Good Morning,  !
It's Friday,  November 27, 2009
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!


Only two of my personalities are schizophrenic,
but one of them is paranoid
and the other one is out to get him.
--- Socratex

"Modern art is what happens when painters stop looking
at girls and persuade themselves they have a better
idea."
--John Ciardi

"Modern Art" ? Isn't that an oxymoron like "Dry
Water", which, according to people in the military is
like "Military Intelligence" ?

"What would men be without women? Scarce, sir, mighty
scarce."
--Mark Twain


A little boy was roughhousing with his dog. His mother
said to him,
"Now, Peter, I know you love Spot, but you're loving
him too much. How would you feel if someone huge picked
you up and squeezed you so hard you couldn't breathe?"

The boy thought a moment and then said, "I guess I'd
think it was my  birthday and Aunt Edna was here!"


Mother: "How's your history paper coming?"
Son: "Well, my history professor suggested that I use
the Internet for research and it's been very helpful."
Mother: "Really?"
Son: "Yes, so far I've located 17 people who sell
history papers on that topic!"


A lady was sitting in a fine restaurant one night.
While she was waiting for her date, she wanted to make
sure everything was perfect. So, as she bends down in
her chair to get the mirror from her purse, she
accidentally farts quite loudly just as the waiter
walks up.

Sitting up straight now, embarrassed and red faced,
knowing everyone in the place heard her, she turns to
the waiter and demands "Stop That!"
The waiter looks at her dryly and says
"Sure lady, which way did you fire it ?"


Thanks to Frank for this pretty angel.
He wants you to pass her on!


  

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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
goes to Randy Eugene Cliett in Haines City, Florida

Habitual burglar caught himself, again

Randy Eugent Cliett was extracted from the ventilation system 
at the supermarket in Haines City this morning — five years after 
he was convicted of breaking into the same business.

Screams coming from the roof of La Placita Mexico Supermarket 
early Tuesday meant Randy Eugene Cliett got stuck in another 
jam at the popular Polk County grocery.

A veteran Polk County burglar, Cliett spent Monday night trapped 
in a rooftop air shaft at the same 10th Street market where he 
got busted for burglary in 2004, according to acting Haines City 
Pollice Chief Chief Sammy L. Taylor.

"He really had no concept of time. He wasn't sure when it happened," 
Taylor said.

Convicted on 14 of his 16 arrests for burglary, drugs and domestic 
violence since 1990, Cliett finished serving his fifth stretch in state 
prison less than two months ago. That five-year sentence was for 
breaking into the same supermarket at which he was discovered 
Tuesday, police, court and prison records show.

The first officers to reach the roof found Cliett wedged feet first inside 
the narrow air shaft with his arms above his head.
Haines City firefighter grabbed his hands and pulled him to the roof, 
Taylor said. Police charged him with burglary of an unoccupied structure, 
causing more than $1,000 of damage, possession of burglary tools 
and felony criminal mischief.

Cliett was booked into the Polk County Jail, again..



From the Tech Support Pits:
From: Sharon
Re: What is the difference between a virus and a worm?

Dear Webby, 
Thanks for the nice Thanksgivng pumpkin & the beautiful 
fall treee. All of our leaves are gone now. they came early 
& were gone early too.
I was wondering what the difference is between adware, 
malware & worms. Are any of them seroious threats? I have 
the free avast program & several times is sends up a block 
say something has been blocked. I think some of them are 
"worms".
Also I have the free power point program downloaded but 
don't remember where I got it & a friend asked me about 
it. Do you know the site I can tell her about to get it?
Thanks so much for you fun & tips.

Dear Sharon
The border between viruses and worms is a bit murky 
these days. Generally, viruses focus on spreading to other 
machines, while worms focus on gaining control of your 
machine, harvesting data, and using your machine for 
spamming.

Adware just pesters you with ads, but frequently also infects
your computer with a virus or worm.

However, nowadays both viruses and worms try to open 
a back door for hackers or nasty programs or add-ons to 
the initial infection.

All malicious stuff like that is malware.

Programs like McAfee make no distinction between 
viruses and worms, when it comes to protecting a machine. 
They nuke them all. Just when you try to read the detailed 
description they call them by their proper names.

They also clip adware and spyware, unless you clicked to
accept ads in lieu of payment. In that case, they can't legally
cut off a form of payment that you had agreed to.

The free PowerPoint viewer that I use is the one in 
Open Office. It works great for harvesting individual pictures 
from a huge, bulky PPS or PPT file.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


A preacher wanted to mail a letter home when he
arrived in this small town where he was to to preach a
sermon. He asked a young boy where the post office
was. When the boy told him, he thanked him and said,
"If you'll come to the Baptist church this evening,
you can hear me telling everyone how to get to
Heaven."
"Huh! the boy huffed, "You don't even know your way to
the post office."


Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com

Organizing Serving Bowls, Platters and Utensils
As I get out the dishes for the holiday dinners, I also take 
out the serving bowls and utensils I will need. I put a little 
note in each bowl (i.e. cranberries, stuffing. etc.) so when 
I am serving up food I don't have to fumble around finding 
the right size bowl at the last minute.
By Linda from Vista ,CA

Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day,
or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun
Highly recommended!
If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:


A kid walked up to a guy wearing a 10-gallon hat,
leather vest, leather chaps, and sneakers. The kid
asked him, "Mr. Cowboy, why do you wear that big hat?"

The cowboy replied, "Well, son, the big hat protects
me from hot sun and driving rain, and at night I put
it over my face when I sleep on the range, so it
protects me then, too."

"Why do you wear that leather vest?"
"It also helps to keep the weather off me, and it has
pockets where I can keep my cigarettes and matches."

"Well, why do you wear leather chaps?"
"They protect my legs when I'm riding my horse through
rough bushes."
"Well, Mr. Cowboy," the kid finally asked,
"Why do you wear sneakers instead of cowboy boots ?"

"That's so people won't think I'm a truck driver."


Ophelia Dingbatter's News

No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for adults.

Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the confirmation request
.
If you don't get it, then you, your mother or your ISP have Ophelia blocked

The boss of a big company needed to call one of his
employees about an urgent problem with one of the
computers. He dialed the employee's home phone number
and was greeted with a child's whispered,
"Hello?"
Feeling put out at the inconvenience of having to talk
to a youngster the boss asked,
"Is your Daddy home?"
"Yes", whispered the small voice.
"May I talk with him?" the man asked. To the surprise
of the boss, the small voice whispered,
"No."
Wanting to talk with an adult, the boss asked,
"Is your Mommy there?"
"Yes",
"May I talk with her?" Again the small voice
whispered, "No".
Knowing that it was not likely that a young child
would be left home alone, the boss decided he would
just leave a message with the person who should be
there watching over the child.

"Is there any one there besides you?" the boss asked
the child.
"Yes" whispered the child, "A policeman".
Wondering what a cop would be doing at his employee's
home, the boss asked
"May I speak with the policeman"?
"No, he's busy", whispered the child.
"Busy doing what?, asked the boss.
"Talking to Daddy and Mommy and the Fireman", came the
whispered answer.
Growing concerned and even worried as he heard what
sounded like a helicopter through the ear piece on the
phone the boss asked,
"What is that noise?"
"A hello-copper", answered the whispering voice.
"What is going on there?", asked the boss, now
alarmed.
In an awed whispering voice the child answered,
"The search team just landed the hello-copper in the sandbox!"

Alarmed, concerned and more than just a little
frustrated the boss asked, "Why are they there"?
Still whispering, the young voice replied along with a
muffled giggle:

"They're looking for me."






