Dear Webby: Slow movies 

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Good Morning,  !
It's Monday,  March 23, 2009

Cynics regarded everybody as equally corrupt... Idealists regarded everybody as equally corrupt, except themselves. --- Robert Anton Wilson Human salvation lies in the hands of the creatively maladjusted. --- Martin Luther King Jr.
Upon entering the little country store, the stranger noticed a sign saying "DANGER! BEWARE OF DOG!" posted on the glass door. Inside he noticed a harmless old hound dog asleep on the floor.. He asked the store manager, "Is THAT the dog folks are supposed to beware of?" "Yep, that's him," he replied. The stranger couldn't help but be amused. "That certainly doesn't look like a dangerous dog to me. Why in the world would you post that sign?" "Because," the owner replied, "before I posted that sign, people kept tripping over him."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon here and not suitable for church,just jokes and fun for adults.
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Bill: "Hey, tex, how big is your farm?" Tex: "Let me put it this way. If I were to get in my truck at sunrise and kept driving untill sundown, I STILL wouldn't be to the other side of my spread!" Bill: "Oh, yeah, I know what you mean. I used to have a truck like that too once!"
Thanks to Larry for sending this picture:
The housewife answered the phone and listened with relief to the voice in her ear. "How are you, dear? What kind of day are you having?" "Oh, mom, the baby won't eat, the washing machine is broken, I've not been able to get out of the house to shop, I twisted my ankle and have been hobbling around. On top of that, the house is a mess and we're supposed to have two couples over for dinner tonight." "Now dear, just stay calm. Sit down, relax, close your eyes, and I'll be over in 1/2 hour. I'll do the shopping, clean up the house, and cook your dinner for you. I'll take care of the baby when I get there and call a repairman I know who'll get the washing machine fixed. In fact, I'll call George at the office and tell him he ought to come home and help out for once." "George? Who's George?" "Why, that's your *husband*, dear." "Mom, I don't have a husband." "Is this 234-5678?" "Uh, no, it's not. I think you have a wrong number." The housewife paused, then got rather hysterical: "But, but, but, you're still going to come over and help me, aren't you?"
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Nathaniel Johnson, 19, in Seffner, Florida Teen commits crimes while wearing ankle monitor TAMPA, FL -- A Seffner teen is back behind bars today on burglary charges after a judge said the teen had run out of second chances. Nathaniel Johnson was arrested last fall on burglary, drugs and weapons charges. Hillsborough Judge Walter Heinrich set the 19-year-old free pending trial, with the stipulation Johnson wear an ankle monitoring system that tracks his movements. Hillsborough deputies say they used that system to place Johnson at the scene of two burglaries in a Brandon neighborhood earlier this month. Deputies arrested Johnson on five additional charges. Only this time, he's being held without bond. Hillsborough sheriff's deputy, Corporal Shane Burton said, "We were able to put him in the vicinity of the homes and pinpoint right down to the rooftops of where the burglaries were being done." Johnson was allowed out of his house between 5:00am and 11:00pm with the ankle monitoring system.
Church Bulletin board bleeper: I was hungry and you gave me something to eat; I was thirty and you gave me something to drink.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Sharon S Re: Slow playing movies Dear Webby; Thanks. I think I understand it a bit more now. Is any one of them better for videos such as youtube. I have an awful time kkepint youtube playing. I was told by someone that is is because I am still on dialup. I have to get it playing then pause it & come back to ir later. I am at the point where I just don't even bother w/ most of them. Of I should get google chrome or Firefox & put it on the taskbar how do I awitch from IE which will probably have aready come up? Can I uninstall one of the new ones if I am not satified w/ it? Does using a google or firefox affect my mail & reading it? Thanks ever so much for your help. Have a purrfect day, Sharon S Dear Sharon Let's face it, you are severely punishing yourself for the sins of your wicked youth. Dial-Up plus hotmail. According to hotmail you are in Machesny Park, Illinois, and COULD get pretty fast cable or DSL for a quite reasonable price, if you shopped around a bit. With the connection you have, it makes no difference what browser you use. All will be just as slow. All you can do for movies or music is get it started downloading, and go pray for patience for a while. Re unused browsers, yes, except for IE, they all uninstall cleanly. IE should not be uninstalled, because some Microsoft programs use parts of it for their purposes. That is why the European Union has sued them for big money, and is still suing them. Have FUN! DearWebby
In a test of emergency systems some boy scouts impersonated wounded persons who were to be picked up and cared for by the emergency units. One Scout was supposed to lie on the ground and await his rescuers, but the first-aid people got behind schedule, and the Scout lay "wounded" for several hours. When the first-aid squad arrived where the casualty was supposed to be, they found nothing but a brief note: "Have bled to death and gone to McDonalds for a refill."

The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at Email to the Express Empress at, and she will post it into the blog for you.
Daily tip from Wipe Down the Shower After years of scrubbing, it dawned on me one day that it didn't make sense that a tub, where I spend time to get clean, would get "dirty". I finally got everyone in the house to agree to use their towel to wipe down the walls and tub after each use. Now, I rarely have to clean the shower enclosure or tub. By Sandy I have been using a Magic Bubble sprayer for a couple of years now and am quite happy with it. You hit the button on it when you exit the shower, and 15 seconds later it starts spraying the inside of the shower for a few seconds. That creates a thin foam film, which runs off and cleans everything. Have FUN! Dear Webby Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the list, you can vote for it here:

Girls are attracted to boys, even at an early age. At an early age, boys are attracted to dirt.
Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: Klondike bar to jail
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Well, , that's all for today. Have FUN ! Dear Webby from

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