Good Morning,  !
It's Thursday,  April 30, 2009


Don't knock the weather. 
If it didn't change once in a while, 
nine out of ten people couldn't start a conversation.
-- Kin Hubbard


'Global Crossing' company advertised that their "fast, secure, 
seamless global network"  by touting that it "transmits data at 
speeds that practically break the sound barrier." 

This means that a data packet going from New York to London 
will take about 4 1/2 hours to be delivered. I am not impressed. 
Even AOL is faster than that !



Ophelia Dingbatter's News

No sermon here and not suitable for church,just jokes and fun for adults.

Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the confirmation request
.
If you don't get it, then you, your mother or your ISP have Ophelia blocked


Thanks to Cookie for these daffinitions:
BLAMESTORMING. Sitting around in a group, discussing 
why a deadline was missed or a project failed, 
and who to blame for it.

SEAGULL MANAGER. A manager who flies in, makes a lot 
of noise, craps on everything, and then leaves.

ASSMOSIS. The process by which people seem to absorb 
success and advancement by sucking up to the boss rather 
than working hard.

SALMON DAY. The experience of spending an entire day 
swimming upstream only to get screwed and die.

CUBE FARM. An office filled with cubicles.

PRAIRIE DOGGING. When someone yells or drops something 
loudly in a cube farm, and people's heads pop up over the 
walls to see that's going  on. (This also applies to applause 
for a promotion because there may be cake.)

SITCOMs. Single Income, Two Children, Oppressive Mortgage. 
What yuppies turn into when they have children and one of 
them stops working to stay home with the kids or start a 
"home business".

SINBAD. Single working girls. Single income, no boyfriend 
and desperate.

STRESS PUPPY. A person who seems to thrive on being 
stressed out and whiny.

PERCUSSIVE MAINTENANCE. The fine art of whacking the 
crap out of an electronic device to get it to work again.

ADMINISPHERE. The rarefied organizational layers beginning 
just above the rank and file. Decisions that fall from the 
"adminisphere" are often profoundly inappropriate or 
irrelevant to the problems they were designed to solve. 
This is often affiliated with the dreaded "administrivia" - 
needless paperwork and processes.

404. Someone who's clueless. From the World Wide Web 
error message "404 Not Found," meaning that the requested 
document could not be located.

TESTICULATING. Waving your arms around and talking 
Bollocks.

OHNOSECOND. That minuscule fraction of time in which you 
realize that you’ve just made a BIG mistake (e.g. you've hit 
'reply all' not 'reply'.)  See also CLM

CLM - Career Limiting Move: Telling a racy joke about the
boss to someone on the phone, without first checking to see
if the boss is visiting the cubicle on the other side of 
the paper wall.

BEER COAT. The invisible but warm coat worn when walking 
home after a booze cruise at 3am.

BEER COMPASS. The invisible device that ensures your 
safe arrival home after booze cruise, even though you're too 
drunk to remember where you live, how you got here, and 
where you've come from.

BOBFOC. Body Off Baywatch, Face Off Crime watch.

GREYHOUND. A very short skirt, only an inch from the hare.

JOHNNY-NO-STARS. A young man of substandard intelligence, 
the typical adolescent who works in a burger restaurant. 
The 'no-stars' comes from the badges displaying stars that 
staff at fast-food restaurants often wear to show their 
level of training.

MILLENNIUM DOMES. The contents of a Wonderbra, i.e. 
extremely impressive when viewed from the distance, but 
there's actually naught in there worth seeing.

MONKEY BATH. A bath so hot, that when lowering yourself 
in, you go: "Oo!Oo!Oo! Aa!Aa!Aa!".

MYSTERY BUS. The bus that arrives at the pub on Friday 
night while you're in the toilet after your 10th pint, and 
whisks away all the unattractive people so the pub is 
suddenly packed with stunners when you come back in.

MYSTERY TAXI. The taxi that arrives at your place on 
Saturday morning before you wake up, whisks away the 
stunner you slept with, and leaves a 10-Pinter in your 
bed instead.

PICASSO BUM. A woman whose knickers are too small for her, 
so she looks like she’s got four buttocks

SALAD DODGER. An excellent phrase for an overweight person 

TART FUEL. Bottled premixed spirits, regularly consumed by 
young women.



Buoflama in Bagdad, AZ
  
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
goes to Stacey Anvarinia, 26 of Grand Forks, North Dakota

Cops: Intoxicated North Dakota woman caught breast-feeding infant

APRIL 28--Stacey Anvarinia, a North Dakota woman, 26, is facing 
a child neglect charge for allegedly breast-feeding while drunk, 
according to court records. Anvarinia, a Grand Forks resident, 
yesterday pleaded not guilty to the criminal count, which stemmed 
from a police visit to her home in February. While responding to a 
domestic disturbance call, Grand Forks Police Department officers 
watched as an "extremely intoxicated" Anvarinia "began breast 
feeding her infant in front of us," according to an incident report. 
Since alcohol can pass from mother to child via breast milk, 
Anvarinia was arrested for neglecting her six-week-old infant. 
The baby was transported to Altru Hospital for examination, 
while Anvarinia was booked into the county lockup.

Mugshot and details are at 
http://www.thesmokinggun.com/archive/ye ... dmom1.html


 A boy was assigned a paper on childbirth and asked his
 parents, "How was I born?"

 "Well honey..." said the slightly prudish parent, "the stork
 brought you to us."

 "Oh," said the boy. "Well, how did you and daddy get born?"
 he asked.

 "Oh, the stork brought us too."

 "Well how were grandpa and grandma born?" he persisted.

 "Well darling, the stork brought them too!" said the parent,
 by now starting to squirm a little in the Lazy Boy recliner.

 Several days later, the boy handed in his paper to the
 teacher who read with confusion the opening sentence:
 "This report has been very difficult to write because there
 hasn't been a natural childbirth in my family for three
 generations."


From the Tech Support Pits:
From Scotty
RE: Print selection

Dear Webby,
HEY, Mr. Cool...how can I print some of the jokes I get off
your letter with out having to print it all???
Scotty

Dear Scotty
Just highlight that joke,
hit CTRL C to copy it,
jump into a Notemaid or Wordprocessor or email
CTRL V to paste it
Then print that.

With some printers you can simply highlight a portion,
hit CTRL P, chose "Print Selection", and hit PRINT.

Have FUN
Dear Webby


Government organization is like a tree full of monkeys,
all on different limbs at different levels, some
climbing up, some fooling around, some simply
just idling.

The monkeys on top look down and see a tree
full of smiling faces.

The monkeys on the bottom look up and see
nothing but "a*******."  (you can fill in the blank).



The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips
are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/
Email to the Express Empress at 090401@fire-cat.com,
and she will post it into the blog for you.


Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com

>Hollow Book for Hiding Items
Buy a hardback book at a thrift store and transform it into a
hollow book.  Just use a utility knife to cut out a rectangular
hole in the book pages.  Use a straight edge to guide the knife. 
Use rubber cement to glue all the pages together and you have a
great place to hide items on your bookshelf.

Click Here For More Safety Tips
Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day,
or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun
Highly recommended!
If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:


"When my sugar daddy dies," confided Jeni to Debi, 
"I'll inherit the lot... it's in his last will and testicles."

"You mean testament," chuckled Debi.

"No, testicles..." said Jeni, "I've got him by the balls."


Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: Iris


ARCHIVE: If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the
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Thanks for your votes!

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Well, , that's all for today.

Have FUN !
Dear Webby from Webby.com




If the greeting on top does NOT have your first name, or at least your
favorite nickname, please tell me. I can correct that in two seconds and
greet you properly from then on.

If you want to give a gift subscription to a friend,
but don't have time to subscribe her or him,
just hit REPLY and tell me. I will gladly enter them for you.

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---

Dear Webby: Fuzzy Zoom 

Wednesday, April 29, 2009, 05:16 AM

   
Good Morning,  !
It's Wednesday,  April 29, 2009


"We should be careful to get out of an experience
only the wisdom that is in it - and stop there;
lest we be like the cat that sits down on a hot
stove-lid. She will never sit down on a hot stove-lid
again, and that is well; but also she will never sit
down on a cold one anymore."
-- Mark Twain


A pipe burst in a doctor's house. 

He called a plumber. The plumber arrived, unpacked 
his tools, did mysterious plumber-type things for 
a while, and handed the doctor a bill for $600.
 
The doctor exclaimed, "This is ridiculous! I don't 
even make that much as a doctor!" 

The plumber waited for him to finish and quietly 
said, "Neither did I when I was a doctor."



Ophelia Dingbatter's News

No sermon here and not suitable for church,just jokes and fun for adults.

Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the confirmation request
.
If you don't get it, then you, your mother or your ISP have Ophelia blocked


Every year when travelling I meet people who are on their 
way to or from visiting their parents. It never ceases to 
amaze me how much some people spend on retirement 
homes. These days the average seems to be around $300
a day, and very few of the parents are happy where they are.
The rooms are small, they can't do this and can't do that, 
and the atmosphere is half way between jail and hospital,
and the only Internet access is in the lobby and is always
in use.

Wake up folks! 
How much does it cost to stay at a nice hotel ? $40 - $100
If you ask them for an annual rate, they will knock that 
down 30% or more and roll out the red carpet. They will 
treat you like royalty! Wireless DSL from pool to park,
fitness room, room service, laundry service, phone in the
room, coffee machine in the room and no need to bribe 
nursing home staff for extra packets of coffee, and on 
and on. 

Many hotels have free limousine service, and in scenic 
areas they often have sight-seeing tours or are connected 
with tour companies that stop at the hotel.

With the difference between $30 and $300 you can travel
around and check out where you will stay the next year, if
you want a change of scenery or climate. 

If you slip and fall down, instead of whining and sniveling
at you, they make a bigger fuss than if the Queen had come 
for a visit. 

If you are planning your or a relative's retirement, 
take notes!
DearWebby



Great progress at the new bridge at the Hoover Dam !
This is from today.
  
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
goes to the wife and mother-in-law of a former deputy in
Polk County, Florida

Sent in by Sandie
Deputy quits after wife, mom-in-law take squad car
LAKELAND, Fla. (Map, News) - A Polk County deputy has turned
 in his badge after his wife and mother-in-law took his patrol car 
 out for a joyride. Officials said the 44-year-old deputy resigned 
 Monday after serving 21 years with the sheriff's office.

The arrest report said his wife and mother-in-law face charges of 
vehicle theft, theft of a firearm and impersonating a law-enforcement 
officer. His wife also faces charges of possession of a firearm of a 
convicted felon.

A third person riding in the back seat also was arrested.

Witnesses reporting seeing the patrol car driving erratically in 
Lakeland on Sunday morning. The deputy apparently didn't know 
the car was taken.
http://cli.gs/DhJX7m


One weekend my friend Sally, a nurse, was looking after her 
six-year-old nephew when he fell off a playground slide and 
hit his head.

Worried that he might have a concussion, she checked him all 
night. Every hour, she'd gently shake him and ask, "What's 
your name?" Soon, he began moaning in protest each time she 
entered the room.

When Sally went in at 5:00 A.M., she found something white 
on his forehead. Leaning close, she saw a crayon-scrawled 
message taped to his forehead.