 » Crockpot cooking


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Have FUN !
Dear Webby from Webby.com

[ add comment ]   |  permalink  |   ( 2.9 / 17 )

---

How do I make a CD/DVD to show on a TV? 

Thursday, November 26, 2009, 03:22 AM

   
Good Morning,  !
It's Thursday,  November 26, 2009


"Striving for excellence motivates you;
striving for perfection is demoralizing."
--- Harriet Braiker

"Living up to ideals is like doing everyday work
with your Sunday clothes on."
--- Ed Howe

Meetings are indispensable
when you don't want to do anything.
--- John Kenneth Galbraith


One night, a torrential rain soaked Southern Louisiana.
The next morning the resulting floodwaters came up
about 6  feet into most of the homes there.
Mrs. Boudreaux was sitting on her roof with her
neighbor, Mrs. Thibodeaux, waiting for help to come.

Mrs. Thibodeaux noticed a baseball cap, floating near
the house. Then  she saw it float far out into the
front yard, then float back to the house; it kept
floating away from  the house, then back towards
house.

Her curiosity got the best of her, so she asked
Mrs.Boudreaux, "Do you see dat dere baseball cap a
floatin' away from the house, den back again?"

Mrs. Boudreaux said, "Oh yeah, dass my husband; I tole
dat coonass he gonna cut the grass today, come hell or
high water, or he's gonna sleep on da couch!"


A young boy came to Sunday School late. His teacher
knew that he was usually very prompt and asked him if
anything was wrong.
The boy replied no, that he was going fishing but his
dad told him that he needed to go to church.

The teacher was very impressed and asked the boy if his
dad had explained to him why it was more important to
go to church than to go fishing.

The boy replied: "Yes he did. Dad said he didn't have
enough bait for both of us."


A little boy got lost at the YWCA and found himself in
the  women's locker room. When he was spotted, the
room burst into  shrieks, with ladies grabbing towels and
running for cover.

The little boy watched in amazement and then asked,
"What's the matter havet you never seen a little boy
before?"




  Large

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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
goes to Islington Town Hall in North London, England

No Civil Union for straights


To ensure that they are not misquoted, the London Metro 
newspaper's online version is100% graphics, without any
editable text.



From the Tech Support Pits:
From: Grace
Re: How do I make a CD/DVD to show on a TV?

Dear Webby, 
I was wondering if you can tell me what format I should 
use to get a cd to play pictures on the Tv from a burned disc.
I have spent so many hours doing slide shows and videos 
of my grand kids only to find out they are not in the right 
format to put in the dvd player and then not work. I have 
used a DVD-R and a CD-R, and about 3 different programs 
with no luck. Can you tell me how to do it or what program I need?
Thanks 
Grace

Dear Grace
I don't have a TV, so I really don't have any first hand knowledge about that.
Some people say that Nero works for that,
others say Socusoft DVD Photo Slide Show.
That one is at 
http://www.dvd-photo-slideshow.com/slid ... layer.html
or 
http://www.dvd-photo-slideshow.com/download.html

Have FUN!
DearWebby


The mother of three notoriously unruly youngsters was
asked whether or not she'd have children if she had it
to do over again.

"Sure," she replied, "but definitely not the same ones."


Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com

Use Your Turkey Bones for Soup
Think you've got your turkey pretty well stripped? Think again. 
After all that turkey tetrazini, turkey hash, turkey salad, etc, 
try turkey soup. Toss all the turkey bones into a large pot. 
Cover the bones with water, add seasonings to taste, and 
simmer two hours. While the bones are simmering, 
peel carrots, celery and whatever other veggies you like. 
Add these to the pot. Cook an additional hour to hour and 
a half. If desired, add a half pound of egg noodles near the 
end of the cooking time. Once the noodles are cooked 
according to the time specified on the package, remove 
the bones (carefully, so you don't burn yourself). 
Your turkey soup is ready to enjoy. 
By Lelia Jo from Springfield, OH

Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day,
or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun
Highly recommended!
If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:


A clergyman, walking down a country lane, sees a young
farmer frantically struggling to load hay back onto a
cart from where it had fallen off.

"You look hot, my son," said the cleric. "Why don't
you rest a moment, and I'll give you a hand."

"No thanks," said the young man. "My father wouldn't
like it."

"Don't be silly," the minister said. "Everyone is
entitled to a break. Come and have a drink of water."

Again the young man protested that his father would be
upset. Losing his patience, the clergyman said,
"Your father must be a real slave driver. Tell me
where I can find him and I'll give him a piece of my
mind!"

"Well," replied the young farmer, "he's under the load
of hay."


Ophelia Dingbatter's News

No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for adults.

Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the confirmation request
.
If you don't get it, then you, your mother or your ISP have Ophelia blocked

Two Yuppettes were shopping. When they started to
discuss their home lives, one said,
"Seems like all Alfred and I do anymore is fight. I've
been so upset, I've lost 20 pounds."
"Why don't you just leave him then?" asked her friend.
"Oh, No! I can't." the first replied, "I need to lose
at least another fifteen pounds first."






 » Antelope Canyon


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Have FUN !
Dear Webby from Webby.com

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---

Can I make an install CD from an installed game? 

Wednesday, November 25, 2009, 04:01 AM

   
Good Morning,  !
It's Wednesday,  November 25, 2009


"Always listen to the experts.
They'll tell you what can'tbe done and why.
Then do it."
--- Robert Heinlein 


Thanks to Bill for this story:
Big Jake was having his long hair styled at the hairdressers 
when a bus smashed into a car, outside. Draped in a cape, 
his hair divided with aluminium clips, Jake, an ex-paratrooper 
corporal raced out to the bus and found the driver unhurt.

The car driver, however, was slumped over the wheel, 
unconscious. Big Jake lost no time in applying his army 
acquired CPR techniques, including mouth-to-mouth 
resuscitation. The car driver recovered consciousness 
several times, but kept passing out again.

Soon the ambulance arrived with the paramedics and took 
over, and Jake returned to his hairdresser's seat. "I just don't 
understand why he kept passing out," he said to the hairdresser. 
"I did everything they taught me."

"Well, put yourself in the car driver's place," said the hairdresser. 
"He's driving down the street without a care in the world. The next 
thing he knows, he's waking up to see some big guy in a green 
cape, weird hair, with a head full of wires, pounding on his chest 
and kissing him. You'd pass out too."


A young woman doctor tells the story about her 4 year
old daughter. On the way to pre-school, the doctor had
left her stethoscope on the car seat, and her little
girl picked it up and began playing with it.

"Be still, my heart," thought the doctor, "My daughter
wants to follow in my footsteps!"

Then the child spoke into the instrument,
"Wowcome to McDonnahs. Do ya want fwies wif that?"


TEACHER: How old were you on your last birthday?
STUDENT: Seven.
TEACHER: How old will you be on your next birthday?
STUDENT: Nine.
TEACHER: That's impossible.
STUDENT: No, it ain't, Teacher. I'm eight today.

TEACHER: George, go to the map and find North America.
GEORGE: Here it is!
TEACHER: Correct. Now, class, who discovered America?
CLASS: George!

TEACHER: Willy, name one important thing we have today
that we didn't have ten years ago.
WILLY: Me!

TEACHER: In this box, I have a 10-foot snake.
SAMMY: You can't fool me, Teacher... snakes don't have
10 feet.

TEACHER: How can you prevent diseases caused by biting
insects?
JOSE: Don't bite any.

TEACHER: If I had seven oranges in one hand and eight
oranges in the other, what would I have?
: BIG hands!


