Good Morning, ! It's Sunday, February 15, 2009
How do you tell a Communist? Well, it's someone who reads Marx and Lenin. And how do you tell an anti-Communist? It's someone who understands Marx and Lenin. ---Ronald Reagan
Wanting to lose weight, a woman placed a picture of a shapely, pinup model in her refrigerator to remind her of her goal. The reminder worked like a charm as the woman discovered that she had lost ten pounds in the first month of using this method. The downside to this was that her husband spent so much time going into the fridge to look at the picture that he ended up gaining fifteen pounds!
Walking up to a department store's fabric counter, a pretty girl asked: "I want to buy this material for a new dress. How much does it cost?" "Only a kiss a yard, " replied the smirking male clerk. "That's fine," replied the girl. "I'll take ten yards." With expectation and anticipation written all over his face, the clerk hurriedly measured out and wrapped the cloth, then held it out teasingly. The girl snapped up the package and pointed to a little old lady standing beside her. "Grandma will pay the bill," she smiled.
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for adults
Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the confirmation request.
If you don't get it, then you, your mother or your ISP have Ophelia blocked
Delighted by the gift she had received, the lady spoke warmly to the boy, "At church tomorrow, I'll thank your mother for this lovely pie." "If you don't mind, Ma'am," the boy suggested nervously, "would you please thank her for two pies?"If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Antonio Gallo, 50, in in Montemignaio, Italy Motorist's wee mistake A driver stopped his car to answer a call of nature - and watched in horror as it slid over a cliff. Antonio Gallo, 50, had put on the handbrake but failed to notice he had parked on an ice-covered slope. To make matters worse, his wife and children were in the passenger seats - but all escaped unharmed. The car slipped over a cliff ledge and hurtled down a slope until it crashed into a tree 50 yards below, in Montemignaio, northern Italy. A police spokesman said: "He hasn't been charged with any crime but he's definitely going to get a life sentence of backseat driving from now on."
A flying saucer was low on fuel, so it landed near a local gas station. On its side were the letters "UFO." The gas station attendant was stunned, but his curiosity got the best of him. "Does that stand for Unidentified Flying Object?", he asked. "No," one of the other-worldly travelers responds. "It stands for 'Unleaded Fuel Only.' "
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Hank Re: ISP blocking mail Dear Webby, Yes, it is my POP 3 e-mail that is being blocked. I have subscribed to you and Ophelia on POP 3 and then I no longer received them. I then subscribed through Hotmail as I had to do with another newsletter. When I have tried to resubscribe I received a note saying I was already subscribed under my POP 3 mail. I use Incredimail as my mail server. My ISP has a home mail page but I cannot get you through that. The ISP assured me they are not blocking any e-mails to my account. Thanks for your help, hank Dear Hank That is quite a sad-ass bunch of incompetent morons at your ISP, if they don't allow you the get the Humor Letter. What is that ISP's name? People in your area need to be warned about those klutzes. If I was in your shoes, I would get my money back, and chose a better ISP. If there is no other ISP in your neck of the woods, get yourself a gmail address, just like most of the yahoos do. You can download your gmail with any of the better POP3 programs. Gmail does quite impressive spam filtering, but at times can get a bit too aggressive. However, if you drag a piece of mail out of the spam into the INbox, it will respect that from then on. Gmail is quite civilized! Have FUN! Dear Webby
A pastor told his congregation that he was going to do a 4 point message series over the next few weeks. Whatever word I end on", he told them, "I want you to sing a song that goes with that word". The 1st week the word was Rock. So the congregation sang "Rock of Ages". The 2nd week the word was Assurance. So they sang "Blessed Assurance". The 3rd week the word was Cross. They sang "At the Cross". The 4th week the word was sex. The congregation was baffled at what to sing. Finally an 85 yr old man stood up from the back of the church and started singing "Precious Memories". Try singing that song next time without laughing.
The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ Email to the Express Empress at firstname.lastname@example.org, and she will post it into the blog for you.Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Put a Pan Under Sink When Making Repairs If you change the faucet or drain in your kitchen or bathroom sink, put a shallow pan under the sink to catch any drips. Keep the pan there for 4 weeks to make sure water isn't accumulating. Check it periodically and tighten fixtures if necessary. Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
A man who had just undergone a very complicated operation kept complaining about a bump on his head and a terrible headache. Since his operation had been an intestinal one, there was no earthly reason why he should be complaining of a headache. Finally his nurse, fearing that the man might be suffering from some post-operative shock, spoke to the doctor about it. The doctor assured the nurse, "Don't worry about a thing. He really does have a bump on his head. About halfway through the operation we ran out of anesthetic."Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: Lightning over TexasARCHIVE: If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blogIf you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!Webby.com
[ view entry ] ( 125 views ) | permalink | print article | ( 3.1 / 424 )