Dear Webby: List of file names Sunday, April 19, 2009, 04:28 AM
 
Good Morning, !
It's Sunday, April 19, 2009
There is only one thing a philosopher can be relied upon to do,
and that is to contradict other philosophers.
--- William James
Q: What do you get when you mix Holy Water and Prune
Juice?
A: A Religious Movement.
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon here and not suitable for church,just jokes and fun for adults.
Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the confirmation request
.
If you don't get it, then you, your mother or your ISP have Ophelia blocked |
Tech Support: "How much free space do you have on your
hard drive?"
Customer: "Well, my wife likes to get up there on that
there Internet, and she downloaded ten hours of free
space. Is that enough?"
Sweated off a few pounds.
Next I have to get some tan onto those knobby computer nerd knees!
That cactus is a Turberi Organpipe, nicely lined up with the
hole in the rock in Diablo Canyon.
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 An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
goes to three guys in Kansas City, MO with no talent
for operating heavy equipment.
Police: Theft foiled by mud
KANSAS CITY, Mo. (UPI) -- Police in Kansas City, Mo., said three men
were arrested after the skid-steer loader they were allegedly trying
to steal became stuck in the mud.
Investigators said the skid-steer loader was found stuck in the mud
at the construction site and officers followed scrape marks
left on the street to a trailer that had been towed by the suspects'
vehicle, the Kansas City Star reported Tuesday.
Officers found an empty truck nearby where the trailer was
discovered and the men were found hiding in a nearby field
after a police dog was called to the scene.
-------------
A skid steer loader is a small loader like a Bob-Cat. It is almost
impossible to get them stuck, and as long as the air intake and
the operator's nose is above water, they can even operate in
rivers or very deep mud. With a skilled operator.
A wise, old Indian chief was famous for predicting what
the weather would do. A group of people went up to the
chief and asked him, "What will the weather be like
tomorrow?"
The chief replied, "Much rain. Very wet."
The next day, it did rain and it was very wet. Some
more people went up to the chief and asked,
"What will the weather be like tomorrow?"
"Much snow. Very cold."
Sure enough, it snowed and it was very cold.
People were so impressed with this, they asked him
another time. Chief," they asked, "what will the
weather do tomorrow?"
The chief replied, "I dunno. I was watching wrestling
instead of the weather channel."
From the Tech Support Pits:
From Kate
RE: List of file names
Dear Webby
I know Windows doesn't have an easy way to print a list of
the file names in a folder, but I have received CD's from
friends that had a neatly printed list of the files. I don't want
dates or sizes, just the file names.
How is that done?
Kate
Dear Kate
The easiest way is to use DOS.
First make a directory (folder) where you keep those lists.
Then click on START, RUN and type:
cmd
That opens a DOS window.
Type "cd" (without the quotes), then a space, then the
name of the folder that you want listed. Hit Enter.
The prompt should now be showing the same as what
you saw in the top address bar in Windows Explorer.
Now type "dir /b > dirlist.txt"
instead of dirlist.txt you can use any file name you want,
but make the extension ".txt"
Now you can use any word processor or even a spreadsheet
program to open "dirlist.txt", format it the way you want it,
and print it. You can even paste the contents of "dirlist.txt"
into programs for making CD and DVD case inserts.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
Unable to attend the funeral after his Uncle Charlie
died, a man who lived far away called his brother and
told him, "Do something nice for Uncle Charlie and
send me the bill."
Later, he got a bill for $200.00, which he paid. The
next month, he got another bill for $200.00, which he
also paid, figuring it was some incidental expense.
But, when the bills for $200.00 kept arriving every
month, he finally called his brother again to find out
what was going on.
"Well," said the other brother, "You said to do
something nice for Uncle Charlie......
So I rented him a tuxedo!"
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Fix Leaky Toilets
A leaky toilet can waste 50 gallons or more per day. To test to
see your toilet is leaking, put drops of food coloring into the
toilet tank. Wait 15 minutes. If color has made it's way to the
bowl, you have a leak. Try replacing the flush valve in the tank
to correct the problem.
For More Plumbing Tips, Click Here
http://www.thriftyfun.com/Home%20Improv ... 4_614.html
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day,
or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun
Highly recommended!
If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
Donna was driving home and got caught in a really bad
hailstorm. Her car was covered with dents, so the next
day she took it to a repair shop. The shop owner
knew her, and remembered that she still had not paid a
bill from half a year ago, so he decided to have some fun.
He told her just to go home and blow into the tailpipe
really hard, and all the dents would pop out. So Donna
went home, got down on her hands and knees and started
blowing into her tailpipe.
Nothing happened. She blew harder, and still nothing
happened.
Her roommate, Rachel, came home and said, "What are
you doing?"
Donna told her how the repairman had instructed her to
blow into the tailpipe in order to get all the dents
to pop out. Rachel rolled her eyes and said,
"Duh, like hello! You need to roll up the windows
first!"
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Have FUN !
Dear Webby from Webby.com
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Dear Webby: Camera cable or chip reader Saturday, April 18, 2009, 03:59 AM
Good Morning, !
It's Saturday, April 18, 2009
Spare no expense to save money on this one.
--- Samuel Goldwyn
"I never would have married you if I knew how stupid
you were!" shouted the woman to her husband!
The husband replied, "You should've known how stupid I
am, the minute I asked you to marry me!"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon here and not suitable for church,just jokes and fun for adults.
Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the confirmation request
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At a clearance sale, the wife of a federal district court
judge found a green tie that was a perfect match for one
of her husband's sports jackets. Soon after, while the
couple was vacationing at a resort complex to get his mind
off a rather complicated cocaine conspiracy case, he noticed
a small, round disc sewn into the design of the tie.
The judge showed it to a local FBI agent, who was equally
suspicious that it might be a 'bug' planted by the conspiracy
defendants. The agent sent the device to FBI headquarters
In Washington, DC for analysis.
Two weeks later, the judge phoned the Washington office
to learn the results of their tests. "We're not sure where
the disc came from," the FBI told him, "but we discovered
that when you press it, it plays 'Jingle Bells.'"
Yep, the desert sure does bloom!
This was in the middle of Joshua Tree park, one of the most
rugged and scenic deserts in the world.
One of these guys is going to lose 20 pounds in the desert
in the next two weeks.
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
goes to
Alleged 'Hamburglar' found at McDonald's
ARLINGTON, Wash. (UPI) -- A real-life alleged "Hamburglar"
was awaiting charges in Washington state after being
apprehended at a McDonald's restaurant, officials say.
Unlike the McDonald's children's advertising character,
the alleged Hamburglar in Arlington, Wash., is real,
The (Everett, Wash.) Herald reported Tuesday.
Local police say the man was first arrested last week on
suspicion of burglary but escaped from the back seat of
a police car when officers rolled down a window to allow
him to throw up.
Two days later, police reportedly received a call from the
manager of a McDonald's who said a customer matching
the escaped suspect's description had been in the restaurant
but had disappeared. An affidavit filed Monday indicated that
police took a look around the McDonald's, noticed a loose
ceiling tile, and found the suspect hiding in the ceiling.
The man was booked into the Snohomish County Jail in
Everett and is awaiting formal charges of third-degree escape,
residential burglary, theft, malicious mischief and burglary,
the Herald said.
A truck driver who had been delivering radioactive waste for
the local reactor begins to feel sick after a few years on the job.
He decided to seek compensation for his ailment.
Upon his arrival at the workers' compensation department,
he is interviewed by an assessor.
Assessor: I see you work with radio-active materials and wish
to claim compensation.
Trucker: Yeah, I feel really sick.
Assessor: Alright then, Does your employer take measures to
protect you from radiation poisoning?
Trucker: Yeah, he gives me a lead suit to wear on the job.
Assessor: And what about the cabin in which you drive?
Trucker: Oh yeah. That's lead lined, all lead lined.
Assessor: What about the waste itself? Where is that kept?
Trucker: Oh, the stuff is held in a lead container, all lead.
Assessor: Let me see if I get this straight. You wear a lead
suit, sit in a lead-lined cabin and the radio-active waste is kept
in a lead container.
Trucker: Yeah, that's right. All lead.
Assessor: Then I can't see how you could claim against him
for radiation poisoning.
Trucker: I'm not. I claiming for lead poisoning.
From the Tech Support Pits:
From Francisca
RE: Camera cable or Chip Reader ?
Dear Webby
What is better, a camera that downloads directly to the
computer, or a camera where you have to remove a chip
and copy from that into the computer. one of my friends
has one type, another friend has the other type, and of
course each claims their version is better.
What is YOUR recommendation ?
Francisca
Dear Francisca
The better cameras offer both methods, but if you have
a choice, you throw away the camera-to-computer cable.
(Keep the camera-to-TV cable)
If you are limited to downloading directly to the computer
via a very special cable and program, you are totally out
of luck if your camera's memory is full while you are on a
canoe trip and don't have the computer along.
If you have removable chips, you pop out the full chip and
push in the next one. Those memory chips are very sturdy,
and they just fit into the parking meter change pockets
that you get on some belts.
A memory chip reader is $9 - $15 and reads 8MB to 64GB
memory chips. Personally, I use mostly 2 GB chips,
and I also use them instead of floppies.
When you slide that memory chip into the reader or the
computer, you instantly have an extra harddrive. You can
then copy the pictures from the chip or even edit them
right on the chip.
Also, keep in mind that slow transfer via cable drains
the 6 Volt camera battery. It tries to charge up the 5 Volt
USB port!
Have FUN!
DearWebby
"Information Superhighway" is really an acronym for
'Interactive Network For Organizing, Retrieving,
Manipulating, Accessing And Transferring Information
On National Systems, Unleashing Practically Every
Rebellious Human Intelligence, Gratifying Hackers,
Wiseacres. And Yahoos'."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Caring For Leather Jackets
Don't leave leather items in the back of your car on sunny days.
Heat and sunlight can dry and bleach out the leather. Hairspray
or perfume can damage the finish. If it gets wet, let it dry at
room temperature. Store with room to breathe.
Click Here For More Clothing Tips
http://www.thriftyfun.com/Clothing_Tips_1220_1222.html
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day,
or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun
Highly recommended!
If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
It is sometimes easy to forget how easily email
technology can be misused, sometimes unintentionally,
with serious consequences.