Thanks to Robert for sending this picture:


  

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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
goes to Adam Garland and Michael Queener at the at the
 Turney Center prison in Tennessee

Inmates Escape, Steal Cigarettes, Return
CLIFTON, Tenn. -- The state Department of Correction said 
two inmates escaped a minimum security prison in southwest 
middle Tennessee on Nov. 7 to steal cigarettes before returning, 
WSMV-TV in Nashville reported.

Adam Garland and Michael Queener are accused of escaping 
through a window in their cell at the Turney Center Annex and 
crawling under a fence.

While out, the men stole cigarettes and tobacco products from a 
convenience store before returning to the prison by going back 
through the window that they had escaped from, officials at the 
corrections department said.

Officers later discovered the contraband, and an investigation 
began.

Queener was serving a 10-year sentence for aggravated robbery. 
Garland was serving a five-year sentence for attempted aggravated 
burglary and theft.

The men will now face escape and burglary charges, and minimum
security days are over for them.


From the Tech Support Pits:
From: Moo Mom
Re: Can I make an install CD from an installed game?

Dear Webby, 
 I was wondering if it would be possible to some how copy a game 
 and all that goes with it that was installed in a friends computer 
 from a game cd or disc , what ever you call them into mine, 
 they no longer have the original cd for me to install the game. 
 can it some how be copied to a blank cd and then installed 
 in mine.?
 Thanks a lot ...
 Moo Mom

Dear Moo Mom
Usually that is impossible.

If that was possible, they would sell only ONE CD,
and everybody would copy it from the machine it was 
installed on.
They couldn't pay their rent in that case.

Look for that game on eBay. There are bound to be some 
people who have outgrown it and are selling the CD cheaply.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


A mother was telling her little girl what her own
childhood was like.
"We used to skate outside on a pond. I had a swing made
from a tire; it hung from a tree in our front yard. We
rode our pony. We picked wild raspberries in the woods."

The little girl was wide-eyed, taking this in. At last
she said, "I sure wish I'd gotten to know you sooner!"


Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com

Baked-on Food
I find the best way to remove any baked on or burned residue 
in pans or casseroles, or burner rings is to sprinkle on some 
dry dishwasher detergent, cover with hot tap water and allow 
to sit overnight. In the morning, it will come off with a wipe of 
the sponge. I haven't found any other method that works 
without scrubbing.
By TwoDogsMom from Vista CA

Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day,
or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun
Highly recommended!
If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:


A lawyer dies on his 40th birthday and finds himself
greeted at the Pearly Gates by a brass band.
Saint Peter runs over, shakes his hand and says "Congratulations!!!"
"Congratulations for what?" asks the lawyer.
"Congratulations for what?!?!?" says Saint Peter.
"We're celebrating the fact that you lived to be 760
years old."

"But that's not true," says the lawyer. "I  was shot on
my 40th birthday!."
"That's impossible," says Saint Peter.
"We've added up the time you billed."


Ophelia Dingbatter's News

No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for adults.

Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the confirmation request
.
If you don't get it, then you, your mother or your ISP have Ophelia blocked

A drunk walks into a bar and says to the bartender
(with a drunken slur), "Tarbender, buy everyone in the
houshe a drink, pour yourschelf one, and gimme the
bill."

So the bartender does just that and hands the man a bill
for $57.
The drunk says, "I haven't got it."
The bartender slaps the guy around a few times, then
throws him out into the street.

The very next day the same drunk walks into the bar and
once again says (with a drunken slur), "Tarbender, buy
everyone in the houshe a drink, pour yourschelf one, and
gimme the bill."

The bartender looks at the guy and figures to himself
that he can't possibly be stupid enough to pull the same
trick twice. So he gives him the benefit of the doubt,
pours a round of drinks for the house, has a drink
himself and hands the drunk a bill for $67.
The drunk says, "I haven't got it."
The bartender can't believe it. He picks the guy up,
beats the living daylights out of him, then throws him
out into the street.

The next day the same drunk walks back into the same bar
and says (with a drunken slur), "Tarbender, buy everyone
in the houshe a drink, gimme the bill."

In disgust, the bartender says, "What, no drink for me
this time?"

The drunk replies, "You? No way! You get too violent
when you drink."






 » Awesome photo gallery


ARCHIVE: If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the
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Have FUN !
Dear Webby from Webby.com

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---

How do I restore from an emergency back-up? 

Tuesday, November 24, 2009, 03:09 AM

   
Good Morning,  !
It's Tuesday,  November 24, 2009


"Under capitalism man exploits man;
under socialism the reverse is true."
--- Polish Proverb

"The difference between fiction and reality? Fiction has to
make sense."
--- Tom Clancy


Little Johnny's class was having an English lesson, and
the teacher called on Little Johnny to recite a sentence
with a direct object.

Little Johnny stood and thought, then said,
"Teacher, I think you have lost weight."

"Why thank you, Little Johnny," the teacher said,
blushing. "But what is the direct object?"

"A good report card next month," he replied....


"When I was a youngster," complained the frustrated
father, "I was disciplined by being sent to my room
without supper.  But my son has his own TV, phone,
computer and DVD player.

"So what do you do?" asked his friend.

"I send him to MY room!"


The lawyer emailed his client overseas:
"Your mother-in-law passed away in her sleep. Do you want
us to order burial or cremation ?"

Back came the reply, "Take no chances - order both,
but not in that order."





  Utah

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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
goes to a 17 year old bank robber in Warwick, RI

RI teen skipped school, robbed bank
WARWICK, R.I. (AP) - Police say a 17-year-old Warwick boy who 
skipped school to rob a bank has been arrested after leaving 
fingerprints on the threatening note he passed to the teller. 
Warwick police Capt. Sean Collins said the boy handed a 
note riddled with misspellings to a teller Thursday, demanding 
money or "everyone will be shot."

The teller at Coastway Community Bank gave the teen money, 
but he didn't have much time to spend it.

Police said his image was captured on surveillance cameras, 
and his fingerprints were found on the note.

Police said the teen was arrested six hours after the alleged 
theft and faces a first degree robbery charge. The teen, whom 
police declined to identify because he's a juvenile, was being 
held at the Rhode Island Training School.


From the Tech Support Pits:
From: Harlin
Re: How do I restore from an emergency back-up?

Dear Webby, 
I have been reading your emails daily and have found the 
information very helpful.  I have a problem with my computer 
and just wondered if you would not mind helping me out. I really 
enjoy your emails - keep up the good work.
 
I did an emergency backup and the information was stored in the 
D drive.  I am unable to retrieve the information because the folder 
is locked.  How do I get the information out of the drive and put 
back into the proper folders.
 
Thank you for any help you can give me.
Harlin

Dear Harlin
That sounds like you may have used one of the many back-up 
programs that compress and encrypt the files and then lock them, 
so that nobody else can use them. For privacy protection, that is 
definitely a good idea, but it can be a nuisance for retrieval.

You need the exact program, that you used to make that back-up, 
to unlock, decrypt, and expand the files. Without that program, 
the back-up is just wasted space.

Not all, but most of those programs allow you to restore just 
selected files, but some default to a complete, everything or 
nothing, restore. You got to be very calm, cool and focused 
when you do the restore, so that you don't accidentally overwrite 
files that you have updated in the meantime. In some cases, 
it is bet to rename those or copy them to a different location, 
so that they won't get overwritten by the restore.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


Michael strode in to his doctors office and said,
"Doc, my druggist said to tell you to change my
prescription and to check the prescription you've been
giving to a Mrs. Rogers."

