Seeing double 

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It's Tuesday,  October 20, 2009

Now there's an updated version of the three R's: Readin', 'Remote control handling' .. and Replacin' the batteries in the remote control. --- Socratex Nothing is ever accomplished by a reasonable man. --- George Bernard Shaw Tell a man something, it goes in one ear and comes out of the other. Tell a woman something, it goes past both of her ears. Whisper something near a woman, it goes in in both her ears and comes out of the mouth of every woman in town. --- Mark Twain
A professor was giving a lecture on company slogans in a college advertising and marketing class. "Joe," he asked, "which company has the slogan, 'Come fly the friendly skies'?" "United." Joe answered. "Brenda, can you tell me which company has the slogan, "Don't leave home without it?" Brenda answered the correct credit card company with no difficulty. "Now John, Tell me which company uses the slogan, 'Just do it'?" John answered, "Mom."
There is the story of a preacher who got up one Sunday and announced to his congregation: "I have good news and bad news. The good news is, we have enough money to pay for repairing our new church roof. The bad news is, it's still out there in your pockets."
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to 22-year-old Brittney L. Diaz of Springdale, Arkansas Child left by mom after hit and run RoPolice in Springdale charged a mother for allegedly leaving her 4-year-old child behind when she fled a traffic crash. Police were called early Saturday morning to a traffic accident at an intersection. When they arrived, 22-year-old Brittney L. Diaz of Springdale was gone from the scene. Her child was being helped by the other driver. Both were taken to a hospital. Police responded at 1:49 a.m. to a two-vehicle accident in which Diaz was driving a beige Mitsubishi Diamante that collided with a silver Jaguar XK8 at Thompson Street and Twin City Avenue, when he failed to yiel the right of way. . The child was ejected from Diaz's car before she fled, according to the arrest report. Witnesses told police the child was lying face down in the roadway after the accident. The driver of the Jaguar, Jason Walsh, 39, got out of his car and picked the child up from the road, the report states. Police say Diaz was caught a short distance from the accident scene. She was arrested after being treated at a hospital. She is charged with leaving the scene of an accident and first-degree endangering the welfare of a minor, both felonies. Diaz was also issued citations for no child safety restraint and failure to yield in addition to the felony charges. She was released Saturday from the Washington County Detention Center on a $2,500 bond.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Christine Re: Seeing Double Dear Webby, I really enjoy your column & all your good advice. Could you please tell me why I receive everything in doubles from you? It takes twice as long to delete the doubles. Thank you & God Bless Christine L. Dear Christine You had subscribed to both the regular and to the large font version, most likely on a day when Yahoo failed to deliver your preferred version. I have now UN-subscribed you from the Large Font version. Have FUN! DearWebby
Mrs. Jones is having her house painted, and her husband comes home from work and leans against the freshly painted wall.The next day, she says to the painter, "You wanna see where my husband put his hand last night? "He sighs and says, "Look, lady, I got a tough day's work ahead of me. Why don't you just make us a cup of tea?"
Daily tip from Planning for Retirement Be prepared. Make sure you haven't any bills to pay out, like a car or house payments. Do you have your second insurance to cover you and your spouse when you see a doctor, or be rushed to the hospital? Medicare will take out $96.50 per month from your S.S. check. Even without car or house payments, you still have to pay for water, gas, and/or an electric bill. Also, you have to maintain your car. You will need to buy a health coverage for your medications. Take stock for what you have to pay out each month and how much you can put back for travel or trips that may come up that weren't planned. You will get a retirement check, but if you owe money you can get hurt. You will live on what you get for one month before another check arrives. Spend wisely. Grow some of your food, even if it's grown in big flowers pots. Take this from someone who has lived on retirement for three years. Be sure in save some money before you have that last day at work. By Shonda from Grand Rivers, KY Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the list, you can vote for it here:

An elderly widow and widower were dating for about five years. The man finally decided to ask her to marry. She immediately said "yes". The next morning when he awoke, he couldn't remember what her answer was! "Was she happy? I think so, wait, no, she looked at me funny..." After about an hour of trying to remember to no avail, he got on the telephone and gave her a call. Embarrassed, he admitted that he didn't remember her answer to the marriage proposal. "Oh", she said, "I'm so glad you called. I remembered saying 'yes' to someone, but I couldn't remember to whom."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for adults.
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Two voices, male and female, on an overnight "red eye" plane flight: "I think everyone's asleep, let's go" Sound of steps. "This one's empty. No one is looking. You go in first" "It's a bit cramped, let me sit down" "Have you got the condom? Quick, put it on" Sniff sniff "Ah perfume! You think of everything." "This is great..." (long sigh) Static on the loud speaker then a new voice. "This is the captain speaking, to those two people in the rear toilet. We know what you're doing, and it is expressly forbidden by the Government that YOU elected. Now, put those cigarettes out and take the condom off the smoke detector...!"

Darling Suds
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Well, , that's all for today. Have FUN ! Dear Webby from

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