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Good Morning,  !
It's Thursday,  April 30, 2009

Don't knock the weather. If it didn't change once in a while, nine out of ten people couldn't start a conversation. -- Kin Hubbard
'Global Crossing' company advertised that their "fast, secure, seamless global network" by touting that it "transmits data at speeds that practically break the sound barrier." This means that a data packet going from New York to London will take about 4 1/2 hours to be delivered. I am not impressed. Even AOL is faster than that !
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon here and not suitable for church,just jokes and fun for adults.
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Thanks to Cookie for these daffinitions: BLAMESTORMING. Sitting around in a group, discussing why a deadline was missed or a project failed, and who to blame for it. SEAGULL MANAGER. A manager who flies in, makes a lot of noise, craps on everything, and then leaves. ASSMOSIS. The process by which people seem to absorb success and advancement by sucking up to the boss rather than working hard. SALMON DAY. The experience of spending an entire day swimming upstream only to get screwed and die. CUBE FARM. An office filled with cubicles. PRAIRIE DOGGING. When someone yells or drops something loudly in a cube farm, and people's heads pop up over the walls to see that's going on. (This also applies to applause for a promotion because there may be cake.) SITCOMs. Single Income, Two Children, Oppressive Mortgage. What yuppies turn into when they have children and one of them stops working to stay home with the kids or start a "home business". SINBAD. Single working girls. Single income, no boyfriend and desperate. STRESS PUPPY. A person who seems to thrive on being stressed out and whiny. PERCUSSIVE MAINTENANCE. The fine art of whacking the crap out of an electronic device to get it to work again. ADMINISPHERE. The rarefied organizational layers beginning just above the rank and file. Decisions that fall from the "adminisphere" are often profoundly inappropriate or irrelevant to the problems they were designed to solve. This is often affiliated with the dreaded "administrivia" - needless paperwork and processes. 404. Someone who's clueless. From the World Wide Web error message "404 Not Found," meaning that the requested document could not be located. TESTICULATING. Waving your arms around and talking Bollocks. OHNOSECOND. That minuscule fraction of time in which you realize that you’ve just made a BIG mistake (e.g. you've hit 'reply all' not 'reply'.) See also CLM CLM - Career Limiting Move: Telling a racy joke about the boss to someone on the phone, without first checking to see if the boss is visiting the cubicle on the other side of the paper wall. BEER COAT. The invisible but warm coat worn when walking home after a booze cruise at 3am. BEER COMPASS. The invisible device that ensures your safe arrival home after booze cruise, even though you're too drunk to remember where you live, how you got here, and where you've come from. BOBFOC. Body Off Baywatch, Face Off Crime watch. GREYHOUND. A very short skirt, only an inch from the hare. JOHNNY-NO-STARS. A young man of substandard intelligence, the typical adolescent who works in a burger restaurant. The 'no-stars' comes from the badges displaying stars that staff at fast-food restaurants often wear to show their level of training. MILLENNIUM DOMES. The contents of a Wonderbra, i.e. extremely impressive when viewed from the distance, but there's actually naught in there worth seeing. MONKEY BATH. A bath so hot, that when lowering yourself in, you go: "Oo!Oo!Oo! Aa!Aa!Aa!". MYSTERY BUS. The bus that arrives at the pub on Friday night while you're in the toilet after your 10th pint, and whisks away all the unattractive people so the pub is suddenly packed with stunners when you come back in. MYSTERY TAXI. The taxi that arrives at your place on Saturday morning before you wake up, whisks away the stunner you slept with, and leaves a 10-Pinter in your bed instead. PICASSO BUM. A woman whose knickers are too small for her, so she looks like she’s got four buttocks SALAD DODGER. An excellent phrase for an overweight person TART FUEL. Bottled premixed spirits, regularly consumed by young women.
Buoflama in Bagdad, AZ
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Stacey Anvarinia, 26 of Grand Forks, North Dakota Cops: Intoxicated North Dakota woman caught breast-feeding infant APRIL 28--Stacey Anvarinia, a North Dakota woman, 26, is facing a child neglect charge for allegedly breast-feeding while drunk, according to court records. Anvarinia, a Grand Forks resident, yesterday pleaded not guilty to the criminal count, which stemmed from a police visit to her home in February. While responding to a domestic disturbance call, Grand Forks Police Department officers watched as an "extremely intoxicated" Anvarinia "began breast feeding her infant in front of us," according to an incident report. Since alcohol can pass from mother to child via breast milk, Anvarinia was arrested for neglecting her six-week-old infant. The baby was transported to Altru Hospital for examination, while Anvarinia was booked into the county lockup. Mugshot and details are at ... dmom1.html
A boy was assigned a paper on childbirth and asked his parents, "How was I born?" "Well honey..." said the slightly prudish parent, "the stork brought you to us." "Oh," said the boy. "Well, how did you and daddy get born?" he asked. "Oh, the stork brought us too." "Well how were grandpa and grandma born?" he persisted. "Well darling, the stork brought them too!" said the parent, by now starting to squirm a little in the Lazy Boy recliner. Several days later, the boy handed in his paper to the teacher who read with confusion the opening sentence: "This report has been very difficult to write because there hasn't been a natural childbirth in my family for three generations."
From the Tech Support Pits: From Scotty RE: Print selection Dear Webby, HEY, Mr. can I print some of the jokes I get off your letter with out having to print it all??? Scotty Dear Scotty Just highlight that joke, hit CTRL C to copy it, jump into a Notemaid or Wordprocessor or email CTRL V to paste it Then print that. With some printers you can simply highlight a portion, hit CTRL P, chose "Print Selection", and hit PRINT. Have FUN Dear Webby
Government organization is like a tree full of monkeys, all on different limbs at different levels, some climbing up, some fooling around, some simply just idling. The monkeys on top look down and see a tree full of smiling faces. The monkeys on the bottom look up and see nothing but "a*******." (you can fill in the blank).

The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at Email to the Express Empress at, and she will post it into the blog for you.
Daily tip from >Hollow Book for Hiding Items Buy a hardback book at a thrift store and transform it into a hollow book. Just use a utility knife to cut out a rectangular hole in the book pages. Use a straight edge to guide the knife. Use rubber cement to glue all the pages together and you have a great place to hide items on your bookshelf. Click Here For More Safety Tips Blog at also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the list, you can vote for it here:

"When my sugar daddy dies," confided Jeni to Debi, "I'll inherit the lot... it's in his last will and testicles." "You mean testament," chuckled Debi. "No, testicles..." said Jeni, "I've got him by the balls."
Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: Iris
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Well, , that's all for today. Have FUN ! Dear Webby from

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