"Oh, he did, did he?" the doctor shot back. "And since
when does a druggist second guess a doctor's orders?"

Michael says, "Since he found out that the birth
control pills that you prescribed for me did nothing
about my hemorrhoids, and the salve you prescribed
for Mrs Rogers did not stop her from getting pregnant."


Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com

Use Your Oven Heat to Warm Your House
After using your oven in the winter, turn it off and leave the 
door open so the leftover heat can spread into your home. 
Of course you need to keep small children away until it 
cools, but when it comes to conserving energy and 
money every little bit sure adds up.
By Patricia from Imperial, NE

Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day,
or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun
Highly recommended!
If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:


Norrissa was nervous the night her new boyfriend invited
her and her three young sons to an upscale restaurant
for the first time.

He ordered a bottle of wine with the meal. When the
server brought it, the children became quiet as she
began the ritual uncorking. When the waitress poured a
small amount for Norissa to taste and handed her the glass,
her six-year-old piped up,
"Mom can drink a LOT more than that! Give her the bottle!"


Ophelia Dingbatter's News

No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for adults.

Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the confirmation request
.
If you don't get it, then you, your mother or your ISP have Ophelia blocked

Aaron bought his wife a beautiful diamond ring for
their Anniversary. His friend Benny remarked: "I thought
she wanted one of those pretty 4-Wheel drive cars."

"She did," Aaron replied. "But where in the world was I
going to find a fake Jeep ?!!"






 » Great Books


ARCHIVE: If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the
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Have FUN !
Dear Webby from Webby.com

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---

MSN blocking subscriptions 

Monday, November 23, 2009, 03:27 AM

   
Good Morning,  !
It's Monday,  November 23, 2009


"I suffer from two phobias:
1) Phobia-Phobia, the fear that
you're unable to get scared, and
2) Xylophataquieopiaphobia,
the fear of not pronouncing words correctly."
--- Brad Stine

It is hard to say whether the doctors of laws or the
doctors of divinity have made the greater advances in the
lucrative business of mystery.
--- Samuel Goldwyn


The story is told of a day when Queen Elizabeth had the
Duke Of Edinbourgh over for a cup of tea. The
conversation turned equestrian and the Queen was
telling the Duke about her new prize horse. After a
spell of ranting and raving over this horse the Duke
said, "Well, then, let's see this fine animal!"

So the Queen and the Duke went over to the stables to
admire the horse. At one point the Queen walked around
the horse, just as it let out an earth trembling fart,
with a smell that brought tears to everybody's eyes and
blistered the paint ... let's just say it was awesome..

The Queen turned a bit red and said,
"Oh, I am terribly sorry about that!"
"Oh, that's quite alright," the Duke replied, "I had
thought it was the horse!"


Little Johnny was sitting in the courtyard turning a
bottle of liquid back and forth, watching the bubbles.
The Priest walked up and asked him what he was doing?
Little Johnny replied, "I'm looking at the most powerful
liquid in the world."

The Priest said, "But Johnny, Holy Water is the most
powerful liquid in the world. Did you know that if you
put Holy Water on your forehead every day, 
bad thoughts will pass away."

Little Johnny said, "Big deal! This is TURPENTINE!
If you put this on a cat's butt, he'll pass a Harley!


 was at a yard sale one day and saw a box marked
"Electronic cat and dog caller -- guaranteed to work."

 looked inside and was amused to see an electric
can opener.


Thanks to Dave for this picture:


  

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please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
goes to a dopey Pennsylvanian couple

Woman smuggled drugs to Pa. inmate with kiss
Nov 20, 3:12 PM (ET)

MERCER, Pa. (AP) - A western Pennsylvania woman has been 
ordered to stand trial on charges she passed a drug-filled 
balloon to a state prison inmate while kissing him. State police 
said guards at the State Correctional Institution-Mercer 
became suspicious when an inmate appeared to swallow 
something after a prolonged kiss with a visitor on Oct. 19.

When the inmate wouldn't tell guards what he swallowed, 
they put him in a cell where they could monitor his bathroom 
visits and found a balloon filled with marijuana three days later.

Police charged the inmate, and the woman with conspiracy 
to smuggle contraband and other charges. Both are 41 years old.

A district judge ordered them to stand trial at a hearing on Monday.


From the Tech Support Pits:
From: Beverly
Re: Can't unsubscribe or subscribe

Dear Webby
still messing with this......can't unsubscribe as i'm not in the 
list data base.  go figure.
 
can't you just bypass your system and sign me up by hand???  
if i can get a letter from you, should get the humor letter...
if it is being sent.  I can ...and have ..subscribe,but never 
get the confirmation letter so guess i just get dumped out 
of your system., like must have happened a month or so ago.
BEVERLY 

Dear Beverly
You probably unsubscribed and tried to re-subscribe when 
MSN started censoring your subscription.

Currently you are in the confirmation waiting list.
Until you confirm, and thereby prove that MSN is not censoring
mail from humor@webby.com, there is no point sending your
subscription just to be censored and murdered by the Taliban.

You can try whitelisting humor@webby.com, 
and try subscribing again when the current confirmation 
request times out. It keeps trying for 72 hours. 

In the long run, though, your best bet would be to get a 
respectable and reliable address.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


The Italians have followed the ages old tradition of naming
their boats with a three-letter prefix. For example:
USA uses USS which means "United States Ship."
The British uses HMS which means "Her Majesty's Ship."
and now...Italy is using AMB which apparently means
"At's-a My Boat!"


Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com

Winter Tip: Keep Clean, Dry Socks Handy
Keep a clean pair of dry socks under the seat of your car, 
in your bag or in a coat pocket in case you get your feet wet! 
You'll thank yourself for this thoughtfulness especially if 
you have to spend an entire day with cold wet feet and 
catch a cold due to it!
By Melody_yesterday from Sedalia, MO

Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day,
or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun
Highly recommended!
If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:


"I'm ashamed of you," the mother said. "Fighting with your
best friend is a terrible thing to do!"
"He threw a rock at me!" the boy said. "So I threw one at
him."
The mother stated emphatically, "When he threw a rock at
you, you should have come to me."
The boy quickly replied, "What good would that have done?
My aim is five times better than yours!"


Ophelia Dingbatter's News

No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for adults.

Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the confirmation request
.
If you don't get it, then you, your mother or your ISP have Ophelia blocked

A vacationer e-mailed a seaside hotel to ask its
location. "It's only a stone's throw away from the
beach," he was told.

"But how will I recognize it?" asked the man.

Back came the reply: "It's the one with all the broken
windows."






 » A place between us


ARCHIVE: If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the
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Have FUN !
Dear Webby from Webby.com

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---

Pictures too big in Outlook Express 

Sunday, November 22, 2009, 02:50 AM

   
Good Morning,  !
It's Sunday,  November 22, 2009


"Too often we... enjoy the comfort of opinion
without the discomfort of thought."
--- John F. Kennedy

People who say they sleep like a baby
usually don't have one.
--- Leo J. Burke

For most folks, no news is good news;
for the press, good news is not news.
--- Gloria Borger


A nervous taxpayer was unhappily conversing with the
IRS Tax auditor, who had come to review his records.
At one point the auditor exclaimed, "Mr. Carr, we feel
it is a great privilege to be allowed to live and work
in the USA.  As a citizen you have an obligation to
pay taxes, and we expect you to eagerly pay them with
a smile."

"Thank goodness," returned Mr. Carr, with a giant grin
on his face from ear to ear, "I thought you were going
to want me to pay with money."


