Pictures too big in Outlook Express 

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It's Sunday,  November 22, 2009

"Too often we... enjoy the comfort of opinion without the discomfort of thought." --- John F. Kennedy People who say they sleep like a baby usually don't have one. --- Leo J. Burke For most folks, no news is good news; for the press, good news is not news. --- Gloria Borger
A nervous taxpayer was unhappily conversing with the IRS Tax auditor, who had come to review his records. At one point the auditor exclaimed, "Mr. Carr, we feel it is a great privilege to be allowed to live and work in the USA. As a citizen you have an obligation to pay taxes, and we expect you to eagerly pay them with a smile." "Thank goodness," returned Mr. Carr, with a giant grin on his face from ear to ear, "I thought you were going to want me to pay with money."
The following ad appeared in a newspaper. Single Black Female Seeks Male companionship, ethnicity unimportant. Good looking girl who LOVES to play. I love long walks in the woods. Riding in your pickup truck.Hunting, Camping, Fishing trips. Cozy winter nights spent lying by the fire. Candlelight dinners will have me eating out of your hand. Rub me the right way and watch me respond. I'll be at the front door when you get home from work, wearing only what nature gave me. Kiss me and I'm yours. Call 555-XXXX and ask for Daisy. (The phone number was the Dog Pound and Daisy was an eight week old Black Labrador Retriever.)
A 16-year old comes home and says "Dad, I just got my driver's license and would like to use the family car." Father replies, "O.K., son. But, first, you have to get good grades in school, keep your room clean, keep the yard trimmed, and cut your hair. Come back when you've done all of that." Well, a month passes and the son approaches his dad, report card in his hand. "Dad, I got great marks on my report card. I've been keeping my room as neat as a pin, and the yard is always ship-shape. How about letting me use the car?" Father replies, "But, son, you didn't cut your hair." Son says, "But, Dad, Jesus had long hair." Father replies, "Yes, son, you're right. He never got to drive either."
Thanks to Donnie for this picture: A Mississippi Fox Squirrel
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Russell Spade, 41, of Redding, California Fugitive Imposter Two men were arrested Monday night - including one man who police say pretended to be a fugitive - after an hourlong chase that took officers through the streets and backyards of a south Redding neighborhood. Redding police were called about 9:20 p.m. to a report of two men trying to break into Northern California Recycling on Clear Creek Road, police Sgt. Mike Thomas said. When an officer spotted the two men, one ran away, while the second remained at the scene, police Sgt. Steve Moravec said. At least six officers, a helicopter and a police dog were called to the area to find the fleeing man, Thomas said. During the chase through the Westwood neighborhood off Highway 273, a resident apparently heard on an emergency radio scanner that police were looking for a man wearing khaki pants and a San Francisco 49ers sweatshirt. Moravec said the man wondered if police would notice him if he went outdoors wearing the clothing of the suspect they were searching for. "Well, we noticed him," Moravec said. Russell Spade, 41, of Redding was arrested on suspicion of obstructing and delaying a police officer, Moravec said. He does not face charges in connection with the alleged burglary because, other than his clothing, he didn't fit the description of the suspect, Moravec said. However, they most definitely have HIS number now. Police also arrested Matthew Padel, 23, of Redding on suspicion of prowling and possessing a dangerous drug, in this case methamphetamine, Moravec said. Police called off the search for the second man about 10:20 p.m., Thomas said.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Ron Re: Pictures too big in Outlook Express Dear Webby I know you do not usually deal with Out Look Express but I have used it for years with good success. Maybe you know why when I send a picture it fills more than the whole screen. Is there a setting to change this and make the pics smaller? You have answered my questions since 1998 so you might know this one. Thanks. RON P Dear Ron I am not familiar with OE, but the picture should be resized before embedding it into ANY email program. OE does have a setting that automatically squishes pictures if you attach them, instead of embedding them, but it uses a lossy compression that can not be reversed. You might be able to find that setting, if you look in the OE help. Best is to use any graphics program to crop or resize the pictures beforehand, like I do with the Humor Letter. Personally, I have used Paint Shop Pro for about 20 years, but any graphics program will do. There are a dozens of free ones on the net, that are plenty good enough for resizing. Have FUN! DearWebby
.A man walks into an animal hospital with a gigantic parrot and asks to have the bird's beak and talons and wings trimmed. The owner warns the veterinarian's assistant that the bird dislikes these procedures and is apt to bite. The assistant puts on thick gloves and cautiously opens the cage. The parrot steps out, then looks at the wary assistant. "Don't worry," the parrot squawks. "I probably won't hurt you."
Daily tip from Check Your Free Credit Report Every Year Get a free credit report yearly and check it carefully. The 3-4 credit bureaus allow you one free credit report a year. We were surprised to find a problem on ours that we did not know about. Home owners insurance premiums can be affected by your credit rating even if they are paid through your mortgage. By Kim from Franklin Park, IL Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the list, you can vote for it here:

It may still be winter where you are, but in Australia it's the season of the big spring mosquitos. The other evening, a man walked out into his yard and two mosquitos picked him up. As they lifted him, one says to the other, "Let's take him down by the lake and have a picnic." The other one said, "No way ! If we carry him down there, the big mosquitos will take him away from us."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for adults.
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While waiting for my first appointment in the reception room of a new dentist, I noticed his certificate, which bore his full name. Suddenly, I remembered that a guy with his name had been in my high school class almost 50 years ago. Upon seeing him, however, I quickly discarded any such thought. This balding, gray-haired man with the deeply lined face was too old to have been my classmate. After he had examined my teeth, I asked him if he had attended the local high school. "Yes," he replied. "Graduated in 1955." "You were in my class!" I exclaimed. He looked at me closely and then asked, "What did you teach?"

Edwards AFB
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Well, , that's all for today. Have FUN ! Dear Webby from

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