Dear Webby: Two updates in July? 

Zoom the font size for best readability   

Good Morning,  !
It's Sunday,  July 19, 2009

Freedom of the press is limited to those who own one. --- A. J. Liebling If it weren't for my lawyer, I'd still be in prison. It went a lot faster with two people digging. --- Joe Martin, Mister Boffo
While making her rounds, the Head Nurse noticed a young female patient missing. Pressing the intercom, she said "Lori, where's the patient in 340?" "Oh!" came the reply. "Well... she was complaining of severe chills, so I put her in bed with Mr. Johnson in 328 who was running that high fever."
In Canada the late night news used to broadcast this message: "It's 11 o'clock do you know where your children are? In England they say "Its 11 o'clock do you know where your wife is? In France they say "It's 11o'clock do you know where your husband is?" In Washington they say Its 11 o'clock do you know what time it is?"
At a dinner party, the speaker who was the guest of honor, was about to deliver his speech when his wife sitting at the other end of the table, sent him a piece of paper with the word "KISS" scribbled on it. A guest seated next to the speaker said, "Your wife has sent you a KISS before you begin your speech. She must love you very much." The speaker replied, "You don't know my wife. The letters stand for "Keep it short, Stupid."
Thanks to dad for this picture: Notalsofia bloomed today
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Evan Zuleger, 18, of Bexar County, Texas Busted 'parking,' naked man hits deputy with car Evan Zuleger, 18, is facing charges of aggravated assault with a deadly weapon. Bexar County Sheriff's deputies say the young man and his girlfriend were parked in a Lexus on the side of the road near Babcock and Scenic Loop Road. A passing patrol officer took notice. Deputy Ino Badillo said the patrol officer shined a spotlight on the car and started flashing his red and blue lights. Badillo says that's when Zuleger jumped from the back seat to the front, leaving his clothes still on the floor. Deputies say Zuleger started driving the car straight toward the officer. He allegedly struck the officer in the hip and leg area. The arrest warrant says the officer fell to the ground and later had to go to the hospital. Badillo says shortly after hitting the officer, Zuleger lost control of his car and smashed into a telephone pole. Not giving up, he jumped out of the car and took off running. Deputies say he still didn't have a stitch of clothing on. However, besides his clothes, he also left his naked girlfriend behind in the crashed car to deal with the patrol officer. Badillo said she had no problem giving up Zuleger's name and address. However, when deputies knocked on the door of his Shavano Park home, Zuleger's maid answered and said Zuleger wasn't home. Deputies say Zuleger ended up turning himself in Wednesday afternoon. In addition to the aggravated assault charges, deputies say he also could face charges of evading arrest and possession of marijuana.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Ollie Re: two Microsoft patches in July? Dear Webby I have been told that Microsoft sends out their bug fixes on the second Tuesday of the month, and that patches at other dates are likely bogus. What's the story with the second round of patches this month? Ollie Dear Ollie It seems legit and from Microsoft. Probably the bug fixes had bugs that needed to be fixed right away and could not wait until next month. They didn't slow Windows down much more. As long as the bug fixes come in through the regular Microsoft update, don't worry about them. Make sure you do the updting in CUSTOM mode, not Express. That way you can stop undesirable items like IE8 or SP3. Have FUN! DearWebby
A cruise ship docked at a Mexican port during a very high tide. Everyone on board was forced to use the ship's narrow gangplank as a passageway to the dock far below. The staff stood motionless when a passenger in her 90s appeared at the top of the plank. There wasn't room for anyone to assist her, so she edged along slowly and finally made it down to the dock safely, to everyone's relief. As she stepped onto solid ground, she turned, looked back at the top of the plank and shouted, "It's okay, Mother, you can come down now."

Daily tip from Use Bandannas as Cloth Napkins For a cute, country touch to your dinner table, use colorful bandannas for napkins. We used to use a roll of paper towels, instead of paper napkins, but then I discovered how inexpensive bandannas are, when purchased through online websites. Buy the heavy-use ones by the dozen, they're less than 50 cents apiece that way! By LS from Boise, ID Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the list, you can vote for it here:

Two elderly ladies met at the launderette after not seeing one another for some time. After inquiring about each other's health, one asked how the other's husband was doing. "Oh! Ted died last week. He went out to the garden to dig up a cabbage for dinner, had a heart attack and dropped down dead right there in the middle of the vegetable patch!" "Oh dear! I'm very sorry." replied her friend "What did you do?" "Opened a can of peas instead."
A preacher went to his church office on Monday morning and discovered a dead mule in the church yard. He called the police. Since there did not appear to be any foul play, the police referred the preacher to the health department.They said since there was no health threat that he should call the sanitation department. The sanitation manager said he could not pick up the mule without authorization from the mayor. Now the preacher knew the mayor and was not to eager to call him. The mayor immediately began to rant and rave at the pastor and finally said, "Why did you call me anyway? Isn't it your job to bury the dead?" The preacher paused for a brief moment and then replied;"Yes, Mayor, it is my job to bury the dead, but I always like to notify the next of kin first!"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon here and not suitable for church,just jokes and fun for adults.
Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the confirmation request
. If you don't get it, then you, your mother or your ISP have Ophelia blocked

Jimmy is almost 29 years old, his friends have already gotten married, and Jimmy just dates and dates. Finally a friend asks him, 'What's the matter, are you looking for the perfect woman? Are you that particular? Can't you find anyone who suits you?' 'No,' Jimmy replies. 'I meet many nice girls, but as soon as I bring them home to meet my parents, my Mother doesn't like them. So I keep on looking!' 'Listen,' his friend suggests, 'Why don't you find a girl who's just like your dear ole Mother?' Many weeks go by and again Jimmy and his friend get together. 'So, Jimmy, did you find the perfect girl yet? One that's just like your Mother?' Jimmy shrugs his shoulders, 'Yes I found one just like Mom. My Mother loved her, they quickly became friends.' 'Are you and this girl engaged, yet?' 'I'm afraid not, my Father can't stand her!'
Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: Accidental inventions
ARCHIVE: If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
Well, , that's all for today. Have FUN ! Dear Webby from

[ view entry ] ( 331 views )   |  permalink  |  print article  |   ( 3 / 758 )

<<First <Back | 117 | 118 | 119 | 120 | 121 | 122 | 123 | 124 | 125 | 126 | Next> Last>>