The following ad appeared in a newspaper.
Single Black Female Seeks Male companionship,
ethnicity unimportant.
Good looking girl who LOVES to play.
I love long walks in the woods. Riding in your pickup
truck.Hunting, Camping, Fishing trips. Cozy winter
nights spent lying by the fire. Candlelight dinners
will have me eating out of your hand.
Rub me the right way and watch me respond.
I'll be at the front door when you get home from work,
wearing only what nature gave me. Kiss me and I'm
yours.
Call 555-XXXX and ask for Daisy.

(The phone number was the Dog Pound and Daisy
was an eight week old Black Labrador Retriever.)


A 16-year old comes home and says "Dad, I just
got my driver's license and would like to use the
family car."

Father replies, "O.K., son. But, first, you have to
get good grades in school, keep your room clean,
keep the yard trimmed, and cut your hair.  Come
back when you've done all of that."

Well, a month passes and the son approaches
his dad, report card in his hand. "Dad, I got great
marks on my report card. I've been keeping my
room as neat as a pin, and the yard is always
ship-shape. How about letting me use the car?"

Father replies, "But, son, you didn't cut your hair."

Son says, "But, Dad, Jesus had long hair."
Father replies, "Yes, son, you're right. He never got
to drive either."


Thanks to Donnie for this picture:


  A Mississippi Fox Squirrel

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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
goes to Russell Spade, 41, of Redding, California

Fugitive Imposter
Two men were arrested Monday night - including one man who 
police say pretended to be a fugitive - after an hourlong chase 
that took officers through the streets and backyards of a south 
Redding neighborhood.

Redding police were called about 9:20 p.m. to a report of two 
men trying to break into Northern California Recycling on 
Clear Creek Road, police Sgt. Mike Thomas said.

When an officer spotted the two men, one ran away, while the 
second remained at the scene, police Sgt. Steve Moravec said.

At least six officers, a helicopter and a police dog were called 
to the area to find the fleeing man, Thomas said.

During the chase through the Westwood neighborhood off 
Highway 273, a resident apparently heard on an emergency 
radio scanner that police were looking for a man wearing 
khaki pants and a San Francisco 49ers sweatshirt.

Moravec said the man wondered if police would notice him if 
he went outdoors wearing the clothing of the suspect they 
were searching for.

"Well, we noticed him," Moravec said. Russell Spade, 41, of 
Redding was arrested on suspicion of obstructing and delaying 
a police officer, Moravec said.

He does not face charges in connection with the alleged burglary 
because, other than his clothing, he didn't fit the description of 
the suspect, Moravec said. However, they most definitely have
HIS number now.

Police also arrested Matthew Padel, 23, of Redding on suspicion 
of prowling and possessing a dangerous drug, in this case 
methamphetamine, Moravec said.

Police called off the search for the second man about 10:20 p.m., 
Thomas said.


From the Tech Support Pits:
From: Ron
Re: Pictures too big in Outlook Express

Dear Webby
I know you do not usually deal with Out Look Express but I 
have used it for years with good success. Maybe you know 
why when I send a picture it fills more than the whole screen. 
Is there a setting to change this and make the pics smaller? 
You have answered my questions since 1998 so you might 
know this one. Thanks.
RON P

Dear Ron
I am not familiar with OE, 
but the picture should be resized before embedding it into 
ANY email program.

OE does have a setting that automatically squishes pictures 
if you attach them, instead of embedding them, but it uses a 
lossy compression that can not be reversed. You might be able 
to find that setting, if you look in the OE help.

Best is to use any graphics program to crop or resize the pictures 
beforehand, like I do with the Humor Letter. 
Personally, I have used Paint Shop Pro for about 20 years, 
but any graphics program will do. There are a dozens of free ones 
on the net, that are plenty good enough for resizing.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


.A man walks into an animal hospital with a gigantic
parrot and asks to have the bird's beak and talons and
wings trimmed. The owner warns the veterinarian's
assistant that the bird dislikes these procedures and
is apt to bite.

The assistant puts on thick gloves and cautiously opens
the cage. The parrot steps out, then looks at the
wary assistant.

"Don't worry," the parrot squawks. "I probably won't hurt you."


Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com

Check Your Free Credit Report Every Year
Get a free credit report yearly and check it carefully.
 The 3-4 credit bureaus allow you one free credit 
 report a year. We were surprised to find a problem 
 on ours that we did not know about. Home owners 
 insurance premiums can be affected by your credit 
 rating even if they are paid through your mortgage.
By Kim from Franklin Park, IL

Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day,
or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun
Highly recommended!
If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:


It may still be winter where you are, but in Australia 
it's the season of the big spring mosquitos.

The other evening, a man walked out into his yard and
two mosquitos picked him up. As they lifted him, one
says to the other, "Let's take him down by the lake and
have a picnic."

The other one said, "No way ! If we carry him down
there, the big mosquitos will take him away from us."


Ophelia Dingbatter's News

No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for adults.

Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the confirmation request
.
If you don't get it, then you, your mother or your ISP have Ophelia blocked

While waiting for my first appointment in the reception room
of a new dentist, I noticed his certificate, which bore his
full name.  Suddenly, I remembered that a guy with his name
had been in my high school class almost 50 years ago. Upon
seeing him, however, I quickly discarded any such thought.
This balding, gray-haired man with the deeply lined face was
too old to have been my classmate. After he had examined my
teeth, I asked him if he had attended the local high school.
"Yes," he replied. "Graduated in 1955."
"You were in my class!" I exclaimed.
He looked at me closely and then asked,
"What did you teach?"






 » Edwards AFB


ARCHIVE: If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the
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If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
Thanks for your votes!

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Well, , that's all for today.

Have FUN !
Dear Webby from Webby.com

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---

Vista not able to handle video on Skype 

Saturday, November 21, 2009, 01:39 AM

   
Good Morning,  !
It's Saturday,  November 21, 2009


"It is far more impressive when others discover your
good qualities without your help."
--- Judith Martin


Thanks to Donny for this:
WE are in trouble...
The population of this country is 300 million.
160 million are retired. 
That leaves 140 million to do the work. 
There are 85 million in school. 
Which leaves 55 million to do the work. 
Of this there are 35 million employed by the federal government. 
Leaving 20 million to do the work. 
2.8 million are in the armed forces preoccupied with killing Osama 
Bin-Laden. 
Which leaves 17.2 million to do the work. 
Take from that total the 15.8 million people who work for state and city 
Governments. And that leaves 1.4 million to do the work. 
At any given time there are 188,000 people in hospitals. 
Leaving 1,212,000 to do the work. 
Now, there are 1,211,998 people in prisons. 
That leaves just two people to do the work. 
You and me. 
And there you are, 
Sitting on your ass, 
At your computer, reading jokes! 


"You seem to have more than average intelligence for a
man of your background," sneered the lawyer at a
witness on the stand.

"If I wasn't under oath, I'd return the compliment,"
replied the witness.


A doctor has come to see one of his patients in a
hospital. The patient has had major surgery to
both of his hands.
"Doctor," says the man excitedly and dramatically
holds up his heavily bandaged hands. "The nurse told
me that I will be able to play the piano when these
bandages come off?"
"I don't see why not," replies the doctor.
"Hmmm, then I better start learning to read sheet
music!"




 Yukon memories!

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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
goes to Kiara Medlock, 10, Ozark, Arkansas

Teen assaults cop and needed to be tasered
NOVEMBER 18--An Arkansas cop tasered an unruly 10-year-old 
girl after her mother called police to report that the child was 
crying, screaming, and refusing to go to bed. The tased girl, 

According to the Ozark Police Department report, when Officer 
Dustin Bradshaw arrived at the residence last Thursday, he 
found the girl "screaming, kicking, and resisting every time 
her mother tried to touch her." 

