Good Morning, ! It's Monday, April 20, 2009
There is no abstract art. You must always start with something. Afterward you can remove all traces of reality. --- Pablo Picasso It is hard enough to remember my opinions, without also remembering my reasons for them! --- Friedrich Nietzsche
One morning, while shaving, George started cursing and swearing so loudly it attracted the attention of his wife, who was preparing breakfast in the kitchen. "What's the matter?" she called out. "My razor -- it won't cut!" he answered. "Don't be silly, dear!" she declared. "You mean to tell me your beard is tougher than linoleum?"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon here and not suitable for church,just jokes and fun for adults.
Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the confirmation request
. If you don't get it, then you, your mother or your ISP have Ophelia blocked
A couple went to a Broadway show. During the first intermission he had to take a leak in the meanest way, so he hurried to find the bathrooms. He searched in vain for the bathrooms, but he finally found a beautiful fountain with foliage, and nobody seemed to be watching, so he decided to relieve himself right there. When he finally got back into the auditorium, the second act was well under way. He searched in the dark until he found his wife. "Did I miss much of the second act?" he asked. "Miss it?" she said, "You were in it!"
Disco Rapper near Why, ArizonaIf you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to a driver in Oslo, Norway Motorist arrested for sex while speeding A Norwegian man was arrested after he was caught having sex with his girlfriend while speeding on a motorway. Officers trailed the couple's car after noticing it was swerving from side to side and travelling at 20mph over the speed limit, reports the BBC. But they soon realised the erratic driving was due to the woman "sitting on the man's lap", a police spokesman said. After filming the exploit for evidence, they pulled them over at a rest area on the E18 motorway, west of Oslo. The 28-year-old man is likely to face a fine of several thousand Norwegian kroner and a lengthy driving ban. "Why they did it on a highway with such a high risk we don't know," said Superintendent Tor Stein Hagen. Despite her role in the incident, the 21-year-old woman was allowed by police to drive her lover home. -------------------------- A[[arently she wasn't worth the cost of a motel, or the time for pulling over into a rest area. They should have confiscated the idiot's car!
On the first day of school, the Kindergarten teacher said, "If anyone has to go to the bathroom, hold up two fingers." A little voice from the back of the room asked, "How is THAT going to help?"
From the Tech Support Pits: From Sharon Re: List of motels that allow pets Dear Webby, Is there a site that lists pet friendly motels along the way? I do not relish the thought of sleeping in the car with my dog while everyone else is inside sleeping in a bed. I'd sure appreciate your or your readers help on this problem. Thank you, Sharon Dear Sharon As long a it's not a yappy Chihuahua or similar dog that might annoy all the other guests, most motels nowadays allow small dogs and working dogs. Larger dogs are a bit of a problem. Even if the motel has a "Pets Welcome" sign, if the dogs drool, slobber, shed, or look like they might scare somebody into running through the new rose hedge, then the Vacancy sign suddenly changes to NO Vacancy until after you have gone away. If you are not sure how your dog will behave during the inspection in the motel or hotel lobby, then it would be a good idea to talk to your vet and discuss medication. Keeping those basic rules in mind, here is a site that lists pet friendly hotels and motels by state: http://www.petswelcome.com/milkbone/sitemapframe.html They also list B&B's and cabins. If enough people find this link useful, I'll put it permanently into the left side margin. Have FUN! DearWebby
A white haired man walked into a jeweler's shop late one Friday, with a beautiful young lady on his side. "I'm looking for a special ring for my girlfriend" he said. The jeweler looked through his stock, and took out an outstanding ring priced at $5,000. "I don't think you understand ... I want something very unique," he said. At that, the jeweler went and fetched his special stock from the safe. "Here's one stunning ring at $40,000." The girls' eyes sparkled, and the man said that he would take it. "How are you paying?" "I'll pay by check, but, of course, the bank would want to make sure that everything is in order, so I'll write a check and you can phone the bank tomorrow, then I'll fetch the ring on Monday". Monday morning a very irate jeweler phones the man. "You crook, you lied. There's no money in that account." "I know, but can you imagine what a fantastic weekend I had?
The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ Email to the Express Empress at email@example.com, and she will post it into the blog for you.Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Way too long for here, but if you are interested, browse to http://www.thriftyfun.com/ and read it there. Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
An old farmer in Georgia had owned a large farm for several years. He had a large pond in the back, fixed up nice; picnic tables, horseshoe courts, basketball court, etc. The pond was properly shaped and fixed up for swimming when it was built. One evening the old farmer decided to go down to the pond, as he had not been there for a while, and look it over. As he neared the pond, he heard voices shouting and laughing with glee. As he came closer he saw it was a bunch of young women skinny dipping in his pond. He made the women aware of his presence and they all went to the deep end of the pond. One of the women shouted to him, "We're not coming out until you leave!" The old man replied, "I didn't come down here to watch you ladies swim naked or make you get out of the pond naked." "I'm just here to feed the alligators."Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: Meteorite GalleryARCHIVE: If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blogIf you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!Webby.com
[ view entry ] ( 212 views ) | permalink | print article | ( 3 / 911 )