Dear Webby: movies stop every few seconds 

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Good Morning,  !
It's Friday,  April 10, 2009
Time to wear something red to show our support for the troops!

" I'm all in favor of keeping dangerous weapons out of the hands of fools. Let's start with typerwriters." --- Frank Lloyd Wright
Thanks to Jai for this story: Two medical students were walking along the street when they saw an old man walking with his legs spread apart. He was stiff legged and walking slowly. One of the students said to his friend: "I'm sure the poor old man has Petry Syndrome. Those people walk just like that." The other student says: "No, I don't think so. The old man surely has Zovitzki Syndrome. He walks slowly and his legs are apart just as we learned in class." Since they couldn't agree they decided to ask the old man. They approached him and one of the students said to him: "We're medical students and couldn't help but notice the way you walk, but we couldn't agree on the syndrome you might have. Could you tell us what it is?" The old man said: "I'll tell you, but first you must tell me what you two fine medical students think." One of the students said: "I think it's Petry Syndrome." The old man said: "You thought... But you are wrong." Then the other student said: "I think you have Zovitzki Syndrome." The old man said: "You thought... But you are wrong." So they asked him: "Well, old timer, what do you have?" The old man said: "I thought it was GAS... But I was wrong!
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon here and not suitable for church,just jokes and fun for adults.
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Thanks to Frank for this story: *Parking Tickets* The other day I went downtown to run a few errands. I went into the local Coffee shop for a snack. I was only there for about 5 minutes, and when I came out, there was this cop writing out a parking ticket. I said to him, 'Come on, man, how about giving a retired person a break'? He ignored me and continued writing the ticket. His sensitivity annoyed me, so I called him a 'Nazi.' He glared at me and then wrote out another ticket for having worn tires. So I proceeded to call him a 'doughnut eating Gestapo...' He finished the second ticket and put it on the windshield with the first. Then he wrote a third ticket when I called him a moron in blue. This went on for about 20 minutes. The more I talked back to him the more tickets he wrote. Personally, I didn't really care. I came downtown on the bus, and the car that he was putting the tickets on had one of those bumper stickers that said, *'Obama in '08.'* I try to have a little fun each day now that I'm retired. The doctor tells me that it's important to my health.
Thanks to Lillemor for this picture:
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Alexei Roskov, 22 in Moscow Russian man survives five storey fall - twice A Russian man survived after downing three bottles of vodka and leaping from a fifth floor balcony - twice. Alexei Roskov says he jumped the second time because he couldn't take his wife's nagging about the first time. Wife Yekaterina had watched in horror as her drunken hubsand opened the kitchen window of their Moscow apartment, and hurled himself out. Astonishingly Mr Roskov, 22, survived and managed to stagger back upstairs with barely a scratch after the 50ft fall. But while his wife called for an ambulance and began to scold him, he jumped again. Amazed medics treated Mr Roskov for minor cuts and bruises before releasing him. Mr Roskov says he is now teetotal after giving up drinking.
"Grandpa, I'm really proud of you," said the modish young lady. "What's to be proud of?" asked the old man. The young lady replied, "I noticed that when you sneeze, you've learned to put your hand in front of your mouth." "Of course," explained Grandpa. "How else can I catch my teeth?"
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Maggie Re: Video pauses Dear Webby; Thanks for all the great help you give, and for a great newsletter. My problem is... just about every video I try to play keeps stoping and starting every few seconds throughout the whole thing. Would you have any idea what the problem is? It hasn't always been this way. I have Windows XP, service pack 3. Thanks so much for your time and attention to this matter. Maggie Dear Maggie That's just your connection speed. Your ISP is delivering it slower than it plays, so it pauses until it has another 10-15 seconds worth, plays that and waits for more to dribble in. Just hit PAUSE and wait until the faintly colored bar has completed. THEN play it. You can check your connection speed at If it is significantly lower than what you are paying for, call your ISP and complain. Quite often they restrict your speed behind your back, and you have to nag at them to get reasonable speed again. I have to call my ISP about that about once a month. Have FUN! DearWebby
Two not too very bright city guys decided to go into the dairy business. They drove up to a dairy farm and asked the owner if he had any cows for sale. The owner had been trying to get rid of a non performing bull for years told them he would let his best producing cow go for a mere one thousand dollars. The 2 guys said wonderful and loaded up the bull and left. They got back to their place and tried to milk the bull but didn't get any milk. So one of the guys ran back to the farmer to find out how to get the milk flowing. The farmer told them they had to make the cow drink plenty of water and then pump the tail up and down. Satisfied the city slicker went back and he and his partner pushed the bull down to the stream. Well, the bull wasn't very thirsty and didn't drink so one guy held the bulls head in the water and the other guy pumped igorously with the tail. About that time the bull decided to take advantage of the raised tail and to dump some solids. The guy pumping yelled to his friend "Raise his head he is sucking mud." -------- Well, he sure would not try to hold the head of one of the 2500 pound bulls they have around here. Those bulls flip a car over if they don't like it's color.

The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at Email to the Express Empress at, and she will post it into the blog for you.
Daily tip from Spare Change Adds Up I have been saving my husband's and my spare change for years. This year I decided to document every "cash-in", to see exactly how much change that we wound up with at the end of the year. I have always used this money as a rainy-day fund, like when I was absolutely out of money, needed gas for the car, or an unexpected item from the grocery store. This year, I determined to earmark the money for a special project. I started collecting in January, and planned to use the money for garden expenses. If I used any of the money in the jar, then I made note of how much was taken, and put a reminder to repay it in the jar. This way, I was able to: 1. See how much money that I was able to save from just loose change, and 2. Keep up with how much was spent on my garden in a year's time. By November I had saved almost $600. By Carole from Locust Fork, AL Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the list, you can vote for it here:

How many members of your sign does it take to change a light bulb? ARIES: Just one. You want to make something of it? TAURUS: One, but just try to convince them that the burned- out bulb is useless and should be thrown away. GEMINI: Two, but the job never gets done -- they just keep discussing who is supposed to do it and how it's supposed to be done! CANCER: Just one. But it takes a therapist three years to help them through the grieving process. LEO: Leos don't change light bulbs, although sometimes their agent will get a Virgo in to do the job for them while they're out. VIRGO: Approximately 1.000000 with an error of +/- one millionth. LIBRA: Er, two. Or maybe one. No, on second thought, make that two. Is that okay with you? SCORPIO: That information is strictly secret and shared only with the Enlightened Ones in the Star Chamber of the Ancient Hierarchical Order. SAGITTARIUS: The sun is shining, the day is young, we've got our whole lives ahead of us, and you're inside worrying about a stupid burned-out light bulb? CAPRICORN: I don't waste my time with these childish jokes. AQUARIUS: Well, you have to remember that everything is energy, so.... PISCES: Light bulb? What light bulb?
Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: Best Horse Pix
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Well, , that's all for today. Have FUN ! Dear Webby from

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