Bradshaw added that, "Her mother told me to tase her if I 
needed to." After Kiara continued to refuse her mother's 
instructions, the cop concluded that "there was not going to be 
a peaceful resolution of the issue." 

Bradshaw warned the girl that she was "going to jail," but the brat 
continued kicking and crying and resisted his attempt to handcuff 
her. During the fight, Kiara "struck me with her legs and feet in the 
groin, reported Bradshaw, who countered with a brief "stun to her back" 
with his Taser. The child, not surprisingly, "stopped resisting and was 
placed into handcuffs. However, she refused to walk on her own 
and I had to carry her to my police car." 
Kiara was then transported to a youth shelter.
------------
Sounds like that brat will need to get tased a few more times 
before she starts acting her age.


From the Tech Support Pits:
From: Di
Re: Vista not able to handle video on Skype

Dear Webby
Hi Webby:  
Since you are talking Skype - I have a question about using it 
for my webcam.  I have been talking to my granddaughter in 
NC and I am in FL.  I see and hear her fine for a few minutes, 
then my screen freezes the image of her, although we can still 
hear each other.  She can still see me just fine.  When we 
call each other back - it is fine again for a few minutes and 
then the same thing happens again.   I am using a regular 
laptop with 3G of ram and she is using a mini notebook with 
the maximum ram required.  Do you have any ideas, so I 
can start troubleshooting?  
Is it her problem or mine? 
I am running Vista and my hard drive is almost full. 
Thanks, Di

Dear Di
Well, that would 'splain things.
Upgrading to XP would most definitely help.

If you don't want to do that, 
add the 4th GB of RAM that Vista needs, 
get an external USB hard drive or second internal hard drive 
give the C: drive about 40% free space 
increase the virtual memory to at least twice the amount of RAM 
run DisKeeper to defrag and optimize your hard drives. 

That won't make it as fast and reliable as XP, but programs 
won't get stuck or partially stuck as often.

Another solution is to buy an old XP machine ( with the XP CD ! ) 
at a yard sale, format and re-install XP, and use that for your 
communications and anything that requires speed and power.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


I boarded the train and took my seat. The seat next to
me was empty, but not for long. A young mother boarded
with her 5-year-old daughter and Mom sat down in the
seat beside me. I offered my seat to the little
girl but Mom said no, she'd sit the young one on her
lap. So here I am holding my roses, now with a little
lady straining to see what I was holding.

"What ya got, mister?" she asked.
(Mom is getting a bit flustered and tells her to mind
her business.)

I leaned the "package" over a bit and she looks and
says loudly, "Ohhhh, ROSES!, who are they for?"

(Now, Mom is embarrassed and tapping her on the rear
telling her to sit down.)

I said, "they're for my girlfriend".

The little 5 year old said, again with a loud voice,
"WOW, pretty RED ones, and a LOT of them, too!
Man, you really must have f****d up!"

Her mother turned as red as the roses, but all the
other passengers bust a gut laughing.


Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com

Subtract Savings First
It seems the more I made the more I spent, until I decided 
to try a special way to save money. Each month, when I 
get paid, I subtract an amount of money that I am going to 
try to save. Once it is subtracted in my register, it seems 
like it is not there but it really is should a serious emergency 
arise. I try to make it an amount that is pushing my saving limit.

At the end of the month, I have to decide what to do with it. I 
either save it or purchase something that is really needed, 
such as tires. In times past, I would just go out and charge 
tires on my credit card and hope that I could pay it off at the 
end of the month. This way, with a little patience, I will have 
the money in hand before I buy tires.
By Paula from GA

Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day,
or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun
Highly recommended!
If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:


An Irishman's wife calls the doctor, stating that her
husband has taken ill. The doctor asks if she had
taken his temperature; she replied that she hadn't but
would and then call back.

When she hadn't called within a half hour, the doctor
called and asked her what had happened. She said,
"Well, I didn't have a thermometer, so I put a
barometer on his chest and it said dry,
so I gave him a pint of beer and he went off to work!"


Ophelia Dingbatter's News

No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for adults.

Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the confirmation request
.
If you don't get it, then you, your mother or your ISP have Ophelia blocked

The Burgess Hill Town Council in the UK, in response to a 
worker's complaint that sunlight coming through the window 
caused a glare on her computer screen, has already had three
meetings, six months of discussion, contact with several 
contractors, produced a six page report, worked up five 
potential alternatives, their favorite being the spending of 
up to $10,000 to put computer controlled screens on the 
outside of the window or coat the window with reflective 
film, but whose Town Clerk solved the problem by moving 
the desk away from the window, but had forgotten to tell them.






 » Wildlife Photos


ARCHIVE: If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the
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If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
Thanks for your votes!

Please give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter

Well, , that's all for today.

Have FUN !
Dear Webby from Webby.com

[ add comment ]   |  permalink  |   ( 3 / 15 )

---

Does Skype work for phone calls? 

Friday, November 20, 2009, 04:15 AM

   
Good Morning,  !
It's Friday,  November 20, 2009
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!"

"Ask a question and you're a fool for three minutes;
do not ask a question and you're a fool for the rest
of your life."
--- Chinese Proverb


Two Venusians are walking down the street. One Venusian
finds a little mirror, looks in it, again, and again.
Puzzled, she says to the other one,
"I just know I've seen this face before!"
"Give it to me", says the other Venusian. She looks in
the mirror and says,
"Of course, you silly! It's me!!"


The fourth-grade teacher had to leave the room for a
few minutes. When she returned, she found the children
in perfect order. Everybody was sitting absolutely
quiet.

She was shocked and stunned and said, "I've never seen
anything like it before. This is wonderful. But, please
tell me, what came over all of you?
Why are you so well behaved and quiet?"

Finally, after much urging,  spoke up and
said, "Well, one time you said that if you ever came
back and found us quiet, you would drop dead."


Two good Catholic boys passed an Episcopalian
minister. At the sight of the reversed collar, one of
them automatically said, "Hello, Father."

The other boy elbowed him in the ribs. "He's no
father, you dummy," said the second youth,
"He's married and got three kids!"




 

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Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
goes to Kristine A. Pflughaupt, 46, of Marion, Iowa

Mail Carrier found Drunk, Inside a Residence
By Becky Ogann
Story Updated: Nov 17, 2009 at 2:40 PM CST
MARION — Police arrested a mail carrier after she was found 
drunk inside a residence while on the job in Marion earlier this 
month, authorities said Tuesday.

Kristine A. Pflughaupt, 46, of Marion, was charged with public 
intoxication Nov. 3 after she was found sitting on the kitchen 
floor of a house at 260 Sixth Avenue, eating leftover noodles 
from Marie O’Kelly’s refrigerator.

Marion police Lt. Steve Etzel said Pflughaupt entered the 
home through an unlocked front door. She apparently was 
intoxicated when she was dropped off to complete her route, 
he said.

“She was in uniform and had mail and a mail-carrying bag 
with her,” Etzel said.

O’Kelly, 95, said she was watching TV in another room when 
she heard a noise. She thought her daughter had arrived, but 
became suspicious when no one came to greet her.
When she went to check, O’Kelly said she found Pflughaupt 
sitting on her kitchen floor. She was using her hands to eat 
leftover noodles, and they were running down Pflughaupt’s 
shirt. O’Kelly didn’t recognize her as the mail carrier.

“I said, ‘What are you doing here?’ and she didn’t answer me,” 
O’Kelly said. “She just kept eating those noodles.”

