Dear Webby, How do I shrink the taskbar? 

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It's Thursday,  September 3, 2009

"Health officials revealed that criminals in British jails actually have a better diet than patients in British hospitals. Of course, both of those groups are eating better than people in British restaurants." --- Jimmy Fallon Happiness isn't something you experience; it's something you remember. --- Oscar Levant Happiness is nothing more than good health and a bad memory. --- Albert Schweitzer
Twohundred pound Nancy is five feet, two inches tall and considers herself pleasingly plump. After she had a minor accident, her mother accompanied her to the emergency room. The ER nurse asked for her height and weight, and she blurted out, "Five-foot-eight, 115 pounds." While the nurse pondered over this information, her mother leaned over and whispered to her: "Nancy," she gently chided, "this is not the Internet."
A nearsighted minister glances at the note that a member of the congregation has delivered to him through an usher. The note reads, "Bill Jones, having gone to sea, his wife desires the prayers of the congregation for his safety." Failing to observe the punctuation, the minister startles his audience by announcing: "Bill Jones, having gone to see his wife, desires the prayers of the congregation for his safety."
Thanks to Dianne for this picture: "Did ya see that squirrel invading OUR neighborhood?"
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Olman Mencia, 21, of Atlantic City, New Jersey; his brother Marvin Mencia, 22, of Egg Harbor, New Jersey; and brother and sister Jeffrey Johnson, 21, and Ciara Johnson, 20, also of Atlantic City. Robbers left keys to getaway car in the bank The practical, fuel efficient Chevrolet Aveo can save you money both on the purchase price and the gasoline it sips in use. The four-door sedan seats four, and the hatchback offers easily accessible load space for canvas sacks stuffed with banknotes. But if you're going to use it for a getaway, hang onto your car keys after you rob that bank. Neglecting that handy hint landed a gang of four robbers in the clink in the town of Bear, Delaware, yesterday, after one of them locked the keys to his Chevrolet Aveo in the bank they had just robbed. Three men wearing wigs, along with one woman, entered the Artisans Bank yesterday morning just after 9 am. They fired a shot into the ceiling, tied up two employees with duct tape, and herded six others into a bathroom. After forcing an employee to get money from the vault and teller drawers, they fled--leaving the car keys inside. Once they realized they couldn't get back inside, the female getaway driver pulled up in a Ford Escort and sped them away. Police stopped the Ford soon thereafter, and arrested Olman Mencia, 21, of Atlantic City, New Jersey; his brother Marvin Mencia, 22, of Egg Harbor, New Jersey; and brother and sister Jeffrey Johnson, 21, and Ciara Johnson, 20, also of Atlantic City. The four racked up six counts of robbery, eight kidnapping offenses, and further charges of aggravated menacing, conspiracy, weapons offenses and wearing a disguise during the commission of a felony. They won't be worrying about fuel efficiency and car keys for a while.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Sharon Re: How do I shrink the taskbar? Dear Webby I had the same probelm before w/ my taskbar on the side & thanks to your tip I was able to bet it back across the bottom. But since then some how my taskbar has doubled in size. I tried dragging it completely down to where it has diaappeared & then very slowly tried moving it back up but everytime I do it still comes up doubled in size. I cannot get it back down to a small size. I even tried restoring it back to a day before this happened. Any tips on how to correct this problem? Thanks so much for your help & laughter Sharon Dear Sharon Close as many programs as possible and clear as much empty gray space on the task bar as possible. Also weed out the Quick Launch portion and use the Quick Launch just for programs that you use at least once EVERY day. Then right-click the taskbar and ensure that "lock taskbar" is not enabled. Then hover your mouse over the edge of the taskbar until you get a double-arrow cursor (the "resize" cursor). Then click and drag downwards slowly. Once you have the task bar the size you want, it's best to keep the task bar locked when you're not intentionally trying to move or size it. That way, you won't accidentally move or size the task bar, when you bat the mouse out of the way of the cookie tray. Have FUN! DearWebby
A college student who has left his dorm and moved into an apartment goes to a grocery store to shop for cleaning equipment. As he makes his way through the aisles of the store, he loads his cart with a broom, mop, dustpan, sponges and a full array of cleaning products. At the last minute, he tops it all off with a lone food purchase -- a large bag of potato chips. When he gets to the checkout counter, he sees the checkout clerk eying it all with a puzzled look. Says the young man, "I'm a very messy eater."
Daily tip from Lint Roller To Clean Up Thread When sewing if you need to rip out your work, when you are done run a lint roller over the thread and all the little pieces come right out. By Barat from Crystal Lake, IL Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the list, you can vote for it here:

What's the matter? I thought you just got back from a nice relaxing fishing trip with your husband." "Oh, everything went wrong: First he said I talked so loud I would scare the fish. Then he said I was using the wrong bait; and then that I was reeling in too soon. All that might have been all right; but then, to make matters worse, I was the only one catching any fish!"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for adults.
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While a Texan was busily preparing for the first day of deer hunting season, his wife started nagging that he never asked her to go along. After several hours of arguments, the wife won. That next morning they drove out to the country, and he placed his wife in a tree about 100 yards from his blind. Just as the hunter reached the blind, he heard a loud bang coming from the wife's position. As he ran up to her, he saw that she was holding her gun on a man nearby and shouting, "It's my deer! Get away from it!! " The sheepish-looking game warden just nodded slowly and said, "OK, lady.. It's your deer. Just let me get my saddle and ticket book off of it!"
Strange Houses
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Well, , that's all for today. Have FUN ! Dear Webby from

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