It read: "My name is Daniel."
--------------
That's not bad. In one hospital, that I was in, the nurse came
by every hour and wrote the time and her initials onto the sole
of my right foot to check my reflexes and record her check.
It didn't take long before I took my tree of liquid lunches and
moved to the roof garden.


From the Tech Support Pits:
Dear Webby's Tech Support Pits:
From: Arthur
Re: Fuzzy Zoom

Dear Webby,
My digital camera shoots perfectly sharp pictures close up,
but when I use zoom then the farther away parts are awfully
fuzzy some of the time, but quite clear at other times. 
Shouldn't the same lens be sharp in all settings at all times?
Arthur

Dear Arthur
The lens is probably quite OK. 
Hold a long fishing rod and point it at something small. 
Does it jitter around a bit ? Multiply that by the distance
to the scenery that you want to shoot. That multiplied jitter
is what causes the fuzz.

There are a few ways to fix or diminish that fuzz.
For long distance shots, use a tripod or put the camera
onto a small sand baggie.

Use the fastest (shortest) exposure time that you can get 
away with. Open the apperture as wide as you can to the 
lowest f-stop number to force the time to be shorter.

Don't worry about the picture being a bit darker if you use
shorter exposure times. You can always lighten the picture
once you have it on the computer.

Have FUN!
Dear Webby


Comments heard re the recent power failure:

"When the food in our refrigerator began to spoil, my wife
gave me a big kiss for stocking up on canned food in our
basement," an California man said. "Then moments later, she
gave me a big kick for buying an electric can opener."

"I like to jog every morning," a New Jersey man said. "But
without electricity, I can't use my treadmill. I don't know
what to do. I asked my neighbors, but none of them owns a
generator."

"I can't call anyone," a woman griped. "What am I supposed 
to do while I drive?"

"I don't mind not being able to use my microwave," one tearful 
woman said.
"But do you have any idea what it's like to manage without a
hair dryer?"



The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips
are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/
Email to the Express Empress at 090401@fire-cat.com,
and she will post it into the blog for you.


Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com

Drilling In Wood
When drilling a hole in wood with a hand drill, use a nail or awl
to start a hole where you plan to drill. That will help get the
drill started and prevent it from skidding on the wood and
leaving unsightly marks. Make sure the wood is firmly secured
using a vice or a clamp.

For More Helpful Home Improvement Tips, Click Here
Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
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or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun
Highly recommended!
If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:



The old pastor made it to a practice to visit the parish school 
one day a week.

He walked into the 4th grade class, where the children were 
studying the states, and asked them how many states they 
could name.

They came up with about 40 names.

He jokingly told them that in his day students knew the names 
of all the states.

One lad raised his hand and said, "Yes, but in those days 
there were only 13."


Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: Coolest Bottle Openers


ARCHIVE: If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the
Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog

If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
Thanks for your votes!

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Well, , that's all for today.

Have FUN !
Dear Webby from Webby.com

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---

Dear Webby: How do I make the degrees symbol 

Tuesday, April 28, 2009, 03:13 AM

   
Good Morning,  !
It's Tuesday,  April 28, 2009


The illiterate of the 21st century will not be those who cannot 
read and write, but those who cannot learn, unlearn, and relearn.
--- Alvin Toffler

Wise men talk because they have something to say; 
fools, because they have to say something.
--- Plato

Insanity is hereditary.
You get it from your kids!
--- Socratex


More Easy Latin:
From Teresa
Veni, Vidi, Vertigo -- I came, I saw, I fainted
Veni, Vidi, Vortex -- I came, I saw, I went round & round
Veni, Vidi, Verdant -- I came, I saw, I turned green

From Jim
Veni, Vidi, Webby    I came; I read;  I roared.


Eunice went to the dentist the other day.  It was 
discovered that she had a cavity that would have to be 
filled. 
"Now, Eunice," asked the dentist, "what kind of filling 
would you like for that tooth?" 

Without hesitation Eunice replied, "Chocolate, please." 



Ophelia Dingbatter's News

No sermon here and not suitable for church,just jokes and fun for adults.

Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the confirmation request
.
If you don't get it, then you, your mother or your ISP have Ophelia blocked


Bob and Bill fly to Alaska for a fishing trip. They
hire a bush pilot and rent a boat, rods and tackle.
After two weeks, they've caught only one small salmon.

"Man, Bill," Bob says. "Do you realize this lousy fish
cost us about $2,000 apiece?"

"Wow," Bill replies. "At that rate, it's a good thing
we only caught one."




The obligatory Grand Canyon picture, with my dad.
  
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
goes to a woman in Basel, Switzerland

'Ill' woman sacked for using Facebook

A Swiss woman has lost her job after her bosses noticed that
 she was using Facebook when she claimed to be too ill to use 
 a computer.

The woman had claimed that she was suffering a migraine and 
had told her employer, Nationale Suisse, she needed to lie 
in a darkened room, reports the BBC.

The company said its discovery that she was  using Facebook 
while supposedly too ill to work, destroyed its trust in her and
 prompted her sacking.

But the unnamed woman, who is from Basel, said she had been 
accessing the internet on her iPhone while in bed.

She said she did not believe the company's assertion that a 
colleague had inadvertently noticed her using Facebook, 
accusing it instead of spying on her.

She said the company had created a fictitious Facebook persona 
which become "friends" with her, allowing the company to monitor 
her online activity.Her suspicions were raised when the "friend" 
suddenly disappeared after she was fired, the woman told 
20 Minuten daily.

But the company says it followed a simple logic: that those who 
are well enough to use Facebook with a migraine are well 
enough to work with a migraine.


A man was telling his neighbor, "I just bought a new hearing
aid. It cost me four thousand dollars, but it's state of the art
and the best I could find."
"Really," answered the neighbor. "What kind is it?"
"Twelve thirty."


From the Tech Support Pits:
Dear Webby's Tech Support Pits:
Tech Support Pits:Degrees Symbol
From Charlotte
Dear Webby,
I saw in a local paper a long time ago how to put up the
symbol for degrees. I want to write up some recipe cards
and would like to use that symbol. Thanks for your help.
Charlotte

Dear Charlotte
Just hold down the ALT key and type 0176,
then let go the ALT key.
77 °

For the copyright symbol, use ALT 0169, like this:
© Charlotte

Have FUN
Dear Webby


The construction foreman ordered one of his men to dig 
a hole 8 feet deep. But after the job was done, the 
boss returned and explained an error had been made and 
the hole wouldn't be needed. "Fill 'er up," he ordered 
the worker.

The worker did as he'd been told. But he ran into a 
problem. He couldn't get all the dirt packed back into 
the hole without leaving a mound on top. He went to the 
office and explained his problem.

"Honestly!" the foreman snorted. "The kind of help I 
get these days! There's obviously only one thing to do. 
You'll have to dig that hole deeper!"



The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips
are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/
Email to the Express Empress at 090401@fire-cat.com,
and she will post it into the blog for you.


Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com

Storing Ice Cream
Store ice cream inside your freezer rather than on the door where
the temperature is more likely to fluctuate.  Make sure the lid
on your ice cream container is closed tightly, store inside of a
plastic bag or wrap them with tin foil.

Click Here For More Freezing Tips
Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day,
or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun
Highly recommended!
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Despite his best sales pitch, a life insurance salesman 
was unable to get a couple to sign up for a policy. 

"I certainly don't want to frighten you into a decision," 
he announced, standing up to leave.
"Please sleep on it tonight, 
and if you wake up in the morning, 
let me know what you think."


Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: Cool Pix


ARCHIVE: If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the
Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog

If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
Thanks for your votes!

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Well, , that's all for today.

Have FUN !
Dear Webby from Webby.com

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---

Dear Webby: new browser window 

Monday, April 27, 2009, 03:28 AM

   
Good Morning,  !
It's Monday,  April 27, 2009


"A woman's mind is cleaner than a man's. 
She changes it more often." 
--Oliver Herford 

"The face of a child can say it all, 
especially the mouth part of the face."
--Jack Handey


I parked my car at the supermarket and was walking past
a row of empty shopping carts when the cart-girl standing
there called after me, "Excuse me, Sir, did you want that cart?"

"No," I answered. "I'm only after one thing."

As I walked into the store, I heard her mumble: 
"Typical male!"



Ophelia Dingbatter's News

No sermon here and not suitable for church,just jokes and fun for adults.

Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the confirmation request
.
If you don't get it, then you, your mother or your ISP have Ophelia blocked


If somebody is pestering you for your phone number, or if 
you want to detour a telemarketer, give them this number:
212-479-7990

It's the New York Rejection Line.
For numbers in other states, check out
http://www.rejectionline.com/copycat.html



Large version

Jerome, Arizona, against the setting sun.
Yeah, I know, it is difficult to take pictures against the sun.
Next time I'll try to come by early in the morning.

Jerome is an old Silver mining town from the 1800s, 
pasted onto the side of a mountain between Sedona 
and Prescott. The road over  the pass is not for the 
faint of heart, but a real curve carver's delight.
If at all possible, I always try to sneak it into the route.
  
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
goes to Nick Andes, 29, of Marietta, Pa., and Doug Klinger, 30, 
of Berks County, Pennsylvania

 217,000 text messages in one month
 
MARIETTA, Pa. (UPI) -- A pair of Pennsylvania men said they 
broke a world record by exchanging more than 217,000 text 
messages in a single month.

Nick Andes, 29, of Marietta, Pa., and Doug Klinger, 30, of 
Berks County, said they texted each other nonstop from March 7 
to April 6 to break the record of 182,000 text messages sent and 
received by India's Deepak Sharma in 2005, The (Lancaster, Pa.) 
Intelligencer-Journal reported Wednesday.

"Right now, I'm pretty much done with texting," Andes said Tuesday.

He said the record-setting feat nearly saddled him with a $26,000 
bill from T-Mobile, despite his unlimited texting plan. He said the bill 
was waived but a spokeswoman for the company asked him to 
refrain from record attempts in the future.

"She told me it was a violation of their misuse and abuse policy," 
Andes said. "She wanted to know my intentions and to assure 
her this was a one-time thing ... They weren't as enthusiastic 
about this as everybody else seems to be." 


A wife and husband both talked in their sleep. She loved   
auctions; whle his hobby was golf.   

The other night, during a deep sleep, the man yelled,   
'Fore!'   

His wife, also in a deep sleep and not missing a beat,   
yelled back, 'Four Fifty!' 


From the Tech Support Pits:
Dear Webby's Tech Support Pits:
From Janine
RE: Fresh browser window

Dear Webby,
Normally I want my browser to re-use already open windows,
so that it doesn't gobble up more memory than my computer
has. But occasionally I DO want a link to go to a brand new
window without losing the one that is open. Is there a way to
do that without changing all the settings in MSIE?
Thanks
Janine

Dear Janine
Yes, sure there is. Hold down SHIFT while you click on that
link.

Have FUN
Dear Webby


A Columbia lawyer was well into a lengthy 
cross-examination when he stopped and said: 
"Your honor, a juror is asleep." 

The Judge ruled: "You put him to sleep; YOU wake him 
up." 



The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips
are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/
Email to the Express Empress at 090401@fire-cat.com,
and she will post it into the blog for you.


Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com

Ironing Tip: Ironing Delicate Fabrics
Use some sort of a pressing cloth when ironing delicate fabrics
and don't use high heat.  Lightweight cotton towels work well as
a pressing cloth.  Just lay the pressing cloth on the item you
wish to iron and it will help protect it from the heat.

For More Laundry Tips, Click Here
http://www.thriftyfun.com/Cleaning_Laundry_296_318.html

Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day,
or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun
Highly recommended!
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Easy Latin:

Veni, Vidi, Vici -- I came, I saw, I conquered
Veni, Vidi, Velcro -- I Came,  I Saw,  I Stuck Around
Veni, Vidi, Visa -- I Came, I Saw, I went shopping 
Veni, Vidi, Volvo -- I Came,  I Saw,  I Drove
Veni, Vidi, Venison -- I Came, I Saw, I ran over a deer 
Veni, Vidi, Vanish -- I Came,  I Saw,  I Disappeared 
Veni, Vidi, Fiji -- I Came, I Saw, I ran far away
Veni, Vidi, Fuji -- I Came, I Saw, I took a picture
Veni, Vidi, Vodka -- I Came,  I Saw,  I Drank 
Veni, Vidi, Vomit -- I Came,  I Saw,  I Drank Too Much 
Veni, Vidi, Violin -- I Came,  I Saw,  I made a horrible screeching noise

OK, YOU make up some more ! 


Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: Tinsmith Museum


ARCHIVE: If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the
Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog

If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
Thanks for your votes!

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Well, , that's all for today.

Have FUN !
Dear Webby from Webby.com

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---

Dear Webby: Missing Child 

Sunday, April 26, 2009, 05:36 AM

   
Good Morning,  !
It's Sunday,  April 26, 2009


If little else, the brain is an educational toy.
--- Tom Robbins

Our attitude toward life determines life's attitude toward us.
— Earl Nightingale:


I met Fran and Jane at one of the benches for smokers outside
Dallas/Fort Worth airport. They were quite obviously nervous
about their flight and had bought some flight insurance at 
the terminal.

They told me that they couldn't make up their minds about 
who to name as beneficiaries, so they had ended up each 
naming the other. 

I was quite amused when I saw them both get up at the same
time to board the same plane.



Ophelia Dingbatter's News

No sermon here and not suitable for church,just jokes and fun for adults.

Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the confirmation request
.
If you don't get it, then you, your mother or your ISP have Ophelia blocked


 Count the "F"s in the following text:

 FINISHED FILES ARE THE RE
 SULT OF YEARS OF SCIENTI
 FIC STUDY COMBINED WITH
 THE EXPERIENCE OF YEARS.
 
 The answer is near the end. 




One of the grand monuments in Monument Valley faintly appearing
during today's sand storm, like ghosts of  tall sailing ships in the fog.
  
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
goes to City Council in North Norfolk, England

Praying for a parking ticket
Motorists are having to get down on their knees to collect tickets 
from Britain's lowest car park ticket machine.

The 3ft machine dispenses pay-and-display tickets just 18 inches 
above the ground at the car park in Sheringham, Norfolk.

Installed by North Norfolk Council, the machine is supposedly 
designed to be wheelchair user friendly, if installed properly,
reports the Daily Telegraph.

Dr Gerry, Bedford, a retired chemist, 62, questioned the device 
after seeing it when on holiday with his wife.
"I thought it was a joke when I first saw it. The size of it is
 just ridiculous for anyone of average height," he said.

"I am 6ft 5 ins tall and I had to get down on my knees to use it.
 I found the whole experience completely bizarre."

Pat Harvey, chairman of the Norfolk Association for the Disabled, 
said: "This machine sounds so low that it could actually be unsafe 
for wheelchair users."

North Norfolk Council spokesman Nick Manthorpe said: "We only 
had the choice of two plinths from the machines' manufacturer - 
a tall one, or one that was supposedly suitable for wheelchair users."
-----------
DUH!
The sidewalk model needs an 8" spacer if installed on the same 
level as where cars drive.



Subway Announcements:

At Camden town station (on a crowded Saturday afternoon):
"Please let the passengers off the train first. Please let
the passengers off the train first. Please let the passengers
off the train first. Let the passengers OFF THE TRAIN FIRST!
Oh go on then, get run over by Big Bertha, see if I care, 
I'm going home."
----------------
"I am sorry about the delay, apparently some nutter has just 
wandered into the tunnel at Euston.  We don't know when 
we'll be moving again, but these people tend to come out 
pretty quickly...usually in bits and pieces."


From the Tech Support Pits:
Dear Webby's Tech Support Pits:
From: Randall
Re: Missing Child

Dear Webby:
Amber alert 
please look at the picture, read what her father says, 
then forward his message on. 
....

Dear Randall
Please check the Urban Legends (link on the left side)
before forwarding old hoaxes. 
Penny Brown is not missing. 
Some gullible soul might see that picture and cause problems
for some innocent girl, maybe even Penny Brown's 
grand daughter. 

There is NO Amber alert for any Penny Brown, and there 
never will be one, even if a real Penny Brown goes missing.
The Penny Brown hoax was one of the earliest Internet 
hoaxes, and few people would take it seriously now.

Some clown updated it a couple of years ago and added
the Amber Alert line and sent it around AOL again. From 
there of course it spread all over the web again

If you are interested in the REAL Amber Alert, go to
http://codeamber.org/
http://codeamber.org/

Whenever you get a long mail with a request to forward  it
to everybody, it's a hoax. Just tell the sender that the 
answer is at 
Forward
http://webby.com/humor/fert.html

Have FUN!
DearWebby



GROAN ALERT:

Ben Kenobi and Luke Flyswatter are having a Chinese 
supper. Ben picks up the chopsticks and starts eating. 

Luke is having problems, there is food over his face, 
his clothes, and the table, but not much in his mouth.

"What should I do?" he asks Ben.

"Use the forks, Luke!"



The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips
are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/
Email to the Express Empress at 090401@fire-cat.com,
and she will post it into the blog for you.


Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com

Check the Weather When Traveling
When traveling, make sure to check the weather in the city you
are traveling from as well as the city you are traveling to and
any connecting cities. It will give you an idea of whether or not
you may have delays and what to expect when you get there.

Click Here For More Travel Tips
http://www.thriftyfun.com/Travel_1179.html

Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day,
or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun
Highly recommended!
If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:


GROAN ALERT:
Su Wong marries Lee Wong. 
The next year, the Wongs have a new baby. 
The nurse brings them over a lovely, healthy, bouncy, 
definitely Caucasian, white baby boy! 
"Congratulations,"  says the nurse to the new parents. 
"What will you name the baby?" 

The puzzled father looks at his new baby boy and says, 
"Well, two Wongs don't make a white, so I tink we will 
name him Sum-Ting Wong." 


Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: Australian Critters


ARCHIVE: If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the
Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog

If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
Thanks for your votes!

Please give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter



Quiz answer: 
3: most common answer.
4: rarely found answer
5: You probably use DSL or Cable to get onto the net
6: You probably have a domain with your name or nickname.

6 is correct. Don't forget to count the thre "OF"s.

Well, , that's all for today.

Have FUN !
Dear Webby from Webby.com

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---

Dear Webby: How safe is on-line shopping? 

Saturday, April 25, 2009, 03:46 AM

   
Good Morning,  !
It's Saturday,  April 25, 2009


In literature as in love, we are astonished 
at what is chosen by others.
--- Andre Maurois


Jill was out driving her car and while stopped at a red light,
the car just died.  It was a busy intersection and the traffic
behind her grew quickly.  The man in the car directly behind
her started honking his horn continuously, as Jill continued
trying to get the car to started again.  Finally, Jill got out
of her car and approached the man in the car behind her.

She smiled and said to him, "I can't seem to get my car
started.  Would you be a sweetheart and go and see if you
can get it started for me.  I'll stay here in your car and
play hysterical honker for you."



Ophelia Dingbatter's News

No sermon here and not suitable for church,just jokes and fun for adults.

Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the confirmation request
.
If you don't get it, then you, your mother or your ISP have Ophelia blocked


Caller: I'd like the number of the Argoed Fish Bar in
Cardiff,  please.
Operator: I'm sorry, there's no such listing. Are you 
sure you have the spelling correct?
Caller : Well, it used to be called the Bargoed Fish 
Bar, but the B fell off a few years ago.

That reminds me of the way some people give directions.
One time I was looking for the 'Outback' steak house in Nashville. 
This really friendly lady told me:
"Stay on this heah road till yo get to where that construction trailer 
used to be, then you got to tern right there," (I already had learned 
that their 'tern right there' means turn left, they say 'go rite' when 
they mean turn to the right), "then stay on thaat fer six or seven 
blocks, but doun' count dead ends that don' go nowhere, then go 
rite till you get to where they're gonna build a Wallmart nex year 
maybe, ....",  and so on.

Well, I got so thoroughly lost, that I backtracked to the hotel, turned 
on my laptop and looked it up on mapquest. 



In the Painted Desert near Holbrook, Arizona
I drew in a straight line to show the curvature of the earth.
  
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
goes to an overly concerned woman in Elmstein, Germany

Laughing man prompts rescue bid
 Ananova: 
A helicopter rescue team was scrambled after screams were heard 
in a German forest - only to find a man laughing his head off 
at a new book.

A woman dialled 999 after she thought she could hear someone 
being tortured at the woodland near Elmstein, western Germany.

But 'victim' Roland Hofmann was astonished when armed police 
surrounded his car which he had driven into the forest and ordered 
him to give himself up and release his hostage.

He told police he had gone to the forest to read "in peace and quiet".

"We realise that people think the sound of Germans laughing is unusual, 
but we're sure the caller meant well," said one officer.


The middle-aged man was shuffling along, bent over at the 
waist, as his wife helped him into the doctor's waiting room. 
A woman in the office viewed the scene in sympathy. 
"Arthritis with complications?" she asked.

The wife shook her head, 
"No .... Do-it-yourself," she explained,
"with concrete blocks."


From the Tech Support Pits:
Dear Webby's Tech Support Pits:
From Sharon
RE: Online Shopping

Dear Webby
How safe is it really to buy on-line?
Some people say it's perfectly safe, others have all kinds
of horror stories. What's the real scoop?


Dear Sharon
Usually the people with the wackiest horror stories don't
even have a computer, but read and believe the National
Enquirer.

As long as you don't buy from a spammer, you are
perfectly safe. A spammer, who already cheats and
deceives you with a trick subject line, will continue
in the same direction and will rip you off.

If you find a site through a major search engine like
Google or a recommendation from a friend, you are
quite safe.

Here are some rules to go by:
If a site does not have a secure shopping cart or secure
order form, watch out ! Never use your credit card when
the padlock at the bottom of the browser is not closed.

If you can't pay by credit card or by PayPal, go
somewhere else, where you can. 

If the "business" uses an AOL address, forget them.
There may be a tiny percentage of legitimate businesses
among all the crooks that use AOL addresses, but that
percentage is too small to gamble on it.
The same applies to cs, ho'mail and yahoo addresses.
Any crook can get one of those disposable addresses,
and dump it as soon as they have your money.

Legitimate businesses have email addresses based on
their business domain.

Please note that this applies to USA, Canada, Australia,
New Zealand and Japan only.