Consider the case of the man who left the snow-filled
streets of Chicago, for a vacation in Florida. His
wife was on a business trip and was planning to meet
him there the next day. When he reached his hotel, he
decided to send his wife a quick e-mail. Unable to
find the scrap of paper on which he had written her
e-mail address, he did his best to type it in from
memory.
Unfortunately, he missed one letter and his note was
directed instead to an elderly preacher's wife, whose
husband had passed away only the day before. When the
grieving widow checked her e-mail, she took one look
at the monitor, let out a piercing scream, and fell to
the floor in a dead faint.
At the sound, her family rushed into the room and saw
this note on her computer screen:
Dearest Wife,
Just got checked in. Everything prepared for your
arrival tomorrow.
Your Loving Husband
P.S. Sure is hot down here.
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Dear Webby: Uncluttered Favorites Friday, April 17, 2009, 06:01 AM
Good Morning, !
It's Friday, April 17, 2009
Time to wear something red to show your support for the troops!
Every composer knows the anguish and despair occasioned
by forgetting ideas which one had no time to write down.
-- Hector Berlioz
yeah, happens to writers too.
A woman brought an old picture of her dead husband to
the photographer. She asked the photographer if he
could remove the hat from the picture.
He convinced her he could easily do that, and asked
her what side of his head he parted his hair on.
"I forget," she said. "But you can see that for yourself
when you take off his hat."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon here and not suitable for church,just jokes and fun for adults.
Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the confirmation request
.
If you don't get it, then you, your mother or your ISP have Ophelia blocked |
It was young Anthony's first ride in a railway train, and
the succession of wonders reduced him to a state of
hysterical astonishment.
The train rounded a slight bend and, with a shriek of its
whistle, plunged into a tunnel. There were gasps of
surprise from the corner where Anthony was kneeling
on his seat. Suddenly the train rushed into broad
daylight again, and a small voice lifted in wonder.
"Wow! It's tomorrow!" exclaimed the small boy.
Opuntia blooming in Death Valley, California today.
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
goes to Abby Toll, 20, University of Colorado
Female Pervert Taped Puppy To Refrigerator
APRIL 14--Meet Abby Toll. The University of Colorado student, 20,
is facing a felony animal abuse rap after she taped her boyfriend's
puppy to the side of a refrigerator in a bid to teach the
rambunctious animal a "lesson." According to police,
Toll used clear packing tape early this morning to adhere
the eight-month-old dog (a Shiba Inu named Rex) to the
appliance in the kitchen of her boyfriend's apartment.
Toll allegedly was angry at Bryan Beck, 21, for failing
to get rid of the puppy, which, Toll told cops, bit her a few
days ago. According to the below Boulder Police Department
reports, when cops responded at 5 AM to a "report of a male
and female yelling" at Beck's apartment, they discovered that
"Rex's body was completely encased in packing tape."
When Officer Kara Jurczenia asked what was on the side of
the fridge, Toll replied, "The dog." Toll added, "I know this looks
really bad, but the dog bites. He is aggressive." Jurczenia
asked how long the puppy had been taped upside down to
the side of the refrigerator. "Not long," Toll replied.
"Like 20-30 minutes. It was just until he calmed down."
The reports note that when Beck saw his dog stuck to the
refrigerator, he told Toll, "Take him down," adding, "You are so sick!"
Toll replied, "No, you are sick for not caring enough about me to get
rid of the dog."
The animal, whose paws had been bound with elastic hair ties,
was clearly in pain and "yelped and screamed loudly" as cops
worked to free him. "Rex just lay motionless, but breathing, on
his kennel after he was removed from the tape."
The puppy was handed over to the Boulder Valley Humane Society.
Toll, seen in the above mug shot, was turned over to county
jailers. Beck, who was arrested in connection with his scuffle
with Toll, was not charged with animal abuse. Though he did
reportedly tell police, "We were going to get rid of him anyway.
We usually don't do this." (5 pages)
http://www.thesmokinggun.com/archive/ye ... 2dog1.html
-------------
All pups I ever had, have bitten me. So what? It's a normal part
of their development. They bite their mother and their siblings
too It's not a hostile act, just part of finding out what is
appreciated and what is not. Pups are very sensitive to the
boss's tone of voice, and if that is not enough, putting a finger
on their tongue, when they are biting during playful wrestling,
makes them quit the biting quite fast. There is absolutely no
need to get sadistic and perverted.
Thanks to BillieBob in Bama:
How can you tell Leroy is at a Cock fight?
He's the one who brought the duck.
How can you identify the Italian at the Cock fight?
He's the one who bets on the duck.
How can you tell if the Mafia is involved in the Cock fight?
The duck wins.
From the Tech Support Pits:
From Cindy
Re: Uncluttered Favorites
Dear Webby,
The "favorites" in my browser are too difficult to organize
and I want to make shortcuts to them in little clusters on
the desktop.
Thanks, Cindy
Dear Cindy
Reduce your browser window so that the area, where you
want to park the short-cut icons, is visible. Then go to a
site, and drag the little icon in the left of the browser
address bar onto that empty spot on the desktop.
You can rename the icon text to something shorter and more
memorable.
Once things get too cluttered, make some folders in some
directory on the drive, NOT on the desktop!
Then make desktop shortcuts to those folders, give the
shortcuts distinctive icons, and drag the icons from those
clusters into those folders.
One of the reasons for not using desktop folders for that,
is that it is difficult to change the icons of desktop
folders, and a stack of identical lookng manila folders
does not help for organizing things.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
The man approached a very beautiful woman in a very large
supermarket and asked, "You know, I've lost my wife here in
the supermarket. Can you talk to me for a couple of minutes?"
"Why?" she asks.
"Because every time I talk to a beautiful woman, my wife
appears out of nowhere."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Recommended Supplies for a Basic Emergency Kit:
Be sure to have an emergency kit in your house. It should
include: Water and food for 3 days, a battery-powered radio,
flashlight and extra batteries, a First Aid kit, basic tools for
shelter and repair. Also include any unique family needs such as
prescription medications, baby needs and documents.
Get More Information on Emergency Preparation Here
http://www.ready.gov/america/index.html
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day,
or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun
Highly recommended!
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One day, after a near eternity in the Garden of Eden, Adam
calls out to God,
"Lord, I have a problem."
"What's the problem, Adam?", God replies.
"Lord, I know you created me and have provided for me and
surrounded me with this beautiful garden and all of these
wonderful animals, but I am just not happy"
"Why is that, Adam?", comes the reply from the heavens.
"Lord, I know you created this place for me, with all this lovely
food and all of the beautiful animals, but I am lonely."
"Well Adam, in that case I have the perfect solution. I shall
create a "woman" for you."
"What's a "woman", Lord?"
"This "woman" will be the most intelligent, sensitive, caring,
and beautiful creature I have ever created.
She will be so intelligent that she can figure out what you
want, even before you want it. She will be so sensitive and
caring that she will know your every mood and how to
make you happy. Her beauty will rival that of the heavens
and earth. She will unquestioningly care for your every
need and desire. She will be the perfect companion for
you.", replies the heavenly voice.
"Sounds great!" Adam says with a grin on his face.
"She will be, but this is going to cost you."
"Oh, how much will this "woman" cost me Lord?", Adam
replies.
"She'll cost you your right arm, your right leg, an eye,
an ear, and your left testicle."
Adam ponders this for some time, with a look of deep
thought and concern on his face.
Finally Adam says to God,
"Ehhh, what can I get for a rib?
The rest, of course, is history.
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Thursday, April 16, 2009, 03:42 AM
Good Morning, !
It's Thursday, April 16, 2009
It has long been an axiom of mine that the little things
are infinitely the most important.
-- Sir Arthur Conan Doyle
An American tourist in Tel Aviv was about to enter the impressive
Mann Auditorium to take in a concert by the Israel Philharmonic.
He was admiring the unique architecture, the sweeping lines of the
entrance, and the modern decor throughout the building. Finally he
turned to his escort and asked if the building was named for Thomas
Mann, the world-famous author.
"No," his friend said, "it's named for Morris Mann, from Philadelphia."
"Really? I never heard of him. What did he write?"
"A check."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon here and not suitable for church,just jokes and fun for adults.
Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the confirmation request
.
If you don't get it, then you, your mother or your ISP have Ophelia blocked |
David, a big city CPA, moves to the country and decides he's going
to take up farming. He heads to the local co-op and tells the man,
"Give me100 baby chickens." The co-op man complies.
A week later David returns and says, "Give me 200 baby chickens."
The co-op man complies.
Again, a week later David returns. This time he says, "Give me 500
baby chickens." "Wow!" the co-op man replies, "You must really be
doing well!"
"Naw," said David with a sigh, "I'm either planting them too deep or
too far apart!"
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
goes to a Cheyenne, Wyoming texting addicted teenager
Texting without a payment plan is expensive!
CHEYENNE, Wyo. (UPI) -- A Wyoming father said he took a
hammer to his 13-year-old daughter's cell phone after she
racked up $4,756.25 in text messaging fees.
Gregg and Jaylene Christoffersen said they thought texting
was disabled on the phone used by their daughter, Dena,
because their plan with Verizon did not include the service,
KUSA-TV, Denver, reported Wednesday.
However, the service provider charged the family for each
one of the 10,000 text messages that Dena sent in a single
month.
Gregg Christoffersen said he smashed the offending phone
with a hammer and he and his wife have grounded Dena until
the end of the school year.
The couple said Verizon has agreed to reduce the bill to a
more manageable amount.
Thanks to Sandie for this story:
According to the Knight-Ridder News Service, the inscription
on the metal bands used by the U.S. Department of the Interior
to tag migratory birds has been changed. The bands used to
bear the address of the Washington Biological Survey,
abbreviated, "Wash. Biol. Surv." until the agency received
the following letter from an Arkansas camper:
"Dear Sirs: While camping last week I shot one of your birds.
I think it was a crow. I followed the cooking instructions on
the leg tag and I want to tell you it was horrible."
From the Tech Support Pits:
From Dag
Re: Name Servers
Dear Webby,
Does it make any difference where the name servers
for a domain are located? I am wondering why it takes
so long before my site starts loading up in browsers.
Dag
Dear Dag
Yes, it makes a huge difference!
If your name server is for example located in China or at
some rural ISP in Kentucky, when somebody tries to jump
to your site from a link, then their browser first has to
inquire from your domain registration about where your name
servers are. Then the name servers have to be queried for
the road map to your pages. Only then can the request for
the pages be sent to wherever they happen to be hosted.
