How do you clean Norton off a machine? 

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Good Morning,  !
It's Saturday,  November 28, 2009
"Life is a tragedy when seen in close-up,
but a comedy in long-shot."
--- Charlie Chaplin

"Life is what happens while you are making other plans."
--- John Lennon

"Associate yourself with men of good quality if you
esteem your own reputation. It is better be alone than
in bad company."
--- George Washington

A salesman from New York traveling in Kansas left his snazzy rental car out in a hail storm. When the storm was over he checked the car and found out it was covered with small dents. He went to the local garage and inquired how he could fix the problem himself. The mechanic told him to blow on the tailpipe and the dents would pop out again. He took the car to the motel where he was staying, parked it and proceeded to blow on the tailpipe. A local came by and inquired what he was doing. He explained that he was blowing on the tailpipe to remove the dents. The local responded, "That's not gonna to work, not unless you roll up the windows real tight first."
While proudly showing off his new apartment to friends, a college student led the way into the den. "What is the big brass gong and shovel for?" one of his friends asked. "That is the talking clock", the man replied. "How's it work?" the friend asked. "Watch", the man said then proceeded to give the gong an ear shattering whack with the shovel. Suddenly someone screamed from the other side of the wall "KNOCK IT OFF, YOU IDIOT! It's two fourty five in the morning!"
He loved working on Staten Island, but he wasn't crazy about the ferry. Miss a ferry late at night, and you have to spend the next hour or so wandering the streets of lower Manhattan. So when he spotted a ferry no more than fifteen feet from the dock, he decided he wouldn't subject himself to an hour's wait. He made a running leap and landed on his hands and knees, a little bruised maybe, but safely on deck. He got up, brushed himself off, and announced proudly to a bystander, "Well, I made that one, didn't I?' "Sure did," the bystander said. "But you should have waited a minute or two. The ferry is just about to dock."

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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to John Ford, 35, in Twinsburg, Ohio Habitual burglar caught himself, again TWINSBURG, Ohio (UPI) -- Police in Ohio said they have video footage of a bank robbery suspect eating the note he allegedly used to demand money from a teller. Twinsburg police said a dashboard mounted camera on a police cruiser recorded John Ford, 35, eating a piece of paper while officers searched his clothing for weapons Thursday, the Akron (Ohio) Beacon-Journal reported. "He grabbed it in his mouth, just like Pacman," Patrolman Daniel Biada said. "He just ate it right there." Police said they discovered a .38-caliber pistol and an undisclosed amount of cash covered in red ink inside Ford's vehicle. Authorities said Ford walked into a FirstMerit branch in Streetsboro Thursday and handed a teller a note demanding money. He did not display the gun inside the bank, police said. Police said they were investigating whether Ford was connected to bank robberies in nearby Stow and Akron. Eating the note is tampering with evidence and usually adds a year of free room and board in jail.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Rheta Re: How do you clean Norton off a machine? Dear webby: My daughter has a computer with Norton on it. And its out of date now. I was telling her she could get red of Norton for good. But I can't remember what to do anymore. And here's a big one for you. my daughter and drand daughter are taking some classes on line. but they need Microsoft Office. they both have windows 7 now. all new computers comes with Vista. and 7 in them.... ok my question is sence i still have microsoft office. on about 30 3.5" disk's can she use them? if not what do you sugest they use? Rheta Dear Rheta Go to my Tool Box. and grab the Norton Remover. It's way down, just above the IE7 blocker. The smart people can still get XP computers. Just go in through the Business entrance. XP computers are not subsidized by Microsoft, and so, even though they are older, cost more than the subsidized Windows 7 computers. But to slow down the migration of Industry and Commerce to Linux, they ARE still available. Your old Microsoft Office can not be installed on those W7 machines, partly because it is a paid for program and licensed for only one machine, and partly because they don't have 3 1/2" floppy drives. Tell them they can use Open Office. It is free, and it can open MS Word and other MS files, and even save them back into that format, not just the Open Standard, that is used by Industry and Commerce. Industry and commerce are not silly enough to pay for Microsoft Office, when they can get a better Office program for free. There is a link to it in my Tool Box. Have FUN! DearWebby
An old farmer wrote to a giant mail order company and asked for the price of their toilet paper. The company wrote back telling him to look on page #346 of their catalog. He wrote another letter to the company that said: "If you had not stopped sending me catalogs, I would not need any toilet paper."
Daily tip from Organizing Serving Bowls, Platters and Utensils Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the list, you can vote for it here:

had been misbehaving and was sent to bed. After a while emerged and informed mother that had thought it over and then said a prayer. "Fine", said the pleased mother. "If you ask God to help you about your misbehaving, He will help you." "Oh, I don't need help with misbehavin' ", said . "I asked Him to help me not to get caught quite so much."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
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As the storm raged, the captain realized his ship was sinking fast. He called out, "Anyone here know how to pray?" One man stepped forward, "Aye, Captain, I know how to pray." "Good," said the captain, "you pray while the rest of us put on our life jackets - we're one short."

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Well, , that's all for today. Have FUN ! Dear Webby from

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