In Europe and the Mid-East trust only air lines, rail lines,
and hotels that belong to respectable chains. Any other
business, especially if they are not approved by VISA
or Mastercard, is usually bad news and it's best if you
don't deal with them on-line.

If you follow these rules, you won't get ripped off and will
be able to enjoy a lot of bargains. Airlines, hotels,
car rental agencies and many chain stores give you a
very noticeable discount, if you order over the web.

However, if you plan to register at a hotel, try to find the
site of the hotel. You usually pay $10 - $15 less per night
than if you order through a booking agency.

Have FUN
Dear Webby


A friend was laid up at home with the flu.
His fiancee called and volunteered to come over and
fix dinner and play nursemaid to him. He declined, not
wanting to pass on the flu to her.

"Okay honey", she told him, "I'll wait till after we
get married. Then we can spend the rest of our lives
making each other sick!"



The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips
are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/
Email to the Express Empress at 090401@fire-cat.com,
and she will post it into the blog for you.


Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com

Storing CDs and DVDs
Always store CDs and DVDs in a case or protective sleeve.  If you
label them with a marker, be sure to use a non solvent-based
felt-tip permanent marker.  Store in a relative humidity of 20%
to 50% and between 40 and 70 degrees F and in an upright position
to avoid having them bend over time.

For More Storage Ideas, Click Here
Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day,
or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun
Highly recommended!
If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:


Jim let his dog out to do his business late one night.

He watched some TV and then remembered to let the dog back in. 
When he opened the door, he was shocked at what he saw! 
In his dog's mouth was his neighbor's cat, dead!

"Bad dog! BAD DOG!" said the panicked man.

He took the cat away and looked at it. He couldn't bring himself 
to tell his neighbor what happened, so he decided to clean it up 
and leave it on the neighbor's porch.

He took the cat into the bathroom and washed off all the blood 
and dirt. It took him forever. He had to wash it four times to get 
it all cleaned.

He brushed its beautiful white fur as he blow-dried it and put 
its collar back on. Since it was so dark, he snuck into the 
neighbor's yard and laid the cat down on the porch, in front of 
the door.

The next day, he saw his neighbor.
"Hi," the neighbor said.
"Hi," replied Jim, nervously.

His neighbor said, "Something weird happened last night."

"Oh yeah?  What's that?" asked Jim, sweating now.

"Well, my cat died yesterday, got run over by a truck.
What a mess! 
We buried him, and this morning he was lying on my front 
porch!"


Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: Brilliance in imagery


ARCHIVE: If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the
Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog

If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
Thanks for your votes!

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Well, , that's all for today.

Have FUN !
Dear Webby from Webby.com

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---

Dear Webby: Attaching a folder 

Friday, April 24, 2009, 05:23 AM

   
Good Morning,  !
It's Friday,  April 24, 2009
Time to wear something red to show your support for the troops!


". . . if you can tell the difference between
good advice and bad advice,
you don't need advice."
--Laurence J. Peter

"Old people love to give good advice; it
compensates them for their inability to set a
bad example."
--Duc de La Rochefoucald


If you get tired of the great persuasion artist badmouthing
and belittling the US like a slum comedian, drive the roads
I drove today. Safford, Clifton, Alpine, Holbrook.

See the mountains they moved in Clifton to get the copper
for millions of homes. What an awesome accomplishment!

Then the road from Clifton to Alpine! A million curves 
carved into the mountains and smoothly paved. Well, 
maybe slightly less than a Million, but I am in total awe
about the monumental effort of building that road!
The road follows the ridges of one mountain range after 
another, with views showing blue  range after range fading 
into the hazy distance at the curve of the globe.

I bet, even Obama would be proud of the US,
 if he ever drove the roads I drove today.

Have FUN!
DearWebby

Two five-year-olds were on a picnic with their respective
families.  They both wandered into the nearby woods to
answer a call of nature.

The little girl squatted and did the necessary.  On her way
back to the picnic grounds, she ran across the little boy
who was relieving himself against a tree.

"Wow" she said with rounded eyes, "what a handy gadget
to take on a picnic!".



Ophelia Dingbatter's News

No sermon here and not suitable for church,just jokes and fun for adults.

Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the confirmation request
.
If you don't get it, then you, your mother or your ISP have Ophelia blocked


Thanks to Kati for this one:
I never quite figured out why the sexual urge of men & women
differ so much. And I never have figured out the whole Venus
and Mars thing. I have never figured out why men think with
their head and women with their heart.
I have never figured out why the sexual desire gene gets
thrown into a state of turmoil, when it hears the words "I do."

FOR EXAMPLE:
One evening last week, my wife and I were getting into bed.
Well, the passion starts to heat up, and she eventually says
"I don't feel like it, I just want you to hold me."

I said "WHAT????!!! What was that?!"
So she says the words that every husband on the planet
dreads to hear..."You're just not in touch with my emotional
needs as a woman enough for me to satisfy your physical
needs as a man."

She responded to my puzzled look by saying, "Can't you just
love me for who I am and not what I do for you in the
bedroom?"

Realizing that nothing was going to happen that night I went
to sleep. The very next day I opted to take the day off of
work to spend time with her.

We went out to a nice lunch and then went shopping at a big,
big dept. store. I walked around with her while she tried on
several different, very expensive outfits. She couldn't decide
which one to take so I told her we'll just buy them all. She
wanted new shoes to compliment her new clothes, so I said
lets get a pair for each outfit.

We went on to the jewelry dept. where she picked out a pair
of diamond earrings.

Let me tell you...she was so excited. She must have thought
I was one wave short of a shipwreck. I started to think she
was testing me because she asked for a tennis bracelet
when she doesn't even know how to play tennis.

I think I threw her for a loop when I said,
"That's fine, honey."
She was almost nearing sexual satisfaction from all of the
excitement.

Smiling with excited anticipation she finally said,
"I think this is all dear, let's go to the cashier".

I could hardly contain myself when I blurted out,
"No honey, I don't feel like it today."

Her face just went completely blank as her jaw dropped
with a baffled WHAT???!!!"

I then said, "Really honey! I just want you to HOLD this
stuff for awhile.. You're just not in touch with my financial
needs as a man enough for me to satisfy your shopping
needs as a woman."

And just when she had this look like she was going to kill
me I added, "Why can't you just love me for who I am and
not for the things I buy you?"

---------------------
Will the neighbor lady, who never has a headache, get the
cuddling for a while ?




One tiny corner of the mine in Clifton, AZ
Same in 800 x 600
Same in 1024 x 768
  
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
goes to 

SUV falls three stories to rooftop

NEW YORK (UPI) -- Witnesses said a luxury sport utility vehicle 
fell three stories from a New York parking garage to the rooftop 
of a neighboring building.

The witnesses said an attendant at the Greenwich Village garage 
accidentally shifted the Mercedes SUV into reverse just before 4 p.m. 
Monday and managed to jump out of the vehicle before it exited the 
structure and fell to a rooftop between the garage and another building, 
the New York Post reported Tuesday.

Witness Colby Danz said the attendant told emergency responders that 
he was "dazed and confused" at the time of the incident.

The attendant was taken to St. Vincent's Hospital, where officials said 
he appeared to be uninjured.

Eli Yedid, the owner of the SUV, said he was just happy the attendant 
was not hurt. "We'll have to get a new car, but it's people that aren't 
replaceable," he said.

Yedid said he was familiar with the attendant and described him as a 
"happy-go-lucky, a jolly kind of guy." 

"I'm elated he's alive and well. I hope to be able to laugh with him about it
later on," he said. 


He, Luigi, you are a man of the world.
"What is an operetta?"
"That'sa da girl who works the switchboard at da
teliphone company."


From the Tech Support Pits:
Dear Webby's Tech Support Pits:
From: Ann
Re: Attaching a folder

Dear Webby,
...is there any way of attaching and sending a whole folder
in an email or does one have to attach each file separately?
Thanks so much....
Ann

Dear Ann
I don't thik any email program will let you do that, unless
you zip up that folder.

You can click on ATTACH or hit CTRL H, browse into that
folder, hit CTRL A to select all, and hit Enter.

That attaches all files in that folder.

Have FUN
Dear Webby


A soldier went up to the Company Cook and said, "If you
put a lid on the pan there'll be less dust and dirt in
the food".

The cook, very annoyed, replied, "You mind your own
business. Your duty is to defend the homeland!"

"That's right," said the soldier. "But my duty is to
defend it, not to eat it."



The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips
are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/
Email to the Express Empress at 090401@fire-cat.com,
and she will post it into the blog for you.


Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com

Storing Water for Emergencies
Water should be stored in containers that are made specifically
for water storage, or in glass and plastic bottles that were
previously used for beverages, thoroughly cleaned. Never use
containers that were previously used for pesticides, chemicals,
solvents, anti-freeze, oils, etc.

Click Here For More Emergency Tips
http://www.thriftyfun.com/Emergency_1945.html

Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day,
or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun
Highly recommended!
If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:


The battery in John's beat-up car had died because
he left the lights on overnight. He was in a hurry to get
to work on time so he ran into the house to get his wife
to give him a hand to start the car.

John told her to get into the second car, a prehistoric
oversized gas guzzler, and use it to push the VW fast
enough to start it.

John pointed out to her that because the VW had an
automatic transmission, it needed to be pushed at least
30 MPH for it to start.

She said fine, hopped into her car and drove off.  John sat
there fuming, wondering what could be taking her so long.
A minute passed by and then he heard her thundering down
the alley and soon saw her in the rearview mirror, coming
at him at about 40 MPH.


Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: Shorebirds


ARCHIVE: If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the
Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog

If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
Thanks for your votes!

Please give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter


Well, , that's all for today.

Have FUN !
Dear Webby from Webby.com

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---

Dear Webby: How to move a window that is up too high? 

Thursday, April 23, 2009, 05:11 AM

   
Good Morning,  !
It's Thursday,  April 23, 2009


"You can learn many things from children.
How much patience you have, for instance."
--- Franklin P. Jones


Friends took their first-grader on a car trip to 
Canada. To help pass the time, the boy practiced his 
new reading skills by calling out road signs. 

He fell asleep just before they entered Quebec.  When 
he awoke, he saw the French highway signs and said in 
a worried tone, "I think I forgot how to read while I 
was asleep." 



Ophelia Dingbatter's News

No sermon here and not suitable for church,just jokes and fun for adults.

Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the confirmation request
.
If you don't get it, then you, your mother or your ISP have Ophelia blocked


Our minister announced that admission to a church social
event would be six dollars per person.

"However, if you're over 65," he said, "the price will be
only $5.50."

From the back of the congregation, a woman's voice
rang out:
"Do you really think I'd give you that information for a
lousy fifty cents?"




Do you see the ram's head?
I spotted it today  on Highway 266 in Southern Arizona.
  
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
goes to Brian Scholl and Joel Cruz, both 21of La Crosse, Wisconsin

Tobacco spit leads police to suspects
Police in Wisconsin say a trail of chewing tobacco spit led them
 to two men accused of stealing a safe from a pub.

The pair have been charged with stealing a safe containing 
$3,000 in cash and beer tokens from a bar in the island town 
of Campbell.

The heavy safe, which had been bolted to a kitchen worktop, 
was carried off but the nearby key was left untouched, reports 
the La Crosse Tribune.