We found that we get the fastest results by locating our
name servers in the big hub that connects the transatlantic
cables and the North American continent. With Millions of
visitors to 50,000 postcard sites, the location of the name
servers and the page servers makes a very noticeable
difference.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
Californians are a strange people.
They'll put every chemical known to man up their nostrils,
and get so warped from snorting,
that they tell you it's bad for you
if you put sugar in your coffee!
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Heel Marks on the Floor
First, the best way to prevent heel marks is to have a "no shoes"
policy in your house. If you have a heel mark you need to
remove, just rub it with a pencil eraser. A "magic" eraser works
well for removing heel marks on floors or baseboards.
For More Floor Cleaning Tips, Click Here
http://www.thriftyfun.com/Cleaning_Floors_296_314.html
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day,
or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun
Highly recommended!
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The newlywed couple had been up for a while before
they met up in the kitchen. Marriage was agreeing
with John, and he greeted his new wife with glee and
excitation that morning.
"If you'll make the toast and pour the juice,
sweetheart," said Jill, "breakfast will be ready."
"Great!" John said, "What are we having for
breakfast?"
And Jill said, "Toast and juice."
Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: Geeks
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Dear Webby: How to use CHKDSK Wednesday, April 15, 2009, 02:37 AM
Good Morning, !
It's Wednesday, April 15, 2009
A billion here, a billion there, pretty soon it adds up to real money.
--- Senator Everett Dirksen
I don't make jokes. I just watch the government and report the facts.
--- Will Rogers
Mrs. Applebee, the 6th grade teacher, posed the following
problem to one of her arithmetic classes:
"A wealthy man dies and leaves ten million dollars. One-fifth
is to go to his wife, one-fifth is to go to his son, one-sixth to
his butler, and the rest to charity. Now, what does each get?"
After a very long silence in the classroom, Little Morris raised
his hand. The teacher called on Little Morris for his answer.
With complete sincerity in his voice, Little Morris answered,
"A lawyer!"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon here and not suitable for church,just jokes and fun for adults.
Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the confirmation request
.
If you don't get it, then you, your mother or your ISP have Ophelia blocked |
A patient had broken his leg and it was going to have to be
set. To get him ready for this painful event, he was heavily
sedated.
While in this "state", he spoke rather freely with the hospital
staff and with his wife. She apparently learned several things
about her husband. When it was time to reverse the
medication, the wife said
"Wait! not yet. I have some more questions I want to ask".
Thanks to Dianne for this picture:
Shale of Jordan
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please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
goes to a 17 year old dope in Kalamazoo, Michigan
Pilot's license revoked after oral sex
KALAMAZOO, Mich. (UPI) -- Police in Michigan said they arrested a
17-year-old suspect for marijuana possession twice within the space
of a single hour.
The Kalamazoo Department of Public Safety said the suspect
was first arrested at about 1:30 p.m. Wednesday when officers
spotted the teenager rolling a joint, WWMT-TV, Kalamazoo,
reported. Officers said they discovered additional marijuana the
suspect had hidden beneath a nearby vehicle and he was
arrested and charged with possession of the drug.
The teenager was released after posting $100 bail.
However, the department said officers spotted the same suspect
rolling a joint at 2:20 p.m. -- les than an hour later. Officers said
they also discovered the suspect to be carrying crack cocaine.
The teenager was booked into the Kalamazoo County Jail on
charges of possessing cocaine and marijuana as well as
violating his bond conditions.
"Doctor!" said the woman as she loudly bounced into the
room, "I want you to tell me very frankly what's wrong with
me."
He surveyed her from head to foot. "Madam,"
he said at length, "I've just three things to tell you."
"First, you need to lose at least twenty pounds in your lower
half.
Second, you should use only about one tenth as much
rouge and lipstick as you did this morning.
And third, I'm an artist - the doctor's office is on the next
floor."
From the Tech Support Pits:
From: Carol
Re: Chkdsk
Good Morning Webby...
When I ran my "crap cleaner" this morning, I got an error message
and I don't know what to do. The error messages was:
Windows\Temp\msmsc_QASFDtlJbNtLfJ1 is corrupt and unreadable
Please run CHKDSK UTILITY
I ran "crap cleaner" again and got the same message. I tried using run
CHKDSK and that told me it was only read ; I looked for the file and got
no where. Do you have any suggestions? I thought of deleting the
crap cleaner and then installing it again, is it the crap cleaner?
You've helped me so many times, I hate to ask for help again!
Thank you,
Carol
Dear Carol
Shooting the messenger won't fix the problem.
For chkdsk to FIX stuff, you have to type
chkdsk /f
Otherwise it just tells you what should be fixed.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
A drunken man gets on the bus late one night, staggers up
the aisle, and sits next to an elderly woman.
She looks the man up and down and says, "I've got news for
you. You're going straight to hell!"
The man jumps up out of his seat and shouts,
"Heyyy!Stop! I'm on the wrong bus! I don't wanna go where
SHE goes!"
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Make Your Own Storage Pantry
Way too long for this space, but if the topic interests you,
check out Thriftyfun.com
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day,
or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun
Highly recommended!
If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
One day a group of scientists got together and decided
that man had come a long way and no longer needed God.
So they picked one scientist to go and tell Him that
they were done with Him.
The scientist walked up to God and said, "God, we've
decided that we no longer need you. We're to the point
that we can clone people and do many miraculous things,
so why don't you just go on and get lost."
God listened very patiently and kindly to the man.
After the scientist was done talking, God said, "Very
well, how about this? Let's say we have a man-making
contest." To which the scientist replied, "Okay, great!"
But God added, "Now, we're going to do this just like
I did back in the old days with Adam."
The scientist said, "Sure, no problem" and bent down
and grabbed himself a handful of dirt.
God looked at him and said,
"Nah, you got to make your own dirt!"
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
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Dear Webby: Bad virus infection Tuesday, April 14, 2009, 02:48 AM
Good Morning, !
It's Tuesday, April 14, 2009
The people I distrust most are those who want to improve our lives
but have only one course of action.
--- Frank Herbert
An English soldier, an American solider and a Russian soldier
found themselves sharing a table in a Bosnian restaurant, and
the conver sation turned towards how well fed each of them was.
"In the Russian army we have 2000 calories of food a day" said
the Russian.
"Well", said the Englishman, "In the British army we are given
4000 calories of food a day."
"That's nothing", said the American, "in the US army we have
8000 calories of food a day".
At this the Russian got very annoyed.
"Nonsense", he said, "how could one man eat that much
cabbage!!!."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon here and not suitable for church,just jokes and fun for adults.
Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the confirmation request
.
If you don't get it, then you, your mother or your ISP have Ophelia blocked |
MacTavish's little boy was being questioned by the
teacher during an arithmetic lesson. "If you had five
pounds," said the teacher, "and I asked you for the loan
of three pounds, how many would you have left?"
"Five," said young MacTavish firmly.
"Five?" the teacher said "How do you make it five?"
"Well," replied young MacTavish "You can ask for a
loan of three pounds, but that doesn't mean you will
get it."
Thanks to Dianne for this picture:
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
goes to David Keith Martz, 52, San Diego, California
Pilot's license revoked after oral sex
GARDENA, Calif. (UPI) -- A California helicopter pilot whose
license was revoked again after he engaged in sex acts
while in the air has lost an appeal to be reinstated.
David Keith Martz, 52, was grounded by the Federal Aviation
Administration after a video surfaced online in February that
depicted the pilot receiving oral sex from a porn actress
while flying above the waterfront in downtown San Diego,
the San Diego Union-Tribune reported Wednesday.
The revocation of Martz's license was upheld Tuesday by
an administrative law judge at the National Transportation
Safety Board in Gardena, Calif.
Martz, a commercial pilot, argued during the hearing that
he had corrected any defects in his flying skills since he
received a suspension last year on an unrelated matter.
The pilot can appeal the judge's decision to the National
Transportation Safety Board.
A lady on her first visit to Yellowstone National Park
said to her guide, "Look at all those big rocks.
Wherever did they come from?"
"The glaciers brought them down," said the guide.
"But where are the glaciers?" The lady asked.
"The glaciers," said the guide in a weary voice,
"have gone back for more rocks."
From the Tech Support Pits:
From: Rae
Re: Bad infection
Dear Webby
Many thanks for all your good information, jokes, news articles
and pictures. Your father's cacti blooms are just beautiful.
I vote for your letter daily.
My XP, service pack 2, is bringing me to tears now. It's been
crashing off and on when I'm on line, plus had some other
problems. I know so little about correcting them so decided
to get a free Panda scan, fearing I may have that Conficker
worm. The scan found things that needed to be taken off,
so I tried to order their paid offer. When I type, the provided
form spaces remain blank. After trying several times,
I gave up.
Now I find no forms will accept my key strokes and I cannot
even vote for you. I have Norton, but it doesn't find anything.
Any help you can give would be so appreciated. I'm far
from computer savvy.
Thanks much,
Rae
Dear Rae
It sounds like your machine has been infected with something
that is more powerful than Norton and Panda, and that prevents
Norton and Panda from working.
Copy all the stuff, that you want to keep, onto CD's or DVDs,
and do a full re-install from the XP set-up disk.
You don't need to copy the programs, you have to re-install
those anyway. Just copy pictures, music and documents.
After re-installing XP, immediately get the SP3 blocker
and the IE7 blocker. Then let Windows do an update from
2001 to 2009.
Next get some serious anti virus program.
Obviously, Norton and Panda are not strong enough for the
roads you travel, so I would recommend McAfee. It is $34 a year.
Then get Spybot-Search&Destroy and whatever you want from
my Toolbox at http://webby.com/tools
You might also want to grab a free
The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips
are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/
Email to the Express Empress at 090401@fire-cat.com,
and she will post it into the blog for you.
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Say "No" to Pizza Delivery
Way too long for this space, but if the topic interests you,
check out Thriftyfun.com
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day,
or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun
Highly recommended!
If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
A guy goes to a doctor and says:
"Doctor, my wife has lost her voice, a week ago...."
"And you are afraid she'll find it again ?"
Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: Frogs
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!
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| permalink | ( 3 / 48 )
Monday, April 13, 2009, 03:06 AM
Good Morning, !