Police and firefighters arrived around 4:45 p.m. and Pflughaupt 
was arrested. Preliminary breath tests showed her blood alcohol 
content to be .281, police said.

Pflughaupt, a 17-year employee of the U.S. Postal Service, was 
taken to the Linn County Jail. Marion Postmaster Rick Leyendecker 
said Pflughaupt is currently on unpaid leave. The incident happened 
his second day as Postmaster.

Any disciplinary action will be determined after police finish their 
criminal investigation, Leyendecker said.

“I just have to let the investigation run its course,” Leyendecker said.
O’Kelly said she was shook up, but was not injured in the incident.
“It was a shocker, is what it was,” O’Kelly said.

According to online court records, Pflughaupt has three convictions 
for operating while intoxicated, including one just three months ago. 
Her prison sentence was suspended in that incident.


From the Tech Support Pits:
From: Adrianne
Re: Skype on dial-up

Dear Webby
I know you mentioned Skype many times over the last ten years
that I have been subcribed. My granddaughter wants me to install
it so that we can talk to her and her mother, but I have only
slow dial-up. Would it still work? And can you really call regular
phones with it?
Adrianne

Dear Adrianne
Yes, sure. The voice quality on dial-up is of course not as good
as on a high speed connection, but still a bit better than landline
or cell phone. When my DSL is down, like it was the second 
half of October, I use dial-up, and still call my dad over in 
Europe every night, when it is his breakfast time. I have not 
missed a night since I got Skype, except in April, when he 
comes over here to travel around the deserts with me.

And yes, you definitely can call regular phones and cell 
phones with Skype. The voice quality of course is limited
by the phone, that the other side uses. Calling a regular
phone is about a penny per minute anywhere in the world.

Calling another skype user is totally free.
Have FUN!
DearWebby


For all of you who have emailed me when my
spelling is wrong:

Eye halve a spelling chequer
It came with my pea sea
It plainly marques four my revue
Miss steaks eye ! kin knot sea.

Eye strike a key and type a word
And weight four it two say
Weather eye am wrong oar write
It shows me strait a we! igh.

As soon as a mist ache is maid
It nose bee fore two long
And eye can put the error rite
Its rarely ever wrong.

Eye have run this poem threw it
I am shore your pleased two no
Its letter perfect in it's weigh
My chequer tolled me sew.


Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com

Save Egg Shells for Planting in Spring
When using eggs in my cooking, I try to break the shells near one 
end. The smaller piece of broken shell goes into the compost bowl, 
the larger part of the shell I put back into the empty egg carton and 
save for spring when I fill the shells with soil and start my seedlings 
in them. They are lightweight and easy to move around. When the 
plants have developed roots and are ready to transplant into the 
ground you just lift them shell and all and plant them in the garden. 
The egg shell will fertilize and nourish the plant. It will be off to a 
good start!
By Deborah from Terre Hill, PA

If you have a choice of eggs, that come in paper-machee
trays or boxes instead of plastic, those trays work very
well too for sprouting, and compost cleanly after you
cut them into mini pots and plant them.
Have FUN!
DearWebby

Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day,
or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun
Highly recommended!
If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:


The most remarkable thing about Ernie's mother is that
for thirty years she served the family nothing but
leftovers.

The original meal has never been found.


Ophelia Dingbatter's News

No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for adults.

Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the confirmation request
.
If you don't get it, then you, your mother or your ISP have Ophelia blocked

"I'm so worried," the nervous patient said as the
nurse plumped up his pillows. "Last week, I read about
a man who was in the hospital because of heart trouble
and he died of malaria."

"Relax" the nurse said, smiling. "This is a first-rate
hospital. When we treat someone for heart trouble, he
dies of heart trouble."






 » Scenic nature


ARCHIVE: If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the
Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog

If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
Thanks for your votes!

Please give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter

Well, , that's all for today.

Have FUN !
Dear Webby from Webby.com

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Filtering auto-replies 

Thursday, November 19, 2009, 03:28 AM

   
Good Morning,  !
It's Thursday,  November 19, 2009

"Dreams say what they mean,
but they don't say it in daytime language."
--- Gail Godwin

When dealing with the insane,
the best method is to pretend to be sane.
--- Hermann Hesse


The drunk was brought into night court, having been
picked up on suspicion of being the notorious night
prowler.  "What were you doing out at 3 A.M.?" the judge
sternly queried.
"I was going to a lecture."
"A lecture at 3 A.M.?" The judge was scornful.
"Oh, schure," said the drunk.  "Schometimes my wife
schtarts 'em even later than that."


New Yorkers are a breed apart. A man was mugged but
had no cash. Afraid he'd be hurt, he offered to write
the guy a check.

The mugger said dumbfounded, "A Check ? Why would I
take a check from you ? I don't even know you !"


 was leaving the office at 6 p.m. when the
CEO was standing in front of a shredder with a piece
of paper in his hand.
"Listen," said the CEO, "this is a very sensitive and
important document, and my secretary has left. Can you
make this thing work?"

"Certainly,"  said.
 turned the machine on, inserted the
paper, and pressed the start button.
"Excellent, excellent!" said the CEO as his paper
disappeared inside the machine. "I just need one copy."


Thanks to my dad for this picture:


 I climbed that mountain, the Zimba, half a dozen times
as a teen and have many fond memories.
Nowadays, that cute trackmobile in the foreground looks like
almost more fun.

If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
goes to David Holyoak, 33, of Whitefield, Manchester, England

Too distinctive looking for crime
A big-eared bank raider nicknamed Shrek is behind bars today 
after being warned he is 'too ugly' to commit crime.

Unfortunate David Holyoak, 33, has rather distinctive looks 
and his features make it easy for police to get his description 
and locate him.

As Holyoak, of Whitefield, Manchester, began a three-and-a-half 
year jail sentence for robbery yesterday, one officer said: 
'This man only needs to look at himself in the mirror to 
realise crime is not for him. 

'With his big ears and rotund features he stands out a mile, 
and the officers have no trouble spotting him. He must be a 
total liability when he is part of a gang.

'He has already been dubbed Shrek and must be one of the 
ugliest robbers in the country.'

Holyoak was part of a gang who robbed a Halifax bank near 
Preston and threatened the cashier with a sledgehammer.
They smashed a glass security window, climbed the counter 
and stole cash. But it was elementary for police to identify 
Holyoak as one of the robbers, after they got a clear eyewitness 
description of him ... and his ears.

However, before they arrested him, Holyoak struck again when 
a security guard delivered cash to a post office in Bury. As the 
guard walked in, a car pulled up outside and Holyoak and his 
accomplices got out, carrying a weapon and wearing masks.

The driver of a police surveillance car, following the armoured 
van, saw the men run inside and radioed the guard to warn him 
of their attack.

The robbers stole the cash box and ran to a getaway car. It 
roared out of a side street but ploughed straight into a tree.

The robbers leapt out and fled but Holyoak, and two accomplices, 
were found hiding in a garden.

Holyoak, described as a 'dangerous individual,' pleaded guilty at 
Bolton Crown Court with three others to robbery. 


From the Tech Support Pits:
From: Fran
Re: Filter autoresponders

Dear Webby
I am sick and tired of people using autoresponders to tell me
that they have received my mail but won't answer it until
whatever. When I reply to somebody, I do it from my home
computer, and I know the silly dingbats won't be in their 
office to abuse their company computer until the next morning,
so I definitely don't need their driveling autoresponder telling
me that, and pretending to be legitimate mail.

I can't block the sender addresses, because I do have to 
correspond with them. 