Police officers investigating the burglary were able to collect 
chewing tobacco spit that led away from the tavern.
DNA from the spit matched a 21-year-old man, from nearby 
La Crosse, who was promptly arrested.

From the La Crosse County Jail, he called a woman and asked that 
she get rid of the safe, which he thought was still in the trunk of the 
car, that she was storing for him. Even though he is a repeat 
offender, he somehow thought that calls from jail were not monitored.

In fact, a fisherman had found the safe and a tavern voucher for a 
six-pack of beer on a sandbar in the Kaskaskia River.

A search of the car produced a receipt to another La Crosse man, 
also 21, from the day after the burglary for a hotel room about 30 miles 
from where the safe had been abandoned.

The arrested man confessed to the burglary, saying the second man 
invited him on Facebook to take part in the crime.
------------
Strong like bull, smart like shovel!


The main accomplishment of almost all organized protests
 is to annoy people who are not in them.


From the Tech Support Pits:
From Rosa
Re: Window out of moving range

Dear Webby
I, or some silly ad, somehow moved a window too high up.
Now I can't see or grab the top edge to pull it farther down
or close it. I know if I close it with ALT F4, the next one will
open in the same, out of range position. Is there a trick to
rescue that window and move it farther down?
Thanks,
Rosa

Dear Rosa
Hold down ALT and click the space bar
type M
Hold down SHIFT and use the DOWN arrow to move the
window down. Each time you hit the keyboard down arrow,
the window outline moves down a tiny little bit. When it is
down far enough, hit Enter and it jumps to the position
outlined.

If you are using Launchy, you have to exit that temporarily,
because otherwise it will use the ALT-Spacebar combo.

Have FUN
Dear Webby


A big corporation recently hired several cannibals.
"You are all part of our team now," said Human Resources
rep during the welcoming briefing.

"You get all the usual benefits and you can go to the
cafeteria for something to eat, but please do not eat any
of the other employees."

The cannibals promised they would not.

Four weeks later their boss remarked, "You're all working
very hard, and I'm very satisfied with you, however, one of
our secretaries has disappeared. Do any of you know what
happened to her?" The cannibals all shook their heads 'No.'

After the boss left, the leader of the cannibals said to the
others: "Which one of you idiots ate the secretary?"

A hand rose hesitantly, to which the leader of the cannibals
shouted, "You fool!!! For four weeks we've been eating
managers and no one noticed anything! But noooooo, you
had to go and eat someone important!"



The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips
are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/
Email to the Express Empress at 090401@fire-cat.com,
and she will post it into the blog for you.


Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com

Clutter Control: Online Banking
Use online banking to cut down on the amount of paperwork you
have to organize.  Also, most credit card companies allow you to
pay bills online and you can have them send you electronic
statements by email. You can save them digitally and print when
you need them.

For More Tips On Banking, Click Here
http://www.thriftyfun.com/Budget%20and% ... 2_447.html

Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day,
or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun
Highly recommended!
If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:


One workman asks another, "How long have you been 
working here?"
The other one replies, "Since they threatened to fire me."


Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: Dragonfly


ARCHIVE: If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the
Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog

If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
Thanks for your votes!

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Well, , that's all for today.

Have FUN !
Dear Webby from Webby.com

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---

Dear Webby: Icon to show the desktop 

Wednesday, April 22, 2009, 03:59 AM

   
Good Morning,  !
It's Wednesday,  April 22, 2009


Men who never get carried away should be.
--- Malcolm Forbes

It is not who is right, but what is right, that is of importance.
--- Thomas Huxley


Here is a handy link for you:
Manuals for all

Today, while climbing around the rocks way up on Highway 366,
some rocks decided to change location. This resulted in me doing
some fancy disco acrobatics while tumbling down the mountain
and trying to protect the camera in my hand.

It probably would have been quite funny to watch.
There was very little blood on the rocks, and not a single scratch
on the camera ! So I climbed up again on a slightly different route
and got to the cactus I wanted to shoot.

Later, when we got back to the hotel, I found out that during
that tumble I must have accidentally changed the settings from
2564 pixels wide and superfine to 640 pixels wide and "normal".
I considered cussing, but instead decided to look online for
 a manual for the camera. My manual is at home in Canada,
 and I briefly looked through it in 2005, but have not seen it 
 since then.
 
 I found ManualsForAll, and  bought a download of it for $4.95.
 It has some weird copy protection that requires the newest
 Adobe Acrobat reader. You can't just read it with any PDF reader.
 That definitely caused some cussing and wasting of time to
 install that fat pig.
 
 Once Adobe was installed, the manual opened OK, and after
 a quick glance at page 38, I set the resolution and compression
 to the way I had it before.
 
 So, if you ever need a manual for a camera, printer or whatever,
 and it is more important than keeping Acrobat off your machine,
 remember ManualsForAll.
 
 Have FUN!
 DearWebby


A walker exploring the delights of the Isle of Mull 
lost his way in the mist and wandered around aimlessly 
for three days. At last, the mist rose slightly and he 
saw a man in the distance. "Help" he cried and 
stumbled towards the man who waited for him to reach
him. "Whit's the matter" said the local man.

"I'm lost and I've been wandering around for three 
days" replied the hiker. 
"Is there a reward out for ye, dae ye think?" asked 
the local.
The walker said he didn't think there would be.

"In that case, you're still lost" said the local and faded into the mist.



Ophelia Dingbatter's News

No sermon here and not suitable for church,just jokes and fun for adults.

Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the confirmation request
.
If you don't get it, then you, your mother or your ISP have Ophelia blocked


Returning home from work, this lady in Baltimore, a
town famous for their excellent K-9 police squads,
had been shocked to find her house ransacked and
burglarized. She telephoned the police at once and
reported the crime. The police dispatcher broadcasted
the call on the channels, and a K-9 unit patrolling
nearby was the first on the scene.

As the K-9 officer approached the house with his dog
on a leash, the woman ran out on the porch, clapped a
hand to her head and moaned,
"I come home from work to find all my possessions
stolen, I call the police for help, and what do they
do? They send a BLIND cop!"




Highway 366 in Arizona, one of the most delightfully curvy 
roads in the US.
  
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
goes to a 26 year old burglar in Treharris, Wales, UK

Woman, 86, made burglar  cry 

TREHARRIS, Wales (UPI) -- Police in Wales said an 86-year-old 
woman used her metal crutch to beat a 26-year-old burglar 
 to tears and forced him to sit and wait for officers. 

Gwyneth Davies, who is recovering from pneumonia, broken ribs 
and a hip fracture, told police she was on her way to bed when 
she discovered the man in her kitchen, The Sun reported. 

Davies said she struck the man four times with her metal crutch 
and ordered him to sit on a stool in her kitchen while she called
 the authorities. 

"I lashed out. He was bent over the worktop pretending to cry," 
Davies said. "It was better than going to the pictures. The police 
arrived and asked if I was all right. I said, 'You're asking the wrong one!'" 

Detective Constable Justin Noble said police officers were impressed 
with Davies. "She's my new heroine," he said. 

The suspect was arrested and charged with burglary. 



The kindergarten class had a homework assignment to
find out about something exciting and relate it to
the class the next day. When the time came for the
little kids to give their reports, the teacher was
calling on them one at a time. She was reluctant to
call upon little Johnnie, knowing that he sometimes
could be a bit crude. But eventually his turn came.

Little Johnnie walked up to the front of the class,
and with a piece of chalk, made a small white dot on
the blackboard, then sat back down. Well the teacher
couldn't figure out what Johnnie had in mind for his
report on something exciting, so she asked him just
what that was.

"It's a period," reported Johnnie.

"Well I can see that," she said. "But what is so
exciting about a period."

"I haven't got a clue," said Johnnie, "but this
morning my sister said she missed one.
When he heard that, Daddy had a heart attack,
Mommy fainted,
and Revernd Hibbert next door left for a mission in Africa."


From the Tech Support Pits:
From Don
Re: Icon for desktop

Dear Webby, I have Windows XP Home Edition with
service pack 1. Can you please tell me where in Win XP
I might find the icon for the desk top, or how I may create
one? I have searched every where in the computer that i
can think of. but am unable to find a desk top icon or how
to create one, thanks for your help.
Don


Dear Don
The Windows Key plus D works the best for that.
However, if you have an ancient keyboard without the
Windows key, you can make a taskbar icon for it.

Make a text file with notepad or wordpad and save it
into c:\windows\    as
Show Desktop.scf
Paste this into that file:
__________________
[Shell]
Command=2
IconFile=explorer.exe,3
[Taskbar]
Command=ToggleDesktop
___________________

Then make a shortcut to that file,
drag that shortcut to the desktop
drag it from the desktop to the task bar next to the
START button.

That taskbar icon will then work the same as if you had hit
the Windows key and "D".
Have FUN!
DearWebby


There was a very wealthy 70 year-old man who had just 
married a beautiful 25-year-old young lady.
One of his long time friends said to him, "How did you get that 
gorgeous woman to marry a 70 year-old guy like you?"
The man leaned over and whispered to his friend,
"It was easy. I simply told her that I was 90 and had heart
 problems, and she instantly fell in love with me."



The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips
are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/
Email to the Express Empress at 090401@fire-cat.com,
and she will post it into the blog for you.


Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com

Don't Cut Too Much at Once
Don't mow more than 1/3 of the grass height in one mowing.  If
you need to cut really long grass, mow it over a couple of days,
cutting 1/3rd of the grass on each day.  If your grass is growing
too quickly, try scaling back how much you water and fertilize
it.
For More Lawn Tips, Click Here
http://www.thriftyfun.com/Gardening_Lawn_497_521.html

Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day,
or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun
Highly recommended!
If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:


Answering machine message:
"This is the microwave. The answering machine eloped with
the VCR and is currently not available. I can't record your
message, but if you want me to boil your brain, please hold
your phone close to your head."


Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: Other Shells


ARCHIVE: If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the
Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog

If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
Thanks for your votes!

Please give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter


Well, , that's all for today.

Have FUN !
Dear Webby from Webby.com

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---

Dear Webby: Modify pictures before resizing 

Tuesday, April 21, 2009, 08:18 AM

   
Good Morning,  !
It's Tuesday,  April 21, 2009


If the only tool you have is a hammer, 
you tend to see every problem as a nail.
--- Abraham Maslow

"The University of Nebraska says that elderly people that
drink beer or wine at least four times a week have the
highest bone density. They need it--they're the ones falling
down the most!"
--Jay Leno

"There are a number of mechanical devices which
increase sexual arousal, particularly in women.
Chief among these is the Mercedes-Benz 500SL."
-- Lynn Lavner


Dwayne, Dianne, his wife, and Dwayne's mother-in-law 
went camping. Dwayne's wife announced that her mother 
had been gone on her stroll in the woods way too long.
So the two of them went looking for her. After a while 
they spotted a gigantic, ferocious grizzly bear 
squared off with the mother-in-law!

Immediately Dianne pleaded,in a frantic voice, 
"Dwayne you gotta do something, or there's gonna be 
trouble fer sure!"
Dwayne calmly said, "Nah, those grizzllies are a lot 
tougher than they look. He'll live."