It's Monday, April 13, 2009
Free advice is worth the price.
--- Robert Half
Discretion is not the better part of biography.
--- Lytton Strachey,
There was a major sale at Victoria's Secret and Thorn wanted to get his
wife some really sexy lingerie. The store was packed with women for this
big sale and before he knew it, Thorn was pushed and shoved by frantic
women all trying to get at the merchandise. Thorn remained calm for as
long as he could, then bowed his head and pushed hard and effectively,
and plowed through the crowd of women.
I can just see him. When I worked with Thorn, he was a model of patience,
up to a point. After that it was a lot safer to be out of tool throwing range.
"Hey you!", an angry female voice yelled out at him, "Try acting like
a gentleman!".
"That's what I HAVE BEEN doing," Thorn retorted, "But since that
doesn't work in this zoo, I'm gonna try to act like you wimin!"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon here and not suitable for church,just jokes and fun for adults.
Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the confirmation request
.
If you don't get it, then you, your mother or your ISP have Ophelia blocked |
Bo was telling the little ones of how it was when
he was a young boy in Brooklyn, in Manhattan's
immigrant ghetto.
"When I was a kid," he said, "we didn't even have a
radio. So our dad bored a hole through the wall into
the living room of the Irish couple in the next apartment,
to hear all the great boxing fights.
That's when we discovered that they didn't have a radio
either, and the fights we heard through the wall were live."
Thanks to Deeli for this picture of her balcony friend:
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
goes to Beth Maynard, 14, in Port Pierce, Florida
Police: Girl threw pretzels at officer
FORT PIERCE, Fla. (UPI) -- Police in Florida said a 14-year-old
girl was arrested after she allegedly threw a bag of pretzels at a
sergeant and twice tossed her shoe at an officer.
Investigators said Beth Maynard, 14, was one of several patients
under police supervision Thursday night at Lawnwood Regional
Medical Center & Heart Institute in Fort Pierce, TCPalm.com
reported.
Police did not say why the girl was in the hospital.
The police report of the incident says Maynard "walked around
with an attitude" and threatened to strike an officer with her
shoe if he did not stop looking at her.
The teenager continued to give the officer "dirty looks" and
twice threw her shoe at him, hitting the officer's foot, the
report says. It states that a police sergeant arrived and the
scene and the girl threw a bag of pretzels that struck him
in the chest.
Maynard was arrested and charged with felony battery
of an officer.
-----------------
Let's hope the brat gets the hint before she throws a knife.
In California's Sonoma Valley, where vineyards cater to wine
snobbery, a woman phoned the classified ad department of a
newspaper. She offered for sale what sounded like
"well-aged Caumeneur."
The ad-taker was unfamiliar with that particular, wine, but
was used to the infusion of French words into the local
vocabulary.
"Could you please spell that?" she asked.
"You know," said the woman impatiently,
"C-o-w M-a-n-u-r-e."
From the Tech Support Pits:
From: Roland
Re: Driver Cure
Dear Webby
Seen this DriverCure and wondering if you have
something like this?
Roland
Dear Roland
Our computers seem to work just fine without that.
I never came across a driver that needed fixing,
except the ones on the road.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
A big-city lawyer was representing the railroad in a lawsuit
filed by an old rancher. The rancher's prize bull was missing
from the section through which the railroad passed. The
rancher only wanted to be paid the fair value of the bull.
The case was scheduled to be tried before the justice of the
peace in the back room of the general store. The city-slicker
attorney for the railroad immediately cornered the rancher
and tried to get him to settle out of court.
He did his best selling job, and finally the rancher agreed to
take half of what he was asking.
After the rancher had signed the release and took the check
and cashed it in the store, the young lawyer couldn't resist
gloating a little over his success, telling the rancher,
"You are really a country hick, old man, but I put one over on
you in there. I couldn't have won the case. The engineer was
asleep and the fireman was in the caboose when the train
went through your ranch that morning. I didn't have one
witness to put on the stand. I bluffed you!"
The old rancher replied, "Well, I'll tell you young feller, I
was a little worried about winning that case myself, because
that durned bull came home this morning."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Dorm Room Necessities
Way too long for here, but if you are interested, browse to
http://www.thriftyfun.com/ and read it there.
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day,
or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun
Highly recommended!
If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
A rather boring joke I heard today reminded me of a fun incicent.
Many years ago when I was taking a required course in the
process of becoming an electrician, we also had to take some
basics physics. Personally, I always loved physics, probably
because deep down inside I am still a kid that is fascinated by
anything that makes noise or moves. Most of the people in the
class hated physics, and one guy in particular did a lot of
complaining about it and asking why it was necessary.
Finally the instructor had enough and he told him that
physics was required to save his live.
Naturally the guy fell for that straight line
and asked how physics would save his live.
"It saves lives", the instructor yelled at him, "because it
keeps you from finishing the course, and because if you
passed my class and then later burned down a house with
your lack of knowledge, I'd have to go and shoot you."
That guy quit the course right there
Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: Canada
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
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| permalink | ( 2.9 / 60 )
Dear Webby: How to GPS locate a phone Sunday, April 12, 2009, 03:55 AM
Good Morning, !
It's Sunday, April 12, 2009
Happy Easter!
That you may retain your self-respect, it is better to displease the people
by doing what you know is right, than to temporarily please them by
doing what you know is wrong.
--- William J. H. Boetcker
A woman went to the Governor of Alabama about getting an
early release for her husband who was serving time in a
state penitentiary.
" What's is in for ?", asked the Governor.
" For stealing a ham."
" That doesn't sound too bad. Is he a good worker?"
" No, I couldn't say that. He's very lazy."
" Oh...well, he's good to you and the children, isn't he ?"
" No, he is not. He's very mean to us, if you want to
know the truth."
" Why would you want a man like that out of prison?"
" Well, Governor, we've been out of ham for quite a spell."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon here and not suitable for church,just jokes and fun for adults.
Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the confirmation request
.
If you don't get it, then you, your mother or your ISP have Ophelia blocked |
"Now, how many of you would like to go to heaven?" asked
the Sunday school teacher. All the eager children raised their
hands except Little Johnny.
"I'm sorry, I can't. My mother told me to come right home
after Sunday school," explained Little Johnny.
Thanks to Pam at http://www.chinookcountrypost.com/ for this picture:
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
goes to Curtis Williams, 20, and Steven Morales, 19 in
Boynton Beach, Florida
Burglary shown Live On The Internet
APRIL 9--A Florida woman who used a live Internet video feed
to monitor the interior of her home was shocked yesterday,
when she saw two men burglarizing her residence in real time.
Jeanne Thomas, 43, was seated at her office desk when two
strangers appeared in her living room (the intruders got into
Thomas's Boynton Beach house through a doggie door at the
rear of the home, according to the below probable cause affidavit).
Thomas, who set up the live video stream after her home was
burglarized last October, immediately called 911 to report the
burglary .Cops raced to her home and arrested the two men
inside the house: Curtis Williams, 20, and Steven Morales, 19.
Two other suspects--Scott George and Jonathan Cruz, both 20--
were nabbed at a nearby residence and charged with helping
plan the burglary. The amazing surveillance video from inside
Thomas's house was uploaded to YouTube by the Boynton
Beach Police Department
Mug shots of the four perps, who were booked into the Palm Beach
County Sheriff's Office lockup, are on The Smoking Gun site too.
http://www.thesmokinggun.com/archive/ye ... nton1.html
Burglary and arrest video
-------------
Look, Ma! Curtis and Steven are on the Internet!
St.Peter was checking the gate between Heaven and Hell and
found a broken hinge. He walked over to the "Pit" and called
to the Devil...The Devil says, "Yeah, whaddya want..?",
St. Peter: "The hinge is broken and it's your turn to fix it.." .
The Devil retorted: "Gee, I am a bit busy and don't have
anyone available for that..",
St. Peter got angry, "Look, we have an agreement, and it's
your turn to fix the gate..!" ,
The Devil responded, "Sorry Pete, it's our peak season and
there just isn't anyone available..."
St. Peter turned red and exclaimed..."Ok, if that's the way
you want it, we'll sue..!"
A big grin broke out on the Devil's face, "Oh yeah, and just
where are you going to find a lawyer on your side ...?!"
From the Tech Support Pits:
From: Ann D
Re: How do you GPS track a phone?
Dear Webby
How exactly do you find the location of a phone?
Ann D
Dear Ann
I don't use a cell phone, so I had to ask some friends who do.
Apparently different companies use different ways,
and what works for Verizon won't necessarily work for Sprint.
Here are some URLs they sent me
Take your pick:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cL9qS6bAMPU
http://googlemapsmania.blogspot.com/200 ... -june.html
http://www.spymastertools.com/
http://www.accutracking.com/
With Verizon you buy two and configure one as the master.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
After the last child moves out of the house, Mom and Dad
announce that they're getting a divorce. The kids are totally
distraught and pay for a session with the world's most famous
marriage counselor as a last effort at keeping their parents
together.
The counselor works for hours, tries all of his methods, but
the couple still won't even talk to each other.
Finally he goes over to a closet, brings out a beautiful
violin and begins to play. After a minute, the couple start
talking. The therapist keeps soloing on the violin and the
couple discover that they're not actually that far apart and
decide to give their marriage another try.
The kids are amazed and ask the doctor how he managed to
do it. He replies, "Well, I've never yet seen a couple that
wouldn't talk through a violin solo."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Tips for Job Hunting
When hunting for a job, do not confine yourself to the newspapers,
or online ads, as less than 30% of the available jobs are ever
posted there. One of the reasons for this is the cost, and
another is the time that would have to be wasted screening
applicants. One way to find a job is to get out and truly pound the
pavement. I have seen may help wanted signs out there, and
even if it isn't your dream job, it may be the one that gets the
bills paid until something else can be found.
By Shari from Greer, SC
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day,
or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun
Highly recommended!
If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
Thanks to Lisa for this one:
My father, in the hospital after surgery to repair a
hip replacement, needed assistance to get on and off
the toilet and the bedpan. 89 years old, he was also
extremely modest and had a tough time dealing with
the matter-of-fact ways nursing personnel dealt with
bodily functions.
One time two aides put him on the bedpan and stood by
the bed waiting for him to finish. He looked at them
and said. "It'll cost you a quarter to watch."
Another time an aide put him on the toilet and left.
