click START, Explore Tools FolderOptions File Types And in there look for the file extensions PPS and PPT, and assign the PowerPoint Viewer to those extensions. From then on, Windows will use that program for that file type. If you have Open Office, you can use that as the viewer, if you don't, use Microsoft's Power Point Viewer. You can get both free from my Toolbox Have FUN! Dear Webby
A Southerner had just moved to New York, and one day, a robber approached him and said, "Give me your money or I'll blow your brains out!" "Blow away," replied the Southerner, "You obviously can live in New York without brains, but I shore could not live here without money."
The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ Email to the Express Empress at firstname.lastname@example.org, and she will post it into the blog for you.Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Cleaning Cast Iron Pans Don't use dish soap or diswashers to clean cast iron pans. Fill the dirty pan with water and bring it to a boil, then you should be able to scrub off any debris. Rinse with hot water, let the pan dry and rub a small amount of shortening, lard, cooking spray or cooking oil inside the pan before storing. For really stubborn stuff, you can use sea salt as grit without damaging the patina too much. Have FUN! DearWebby Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
A man was being proselytized by group of friends: "Come join our study group. We want to discuss mankind's relationship to God." "I'm married; I learned long ago that my opinions don't matter." "But, when you die, will you go to heaven or to hell?" "Wherever my wife tells me to."Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: Good Reads
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