Ophelia Dingbatter's News

No sermon here and not suitable for church,just jokes and fun for adults.

Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the confirmation request
.
If you don't get it, then you, your mother or your ISP have Ophelia blocked


An embarrassed young woman was farting uncontrollably when
her date was due to arrive. She was an accomplished pianist
so to drown the noise she offered the play the Storm Scene
from the William Tell Overture.

She had concluded the piece when she felt another fart
attack on its way and quickly asked him if he would like
another tune on the piano.

"Well if it is that storm scene again," he said, "can you
leave out the bit where the lightning strikes the outhouse?




Guess what and where this is!
  
  
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
goes to a 28 year old armed robber in Moscow, Russia

Police: Woman keptarmed  robber as sex slave 
Taking the law into her own ....

KALUGA, Russia (UPI) -- Russian police said a female hairdresser 
was arrested for allegedly keeping an unsuccessful armed 
robber bound as a sex slave for two days. 

Web site Life.ru quoted police as saying the 32-year-old man 
entered the hair salon at about 5 p.m. March 14, brandished 
a gun and demanded money from workers and customers, 
The Moscow Times reported Wednesday. 

However, the 28-year-old hairdresser, who had martial arts 
training, disarmed the man and bound him with a hair-dryer cord. 

Police told Life.ru that the woman then allegedly kept the
 man gagged and handcuffed to a radiator for 48 hours. 
 She is accused of forcing him to take Viagra and forcing 
 him to have sex with her multiple times. 

The woman let her prisoner go March 16 and he went to police 
after seeking treatment for injuries to his genitals. 

The Web site said the man filed a complaint asking for the 
hairdresser to be brought up on charges for "actions of a sexual
 nature." 
 
 The woman filed a complaint the next day seeking armed robbery 
 charges against the man. 

"I don't know what's going to happen now," Life.ru quoted a 
police source as saying. "We could put both of them behind bars: 
him for robbery, her for rape and assault." 



After four years of separation, my wife and I finally divorced
amicably. I wanted to date again, but I had no idea of how to
start, so I decided to look in the personals column of the
local newspaper. After reading through all the listings, I
circled three that seemed possible in terms of age and interest,
but I put off calling them.

Two days later, there was a message on my answering machine
from my ex-wife. "I came over to your house to borrow some
tools today and saw the ads you circled in the paper. Don't
call the one in the second column. That's me. And don't call the
last one. That's my receptionist. She's a silly bimbo. You can
do a lot better than that!"


From the Tech Support Pits:
From Rollie
RE: Modify pictures before resizing?

Dear Webby, 
Is it better to sharpen, lighten, darken etc on a 
digital picture before or after resizing it to the size needed?
Thanks Rollie


Dear Rollie 
It's best to do any picture tuning before you reduce the size. 
All those changes get blended in and look more natural after 
the resizing operation. The resizing should be the final operation 
before saving it under a new name. I usually don't save during 
any tuning, just in case I need an original version. 
Have FUN!
DearWebby


A few years ago, as a solar eclipse approached, some planetarium
directors in Southern California sent out warnings to the community
about the eclipse. They warned people not to look directly into the sun.

The planetarium received an indignant letter from a local resident.
She said that if an eclipse was so dangerous, they never 
should have decided to hold one and ought to cancel it.



The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips
are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/
Email to the Express Empress at 090401@fire-cat.com,
and she will post it into the blog for you.


Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com

Thriftyfun.com
Frugal Toys - Recycled Containers
Recycled plastic food containers or old tupperware containers are
great for making sand castles or playing in the bathtub. They
also can usually be stored within one another so they don't take
up much space when they are no longer being used for toys.

Click Here For More Tips On Reusing
http://www.thriftyfun.com/Green%20Living_441.html

Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day,
or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun
Highly recommended!
If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:


A little boy got lost at the YMCA and found himself in the women's 
locker room. When he was spotted, the room burst into shrieks, 
with ladies grabbing towels and running for cover. 

The little boy watched in amazement and then asked, 
"What's the matter -- have you never seen a little boy before?"


The bottom of the old copper mine in Bisbee, Arizona  


Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: Seashells


ARCHIVE: If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the
Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog

If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
Thanks for your votes!

Please give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter


Well, , that's all for today.

Have FUN !
Dear Webby from Webby.com

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---

Dear Webby: List of motels that allow pets 

Monday, April 20, 2009, 03:48 AM

   
Good Morning,  !
It's Monday,  April 20, 2009


There is no abstract art. You must always start with something. 
Afterward you can remove all traces of reality.
--- Pablo Picasso

It is hard enough to remember my opinions,
without also remembering my reasons for them!
--- Friedrich Nietzsche


One morning, while shaving, George started cursing and 
swearing so loudly it attracted the attention of his 
wife, who was preparing breakfast in the kitchen. 
"What's the matter?" she called out. 
"My razor -- it won't cut!" he answered.
"Don't be silly, dear!" she declared. "You mean to 
tell me your beard is tougher than linoleum?"



Ophelia Dingbatter's News

No sermon here and not suitable for church,just jokes and fun for adults.

Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the confirmation request
.
If you don't get it, then you, your mother or your ISP have Ophelia blocked


A couple went to a Broadway show. During the first
intermission he had to take a leak in the meanest way,
so he hurried to find the bathrooms. He searched in
vain for the bathrooms, but he finally found a beautiful
fountain with foliage, and nobody seemed to be
watching, so he decided to relieve himself right there.

When he finally got back into the auditorium, the
second act was well under way. He searched in the
dark until he found his wife.
"Did I miss much of the second act?" he asked.
"Miss it?" she said, "You were in it!"




Disco Rapper near Why, Arizona
  
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
goes to a driver in Oslo, Norway

Motorist arrested for sex while speeding
A Norwegian man was arrested after he was caught having sex 
with his girlfriend while speeding on a motorway.

Officers trailed the couple's car after noticing it was 
swerving from side to side and travelling at 20mph over 
the speed limit, reports the BBC.

But they soon realised the erratic driving was due to the woman 
"sitting on the man's lap", a police spokesman said.

After filming the exploit for evidence, they pulled them over at a 
rest area on the E18 motorway, west of Oslo.

The 28-year-old man is likely to face a fine of several thousand 
Norwegian kroner and a lengthy driving ban.

"Why they did it on a highway with such a high risk we don't know," 
said Superintendent Tor Stein Hagen.

Despite her role in the incident, the 21-year-old woman was allowed 
by police to drive her lover home.
--------------------------
A[[arently she wasn't worth the cost of a motel,
or the time for pulling over into a rest area.
They should have confiscated the idiot's car!


On the first day of school, the Kindergarten teacher said,
"If anyone has to go to the bathroom, hold up two fingers."

A little voice from the back of the room asked,
"How is THAT going to help?"


From the Tech Support Pits:
From Sharon
Re: List of motels that allow pets
Dear Webby,   
Is there a site that lists pet friendly motels
along the way?  I do not relish the thought of sleeping in
the car with my dog while everyone else is inside sleeping
in a bed.  I'd sure appreciate your or your readers help
on this problem.
Thank you,
Sharon

Dear Sharon
As long a it's not a yappy Chihuahua or similar dog that
might annoy all the other guests, most motels nowadays
allow small dogs and working dogs.

Larger dogs are a bit of a problem.
Even if the motel has a "Pets Welcome" sign, if the dogs
drool, slobber, shed, or look like they might scare
somebody into running through the new rose hedge,
then the Vacancy sign suddenly changes to
NO Vacancy until after you have gone away.

If you are not sure how your dog will behave during the
inspection in the motel or hotel lobby, then it would be a
good idea to talk to your vet and discuss medication.

Keeping those basic rules in mind, here is a site that
lists pet friendly hotels and motels by state:
http://www.petswelcome.com/milkbone/sitemapframe.html

They also list B&B's and cabins.

If enough people find this link useful, I'll put it
permanently into the left side margin.
Have FUN!
DearWebby


A white haired man walked into a jeweler's shop late one
Friday, with a beautiful young lady on his side. "I'm looking
for a special ring for my girlfriend" he said.

The jeweler looked through his stock, and took out an
outstanding ring priced at $5,000.

"I don't think you understand ... I want something very unique,"
he said.

At that, the jeweler went and fetched his special stock from
the safe. "Here's one stunning ring at $40,000."

The girls' eyes sparkled, and the man said that he would
 take it.

"How are you paying?"

"I'll pay by check, but, of course, the bank would want to
make sure that everything is in order, so I'll write a check
and you can phone the bank tomorrow, then I'll fetch the
ring on Monday".

Monday morning a very irate jeweler phones the man.
"You crook, you lied. There's no money in that account."

"I know, but can you imagine what a fantastic weekend
I had?



The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips
are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/
Email to the Express Empress at 090401@fire-cat.com,
and she will post it into the blog for you.


Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com

             
Way too long for here, but if you are interested, browse to
http://www.thriftyfun.com/ and read it there.

Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day,
or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun
Highly recommended!
If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:


An old farmer in Georgia had owned a large farm for
several years.  He had a large pond in the back, fixed
up nice; picnic tables, horseshoe courts, basketball
court, etc. The pond was properly shaped and fixed
up for swimming when it was built.

One evening the old farmer decided to go down to
the pond, as he had not been there for a while,
and look it over. As he neared the pond, he heard
voices shouting and laughing with glee. As he came
closer he saw it was a bunch of young women skinny
dipping in his pond.

He made the women aware of his presence and they
all went to the deep end of  the pond.  One of the
women shouted to him, "We're not coming out until
you leave!"

The old man replied, "I didn't come down here to watch
you ladies swim naked or make you get out of the
pond naked."

"I'm just here to feed the alligators."


Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: Meteorite Gallery


ARCHIVE: If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the
Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog

If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
Thanks for your votes!

Please give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter


Well, , that's all for today.

Have FUN !
Dear Webby from Webby.com

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---

Dear Webby: List of file names 

Sunday, April 19, 2009, 04:28 AM

   
Good Morning,  !
It's Sunday,  April 19, 2009


There is only one thing a philosopher can be relied upon to do,
and that is to contradict other philosophers.
--- William James


Q: What do you get when you mix Holy Water and Prune 
Juice?
A: A Religious Movement.



Ophelia Dingbatter's News

No sermon here and not suitable for church,just jokes and fun for adults.

Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the confirmation request
.
If you don't get it, then you, your mother or your ISP have Ophelia blocked


Tech Support: "How much free space do you have on your
hard drive?"
Customer: "Well, my wife likes to get up there on that
there Internet, and she downloaded ten hours of free
space. Is that enough?"





Sweated off a few pounds.
Next I have to get some tan onto those knobby computer nerd knees!

That cactus is a Turberi Organpipe, nicely lined up with the
hole in the rock in Diablo Canyon.
  
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
goes to three guys in Kansas City, MO with no talent
for operating heavy equipment.

Police: Theft foiled by mud

KANSAS CITY, Mo. (UPI) -- Police in Kansas City, Mo., said three men 
were arrested after the skid-steer loader they were allegedly trying
 to steal became stuck in the mud.

Investigators said the skid-steer loader was found stuck in the mud 
at the construction site and officers followed scrape marks 
left on the street to a trailer that had been towed by the suspects' 
vehicle, the Kansas City Star reported Tuesday.

