Dear Webby: AOL not showing pictures 

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Good Morning,  !
It's Tuesday,  March 24, 2009

I don't care what is written about me so long as it isn't true. --- Dorothy Parker
The pastor was doing is weekly "children's message" with the children gathered around him down front. He was talking to the youngsters on their level about being good and going to heaven. At the end of his talk, he asked, "Where do you want to go?" "Heaven!" one of the girls cried out enthusiastically. "And what do you have to be to get there?" the preacher asked. "Dead!" yelled one of the boys.
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon here and not suitable for church,just jokes and fun for adults.
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George and Nancy get along just great, except that she's a "backseat driver" second to none. After years of putting up with her pestering, he finally decided he had enough and advised her that he would no longer drive with her in the car. Later that day, on his way home from doing some shopping at the mall, he heard his cell phone ring, just as he was merging onto a freeway. It was Nancy. By chance, she had entered the freeway right behind George. "Honey," she said, "your turn signal is still on. And put on your lights; it's starting to rain."
Thanks to Sandie for this picture:
The Boy Scouts were out collecting bottles for a fund raising activity. One ambitious young man knocked on a door and a sour-faced lady came to the door and asked: "What do you want, Sonny?" "D-d-do you have any beer bottles for the Boy Scouts, M-m-m-ma'am?" he asked. "Look here, young man, do I look like the kind of lady who would drink beer?" replied the lady. "S-s-sorry, Ma'am," was his reply. "W-w-what about vinegar bottles?"
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to a bunch of robbers in Milwaukee, Washington Police: Robbers robbed while fleeing MILWAUKEE, Wash. (UPI) -- Milwaukee police said a pair of unlucky robbers were targeted by another group of thieves as they fled from a jewelry store. Lt. Thomas Welch said two men, ages 31 and 40, took money and jewelry from the store on the south side of the city at about 10:50 a.m. Wednesday while armed with at least one handgun, and were confronted by a group of four men as they attempted to flee, the Milwaukee Journal-Sentinel reported. Welch said the four men robbed the two original robbers, sparking a fight that turned into a car chase. He said the two men who allegedly robbed the jewelry store and two men from the second group, ages 22 and 27, were arrested. The money and jewelry were not recovered and police were searching for additional suspects. He said investigators were looking into whether the two groups of men knew each other prior to the incident.
Every newspaper in New York sent a reporter and a staff photographer to the office of a local ophthalmologist when it was learned that he recently performed a successful sight- saving operation on the wife of the country's most celebrated mural artist, who, in addition to paying the doctor's usual fee, had gratefully insisted on painting one of his contemporary masterpieces across an entire wall of the doctor's waiting room. The mural turned out to be an immense multicolored picture of a human eye, in the center of which stood a perfect miniature likeness of the good doctor himself. While cameras clicked and most of the newsmen crowded around the famous artist for his comments, one cub reporter drew the eye specialist aside and asked: "Tell me, if you can, Doctor-what was your first reaction on seeing this fantastic artistic achievement covering an entire wall of your office?" "To tell the truth," the physician replied, "my first thought was, thank goodness I'm not a hemorrhoid specialist!"
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Staza Re: Not seeing the pictures Dear Webby; Can you tell me why I am getting these x's? I can't get any picture on your site, or the bonus or Dingbatter. Please help me. AOL, sure didn't. ,they told me to try a lot of different setting and none of them worked. Thank you Staza Dear Staza That's just AOL's censoring. I can't fix AOL. Contact AOL "Support" and tell them again, that you want to go to all the places, and see all the pictures, that people with respectable ISPs can get to. Alternatively, you could decide to graduate from the sand box, and stop all that snickering and smirking behind your back. By the way, you are not the only AOLer, whom AOL treats as a second class netizen. For a couple of years now AOL has been not quite as bad as Yahoo, but they sure blew that in the last week or two. How much are they paying you for putting up with their abuse? Have FUN! DearWebby
A kid comes home from college. His father is a farmer, and he's shoveling all the manure out of the outhouse onto the strawberries to fertilize them. The kid says, "Hey, Pop, learned in college there's an easy way to do everything." They go downtown and get some dynamite, they're gonna rig it up under the outhouse and blow the solids into the strawberry patch. They get it all rigged up, but they don't see Grandma coming to use the outhouse. BaBooom! The manure goes flying, and so does Grandma. Ploop!...she lands in the strawberries. They go running up to her... "Grandma, Grandma! My God, are you all right? Are you all right?" She says, "Yeah, I'm fine. Whoo! I'm certainly glad I didn't let that one go in the kitchen!"

The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at Email to the Express Empress at, and she will post it into the blog for you.
Daily tip from Gardening With Kids Gardening is something your kids can do outdoors that is both constructive and fun. The key is starting off slow so they don't get overwhelmed. Set aside a small patch of dirt where your kids can create their garden. Start with plants that will grow fast, like sunflowers, so they can be can see the fruits of their labor quickly. Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the list, you can vote for it here:

A nursery school teacher was delivering a station wagon full of kids home one day when a fire truck zoomed past. Sitting in the front seat of the fire truck was a Dalmatian dog. The children fell to discussing the dog's duties. "They use him to keep crowds back," said one youngster. "No," said another, "he's just for good luck." Then a third child brought the argument to a close... "They use the dog," she said firmly, "to find the fire hydrant."
Thanks to Cookie for today's Bonus Link: Elvis and Celine
ARCHIVE: If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at
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Well, , that's all for today. Have FUN ! Dear Webby from

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