Dear Webby: SP3 Problems 

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Good Morning,  !
It's Thursday,  June 18, 2009

The marvel of all history is the patience with which men and women submit to burdens unnecessarily laid upon them by their governments. --- William H. Borah
During a service at an old synagogue in Eastern Europe, when the Shema prayer was said, half the congregants stood up and half remained sitting. The half that was seated started yelling at those standing to sit down, and the ones standing yelled at the ones sitting to stand up. The rabbi, learned as he was in the Law and commentaries, didn't know what to do. His congregation suggested that he consult a housebound 98-year old man, who was one of the original founders of their temple. The rabbi hoped the elderly man would be able to tell him what the actual temple tradition was, so he went to the nursing home with a representative of each faction of the congregation. The one whose followers stood during Shema said to the old man, "Is the tradition to stand during this prayer?" The old man answered, "No, that is not the tradition." The one whose followers sat down, asked, "Is the tradition to sit during Shema?" The old man answered, "No, that is not the tradition." Then the rabbi said to the old man, "The congregants fight all the time, yelling at each other about whether they should sit or stand!" The old man interrupted, exclaiming, "THAT is our tradition!"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon here and not suitable for church,just jokes and fun for adults.
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The gigantic computer took up a whole wall, dwarfing the programmer and the mathematician standing before it. After much flashing and humming a sliver of paper emerged from the vitals of the machine. The mathematician, after studying it gravely, turned to the programmer and said with awe, "Do you realize that it would take four hundred ordinary mathematicians a hundred years of calculations..... make a mistake this big?"
Dumb way to park!
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Kimberley Vlaeminck in Kortrijk, Belgia Sent in by Deeli Tattooed BRUSSELS (Reuters) - A Belgian teenager has told police how she emerged from a tattoo parlor with 56 stars over one side of her face, rather than the three she had asked for, prosecutors said on Tuesday. "I said this part, the top, is ok, but not the rest," Kimberley Vlaeminck from the city of Kortrijk, 90 km (56 miles) northwest of Brussels, told Belgian broadcaster VRT. The 18-year-old said she fell asleep during the procedure, and woke up in pain when her nose was being tattooed. A spokesman for Kortrijk prosecutors' office said police were investigating after a complaint from the teenager. The tattoo artist said Vlaeminck had agreed to 56 stars. "She agreed, but when her father saw it, the trouble started," Belgian newspaper Het Laatste Nieuws quoted the man as saying. Vlaeminck said she wanted to keep the tattoos on her forehead but would have the rest removed.
From the Tech Support Pits: I messed up with Jerome's address yesterday. On some browsers and mail programs it was invisible. So here it is again: Keep that address safe, in case you need some help converting a Vista machine to XP. Jerome From: Barb Re: SP3 Dear Webby, I found out the hard way why you warned that SP3 messes up 40% of the computers. My hubby is cute, and handy for stuff I can't reach, but he should not be allowed near computers without proper supervision. Well, he let SP3 slither in with a routine Windows update, after which we were locked out and nothing worked. Surprisingly I did manage to get into his from mine, but some parts were not accessible. He brought the machine to a shop, but they told him it would cost more in their time to try and fix it, than the old machine is worth, so I wound up having to format it and re-install Windows. Tell everybody to strictly forbid family members to do updates and to turn automatic updating off! Barb Dear Barb yes, you CAN get into a machine over a network, even if Windows won't let the legitimate users in any longer. That is handy to know, as long as you didn't put any data, like docs or spreadsheets or anything you produced, into the default "Program Files" folder. That is usually the first one you lose access to. For that reason I have for many years recommended that you partition the drive into 3 or more partitions, a small C: drive for the Windows Operating System, so that it is fast and easy to run a virus check on it, a slightly bigger one for programs and the rest for the data, that you produce or download. That way, even if you lose access to the entire C: drive, your data is safe on the third partition. The 4th partition is usually just my swap drive, a place that Windows can use for virtual memory. Here is a way that will usually stop Windows from trying to slither SP3 into your machine: 1. Open Internet Explorer (IE) and go to the Windows Update site directly: ; 2. Click "Custom Install" to scan your system (NOT Express Install). 3. After it finishes, we can see the high-priority updates list on the website. 4. Locate Service Pack 3 and clear the check box before Service Pack 3. 5. Then check "Don't show this update again" under the instruction of Service Pack 3. 6. Service Pack 3 will be grayed out and it will not usually pop up again. 7. Restart the computer. That will USUALLY block SP3 from slithering in, but always use CUSTOM, and not Express Install, and check what they want to foist on you. Have FUN! DearWebby
Little Johnny burst into the house, sopping wet and crying his eyes out. His Mama asked him what the problem was . "Pop and I were fishing, and he hooked a giant fish. Really big. Then, when he was reeling it in, the line busted, ....and the fish got away." "Now come on, Johnny,"" his mother said, "a big boy like you shouldn't be crying about an accident like that. You should have laughed." "That's what I did, Mama."

The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at Email to the Express Empress at, and she will post it into the blog for you.
Daily tip from Use Egg Cartons to Keep Squash Off the Ground Use egg cartons to prop your vegetables up out of the dirt in your garden when they get too heavy. I had a squash laying in the dirt and was trying to think what to use to prop it up as it continued to grow. I cut 2 egg cups from an egg carton and placed it under the squash - outside up. Now it is high and dry. By Tracey from Jacksonville, FL Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the list, you can vote for it here:

A little old lady goes to the doctor and says, "Doctor I have this problem with gas, but it really doesn't bother me too much because they never smell and are always silent. As a matter of fact, I've farted at least 20 times since I've been here in your office." The doctor says, "I see, take these pills and come back to see me next week." The next week the lady goes back to his office. "Doctor," she says, "I don't know what you gave me, but now my farts, although still silent, stink terribly!" The doctor says, "Good, Now that we've cleared up your sinuses, let's work on your hearing."
There was once a young man who, in his youth, professed a desire to become a "great" writer.When asked to define "great", he said: "I want to write stuff that the whole world will read, stuff that people will react to on a truly emotional level, stuff that will make them scream, cry, wail, howl in pain, desperation and anger!" He now works for Microsoft writing error messages...
Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: What Now, brown cow?
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Well, , that's all for today. Have FUN ! Dear Webby from

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