Officers found an empty truck nearby where the trailer was 
discovered and the men were found hiding in a nearby field 
after a police dog was called to the scene. 
-------------
A skid steer loader is a small loader like a Bob-Cat. It is almost
impossible to get them stuck, and as long as the air intake and
the operator's nose is above water, they can even operate in 
rivers or very deep mud. With a skilled operator.



A wise, old Indian chief was famous for predicting what 
the weather would do. A group of people went up to the
chief and asked him, "What will the weather be like
tomorrow?"

The chief replied, "Much rain. Very wet."
The next day, it did rain and it was very wet. Some
more people went up to the chief and asked,
"What will the weather be like tomorrow?"

"Much snow. Very cold."
Sure enough, it snowed and it was very cold.
People were so impressed with this, they asked him
another time. Chief," they asked, "what will the
weather do tomorrow?"

The chief replied, "I dunno. I was watching wrestling
instead of the weather channel."


From the Tech Support Pits:
From Kate
RE: List of file names

Dear Webby
I know Windows doesn't have an easy way to print a list of
the file names in a folder, but I have received CD's from 
friends that had a neatly printed list of the files. I don't want
dates or sizes, just the file names.
How is that done?
Kate

Dear Kate
The easiest way is to use DOS.
First make a directory (folder) where you keep those lists.
Then click on START, RUN and type: 
cmd
That opens a DOS window.
Type "cd"  (without the quotes), then a space, then the 
name of the folder that you want listed. Hit Enter.
The prompt should now be showing the same as what
you saw in the top address bar in Windows Explorer.

Now type "dir /b > dirlist.txt"
instead of dirlist.txt you can use any file name you want,
but make the extension ".txt"

Now you can use any word processor or even a spreadsheet
program to open "dirlist.txt", format it the way you want it,
and print it. You can even paste the contents of "dirlist.txt"
into programs for making CD and DVD case inserts.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


Unable to attend the funeral after his Uncle Charlie
died, a man who lived far away called his brother and
told him, "Do something nice for Uncle Charlie and
send me the bill."

Later, he got a bill for $200.00, which he paid. The
next month, he got another bill for $200.00, which he
also paid, figuring it was some incidental expense.
But, when the bills for $200.00 kept arriving every
month, he finally called his brother again to find out
what was going on.

"Well," said the other brother, "You said to do
something nice for Uncle Charlie......
So I rented him a tuxedo!"



The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips
are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/
Email to the Express Empress at 090401@fire-cat.com,
and she will post it into the blog for you.


Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com

Fix Leaky Toilets
A leaky toilet can waste 50 gallons or more per day. To test to
see your toilet is leaking, put drops of food coloring into the
toilet tank.  Wait 15 minutes. If color has made it's way to the
bowl, you have a leak.  Try replacing the flush valve in the tank
to correct the problem.

For More Plumbing Tips, Click Here
http://www.thriftyfun.com/Home%20Improv ... 4_614.html

Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day,
or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun
Highly recommended!
If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:


Donna was driving home and got caught in a really bad
hailstorm. Her car was covered with dents, so the next
day she took it to a repair shop. The shop owner
knew her, and remembered that she still had not paid a
bill from half a year ago, so he decided to have some fun.

He told her just to go home and blow into the tailpipe
really hard, and all the dents would pop out. So Donna
went home, got down on her hands and knees and started
blowing into her tailpipe.

Nothing happened. She blew harder, and still nothing
happened.

Her roommate, Rachel, came home and said, "What are
you doing?"

Donna told her how the repairman had instructed her to
blow into the tailpipe in order to get all the dents
to pop out. Rachel rolled her eyes and said,
"Duh, like hello! You need to roll up the windows
first!"


Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: Life under the sea


ARCHIVE: If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the
Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog

If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
Thanks for your votes!

Please give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter


Well, , that's all for today.

Have FUN !
Dear Webby from Webby.com

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---

Dear Webby: Camera cable or chip reader 

Saturday, April 18, 2009, 03:59 AM

   
Good Morning,  !
It's Saturday,  April 18, 2009


Spare no expense to save money on this one.
--- Samuel Goldwyn


"I never would have married you if I knew how stupid
you were!" shouted the woman to her husband!
 
The husband replied, "You should've known how stupid I
am, the minute I asked you to marry me!"



Ophelia Dingbatter's News

No sermon here and not suitable for church,just jokes and fun for adults.

Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the confirmation request
.
If you don't get it, then you, your mother or your ISP have Ophelia blocked


At a clearance sale, the wife of a federal district court
judge found a green tie that was a perfect match for one
of her husband's sports jackets. Soon after, while the
couple was vacationing at a resort complex to get his mind
off a rather complicated cocaine conspiracy case, he noticed
a small, round disc sewn into the design of the tie.
The judge showed it to a local FBI agent, who was equally
suspicious that it might be a 'bug' planted by the conspiracy
defendants. The agent sent the device to FBI headquarters
In Washington, DC for analysis.

Two weeks later, the judge phoned the Washington office
to learn the results of their tests. "We're not sure where
the disc came from," the FBI told him, "but we discovered
that when you press it, it plays 'Jingle Bells.'"




Yep, the desert sure does bloom!
This was in the middle of Joshua Tree park, one of the most
rugged and scenic deserts in the world.


One of these guys is going to lose 20 pounds in the desert
in the next two weeks.
  
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
goes to 

Alleged 'Hamburglar' found at McDonald's

ARLINGTON, Wash. (UPI) -- A real-life alleged "Hamburglar" 
was awaiting charges in Washington state after being 
apprehended at a McDonald's restaurant, officials say.

Unlike the McDonald's children's advertising character, 
the alleged Hamburglar in Arlington, Wash., is real, 
The (Everett, Wash.) Herald reported Tuesday.

Local police say the man was first arrested last week on 
suspicion of burglary but escaped from the back seat of 
a police car when officers rolled down a window to allow 
him to throw up.

Two days later, police reportedly received a call from the 
manager of a McDonald's who said a customer matching 
the escaped suspect's description had been in the restaurant 
but had disappeared. An affidavit filed Monday indicated that 
police took a look around the McDonald's, noticed a loose 
ceiling tile, and found the suspect hiding in the ceiling.

The man was booked into the Snohomish County Jail in 
Everett and is awaiting formal charges of third-degree escape, 
residential burglary, theft, malicious mischief and burglary,
 the Herald said. 


A truck driver who had been delivering radioactive waste for
the local reactor begins to feel sick after a few years on the job.
He decided to seek compensation for his ailment.
Upon his arrival at the workers' compensation department,
he is interviewed by an assessor.
Assessor: I see you work with radio-active materials and wish
to claim compensation.
Trucker: Yeah, I feel really sick.
Assessor: Alright then, Does your employer take measures to
protect you from radiation poisoning?
Trucker: Yeah, he gives me a lead suit to wear on the job.
Assessor: And what about the cabin in which you drive?
Trucker: Oh yeah. That's lead lined, all lead lined.
Assessor: What about the waste itself? Where is that kept?
Trucker: Oh, the stuff is held in a lead container, all lead.
Assessor: Let me see if I get this straight. You wear a lead
suit, sit in a lead-lined cabin and the radio-active waste is kept
in a lead container.
Trucker: Yeah, that's right. All lead.
Assessor: Then I can't see how you could claim against him
for radiation poisoning.
Trucker: I'm not. I claiming for lead poisoning.


From the Tech Support Pits:
From Francisca
RE: Camera cable or Chip Reader ?

Dear Webby
What is better, a camera that downloads directly to the
computer, or a camera where you have to remove a chip
and copy from that into the computer. one of my friends
has one type, another friend has the other type, and of
course each claims their version is better.
What is YOUR recommendation ?
Francisca

Dear Francisca
The better cameras offer both methods, but if you have
a choice, you throw away the camera-to-computer cable.
(Keep the camera-to-TV cable)

If you are limited to downloading directly to the computer
via a very special cable and program, you are totally out
of luck if your camera's memory is full while you are on a
canoe trip and don't have the computer along.

If you have removable chips, you pop out the full chip and
push in the next one. Those memory chips are very sturdy,
and they just fit into the parking meter change pockets 
that you get on some belts. 

A memory chip reader is $9 - $15 and reads 8MB to 64GB
memory chips. Personally, I use mostly 2 GB chips,
and I also use them instead of floppies.

When you slide that memory chip into the reader or the 
computer, you instantly have an extra harddrive. You can
then copy the pictures from the chip or even edit them 
right on the chip. 

Also, keep in mind that slow transfer via cable drains
the 6 Volt camera battery. It tries to charge up the 5 Volt
USB port!

Have FUN!
DearWebby


"Information Superhighway" is really an acronym for
'Interactive Network For Organizing, Retrieving,
Manipulating, Accessing And Transferring Information
On National Systems, Unleashing Practically Every
Rebellious Human Intelligence, Gratifying Hackers,
Wiseacres. And Yahoos'."



The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips
are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/
Email to the Express Empress at 090401@fire-cat.com,
and she will post it into the blog for you.


Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com

Caring For Leather Jackets
Don't leave leather items in the back of your car on sunny days.
Heat and sunlight can dry and bleach out the leather.  Hairspray
or perfume can damage the finish.  If it gets wet, let it dry at
room temperature. Store with room to breathe.

Click Here For More Clothing Tips
http://www.thriftyfun.com/Clothing_Tips_1220_1222.html

Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day,
or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun
Highly recommended!
If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:


It is sometimes easy to forget how easily email
technology can be misused, sometimes unintentionally,
with serious consequences.

Consider the case of the man who left the snow-filled
streets of Chicago, for a vacation in Florida. His
wife was on a business trip and was planning to meet
him there the next day. When he reached his hotel, he
decided to send his wife a quick e-mail. Unable to
find the scrap of paper on which he had written her
e-mail address, he did his best to type it in from
memory.

Unfortunately, he missed one letter and his note was
directed instead to an elderly preacher's wife, whose
husband had passed away only the day before.  When the
grieving widow checked her e-mail, she took one look
at the monitor, let out a piercing scream, and fell to
the floor in a dead faint.

At the sound, her family rushed into the room and saw
this note on her computer screen:

Dearest Wife,
Just got checked in. Everything prepared for your
arrival tomorrow.

Your Loving Husband

P.S. Sure is hot down here.


Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: Dragon Fruit


ARCHIVE: If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the
Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog

If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
Thanks for your votes!

Please give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter


Well, , that's all for today.

Have FUN !
Dear Webby from Webby.com

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---

Dear Webby: Uncluttered Favorites 

Friday, April 17, 2009, 06:01 AM

   
Good Morning,  !
It's Friday,  April 17, 2009
Time to wear something red to show your support for the troops!


Every composer knows the anguish and despair occasioned
by forgetting ideas which one had no time to write down.
-- Hector Berlioz

yeah, happens to writers too.


A woman brought an old picture of her dead husband to
the photographer. She asked the photographer if he
could remove the hat from the picture.

He convinced her he could easily do that, and asked
her what side of his head he parted his hair on.

"I forget," she said. "But you can see that for yourself
when you take off his hat."



Ophelia Dingbatter's News

No sermon here and not suitable for church,just jokes and fun for adults.

Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the confirmation request
.
If you don't get it, then you, your mother or your ISP have Ophelia blocked


It was young Anthony's first ride in a railway train, and
the succession of wonders reduced him to a state of
hysterical astonishment.

The train rounded a slight bend and, with a shriek of its
whistle, plunged into a tunnel. There were gasps of
surprise from the corner where Anthony was kneeling
on his seat. Suddenly the train rushed into broad
daylight again, and a small voice lifted in wonder.

"Wow! It's tomorrow!" exclaimed the small boy.




Opuntia blooming in Death Valley, California today.
  
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
goes to Abby Toll, 20, University of Colorado

Female Pervert Taped Puppy To Refrigerator
APRIL 14--Meet Abby Toll. The University of Colorado student, 20,
 is facing a felony animal abuse rap after she  taped her boyfriend's
puppy to the side of a refrigerator in a bid to teach the
 rambunctious animal a "lesson." According to police, 
Toll used clear packing tape early this morning to adhere 
the eight-month-old dog (a Shiba Inu named Rex) to the 
appliance in the kitchen of her boyfriend's apartment. 
Toll allegedly was angry at Bryan Beck, 21, for failing 
to get rid of the puppy, which, Toll told cops, bit her a few 
days ago. According to the below Boulder Police Department 
reports, when cops responded at 5 AM to a "report of a male 
and female yelling" at Beck's apartment, they discovered that 
"Rex's body was completely encased in packing tape."
 When Officer Kara Jurczenia asked what was on the side of 
 the fridge, Toll replied, "The dog." Toll added, "I know this looks 
 really bad, but the dog bites. He is aggressive." Jurczenia 
 asked how long the puppy had been taped upside down to 
 the side of the refrigerator. "Not long," Toll replied. 
 "Like 20-30 minutes. It was just until he calmed down." 
 The reports note that when Beck saw his dog stuck to the 
 refrigerator, he told Toll, "Take him down," adding, "You are so sick!" 
 Toll replied, "No, you are sick for not caring enough about me to get
  rid of the dog." 
  
  The animal, whose paws had been bound with elastic hair ties, 
  was clearly in pain and "yelped and screamed loudly" as cops 
  worked to free him. "Rex just lay motionless, but breathing, on 
  his kennel after he was removed from the tape." 
  
  The puppy was handed over to the Boulder Valley Humane Society. 
  Toll, seen in the above mug shot, was turned over to county
   jailers. Beck, who was arrested in connection with his scuffle 
   with Toll, was not charged with animal abuse. Though he did 
   reportedly tell police, "We were going to get rid of him anyway. 
   We usually don't do this." (5 pages)
 http://www.thesmokinggun.com/archive/ye ... 2dog1.html
 -------------
 All pups I ever had, have bitten me. So what? It's a normal part
 of their development. They bite their mother and their siblings
  too  It's not a hostile act, just part of finding out what is
  appreciated and what is not. Pups are very sensitive to the 
  boss's tone of voice, and if that is not enough, putting a finger
  on their tongue, when they are biting during playful wrestling,
  makes them quit the biting quite fast. There is absolutely no 
  need to get sadistic and perverted.
     


Thanks to BillieBob in Bama:
How can you tell Leroy is at a Cock fight?
He's the one who brought the duck.

How can you identify the Italian at the Cock fight?
He's the one who bets on the duck.

How can you tell if the Mafia is involved in the Cock fight?
The duck wins.


From the Tech Support Pits:
From Cindy
Re: Uncluttered Favorites

Dear Webby,
The "favorites" in my browser are too difficult to organize
and I want to make shortcuts to them in little clusters on
the desktop.
Thanks, Cindy

Dear Cindy
Reduce your browser window so that the area, where you
want to park the short-cut icons, is visible. Then go to a
site, and drag the little icon in the left of the browser
address bar onto that empty spot on the desktop.

You can rename the icon text to something shorter and more
memorable.

Once things get too cluttered, make some folders in some
directory on the drive, NOT on the desktop!
Then make desktop shortcuts to those folders, give the
shortcuts distinctive icons, and drag the icons from those
clusters into those folders.

One of the reasons for not using desktop folders for that,
is that it is difficult to change the icons of desktop
folders, and a stack of identical lookng manila folders 
does not help for organizing things.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


The man approached a very beautiful woman in a very large
supermarket and asked, "You know, I've lost my wife here in
the supermarket. Can you talk to me for a couple of minutes?"
"Why?" she asks.
"Because every time I talk to a beautiful woman, my wife
appears out of nowhere."



The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips
are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/
Email to the Express Empress at 090401@fire-cat.com,
and she will post it into the blog for you.


Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com

Recommended Supplies for a Basic Emergency Kit:
Be sure to have an emergency kit in your house. It should
include: Water and food for 3 days, a battery-powered radio,
flashlight and extra batteries, a First Aid kit, basic tools for
shelter and repair. Also include any unique family needs such as
prescription medications, baby needs and documents.

Get More Information on Emergency Preparation Here
http://www.ready.gov/america/index.html

Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day,
or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun
Highly recommended!
If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:


One day, after a near eternity in the Garden of Eden, Adam 
calls out to God, 

"Lord, I have a problem." 

"What's the problem, Adam?", God replies. 

"Lord, I know you created me and have provided for me and 
surrounded me with this beautiful garden and all of these 
wonderful animals, but I am just not happy" 

"Why is that, Adam?", comes the reply from the heavens. 

"Lord, I know you created this place for me, with all this lovely 
food and all of the beautiful animals, but I am lonely." 

"Well Adam, in that case I have the perfect solution. I shall 
create a "woman" for you." 

"What's a "woman", Lord?" 

"This "woman" will be the most intelligent, sensitive, caring, 
and beautiful creature I have ever created. 

She will be so intelligent that she can figure out what you 
want, even before you want it. She will be so sensitive and 
caring that she will know your every mood and how to 
make you happy. Her beauty will rival that of the heavens 
and earth. She will unquestioningly care for your every 
need and desire. She will be the perfect companion for 
you.", replies the heavenly voice. 

"Sounds great!" Adam says with a grin on his face. 

"She will be, but this is going to cost you." 

"Oh, how much will this "woman" cost me Lord?", Adam 
replies. 

"She'll cost you your right arm, your right leg, an eye, 
an ear, and your left testicle." 

Adam ponders this for some time, with a look of deep 
thought and concern on his face. 
Finally Adam says to God, 

"Ehhh, what can I get for a rib? 

The rest, of course, is history.


Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: Light, The Universe & Everything


ARCHIVE: If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the
Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog

If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
Thanks for your votes!

Please give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter


Well, , that's all for today.

Have FUN !
Dear Webby from Webby.com

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Dear Webby: Name Servers 

Thursday, April 16, 2009, 03:42 AM

   
Good Morning,  !
It's Thursday,  April 16, 2009


It has long been an axiom of mine that the little things 
are infinitely the most important.
-- Sir Arthur Conan Doyle


An American tourist in Tel Aviv was about to enter the impressive
Mann Auditorium to take in a concert by the Israel Philharmonic.

He was admiring the unique architecture, the sweeping lines of the
entrance, and the modern decor throughout the building. Finally he
turned to his escort and asked if the building was named for Thomas
Mann, the world-famous author.

"No," his friend said, "it's named for Morris Mann, from Philadelphia."

"Really? I never heard of him. What did he write?"

"A check."



Ophelia Dingbatter's News

No sermon here and not suitable for church,just jokes and fun for adults.

Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the confirmation request
.
If you don't get it, then you, your mother or your ISP have Ophelia blocked


David, a big city CPA,  moves to the country and decides he's going
to take up farming. He heads to the local co-op and tells the man,
"Give me100 baby chickens." The co-op man complies.

A week later David returns and says, "Give me 200 baby chickens."
The co-op man complies.

Again, a week later David returns.  This time he says, "Give me 500
baby chickens."  "Wow!" the co-op man replies, "You must really be
doing well!"

"Naw," said David with a sigh, "I'm either planting them too deep or
too far apart!"




  
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
goes to a Cheyenne, Wyoming texting addicted teenager

Texting without a payment plan is expensive!
CHEYENNE, Wyo. (UPI) -- A Wyoming father said he took a 
hammer to his 13-year-old daughter's cell phone after she 
racked up $4,756.25 in text messaging fees.

Gregg and Jaylene Christoffersen said they thought texting 
was disabled on the phone used by their daughter, Dena, 
because their plan with Verizon did not include the service, 
KUSA-TV, Denver, reported Wednesday.

However, the service provider charged the family for each 
one of the 10,000 text messages that Dena sent in a single 
month.

Gregg Christoffersen said he smashed the offending phone 
with a hammer and he and his wife have grounded Dena until 
the end of the school year.

The couple said Verizon has agreed to reduce the bill to a 
more manageable amount. 



Thanks to Sandie for this story:
According to the Knight-Ridder News Service, the inscription 
on the metal bands used by the U.S. Department of the Interior
 to tag migratory birds has been changed. The bands used to 
 bear the address of the Washington Biological Survey, 
 abbreviated, "Wash. Biol. Surv." until the agency received
  the following letter from an Arkansas camper:

"Dear Sirs: While camping last week I shot one of your birds.
 I think it was a crow. I followed the cooking instructions on 
 the leg tag and I want to tell you it was horrible."


From the Tech Support Pits:
From Dag
Re: Name Servers

Dear Webby,
Does it make any difference where the name servers
for a domain are located? I am wondering why it takes
so long before my site starts loading up in browsers.
Dag

Dear Dag
Yes, it makes a huge difference!
If your name server is for example located in China or at
some rural ISP in Kentucky, when somebody tries to jump
to your site from a link, then their browser first has to
inquire from your domain registration about where your name
servers are. Then the name servers have to be queried for
the road map to your pages. Only then can the request for
the pages be sent to wherever they happen to be hosted.

We found that we get the fastest results by locating our
name servers in the big hub that connects the transatlantic
cables and the North American continent. With Millions of
visitors to 50,000 postcard sites, the location of the name
servers and the page servers makes a very noticeable
difference.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


Californians are a strange people.
They'll put every chemical known to man up their nostrils,
and get so warped from snorting,
that they tell you it's bad for you
if  you put sugar in your coffee!



The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips
are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/
Email to the Express Empress at 090401@fire-cat.com,
and she will post it into the blog for you.


Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com

Heel Marks on the Floor
First, the best way to prevent heel marks is to have a "no shoes"
policy in your house.  If you have a heel mark you need to
remove, just rub it with a pencil eraser.  A "magic" eraser works
well for removing heel marks on floors or baseboards.

For More Floor Cleaning Tips, Click Here
http://www.thriftyfun.com/Cleaning_Floors_296_314.html

Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day,
or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun
Highly recommended!
If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:


The newlywed couple had been up for a while before
they met up in the kitchen.  Marriage was agreeing 
with John, and he greeted his new wife with glee and 
excitation that morning. 
"If you'll make the toast and pour the juice, 
sweetheart," said Jill, "breakfast will be ready." 

"Great!" John said, "What are we having for 
breakfast?" 

And Jill said, "Toast and juice." 


Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: Geeks


ARCHIVE: If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the
Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog

If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
Thanks for your votes!

Please give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter


Well, , that's all for today.

Have FUN !
Dear Webby from Webby.com

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