When she came back about 5 minutes later, she asked
if he was done yet. He looked at her in all
seriousness and asked, "Why, do you need to use it?"
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
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Dear Webby: Prepare laptop for travel to Europe Saturday, April 11, 2009, 03:52 AM
Good Morning, !
It's Saturday, April 11, 2009
All human beings should try to learn before they die what they are
running from, and to, and why.
--- James Thurber
Ability will never catch up with the demand for it.
--- Malcolm Forbes
Two guys sat down for lunch in the office cafeteria.
"Hey, whatever happened to Pete in payroll?"
one asked.
"He got this hare brained notion he was going
to build a new kind of car," his coworker replied.
"How was he going to do it?"
"He took an engine from a Pontiac, tires from
a Chevy, seats from a Lincoln, hubcaps from
a Caddy and well, you get the idea."
"So what did he end up with?"
"1 1/2 years in jail and 100 hours of community work."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon here and not suitable for church,just jokes and fun for adults.
Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the confirmation request
.
If you don't get it, then you, your mother or your ISP have Ophelia blocked |
Thanks to Connie for this:
If you're a bear, you get to hibernate. You do
nothing but sleep for six months. I could deal with
that.
Before you hibernate, you're supposed to eat
yourself stupid. I could deal with that, too.
If you're a mama bear, everyone knows you
mean business. You swat anyone who bothers
you or your cubs. If your cubs get out of line,
you swat them too. I could deal with that, too.
Your husband expects you to growl when you
wake up. He expects you to have hairy legs and
excess body fat. I could deal with that, too.
I wish I was a bear.
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
goes to a drunk in La Crosse, Wisconsin
Lost man tracked by cell phone GPS chip
LA CROSSE, Wis. (UPI) -- A Wisconsin man, who got lost while
bicycling home from a party, got help from police who tracked
him by the GPS chip in his cell phone.
La Crosse police also gave the man a ticket after discovering
that his blood alcohol level was twice the legal limit, the
Milwaukee Journal Sentinel reported.
The man told police he had been drinking in a bar and then
went on to a house party. When he realized he was lost on
his trip home, he first took a nap and then used his cell phone
to call police for help.
Police dispatchers got in touch with the company providing
his cell-phone service, who were able to get his location from
the GPS chip.
-------------
He could have called a jealous or concerned wife or secretary.
Most of them know how to track a guy, as long as he is carrying
a cell phone. They get the coordinates without him even
realizing it, and punch them into Google Earth. That shows
them in a few seconds exactly where he is, within a few feet.
Then they can use Google Earth to plot the route from
there to where he wants to go.
Some on-line sites even tell you how fast somebody is moving,
and in which direction. No more sneaking into the hardware
department or the computer isle!
On my first day of school my parents told me
to go to the nursery.
There I was...surrounded by trees and bushes,
having a great time. It's too bad they got more
specific about which nursery when there was
no semester report card.
From the Tech Support Pits:
From: Gordon
Re: Trip to Germany
Good morning Webby.
Your letter is the first thing that pops up on my screen every
morning. Thanks for the chuckles each morning and a
chance to vote for so many worthy causes, including your
newsletter.
Keep up the good work!!
Now for my questions:
I am planning a trip to Germany soon and wonder if you can
give me some advice on taking my laptop computer along.
It is a fairly large screen Dell so I'd prefer to pack it in my
check-in luggage.
- is it safe to pack it in my check-in luggage or is it best to
take it as carry on?
- the hotel I am going to says wireless Internet is available
at a cost of 3.95 Euros for 30 minutes or 30 Euros per day.
I will be there for 8 days so this translates in about $50 Cdn
per day!! Any suggestions?
- any advice of the best kind of power converter to get and
where to buy it?
Thanks for any help you can give me on this.
Gordon
Dear Gordon
1) Get a Samsonite or similar back-pack briefcase for the laptop.
If you have ever seen how they slam checked luggage onto the
bottom roller of the conveyor, when they load the plane, and
listen for the tinkle of cracked screens, you will NEVER allow
your laptop into checked luggage. And they always heave it
onto the conveyor roller upside down, to make sure they nail
your screen.
The Samsonite back-pack briefcase has the back-pack hoops
and also a wide single shoulder strap and a briefcase handle.
The briefcase handle is wide enough so that it just fits over
the extended handle of your wheeled carry-on. Hanging over
the front of the wheeled carry-on it balances it nicely so that
you have to neither lift nor push down, as you wheel it through
endless airports.
Find out what kind of plane you will be on, and use a wheeled
carry-on that is allowed on that plane. With the new economy
planes those dimensions seem to shrink every year.
Measure your laptop case. Since it sounds like you have a
standard 4:3 ratio screen and not the sawed off yuppie screen,
it will not fit under the seats except on window seats on most
of today's planes. Get your seat early and if necessary mention
that fact to secure a window seat,
2) Get a decent hotel!
If they rip you off on the connection, they will rip you off on
other stuff too. Holiday Inn, Holiday Inn Express, and Best Western
usually have free WIFI, or at least Ethernet free and included.
You can book those hotels on-line.
3) Get outlet adapters for Germany, Austria and Switzerland.
They are dirt cheap on-line, but usually hard to find locally.
Here are two sites:
http://www.hillmerstravelcenter.com/Pages/AdPlugs.html
http://www.adaptelec.com/travel-plug-adapters-c-1.html
I also carry a straight and a Philips screwdriver (no need for a
square socket Robertson screwdriver, the Europeans are not
that advanced yet) and some alligator patch cords. That lets
me get into lamps and radios if the nearest free outlet is too
far away. In Europe most hotel rooms are very long and
extremely narrow, and with very few outlets.
I also carry a 25 foot lightweight Christmas lighting extension
cord with a miniature six outlet power bar on the female end.
You don't have to worry about the higher voltage and lower
frequency they use. Your laptop charger can handle that.
The same goes for anything that has a power cube or charger.
And don't forget a sheet of plexiglass cut to just fit into the
lid of your suitcase!
You can jam that into a partially opened dresser drawer for
an instant table at comfortable computing height. Most hotels
have low lounging chairs and high tables, forcing you to
type at chin level. Leave the protective paper on the plexiglass.
Otherwise your optical mouse won't work, plus it is handy for
scribbling phone numbers and stuff.
Keep your road warrior kit in your laptop case. That way, if your
suitcase is delayed, you can still get on-line.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
According to George, home is where you can
say anything you like 'cause nobody listens to
you anyway.
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Use a Drapery Rod for a Changeable Headboard
I used a wooden drapery rod to make a holder for fabric or a
quilt or bedspread to use as a headboard. It is cheap, fast,
and can be changed quickly. Just be sure to use lightweight
fabrics, or put a support in the center of the pole for heavy
items. You can make it as high or as low as you like. This
is now my favorite headboard. By Susan from Mulberry, FL
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day,
or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun
Highly recommended!
If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
Millie: What do you do at your Bible Studies meeting ?
Susan: We try to figure out how much can we can
get away with and still go to heaven.
Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: Mud Bugs
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please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
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Dear Webby: movies stop every few seconds Friday, April 10, 2009, 02:12 AM
Good Morning, !
It's Friday, April 10, 2009
Time to wear something red to show our support for the troops!
" I'm all in favor of keeping dangerous weapons out of the hands of
fools. Let's start with typerwriters."
--- Frank Lloyd Wright
Thanks to Jai for this story:
Two medical students were walking along the street when they
saw an old man walking with his legs spread apart. He was stiff
legged and walking slowly.
One of the students said to his friend:
"I'm sure the poor old man has Petry Syndrome. Those people
walk just like that."
The other student says: "No, I don't think so.
The old man surely has Zovitzki Syndrome. He walks slowly
and his legs are apart just as we learned in class."
Since they couldn't agree they decided to ask the old man.
They approached him and one of the students said to him:
"We're medical students and couldn't help but notice the way
you walk, but we couldn't agree on the syndrome you might
have. Could you tell us what it is?"
The old man said: "I'll tell you, but first you must tell me
what you two fine medical students think."
One of the students said: "I think it's Petry Syndrome."
The old man said: "You thought...
But you are wrong."
Then the other student said: "I think you have Zovitzki Syndrome."
The old man said: "You thought...
But you are wrong."
So they asked him: "Well, old timer, what do you have?"
The old man said: "I thought it was GAS...
But I was wrong!
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon here and not suitable for church,just jokes and fun for adults.
Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the confirmation request
.
If you don't get it, then you, your mother or your ISP have Ophelia blocked |
Thanks to Frank for this story:
*Parking Tickets*
The other day I went downtown to run a few errands.
I went into the local Coffee shop for a snack.
I was only there for about 5 minutes,
and when I came out, there was this cop writing out a parking ticket.
I said to him, 'Come on, man, how about giving a retired person a break'?
He ignored me and continued writing the ticket.
His sensitivity annoyed me, so I called him a 'Nazi.'
He glared at me and then wrote out another ticket for having worn tires.
So I proceeded to call him a 'doughnut eating Gestapo...'
He finished the second ticket and put it on the windshield with the first.
Then he wrote a third ticket when I called him a moron in blue.
This went on for about 20 minutes.
The more I talked back to him the more tickets he wrote.
Personally, I didn't really care. I came downtown on the bus,
and the car that he was putting the tickets on had one of those bumper
stickers that said,
*'Obama in '08.'*
I try to have a little fun each day now that I'm retired.
The doctor tells me that it's important to my health.
Thanks to Lillemor for this picture:
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
goes to Alexei Roskov, 22 in Moscow
Russian man survives five storey fall - twice
A Russian man survived after downing three bottles of vodka
and leaping from a fifth floor balcony - twice.
Alexei Roskov says he jumped the second time because he
couldn't take his wife's nagging about the first time.
Wife Yekaterina had watched in horror as her drunken hubsand
opened the kitchen window of their Moscow apartment, and
hurled himself out.
Astonishingly Mr Roskov, 22, survived and managed to stagger
back upstairs with barely a scratch after the 50ft fall.
But while his wife called for an ambulance and began to scold him,
he jumped again. Amazed medics treated Mr Roskov for minor cuts
and bruises before releasing him.
Mr Roskov says he is now teetotal after giving up drinking.
"Grandpa, I'm really proud of you," said the modish young lady.
"What's to be proud of?" asked the old man.
The young lady replied, "I noticed that when you sneeze,
you've learned to put your hand in front of your mouth."