I am sure you get a ton of the same crap when the Dear Webby 
Humor Letter arrives at night. How do you deal with that?
Thanks
Fran

Dear Fran
Yes, I too get a lot of that, but I never see it. MailWasher
deletes that on the server, unseen by anybody.

To filter that type of stuff I made a filter for that many years ago.

If the entire header 
contains RegExpr"automatic|auto-reply|out of the office"  
then  automatically (without warning or notification) 
delete the message.  
This filter takes priority over the friends list.

If you select   contains RegExpr, you can add a whole bunch
of trigger words or phrases, separated by a pipe  |

Instead of murdering those emails unseen in the dark on the server,
you can initially just tell it to mark them for deleting, 
while you fine tune your filter.
Have FUN!
DearWebby


Benny Cohen was pulled out of the ocean by a lifeguard.
His wife ran over sobbing, "Benny! Benny, what
happened?!"
"Madam, please don't get hysterical," said the
lifeguard. "I'm just going to give your husband some
artificial respiration and he'll be fine."
"What!" Mrs. Cohen yelled. "My Benny gets either real
respiration or nothing."


Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com

Use Your Crockpot for Stuffing
Prepare your favorite stuffing and bake it in your crockpot 
while the turkey occupies the oven. You can prep this the 
day before and refrigerate, it is so much easier than stuffing 
it into the turkey, the turkey will cook faster, food poisoning 
risk is decreased and the stuffing doesn't absorb all the 
extra fat dripping from the turkey.
By Linda

Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day,
or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun
Highly recommended!
If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:


At the height of a political corruption trial, the
prosecuting attorney attacked a witness.
"Isn't it true," he bellowed, "that you accepted five
thousand dollars to compromise this case?"
The witness stared out the window, as though he hadn't
heard the question.
"Isn't it true that you accepted five thousand dollars
to compromise this case?" the lawyer repeated. The
witness still did not respond. Finally, the judge
leaned over and said, "Sir, please answer the
question."

"I'm sorry, your Honor," the startled witness said,
"I thought he was talking to you."


Ophelia Dingbatter's News

No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for adults.

Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the confirmation request
.
If you don't get it, then you, your mother or your ISP have Ophelia blocked

"If there are any idiots in the room, will they please
stand up," said the sarcastic teacher. After a long
silence, one freshman rose to his feet.

"Now then mister, why do you consider yourself an
idiot?" inquired the teacher with a sneer.

"Well, actually I don't," said the student, "but I hate
to see you standing all by yourself."






 » Mac & Cheese


ARCHIVE: If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the
Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog

If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
Thanks for your votes!

Please give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter

Well, , that's all for today.

Have FUN !
Dear Webby from Webby.com

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---

How to get Mailwasher again 

Wednesday, November 18, 2009, 03:13 AM

   
Good Morning,  !
It's Wednesday,  November 18, 2009

"Everybody wants to be somebody; nobody wants to grow."
--- Johann von Goethe

"I do not think much of a man who is not wiser today
than he was yesterday."
--- Abraham Lincoln

Talk sense to a fool and he calls you foolish.
--- Euripides


Captain - "How did you attain such proficiency in
bayonet thrusting?"
Private - "Reaching for steak at our boarding house."


Junior was one of those holy terrors and dad was
quite surprised when his wife suggested that they buy
him a bike for his birthday.
"Do you really believe that'll help improve his
behavior ?" he asked.
"Well, yes," she said, "it will be a lot more peaceful
INSIDE the house."


Q. The truth of the matter is that you are not an
unbiased, objective witness, isn't it. You too were
shot in the fracas?
A. No, sir. I was shot midway between the fracas and
the navel.





 

If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
goes to Anthony Carrazco, 19, of Brownsville, Texas

Door to door dope salesman busted
BROWNSVILLE - Anthony Carrazco, 19, practically arrested 
himself after he was going door-to-door attempting to sell weed, 
but he knocked on the wrong door.

Police say Carrazco had a gun, marijuana and went up to a police 
officer's front door and asked him if he wanted to buy some weed. 
They say Carrazco even had his own scale.

Police say it happened in the middle of the night at an apartment 
complex downtown near UTB, but they're not releasing the location 
to protect the officer.

Residents in the area are getting a good laugh saying it was pretty 
ridiculous for Carrazco to do such a thing.

Police say the teen was drunk. He tried to sell the officer 3oz before 
the cop grabbed his badge and placed him under arrest.

The charges are serious, since he was selling by the university - 
a drug free and weapon free zone.

Police say they do undercover sting operations all the time, but 
this was unlike anything they’ve dealt with before. 

A bonehead award should also go to Brownsville city council,
who voted the same night against banning texting and cellphone
use while driving and making it a Class C misdemeanor with a
fine.  


From the Tech Support Pits:
From: Lynne
Re: Need MailWasher again

I had a Trojan hit and had HP tech’s assist me in removing it 
from my computer.  In the process Mail Washer was removed 
in error.  How do I reload Mail Washer.  I have been without  it 
for over a week right now and am going nuts with all the spam 
that is being loaded into my computer.  
I rely on this software.  I had a subscription.  
 
Who can I contact that can reload this software back onto my 
computer?
 
Read your letter every day!!  So many good articles in the 
tech section.
 
Thanks,
Lynne 

Dear Lynne
Just download Mailasher again.
Theoretically, the registration number should still be in the computer's registry.
If it isn't, look for the email you got when you bought and registered the program.
Look for an email with

Subject: Your MailWasher registration key 
From: MailWasher Support  

If you can't find it, write to , and they will send 
you the key again without any hassle.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


Morris and Abe, two attorneys went into a diner and ordered 
two drinks. Then they produced sandwiches from their
briefcases and started to eat.

The owner became quite concerned and marched over and
told them, "You can't eat your own sandwiches in
here!"

The attorneys looked at each other, shrugged their
shoulders and then exchanged sandwiches.

While they thought they were getting away with it,
the owner wrote on the "Specials" blackboard by the
cash register: "Today's Special: Tuna sandwich, $11.95".

When it came time to pay, he charged them for the
tuna sandwiches. They protested, but since they had
eaten a tuna sandwich that was not their own, they
had the choice of paying or washing dishes for the
rest of the day.
They paid.


Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com

Make Cloth Bags Out of Old Pillowcases
What do you do with pillow cases that are no longer needed for 
a bed? Turn them into cloth bags! First turn the bag inside out, 
fold down the sides of the opening, run a cord or other material 
cut to the length of the handle you want, hand stitch. Turn the 
pillow case right side out and there you have it, a bag! The 
best thing about this one, no cutting!

By Michele from Landisville, PA

Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day,
or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun
Highly recommended!
If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:


A police car pulls up in front of grandma Bessie's
house, and grandpa gets out. The polite policeman
explained that this elderly gentleman said that he was
lost in the park...and couldn't find his way home.

"Leroy!", said grandma, "You've been going to that park
for years! How could you get lost?"

Leaning close to grandma, so that the policeman couldn't
hear, he whispered, "I wasn't lost.....I was just too
tired to walk home."


Ophelia Dingbatter's News

No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for adults.

Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the confirmation request
.
If you don't get it, then you, your mother or your ISP have Ophelia blocked

A guide is showing a Texan the Niagara Falls. "I'll bet
you don't have anything like that in Texas!"

"Nope, I reckon we don't," said the Texan. "But we've
got plumbers who could fix it."






 » Weird Stuff


ARCHIVE: If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the
Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog

If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
Thanks for your votes!

Please give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter

Well, , that's all for today.

Have FUN !
Dear Webby from Webby.com

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