Dear Webby: Out of sequence Microsoft patches 

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Good Morning,  !
It'sFriday,  March 13, 2009
Time to wear something red to show your support for the troops!

Friday, the 13th! Beware that it's bad luck to be superstitious! --- Socratex
A soldier was asked to report to the camp office for assignment. The sergeant said: "We have a critical shortage of typists. I'll give you a little test. Type this," he ordered, giving him a pamphlet to copy and a sheet of paper, and pointing to a desk across the room that held a typewriter and an adding machine. The soldier, quite reluctant to become a clerk typist, made a point of typing very slowly, and saw to it that his work contained as many errors as possible. The sergeant gave the typed copy only a brief glance. "That's fine," he said. "Report for work at 8 tomorrow." "But aren't you going to check the test?" the prospective clerk asked. The sergeant grinned. "You passed the test," he replied, "when you sat down at the typewriter instead of at the adding machine."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
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A Southern preacher was using the new sound system of the church for the first time and jerking the microphone cord along behind him as he briskly moved about the platform. He had never heard his voice amplyfied like that and was getting right into the spirit of things and gesticulating just as wildly as he was yelling into the microphone. As he moved farther over to one side, he got wound up in the cord and nearly tripped before jerking it free again. After several circles and jerks, Little Johnny leaned toward his mother and whispered, "If he gets loose, we better run!"

Did you know that ..... In Seattle, Washington, residents may not carry concealed weapons longer than six feet.
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Municipal Court in Phoenix, AZ Credit report reveals 14-year-old fine PHOENIX (UPI) -- A Phoenix woman said she was shocked when her accountant discovered a 14-year-old traffic fine on her credit report. Catie Martin said she was weeks away from closing on a house when her accountant discovered that the Phoenix Municipal Court was posting an $1,800 collection on her credit report, KPHO-TV, Phoenix, reported Tuesday. "I was just dumbfounded, I couldn't believe what was going on," Martin said. Martin said she had thought the citation had been taken care of when she paid a $500 fine 14 years ago. She said she had not heard anything about the ticket in the years since until the fee appeared on her credit report. "It's not like they didn't know where I was, it's not like they couldn't find me. I haven't left the country -- I worked for the state, for crying out loud," she said. A representative of the court said the city has boosted efforts to collect on old tickets by employing four collection agencies to track down delinquent fines. Martin said coming up with the $1,800 will be difficult now that she can't drive to work. "They told me that my license was revoked," she said.
While visiting a friend who was in the hospital, I noticed several pretty nurses, each of whom was wearing a pin designed to look like an apple. I asked one nurse what the pin signified. "Nothing," she said with a smile. "It's just to keep the doctors away."
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Allan Re: Out of sequence Microsoft patches Dear Webby, I thought you told us that Microsoft patches and bug fixes always come out on "Patch Tuesday", and to be suspicious if there is something claiming to be an official update on any other day. is today's patch real or phony? Allan Dear Allan Today's patches seem to be two patches to fix some of the more bothersome ooopses in Tuesday's patch. After installing today's patch XP seems to be fast and stable again. Have FUN! DearWebby
"I presume, Mrs Murphy, you carry a memento of some sort in that locket of yours?" "Indeed I do, sir, it's a lock of my Dan's hair." "But your husband is still alive." "that he is," said she "but his hair is long gone!"

The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at Email to the Express Empress at, and she will post it into the blog for you.
Daily tip from Uses for Empty Baby Wipe Containers Baby wipe containers can be used for storing numerous things like crayons and art supplies. Or, use them in the shop to store nails and screws. Baby wipe containers close tightly and are stackable. Be sure to re-use them before you recycle them. Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the list, you can vote for it here:

Two Irish mothers were talking about their sons. The first said, "My Patrick is such a saint. He works hard, doesn't smoke, and he hasn't so much as looked at a woman in over two years." The other woman said, "Well, my Francis is a saint himself. Not only hasn't he not looked at a woman in over three years, but he hasn't touched a drop of liquor in all that time." "My word," the first Irish mother said. "You must be so proud." "I am," the second mother replied. "And when he's paroled next month, I'm going to throw him one heck of a big party."
Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: Pencil Art
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Well, , that's all for today. Have FUN ! Dear Webby from

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