Dear Webby: Weird Yahoo email formatting 

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Good Morning,  !
It's Monday,  March 30, 2009

I believe that banking institutions are more dangerous to our liberties than standing armies. --- Thomas Jefferson The future is here. It's just not widely distributed yet. --- William Gibson
After being away on business, Clarence McDougal thought it would be nice to bring his wife a little gift. "How about some perfume fer me lass at home?" he asked the cosmetics clerk. She showed him a bottle costing $50.00. "That is a wee bit much," said Clarence. So the clerk returned with a smaller bottle for $30.00. "That's still a wee bit much," Clarence groused. Growing annoyed, the cosmetics clerk brought out a tiny $15.00 sample bottle. "What I mean," said Clarence, "is I would like to see something really cheap." So the clerk handed him a mirror.
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon here and not suitable for church,just jokes and fun for adults.
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I don't normally tell blonde jokes, but this one was sent to me by a beautiful blonde lady who obviously must know which jokes are OK, and which ones go too far. ------------ A plane is on its way on a non-stop flight from Los Angeles to New York when a blonde in coach gets up and moves to the first class section and sits down. The stewardess watches her do this and asks to see her ticket. She then tells the blonde that she paid for coach and that she will have to sit in the back. The blonde replies, "I'm blonde, I'm beautiful, I'm going to New York and I'm staying right here!" The stewardess goes into the cockpit and tells the pilot and copilot that there is some blond bimbo sitting in first class that belongs in coach and won't move back to her seat. The copilot goes back to the blonde and tries to explain that because she only paid for coach, she will have to leave first class and return to her seat in coach. The blonde replies, "I'm blonde, I'm beautiful, I'm going to New York and I'm staying right here!" The copilot tells the pilot that he probably should have the police waiting when they land to arrest this blonde woman that won't listen to reason. The pilot says, "I'll handle this. I'm married to a blonde. I have learned to speak blonde!" He goes back to the blonde, whispers in her ear and she gets up and moves back to her seat in the coach section. The stewardess and copilot are amazed and asked him what he said to make her move without any fuss. "I told her first class wasn't going to New York.
Thanks to Dianne for this picture: EllisIs land Immigration Museum NYC
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Jerome Blanchett, 19, in Harrisurg, Pennsylvania Dumb robber picks police summit Jerome Blanchett, 19 in Pennsylvania accused of a robbery at a narcotics police convention has been described as probably the stateís dumbest criminal. Retired police chief John Comparetto was attending the meeting of 300 officers when he was held up at gunpoint in the menís toilets. He handed over money and a phone but then he and some colleagues gave chase as the suspect tried to flee in a taxi. They arrested a 19-year-old man over the incident near Harrisburg. Blanchett, who is awaiting trial on four previous robbery charges, was arraigned on new robbery charges along with charges of making terroristic threats, reckless endangerment, simple assault, carrying a firearm without a license and illegally possessing a firearm. His bail was set at $1 million. The 19-year-old Blanchett is the proud owner of an extensive criminal history; one that includes 10 previous felony convictions.
Little Johnny went up to his father and asked, "Dad, where did all of my intelligence come from?" Johnny's father replied, "Well, son, you must have gotten it from your mother, 'cause I still have mine."
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Ann S Re: No content in Yahoo mail Dear Webby, Everything is blank until I hit reply and I can read the jokes. What is wrong? It came on my email as spam and I hit the no spam key and since then it comes to my email but nothing is on it. Ann S Dear Ann From what I hear, that is just a Yahoo "feature". You DO get the content, but Yahoo trashes the formatting, until it looks like you are going to show others, how incompetent they are at Yahoo. Then they suddenly behave. There may be a setting in your Yahoo mail to get around that, but it seems to be secret. You just have to get used to that Yahoo "feature". Have FUN! DearWebby
There's a little boy at school and asks the teacher if he can go to the washroom. "Okay" says the teacher. "But first you've got to say the alphabet." They boy says the alphabet: "a,b,c,d,e,f,g,h,i,j,k,l,m,n,o,q,r,s,t,u,v,w,x,y,z." "What happened to the 'p'?" asked the teacher. "It's leaking out of my boots now."

The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at Email to the Express Empress at, and she will post it into the blog for you. Greetings Empress: Thank you for the quick, detailed answer. Due to my lack of computer knowledge; I really need easy detailed help, which you gave.It's like having a friend you never see. Best wishes, Lisa
Daily tip from When Moving, Set Up Beds First When moving, the first piece of furniture you want to move into your new house are the beds. Place them in the designated bedrooms, put them together, and make them up. At the end of the day, all you want to think about is a shower, food, and a good night's rest. Other things can wait until the next day. This way you will not have to sleep on the floor or groan about having to make beds when you are so tired. This is very important if you are moving and have children. By Linda from Arlington, TX Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the list, you can vote for it here:

A husband and wife were having dinner at a very fine restaurant when this absolutely stunning young woman comes over to their table, gives the husband a big open mouthed kiss, then says she'll see him later and walks away. The wife glares at her husband and says, "Who the blazes was that?" "Oh," replies the husband, "she's my mistress." "Well, that's the last straw," says the wife. "I've had enough. I want a divorce!" I can understand that," replies her husband, "but remember, if we get a divorce, you will have to refill your credit cards yourself. But the decision is yours." Just then, a mutual friend enters the restaurant with a gorgeous babe on his arm. "Who's that woman with Jim?" asks the wife. "That's his mistress," says her husband. "Ours is prettier," she replies.
Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: Contrails
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Well, , that's all for today. Have FUN ! Dear Webby from

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