"Of course," explained Grandpa.
"How else can I catch my teeth?"
From the Tech Support Pits:
From: Maggie
Re: Video pauses
Dear Webby;
Thanks for all the great help you give, and for a great
newsletter.
My problem is... just about every video I try to play keeps
stoping and starting every few seconds throughout the
whole thing.
Would you have any idea what the problem is? It hasn't
always been this way.
I have Windows XP, service pack 3.
Thanks so much for your time and attention to this matter.
Maggie
Dear Maggie
That's just your connection speed.
Your ISP is delivering it slower than it plays,
so it pauses until it has another 10-15 seconds worth,
plays that and waits for more to dribble in.
Just hit PAUSE and wait until the faintly colored bar has
completed.
THEN play it.
You can check your connection speed at
http://internetfrog.com/mypc/speedtest/
If it is significantly lower than what you are paying for,
call your ISP and complain. Quite often they restrict
your speed behind your back, and you have to nag
at them to get reasonable speed again. I have to call
my ISP about that about once a month.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
Two not too very bright city guys decided to go into the dairy
business. They drove up to a dairy farm and asked the owner if
he had any cows for sale.
The owner had been trying to get rid of a non performing bull for
years told them he would let his best producing cow go for a
mere one thousand dollars.
The 2 guys said wonderful and loaded up the bull and left.
They got back to their place and tried to milk the bull but didn't
get any milk. So one of the guys ran back to the farmer to find out
how to get the milk flowing. The farmer told them they had to
make the cow drink plenty of water and then pump the tail up and
down. Satisfied the city slicker went back and he and his partner
pushed the bull down to the stream.
Well, the bull wasn't very thirsty and didn't drink so one guy held
the bulls head in the water and the other guy pumped igorously
with the tail. About that time the bull decided to take advantage of
the raised tail and to dump some solids. The guy pumping yelled
to his friend "Raise his head he is sucking mud."
--------
Well, he sure would not try to hold the head of one of the 2500
pound bulls they have around here. Those bulls flip a car over if
they don't like it's color.
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Spare Change Adds Up
I have been saving my husband's and my spare change for years.
This year I decided to document every "cash-in", to see exactly
how much change that we wound up with at the end of the year.
I have always used this money as a rainy-day fund, like when I
was absolutely out of money, needed gas for the car, or an
unexpected item from the grocery store. This year, I determined
to earmark the money for a special project. I started collecting in
January, and planned to use the money for garden expenses.
If I used any of the money in the jar, then I made note of how
much was taken, and put a reminder to repay it in the jar.
This way, I was able to: 1. See how much money that I was
able to save from just loose change, and 2. Keep up with how
much was spent on my garden in a year's time.
By November I had saved almost $600. By Carole from Locust Fork, AL
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day,
or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun
Highly recommended!
If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
How many members of your sign does it take to change a light
bulb?
ARIES: Just one. You want to make something of it?
TAURUS: One, but just try to convince them that the burned-
out bulb is useless and should be thrown away.
GEMINI: Two, but the job never gets done -- they just keep
discussing who is supposed to do it and how it's supposed to
be done!
CANCER: Just one. But it takes a therapist three years to
help them through the grieving process.
LEO: Leos don't change light bulbs, although sometimes their
agent will get a Virgo in to do the job for them while they're
out.
VIRGO: Approximately 1.000000 with an error of +/- one
millionth.
LIBRA: Er, two. Or maybe one. No, on second thought, make
that two. Is that okay with you?
SCORPIO: That information is strictly secret and shared only
with the Enlightened Ones in the Star Chamber of the Ancient
Hierarchical Order.
SAGITTARIUS: The sun is shining, the day is young, we've got
our whole lives ahead of us, and you're inside worrying about a
stupid burned-out light bulb?
CAPRICORN: I don't waste my time with these childish jokes.
AQUARIUS: Well, you have to remember that everything is
energy, so....
PISCES: Light bulb? What light bulb?
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!
If the greeting on top does NOT have your first name, or at least your
favorite nickname, please tell me. I can correct that in two seconds and
greet you properly from then on.
If you want to give a gift subscription to a friend,
but don't have time to subscribe her or him,
just hit REPLY and tell me. I will gladly enter them for you.
To reply to me personally, just hit REPLY or write to humor@webby.com
If you do not normally get the Humor Letter every day, and this was the first time,
then a friend sent you a one time sample or maybe even gave you a gift
subscription. If you like the Humor Letter, then you can subscribe at
http://webby.com/humor/sub2.html You can also UNsubscribe there.
If you don't want to receive the Webby Humor Letter,
please unsubscribe by clicking the link below:
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Dear Webby: Vista Problem Thursday, April 9, 2009, 02:39 AM
Good Morning, !
It's Thursday, April 9, 2009
History is the version of past events that people have
decided to agree upon.
--- Napoleon Bonaparte
Anything too stupid to be said is sung.
--- Voltaire
One day this old lady walks into the doctors office
and is shown into a room. When the doctor comes in
and asks what the problem is she answers, "I have
awful gas, but it doesn't bother me. You see, it's
completely silent, and doesn't smell at all."
So the doctor, after examining her thoroughly gives
her some pills and tells her to take one everyday
and come back in a week. So the old lady comes back,
and when the doctor asks if her problem is any better
she replies, "Well I don't know what you gave me but
now my gas smells terribly!"
The doctor replies "Well now that we've got your
sinuses cleared up let's work on your hearing!"'
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon here and not suitable for church,just jokes and fun for adults.
Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the confirmation request
.
If you don't get it, then you, your mother or your ISP have Ophelia blocked |
Sign at the church:
Parking is for Church patrons only. Violators will be baptized.
Thanks to Dianne for this picture:
Grass Mud Horses grazing
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
goes to a 19 year old drunk in Alice Springs, Australia
Driving while drunk and breastfeeding
Police in Australia arrested a teenage mum - for
breastfeeding while driving her car.
Just before she was pulled over in Alice Springs, the 19-year-old
mum almost crashed into a police car, reports The Sun.
She was so drunk she couldn't give a breath test - and already
banned from driving from a previous offence.
Apart from driving while disqualified, the woman was also
driving an unregistered and uninsured vehicle.
Northern Territory Duty Superintendent Jamie Chalker said
police were "absolutely outraged".
He said: "A five-month-old child was placed at significant
risk, and had the police officers not been able to brake to
avoid the collision, then the outcome could've been even
horrific."
Supt Chalker said this was the first time he had ever heard
of a mother being caught driving while breastfeeding.
"It just challenges the mind that people can choose to be so
flippant about road laws and people's lives, particularly their
young children," he said.
The baby was placed in the care of relatives.
The young mum was charged with failing to provide a breath
sample, driving while disqualified in an unregistered and
uninsured car, failing to give way and driving with an
unrestrained child.
The income tax has made more liars out of the American
people than golf has.
From the Tech Support Pits:
From: Duane
Re: Vista problem
Hi Webby,
I have Vista home and even thouth my recycle bin is empty,
I keep getting the pop up that I am running low on space and
the file needs emptying. What can I do to turn it off??
Thanks,
Duane
Dear Duane
For all Vista problems, contact M$
I don't allow Vista onto any Webby computers,
and have no experience with it.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
Tell a man there are 300 billion stars in the universe,
and he'll believe you. Tell him a bench has wet paint
on it, and he'll have to touch to be sure.
----------------------------------
To err is human,
but to really foul things up requires a commitee.
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Party Idea: Garden Themed Potato Bar
Fill an oval tin ice bucket with hot baked potatoes. Use
different containers such as a decorative flower pot to
hold shredded cheese, use the flower pot saucers to
hold the bacon bits or another condiment.
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day,
or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun
Highly recommended!
If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
Two soldiers are late returning from their leave, and now they're
standing before their sergeant:
"How could you be late for two whole hours? What if a war
broke out?"
"Well, Sergeant, we went to the opera and we just got carried
away with the performance."
"Opera?!" the sergeant exclaims. "I know you turkeys got
good and drunk, but I doubt you got drunk enough on YOUR
salary to wind up in the opera!"
Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: Dunes
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please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
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Dear Webby, what is the best way to back up a computer? Wednesday, April 8, 2009, 02:54 AM
Good Morning, !
It's Wednesday, April 8, 2009
Abstract art is a product of the untalented,
sold by the unprincipled
to the utterly bewildered.
--- Al Capp
There is nothing so absurd but some philosopher has said it.
--- Cicero
Bob took his 4 year old son, Josh, out to McDonald's for
dinner one evening for a "guy night".
As they were eating hamburgers, Josh asked
"Daddy, what are these little things on the
hamburger buns?"
He responded that they were tiny seeds and
were ok to eat.He was quiet for a couple of minutes
and obviously in deep thought.
Finally, Josh looked up and said,
"Dad, if we go home and plant these seeds in our
backyard, we will have enough hamburgers to
last forever."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon here and not suitable for church,just jokes and fun for adults.
Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the confirmation request
.
If you don't get it, then you, your mother or your ISP have Ophelia blocked |
The pastor had launched into one of his "Best Ever"messages.
He was about half done, at the 45-minute mark and just getting
to the "good part," when a member of his congregation died.
Rushing to his office, he dialed 911.
When the ambulance arrived, the paramedics carried out 51
people before they finally got one who didn't wake up when
they got him to fresh air.
Thanks to Joan for this picture:
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
goes to Leon Edwards, 28 of Avondale, Ohio
Sent in by Karl
350-pound man damages bus
Leon Edwards refused to get off a Metro bus Monday, setting off
a chain of events that forced the driver to stop, disrupting
the bus line.
A bus driver demanded the 28-year-old Avondale man get off
the 78 line bus at Leggett Street and Medosch Avenue in
Lincoln Heights at 9 p.m.
Edwards is accused of leaning his 350-pound body into the
bus door until the glass shattered and threatening to stab
the driver, Lincoln Heights police said.
Then Edwards fled.
He is now facing charges of vandalism, aggravated menacing
and disrupting public service.
Officers caught up to Edwards a short distance away. He was
carrying a knife, according to a report.
Hamilton County Municipal Judge Ted Berry set bond for
Edwards at $17,500. Berry added that if Edwards posts bond
he may not ride Metro busses.
