dear Webby: Mars Hoax 

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Good Morning,  !
It's Thursday,  May 14, 2009

The aging process has you firmly in its grasp if you never get the urge to throw a snowball. --- Doug Larson Misquotations are the only quotations that are never misquoted. --- Hesketh Pearson
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon here and not suitable for church,just jokes and fun for adults.
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Two nuns were driving down a country road when they ran out of gas. They walked to a farmhouse and a farmer gave them some gasoline; but the only container he had was an old bedpan. The nuns were happy to take whatever they were offered and returned to their car. As they were pouring the gasoline from the bedpan into the tank of their car, a minister drove by. He stopped, rolled down his window and said, "Excuse me, sisters. I'm not of your religion, but if that car starts, you got a convert!"
A man in a hurry taking his 8-year-old son to school, made a turn at a red light where it was prohibited. "Uh-oh, I think I just made an illegal turn!" the man said. "It's okay, Dad" the boy said. "The police car right behind us did the same thing."
Thanks to Lillemor for this picture: TexasHitch. Once the wife and her mother get into the back of the trailer, it should level out.
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Meet Steven Gilmore,21 from Gainesville, Florida Hip-hop dope nabbed after botched robbery MAY 11--Meet Steven Gilmore. The wannabe rapper tried to rob a Florida convenience store Friday night and shot an employee in the head with a BB gun in a bid to establish "street cred" for his nascent hip-hop career. The 21-year-old Gilmore admitted his harebrained scheme after he was arrested Saturday night, according to Gainesville police. Gilmore, who also copped to a stickup of the Hungry Howie's restaurant, told police that he thought the robberies would provide him the kind of reputation he apparently believes is required in the rap world. According to a Gainesville Police Department report, Gilmore, wearing a bandanna over his face and carrying a BB gun, fled empty-handed from the Super Store convenience outlet after struggling with a store clerk over the weapon. During the encounter, the clerk, Dharmedra Patel, was shot in the temple and suffered a laceration and bleeding. The Hungry Howie's heist netted Gilmore about $900, records show, and he departed the crime scene on a moped driven by a 16-year-old accomplice. The aspiring rap performer's career is now on hold as he faces attempted armed robbery and aggravated assault charges. He is currently being held in the Alachua County Jail on the felony counts. ... cred1.html
From the Tech Support Pits: From: SSS Re: Mars getting close Dear Webby, Mars is getting close. Enjoy the attached PPS File. SSS Dear SSS That was in 2003, and that PPS has been coming around ever since. By the way, for all those of us, who don't have a 75x or bigger star telescope, it was rather ho-hum. Mars looked exactly the same as on any clear night. Obviously it wasn't that memorable for you in 2003 either. Have FUN! DearWebby
A customer sent an order to a distributor for a large amount of goods totaling a great deal of money. The distributor noticed that the previous bill hadn't been paid. The collections manager left a voice-mail for them saying, "We can't ship your new order until you pay for the last one." The next day the collections manager received a phone call, "Please cancel the order. We can't wait that long."

The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at Email to the Express Empress at, and she will post it into the blog for you.
Daily tip from Choose The Frugal Tips That Fit Your Lifestyle I think some people get discouraged with frugal living because they don't realize that not all tips are right for them. Frugal for a stay-at-home mother of four will be different than frugal for a childless career woman, for example. You have to sift and choose what works best with your lifestyle and circumstances. By Susan from St Cloud, FL Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the list, you can vote for it here:

I can't play fetch with my dog," Daniel said. "Why not?" "Because," he replied, "the dumb dog can't throw."
Late one afternoon, the Air Force guys out at Area 51 are surprised to see a Cessna landing at their "secret" base. They immediately impound the aircraft and haul the pilot into an interrogation room. The pilot's story is that he took off out of Las Vegas, got lost and found the base just as he was about to run out of fuel. The Air Force starts a full security check on the guy and hold him overnight. The next day they are finally convinced that the guy really was lost and is not a spy. They gas up his airplane, give him a terrifying "you did not see a base" briefing complete with threats of spending the rest of his life in prison. They say Vegas is that-a-way on this heading and send him off. The next day, here comes the Cessna again. Once again the MPs surround the plane, only this time there are two people in the plane. The same pilot jumps out and says: "Do anything you want to me, but my wife is in the plane and SHE DEMANDS to know where I was last night....."
Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: Pet Pix
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Well, , that's all for today. Have FUN ! Dear Webby from

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