Dear Webby: Reorganize and clean up the startup list 

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Good Morning,  !
It's Saturday,  September 19, 2009

It is not enough for a man to know how to ride; he must know how to fall. --- John Wayne Men have become the tools of their tools. --- Henry David Thoreau (He must have been talking about golfers, not computer addicts!) Any intelligent fool can make things bigger, more complex, and more violent. It takes a touch of genius - and a lot of courage - to move in the opposite direction. --- E. F. Schumacher
Military leaders succeed in building a computer able to solve any strategic or tactical problem. They assembled in front of the new machine and fed a difficult tactical problem into it. They describe a hypothetical situation to the computer and then ask the pivotal question: attack or retreat? The computer hums away for an hour and then comes up with the answer: YES. The generals look at each other, somewhat stupefied. Finally one of them submits a second request to the computer: YES WHAT? Instantly the computer responded: YES SIR.
A group of U.S. marines got a refresher course on first aid prior to leaving for Afghanistan. Following an involved lesson on making splints, dressing wounds and applying tourniquets to stop bleeding, there was a quick test. Instructor: "What do you do if you receive a minor head wound?" Marine: "Keep going." Inst.: "What do you do if your Sergeant has a head wound and is out cold?" Marine: "I sit down and have a smoke. He'll be up and screaming at me in two seconds flat."
Thanks to Dianne for sending this picture: Pend Orielle County WA
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Mitchel L. Legg, 26 of Richmond, Indiana Officers sniff out pot, gun 26-year-old visits RPD for permit, but marijuana odor arouses suspicion, leads to arrest Mitchel L. Legg got the $50 back that he paid Thursday with his application to carry a gun. He also was arrested on a charge of carrying a gun without a license. Legg visited the Richmond Police Department at 11:30 a.m. to fill out an application. Officers and staff members noticed a heavy marijuana smell as he was doing the paperwork. "He reeked of marijuana, so they patted him down," said Chief Kris Wolski. "Officers (Heather) Edwards and (John) Lackey were aware that things just didn't add up. It's a good thing they did." That's because the patdown discovered that besides marijuana, Legg was carrying a .22 semiautomatic handgun. "It (gun) was in a little nylon holster under his shirt," Wolski said. Legg, 26, of 327 S. W. 17th St., was arrested and lodged in Wayne County Jail at 12:15 p.m. on a Class D felony charge of possession of marijuana and a Class A misdemeanor charge of carrying a handgun without a license. He was released after posting a $750 cash bond.
From the Tech Support Pits: From:Carol Re: Reorganize and clean up the startup list Dear Webby, I'd like to ask you about Startup and what we should have (as a minimum) checked and what we should not have checked. I also need to know the easiest way to change these settings. I'm afraid that if I take an "x" off of the box, it will lock up my computer and I won't be able to start it up again. Is there a web site that I could go to for these answers? I know this is simplistic for you, I'm learning everyday! Many thanks, Carol Dear Carol I use StartupCop from PC-Magazine Utilities for that. Here is a screen shot of what I have in my start-up: You can temporarily disable items and see if everything works OK. There is a short link to it in my tool box at Just scroll down until you see a sheriff's badge. That link is straight to Startup Cop. If you go to the PC Magazine Utilities, you can eventually find it there too, but try not to get sidetracked and download three hundred utilities that you will never get around to use or read the instructions for. Have FUN! DearWebby
The Zen Master is visiting New York City from Tibet. He goes up to a hotdog vendor and says, "Make me one with everything." The hot dog vendor fixes a hot dog and hands it to the Zen Master, who pays with a $20 bill. The vendor puts the bill in the cash box and closes it. "Where's my change?" asks the Zen Master. The vendor responds: "According to Zen, change must come from within."
Daily tip from Negotiate Payment Plans for Bills When dealings with your bills, remember; everything is negotiable, even utility bills. I have lived in the same place for 20+ years with the same account so I find that I can negotiate payments for my phone, gas and electric bills. Always ask for a payment plan! By Pam from Los Angeles Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the list, you can vote for it here:

There was this preacher who was an avid golfer. Every chance he could get, he could be found on the golf course swinging away. It was an obsession. One Sunday was a picture perfect day for golfing. The sun was out, no clouds in the sky, and the temperature was just right. The preacher was in a quandary as to what to do, and shortly, the urge to play golf overcame him. He called an assistant to tell him that he was sick and could not do church, packed the car up, and drove three hours to a golf course where no one would recognize him. Happily, he began to play the course. An angel up above was watching the preacher and was quite perturbed. He went to God and said, "Look at the preacher. He should be punished for what he is doing." God nodded in agreement. The preacher teed up on the first hole. He swung at the ball, and it sailed effortlessly through the air and landed right in the cup three hundred and fifty yards away. A picture perfect hole-in-one. He was amazed and excited. The angel was a little shocked. He turned to God and said, "Begging Your pardon, but I thought you were going to punish him?" God smiled. "Think about it -- whom can he tell...?"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for adults.
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Six guys were playing poker when Smith loses $500 on a single hand, clutches his chest and drops dead at the table. Showing respect for their fallen comrade, the other five complete their playing time standing up. Roberts looks around and asks, "Now, who is going to tell the wife?" They draw straws. Rippington, who is always a loser, picks the short one. They tell him to be discreet, be gentle, don't make a bad situation any worse than it is. "Gentlemen! Discreet? I'm the most discreet man you will ever meet. Discretion is my middle name, leave it to me." Rippington walks over to the Smith house, knocks on the door, the wife answers, asks what he wants. Rippington says, "Your husband just lost $500 playing cards." She hollers, "TELL HIM TO DROP DEAD!" Rippington says, "OK, I'll tell him."
Sharpie Decor
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Well, , that's all for today. Have FUN ! Dear Webby from

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