A sergeant was passing the barracks after lights out, when he
heard some voices from inside. He slammed open the door,
and shouted:
"Listen, you guys! A few minutes ago, you all heard me say
good night. What you must realize, is that when I say
"Good Night," what I really mean is "Shut the @#$%$@# up!!!"
The room instantly fell silent. But after a few seconds, a voice
bellowed out from somewhere in the far back of the dark room:
"Good Night, Sergeant"
From the Tech Support Pits:
From: Steve
Re: Back Up
Dear Webby,
Once again I am in need of your help.
Using XP what is the best way & best media to back up critical files?
Is it better to back up to CD's or an external drive? Do you
recommend one drive over another?
Is there a Webby Approved back up program, like Diskeeper is to
defrag, better than the one on XP?
Your time & advice is greatly appreciated.
Keep up the superb work on the newsletter. The world is a
better place for it.
Thanx,
Steve J.
Dear Steve
Backups are like motorcycle helmets.
1) Some people have nothing worth protecting, and in their case
they are a waste of time and money.
2) They are only good if they are used regularly
Floppies and CDs are a nuisance, and not worth the hassle,
unless you keep them at the bank in your safety deposit box.
External drives are easy to use, but again, keep in mind that
they should be stored far away from the computer.
Best, by far, is online back-up. You pay $4.95 - $250 a month
and back up an unlimited amount of stuff any time you want,
automatically. However, if you are on slow dial-up, forget it.
You need reasonable up/downloading speed.
The best of those is Mozy
Up to 2 GB free, $4.95 a month for unlimited. Buy it for a
year and get 3 months free. It has an easy configurator
that suggests what to back up and lets you add anything
you want to that list. I like it enough, so that I put it into my
tool box at http://webby.com/tools
The initial back-up takes a long time, but after that it only
backs up what is new or has changed. And it does it quitely,
whenever the machine has been idle for 20 minutes.
If you don't have a reasonably good Internet connection, get
yourself any external hard drive that fits into your budget.
You can get a small paperback book size TeraByte (1000 GB)
external drive for $100, or one that fits into a shirt pocket and
is thinner than the padding in most bras, but holds 160 GB
and cost around $50.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
A judge was interviewing a woman regarding her pending
divorce, and asked,
"What are the grounds for your divorce?"
She replied, "About four acres and a nice little home in the
middle of the property with a stream running by."
"No," he said, "I mean what is the foundation of this case?"
"It is made of concrete, brick and mortar," she responded.
"I mean," he continued, "What are your relations like?"
"I have an aunt and uncle living here in town, and so does my
husband."
He said, "Do you have a real grudge?"
"No," she replied, "We have a two-car carport and have never
really needed one."
"Please," he tried again, "Is there any infidelity in your marriage?"
"Yes, both my son and daughter have stereo sets. We don't
necessarily like the music, but the answer to your questions is
yes."
"Ma'am, does your husband ever beat you up?"
"Yes," she responded, "about twice a week he gets up earlier
than I do."
Finally, in frustration, the judge asked,
"Lady, why do you want a divorce?"
"Oh, I don't want a divorce," she replied. "I've never wanted a
divorce. My husband does. He said he can't communicate with
me."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Easter Basket Items
When making Easter baskets, keep in mind such things as
colorful pencils, fancy erasers, sugar free candies, cute little
stuffed animals, flavored lip balm or gloss, crayons, colored
pencils, modeling clay or Play-dough (or make your own).
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day,
or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun
Highly recommended!
If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
Jill wanted to convince Susan, a continually harried friend, that
she needed to find ways to relax. She invited her to dinner and,
while she was busy cooking, Susan agreed to watch her
videotape on stress management and relaxation techniques.
Fifteen minutes later, she came into the kitchen and handed Jill
the tape. "It was good," she said, "but I don't need it."
"But it's a 70-minute video," Jill replied. "You couldn't have
watched the whole thing."
"Yes, I did," Susan assured her. "I put it on fast-forward."
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| permalink | ( 3.1 / 54 )
Dear Webby: Lost QuickLaunch Tuesday, April 7, 2009, 04:33 AM
Good Morning, !
It's Tuesday, April 7, 2009
The average man, who does not know what to do with his life,
wants another one which will last forever.
--- Anatole France
Prediction is very difficult, especially about the future.
--- Niels Bohr
A man dies and goes to heaven, and Saint Peter asks him
what religion he belongs to. The man tells him, and Saint
Peter says, "Oh, we have a lot of your kind here. In fact, we
have a special room for all of you, so you can all be together."
He leads the man down a long hallway with doors on either
side. They pass one door and they hear a bunch of yelling and
hollering inside.
"Who's in that room?" the man asks.
"Oh, those are the holy rollers," says Saint Peter. "They make
a lot of noise but they're pretty harmless".
They pass by another door which is nearly shaking off its
hinges.
"Who's in there?" the man asks. "That's the room for the
Shakers," replies Saint Peter.
Then they approach another door. Saint Peter whispers to the
man, "We must be very quiet going past this door. Don't make
a sound."
They tiptoe past the door and when they get farther down the
hallway the man asks Saint Peter who was in that room.
"Oh, those are the Catholics. They think they're the only ones
up here!"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon here and not suitable for church,just jokes and fun for adults.
Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the confirmation request
.
If you don't get it, then you, your mother or your ISP have Ophelia blocked |
A fellow in a bar notices a woman, always alone, come in on a
fairly regular basis. After the second week, he made his move.
"No thank you." she said politely. "This may sound rather odd
in this day and age, but I'm keeping myself pure until I meet
the man I love."
"That must be rather difficult." the man replied.
"Oh, I don't mind too much." she said. "But, it has my
husband pretty upset."
Thanks to Sandie for this picture:
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
goes to Eric Akia in Boulder County, Colorado
Sent in by Karl
A family of six was burned out of their straw-bale home in
Boulder County early Friday after an attempt to thaw pipes
with a blowtorch set the structure on fire.
Cmdr. Rick Brough, spokesman for the Boulder County Sheriff's
Office, said the owner, Eric Akia, was in the crawl space
attempting to thaw frozen pipes when the fire started.
Akia's wife and four children were inside the house, but escaped.
Akia and his wife were treated at a hospital in Estes Park for
possible smoke inhalation. The family lost almost everything,
including their pet fish, Brough said. The family's three dogs,
cat, parrot and pig were saved.
The secluded home was on an unplowed road, making it difficult
for firefighters to reach. Snowplows had to first clear the road.
Joe and Joan were sitting down to their usual morning cup of
coffee listening to the weather report on the radio. "There will
be 3 to 5 inches of snow today, and a snow emergency has
been declared," the weather report said. "You must park your
cars on the odd numbered side of the streets."
Joe said, "Jeez, okay," and got up from his coffee.
The next day they were sitting down with their morning cups of
coffee. The weather forecast was, "There will be 2 to 4 inches
of snow today, and a snow emergency has been declared.
You must park your cars on the even numbered side of the
streets."
Again Joe replied, "Jeez, okay," and got up from his coffee.
Two days later, again they're sitting down with their cups of
coffee and the weather forecast said, "There will be 6 to 8
inches of snow today, and a snow emergency has been
declared. You must park your cars on the..."
and the power went out and Joe didn't get the rest of the
instructions.
He turned to Joan, "Jeez, what am I going to do now, Joan?"
Joan replied, "Aw, Joe, just leave the car in the darned garage
today, they won't notice."
From the Tech Support Pits:
From: Rosemary
Re: Lost Quick-Launch
Dear Webby,
I just lost all my quick launch toolbar at the lower left.
How do I get them back?
Rosemary
Dear Rosemary
Try right-clicking the Status bar
click on Tool Bars
and put the checkmark onto QUICK LAUNCH
Have FUN!
DearWebby
Each evening bird lover Tom stood in his backyard, hooting like
an owl - and one night, an owl finally called back to him.
For a year, the man and his feathered friend hooted back and
forth. He even kept a log of the "conversation"...
Just as he thought he was on the verge of a breakthrough in
interspecies communication, his wife had a chat with her next
door neighbor.
"My husband spends his nights ... calling out to owls," she
said.
"That's odd," the neighbor replied. "So does my husband!"
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Make a "What To Do" List for Idle Moments
Have you ever wondered how some people get more done than others?
I have always believed that wasting time is as bad as wasting resources
or money. I started taking stock of how much time I spend waiting for
something, and the numbers will astound you! Example: I spend 30
hours a year waiting for my coffee to brew! If you spend 5 minutes a
day, that comes out to be just about 30 hours per year! I spend about
twice that waiting for a bus! And don't even get my started on the 20
minutes per hour that is nothing but commercials on each and every
show I watch! So, I compiled a list of what I do while I wait. I hope this
will help you not only in your time management, but perhaps even help
you eliminate some things you may be doing that you don't even like!
By Sandra from Salem, OR
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day,
or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun
Highly recommended!
If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
While Kathy is at her friend's house it starts to rain very
heavily. Her friend tells her to spend the night at her house and
go home the next day.
When she hears this, Kathy rushes out the door and comes
back a while later totally drenched and carrying a small, soggy
paper bag.
So her friend asks "Where did you run off too?"
"I went home to get my pajamas!"
Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: Mars
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Dear Webby: External Hard Drive Monday, April 6, 2009, 04:10 AM
Good Morning, !
It's Monday, April 6, 2009
Nobody in the game of football should be called a genius.
A genius is somebody like Norman Einstein.
--- Joe Theismann, Former quarterback
Nobody knows the age of the human race, but everybody agrees
that it is old enough to know better.
--- Socratex
A bus of politicians is driving by a farm where a man lives
alone. The bus driver, caught up in the beautiful scenery,
loses control and crashes into the ditch. The man comes
out and finding the politicians, buries them with his front
end loader.
The next day, the police are at the farm questioning the
man. "So you buried all the politicians?" asked the police
officer. "Were they all dead?"
The man answered, "Some said they weren't, but you know
how politicians lie."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon here and not suitable for church,just jokes and fun for adults.
Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the confirmation request
.
If you don't get it, then you, your mother or your ISP have Ophelia blocked |
A kind-hearted fellow was walking through Central Park in
New York and was astonished to see an old man, fishing
rod in hand, fishing over a beautiful bed of lillies.
"Tch Tch!" said the passerby to himself. "What a sad sight.
That poor old man is fishing over a bed of flowers. I'll see if I
can help."
So the kind fellow walked up to the old man and asked,
"What are you doing, my friend?"
