Dear Webby: Secret Admirer spoof mails 

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It's Friday,  March 20, 2009
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Learning to dislike children at an early age saves a lot of expense and aggravation later in life. --- Robert Byrne
TEACHER: George, go to the map and find North America. : Here it is! TEACHER: Correct. Now, class, who discovered America? CLASS: ! TEACHER: , name one important thing we have today that we didn't have ten years ago. : Me! TEACHER: In this box, I have a 10-foot snake. : You can't fool me, Teacher... snakes don't have 10 feet. TEACHER: How can you prevent diseases caused by biting insects? : Don't bite any. TEACHER: If I had seven oranges in one hand and eight oranges in the other, what would I have? : BIG hands!
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon here and not suitable for church,just jokes and fun for adults.
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A drunk walks into a bar and says to the bartender (with a drunken slur), "Tarbender, buy everyone in the houshe a drink, pour yourschelf one, and gimme the bill." So the bartender does just that and hands the man a bill for $57. The drunk says, "I haven't got it." The bartender slaps the guy around a few times, then throws him out into the street. The very next day the same drunk walks into the bar and once again says (with a drunken slur), "Tarbender, buy everyone in the houshe a drink, pour yourschelf one, and gimme the bill." The bartender looks at the guy and figures to himself that he can't possibly be stupid enough to pull the same trick twice. So he gives him the benefit of the doubt, pours a round of drinks for the house, has a drink himself and hands the drunk a bill for $67. The drunk says, "I haven't got it." The bartender can't believe it. He picks the guy up, beats the living daylights out of him, then throws him out into the street. The next day the same drunk walks back into the same bar and says (with a drunken slur), "Tarbender, buy everyone in the houshe a drink, gimme the bill." In disgust, the bartender says, "What, no drink for me this time?" The drunk replies, "You? No way! You get too violent when you drink."
Thanks to Dianne for this picture:
One night, a torrential rain soaked Southern Louisiana. The next morning the resulting floodwaters came up about 6 feet into most of the homes there. Mrs. Boudreaux was sitting on her roof with her neighbor, Mrs. Thibodeaux, waiting for help to come. Mrs. Thibodeaux noticed a baseball cap, floating near the house. Then she saw it float far out into the front yard, then float back to the house; it kept floating away from the house, then back towards house. Her curiosity got the best of her, so she asked Mrs.Boudreaux, "Do you see dat dere baseball cap a floatin' away from the house, den back again?" Mrs. Boudreaux said, "Oh yeah, dass my husband; I tole dat coonass he gonna cut the grass today, come hell or high water!"
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Christopher Daniel Gay of Manchester, Tennessee 'Little Houdini' back behind bars BARTOW, Fla. (UPI) -- A southern outlaw known for exploits like escaping from chains in the parking lot of a Waffle House in Tennessee is being handled with extra precautions. Christopher Daniel Gay, nicknamed "Little Houdini" because of his success getting out of custody, was arrested Monday in Florida, The Atlanta Journal-Constitution reported. Authorities in Florida say he stole a tractor-trailer rig and used it to steal a front-end loader. "He is being treated as an escape risk. He is in isolation," said Carrie Eleazer, spokeswoman for the sheriff's office in Polk County, Fla. Gay had been a fugitive since March 3, when he was being transported from Florida to Tennessee. He managed to get out of handcuffs and restraints at the Waffle House near Kenesaw State University in Georgia. Gay became the subject of a country western song after a 2007 escape. He got away from two police officers at a rest stop in South Carolina and allegedly drove to Manchester, Tenn., in a stolen pickup. Investigators say he then stole a loaded Wal-Mart tractor-trailer truck and headed for his mother's house. He was intercepted when he arrived there.
A young boy came to Sunday School late. His teacher knew that he was usually very prompt and asked him if anything was wrong. The boy replied no, that he was going fishing but his dad told him that he needed to go to church. The teacher was very impressed and asked the boy if his dad had explained to him why it was more important to go to church than to go fishing. The boy replied: "Yes he did. Dad said he didn't have enough bait for both of us."
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Harriet Re: Are "Secret Admirer" emails safe? Dear Webby I have been getting some mails and cards, supposedly from a "Secret Admirer", but sorta vaguely remembered you once mentioned something about those being dangerous spoofs. Is that still the case? Harriet Dear Harriet You are absolutely right! Whenever you get anything that supposedly is from an unidentified generic sender like "Class Mate", "Secret Admirer", "Family Member", etc., then just dump it. It is a spoof, usually with a link in it that goes to a dangerous site that will infect your computer with a trojan. That trojan will then open a secret back door for the new owner of it, and it will start sending out "Secret Admirer" and "Class Mate" emails from your computer. To avoid that, dump any mails from any unidentified generic sender. I put "Class Mate", "Secret Admirer", "Family Member" into a MailWasher filter years ago, and don't even see those any more. Have FUN! DearWebby
A little boy got lost at the YWCA and found himself in the women's locker room. When he was spotted, the room burst into shrieks, with ladies grabbing towels and running for cover. The little boy watched in amazement and then asked, "What's the matter haven't you ever seen a little boy before?"

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Daily tip from Use Salt for Grease Spills If grease or oil spills in your oven, quickly toss some salt on the stain. Once the oven has cooled off and the salt has dried, brush it out of your oven. Most of the stain should be gone. Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the list, you can vote for it here:

"A fossil is an extinct animal. The older it is, the more it stinkts."
Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: French Frigate Schoals
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Well, , that's all for today. Have FUN ! Dear Webby from

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