Dear Webby: File Shredder 

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It's Wednesday,  August 5, 2009

Do not go where the path may lead, go instead where there is no path and leave a trail. --- Ralph Waldo Emerson A true friend is one that lets his grass grow as tall as yours. --- Socratex
As part of the admission procedure in the hospital where Jill works, she asks the patients if they are allergic to anything. If they are, she prints it on an allergy band placed on the patient's wrists. Once when she asked an elderly woman if she had any allergies, she said she couldn't eat bananas. Imagine Jill's surprise, when several hours later a very irate son came out to the nurses' station screaming: "Who's responsible for labeling my mother 'bananas'?"
A little girl was watching her parents dress for a party. When she saw her dad donning his tuxedo, she warned, "Daddy, you shouldn't wear that suit." And why not, darling?" "You know that you always have a headache next morning after wearing that suit!"
Thanks to Dianne for this picture: Terrace Moiuntain, BC
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to a sleepy car thief in South Australia Dumb place to sleep A dozy Australian thief has been arrested, after police say they caught him asleep at the wheel of a stolen car - in a car wash. South Australia Police say the 30-year-old man drove the Audi convertible into an automatic car wash in the early hours of Monday morning, and then apparently nodded off. A service station attendant called the police at 3 a.m. when he noticed the car hadn't moved for an hour. The police said in a statement that the car had two different license plates, and that police discovered it had been reported stolen in July. They woke the man and arrested him on charges of illegal use and theft of the car. He has been released on bail and will face court in September.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Sandie Re: Correction re shredder Dear Webby, there is no shredder in Crap Cleaner! Sandie Dear Sandie You are right. Since I gave up terrorism at age 4, I have never encountered a need to shred any files, I got the programs for that mixed up. The Shredder is in Spybot-Search&Destroy. Sorry about that! Have FUN! DearWebby
The strong young man at the construction site was bragging that he could out do anyone in a feat of strength. He made a special case of making fun of one of the older workmen. After several minutes, the older worker had had enough. "Why don't you put your money where your mouth is?" he said. "I will bet a week's wages that I can haul something in a wheelbarrow over to that building that you won't be able to wheel back." "You're on, old man," the young guy replied. The old man reached out and grabbed the wheelbarrow by the handles. Then he turned to the young man and said, "Alright. Get in."
Daily tip from Making Old Tissue Paper Look Like New While making gift bags for the local nursing home, I realized I had a lot of tissue paper from events past. All the pretty colors and patterns, I couldn't bear to throw it away so I flattened it out and decided to iron it. Worked like a charm. Take 3 sheets of tissue paper put them together put iron on polyester with a tad of steam. Iron on both sides. The one in the middle will be perfect too. Fold it accordion style and bingo: recycled tissue. When you think of how much of this stuff goes to the land fill every year, this is a good way to recycle. By Dancer from TX Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the list, you can vote for it here:

Two brooms were hanging in the closet and after a while they got to know each other so well, they decided to get married. One broom was, of course, the bride broom and the other the groom broom. The bride broom looked very beautiful in her white dress. The groom broom was handsome and suave in his tuxedo. The wedding was lovely. After the wedding at the wedding dinner, the bride broom leaned over and said to the groom broom "I think I am going to have a little whisk broom!!!" "IMPOSSIBLE!!" said the groom broom. "We haven't even swept together!"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for adults.
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A man wakes up one morning to find a gorilla on his roof. So he looks in the yellow pages and sure enough, there's an ad for "Gorilla Removers." He calls the number and the gorilla remover says he'll be over in 30 minutes. The gorilla remover arrives, and gets out of his van. He's got a ladder, a baseball bat, a shotgun and a mean old pit bull. "What are you going to do", the homeowner asks? "I'm going to put this ladder up against the roof, then I'm going to go up there and knock the gorilla off the roof with this baseball bat. When the gorilla falls off, the pit bull is trained to grab the gorilla's groin and not let go. The gorilla will then be sidetracked enough for me to put a rope on him and winch him into the cage in the back of the van." So the guy puts the ladder up, gets the bat and the shotgun, and walks towards the ladder. As he gets to the base of the ladder, he hands the shotgun to the homeowner. "What's the shotgun for?" asks the homeowner. "If the gorilla knocks me off the roof, shoot the dog!"
Pinch Hit Moms
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Well, , that's all for today. Have FUN ! Dear Webby from

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