"Fishin', sir."
"Fishin', eh. Well how would you like to come have a drink
with me?"
The old man stood up, put his rod away and followed the
kind stranger to the corner bar. He ordered a large glass of
beer and a fine cigar.
His host, the kind fellow, felt good about helping the old
man, and he asked, "Tell me, old friend, how many did you
catch this morning?"
The old fellow took a long drag on the cigar, blew a careful
smoke ring and replied, "You are the sixth today, sir!"
Thanks to dad for this picture:
This one bloomed today (amongst 27 others, different ones)
The other ones are at http://dawna.com
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
goes to the White House
White House gives out sex line number
Journalists hoping to interview Hillary Clinton on the G20
summit were surprised when the number they were given
turned out to be a phone sex line.
The White House accidentally listed a sex line number for
journalists seeking an "on-the-record briefing call with
Secretary of State Hillary Clinton and National Security
Advisor Jim Jones", reports Fox News.
Journalists who dialled the number heard a soft-voiced female
recording, that was clearly not Clinton, asking for a credit card
number if you "feel like getting nasty".
After several efforts to make sure that the phone number was
correctly dialled, a call to the White House resulted in a corrected
press release.
"If you are having trouble dialling into the call, please try this number
as an alternative," it said, and listed the international line included
for reporters abroad to dial.
By this time, the conference call was already under way.
Asked for comment, in typical Democrat fashion, Deputy White
House Press Secretary Bill Burton tried to shift the blame onto Fox:
"A corrected phone number on a press release is probably one
of the stupider things Fox News has covered lately."
A rich woman was giving a garden party with many wealthy
guests in attendance. While the party was going on, two
gardeners were doing yard work on the rear lawn. While
one of the guests was watching him, one of the gardeners
suddenly jumped into the air and performed numerous
graceful swirling dance movements.
The guest remarked to his hostess, "That man is such a
talented dancer, I'd pay him $100 to dance before all of the
guests!"
When the hostess asked the head gardener about making
such an arrangement, he yelled, "Hey Fred! Do you think for
$100 you could step on that rake again?"
From the Tech Support Pits:
From: Thomas
Re: External Hard Drive
Does anyone use an External hard drive, I read on some reviews
that people have some problems with them, just would like to get
some feed back.
Thomas
Dear Thomas
If you can walk and chew gum under competent supervision,
then you won't have problems with external drives. The problems
with "Plug-and-Play" were solved with the Pentium 11 years ago.
Just get a $10 - $20 USB hard drive enclosure and a hard drive
that fits into it. The shirt pocket size enclosures need laptop drives,
the paperback book size enclosures are for the big 5 1/4" drives.
Price is about the same.
Stick a new drive, or one from a retired machine, into it,
plug the unit into a USB port and it shows up as a new hard drive.
Considering that 80 GB drives are available for around $35,
and TeraByte (1000 GB) for under $100, it's hardly worth digging
an old 4 GB drive out of an old machine, but if you are in a hurry,
old drives definitely DO work fine. Just do a deep format on them
to lock out bad clusters.
You can even get "Open" enclosures, that look like a phone
re-charging stand. You drop the remote drive of the day into it,
and do your back-up. When done, pick it up like a phone, and
stick it into your shirt pocket. Make sure you remove it, before
you heave the shirt into the washing machine!
I have used external drives daily since the mid 90's and never
had a problem with them.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
A man's car stalled on a country road. When he got out to
try to fix it, a cow came along and stopped beside him.
"Your trouble is probably in the carburetor," said the cow.
Startled, the man jumped back and ran down the road until
he met the farmer. He told the farmer his story.
"Was it a large brown cow with a white spot over the right
eye?" asked the farmer.
"Yes!"
"Oh, I wouldn't listen to Bessie," said the Farmer.
"She only knows tractors and diesels, but doesn't really have
a clue about gasoline engines."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Getting More Pop Out of Your Popcorn
When making popcorn, I have found it is better not to heat
the oil on a high heat at first. I know this may sound stupid,
but the kernels get more more heat distribution if you start
out slow. (Think: You don't cook prime rib steak on blazing
heat from the get go; you'll end up burning parts and other
parts will be undercooked.) After hearing the first few kernels
pop, turn up the heat. Cook as normal.
By Tim from Science Hil, KY
That might be fine for KY hillbillies, who murder steaks on
lukewarm griddles, instead of doing them right and juicy
on a hot BBQ.
With Popcorn I found that the method used to pop makes
very little difference, if you have good kernels.
If and when the inside of them gets hot enough, they pop.
Popcorn, slowly popped in a tobacco tin sitting on the exhaust
manifold of a hard working cat, tastes just as good as quickly
popped microwave popcorn.
You don't need any oil if you are popping it in a cast iron
frying pan with a lid. Just make sure it is not too hot and
singes the kernels.
For extra flavor my favorite is Italian salad herbs and spices
and a bit of salt stirred into melted butter and sprayed over
the popcorn, when it is still hot.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day,
or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun
Highly recommended!
If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
The new preacher, at this first service, had a pitcher of water
and a glass on the pulpit. As he preached,he drank until the
pitcher of water was completely gone.
After the service, someone asked an old woman of the
church, "How did you like the new pastor?"
"Fine," she said, "but he's first windmill I ever saw that was
run by water."
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!
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Dear Webby: Installing XP onto a Vista machine Sunday, April 5, 2009, 03:33 AM
Good Morning, !
It's Sunday, April 5, 2009
The only way to make a man trustworthy is to trust him.
--- Henry Stimson
It was Palm Sunday and, because of strep throat, Sue's
four-year-old son had to stay home from church with
a baby-sitter. When the family returned home carrying
palm branches, he asked what they were for.
"People held them over Jesus' head as he walked by,"
his mother explained.
"Wouldn't you know it," the boy fumed. "The one Sunday
I didn't go, He showed up!"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon here and not suitable for church,just jokes and fun for adults.
Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the confirmation request
.
If you don't get it, then you, your mother or your ISP have Ophelia blocked |
One night a father was helping his son with his homework.
The father asked "What is the Gross National Product?".
The little boy pondered for a minute and replied "Spinach ?
Broccoli ?"
Thanks to Dianne for this picture:
Henderson Canyon
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
goes to Fernandez, in Elkhart, Indiana
School Warns Parents Dead Daughter Can’t Attend Prom
Apparently a “software error” led a high school in Manchester,
U.K. to send a disturbing letter to a couple saying their
daughter needs to improve her attendance or she can’t
go to the prom.
The only problem is the teen died two months ago.
The letter said Megan Gillan’s attendance was 60.4 percent,
but the school requires its students to maintain a 92 percent
attendance record.
“I screamed when I first saw it,” said her mother Margaret Gillan.
“If they want her to attend that much, I’ll take Megan’s remains.
It’s disgusting."
Gillan was found dead January 19 in her bedroom at her
parent’s home. The school letter was dated March 16.
The cause of Megan’s death is still unknown, and an inquest
is expected in the next few months.
“Megan would have loved going to the prom,” her mother said.
“She planned to go with a group of friends, she was really
looking forward to it.”
A judge in his golden years decided that retirement had
become too boring. So he volunteered as a librarian at his
local library branch.
A week later, his supervisor, a stern woman in her sixties,
called him into her office.
She cleared her throat and said, "You know, I appreciate that
when you were a judge you were stern with lawbreakers. And
you carry that with you to your new job, which is very
commendable. But when someone owes an overdue fine, you
can't just - "
"I had to throw the book at him," said the judge.
"I know," said the librarian, "but the Entire Encyclopedia
Britannica ?"
From the Tech Support Pits:
From: CJW
Re: Is Installing XP onto a Vista machine
Is this possibile and any special steps other than
backing up files.
under Drives it says Acer C and Data D acer C is almost full
Data D is empty
520 gb hard drive split between the two.
thanks,
cjw
Dear CJW
Yes, sure, no problem at all.
Upload your keepers onto the web or burn them onto CDs or DVDs,
D: is usually the CD / DVD
Then you probably also have a hidden DOS partition with diagnostics.
Here is how I partition:
C: (BOOT) 12 GB. I keep it small and fast and reserve it
JUST for Winows. That makes defrag and virus checking a snap.
E: (Programs) ALL programs go onto this partition, but JUST
the programs
F: (Work) All files produced with the programs and anything
downloaded
G: (Diag) Diagnostic stuff and ancient programs that run in DOS,
not Windows
D: (CD/DVD)
H: (Remote) USB Hard Drive
I: Chip Reader (Camera chips)
C:. E:, and F: I run in NTFS mode, and G: in FAT16 mode.
If you don't have a partition manager, Easus is free at the
link in my tool box. Some places charge $60 for it.
You can partition before or after upgrading to XP.
Personally, I prefer to get rid of the VISTA dumpster-ware
as fast as possible, and then partition later, in XP.
Once you have your keepers safely backed up, insert the
XP set-up CD and elbow the ENTER key a bunch of times,
whenever it asks for an OK..
Have FUN!
DearWebby
The school of agriculture's dean of admissions was inter-
viewing a prospective student, "Why have you chosen this
career?" he asked.
"I dream of making a million dollars in farming, like my
father," the student replied.
"Your father made a million dollars in farming?" echoed the
dean much impressed.
"No," replied the applicant. "But he always dreamed of it."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Gardening On A Budget
I think that the easiest way to garden on a budget is to have
patience and to gain a collection of plants that are simple
propagators; for example Sedum. You can break a piece from
the mother plant and plunge it into the ground and it will stay
green and thrive. The following year will bring you a hardy new
plant with multiple stalks to fill out more and more with each
year. I also like to buy hardy plants that can be safely split,
like day-lilies already bloomed. These often get discounted
after the flowers are gone. Take it home and slice it in half
and plant it. You will have two fuller plants the following year,
and it may re-bloom late summer. You can save a lot of
money by asking for clippings, buds, or seeds from friends
and family or by purchasing one plant and having some
patience. By Gina from Collegeville, PA
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day,
or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun
Highly recommended!
If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
Jill: I just don't understand the attraction golf has for men.
Mary: TELL me about it! I went golfing with my ex one time,
and he told me I asked too many questions!
Jill: Well, I'm sure you were just trying to understand the
game. What questions did you ask?
Mary: I thought I asked legitimate questions..like,
"Why did you hit the ball into that lake?"
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
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