Good Morning,  !

It's Saturday,  December 5, 2009

When I was a kid, living in the mountains of Austria, this was the
day when St Nicolas came by, accompanied by a scary devil.

It struck me as a bit incongruous that they showed up in a beat
up old Volkswagen Beetle, but the roar of the big huge devil
quickly had me quaking in my socks, and when one smite of
St Nicolas's bishop's staff made the devil cringe and whimper,
I was duly impressed!

However, when St Nicholas started reading the long list of 
my sins, the devil cheered up and eagerly rattled his chains.
He did hit and cuff me around a bit, but kindly St Nicholas
stopped him, before things got out of hand.

After a solemn promise to improve my behavior, they made me
stand outside the front door, while they did their number on 
my sister.

She was still sniffling when dad called me inside again.
This time St Nicolas was really beaming and he mentioned
a few token good things I had done. Then he pulled a nicely
decorated pillow case from under his robe and started
dispensing glazed gingerbread, cookies, pear-bread, a chocolate
and an orange. For a mountain kid in post-war Austria, that
was eye popping STUFF!

I barely noticed when Dad escorted them out and handed them
the bottle of the medicinal Schnaps from the pantry. St Nicolas
and the devil took a good swig from the bottle and an envelope
dad gave them, and roared away in their old Volkswage Beetle.

At the time it all made sense, and was truly impressive.

As the fear of the devil waned, it was replaced with the threat
of being sent to Jagdberg, a juvenile jail / reform school, in
a scary looking old castle with skyhigh walls.

Then in University, a professor asked for a volunteer to be
Santa at Jagdberg, staring straight at me. 
Duh, yeah, OK, if nobody else ....

They couldn't find a devil, so I had to go alone. 
They gave me the suit and wig and beard, and the directions.
That was the year when Santa showed up on a motorcycle.

The staff there noticed my nervousness, so they gave me some
medicinal Schnaps first, and a few basic instructions.
After the first class they gave me more Schnaps and a few
hints with the stack of papers, one per inmate for the next class.
Then I got into the swing of things, roared like the devil of my
childhood when reading a student's misbehaviors, and smiled
like a proud grandpa, when praising them for their 
accomplishments.

Around midnight I had finished with all the inmates, and kinda 
faked it with the staff. (I didn't have any good/bad lists for the
staff and had to make them up.)

Then they gave me a sandwich and a big mug of coffee for my
parched throat and ushered me out.
Still in the Santa Suit I hopped on my bike and roared homewards,
well, to my girlfriend's place anyway, and just as the sky turned
light in the East, I did make it home. I briefly paused at the entrance,
where I had seen my first Santa. Life had come full circle.
Have FUN!
DearWebby


"Regret for the things we did can be tempered by time;
it is regret for the things we did not do that is
inconsolable."
--- Sydney J. Harris


One day, Jean-Claude decided to take a trip from
Montreal (where he lived) to that great city of
Boston.. He went to the airport to buy a ticket and
found out the cost was $200 one-way.

Well Jean-Claude only had $110 on him. But he saw a
sign saying half-fare for persons under 18. Well, now
Jean-Claude had just turned 18 three months ago so he
lied..a bit. And got a ticket for $100.

Well during the flight, he talking with the passenger
seated next to him. And, in the course of their little
chat, he boisterously mentioned the 18th birthday party
his friends had for him. Since Jean-Claude talked
fairly loudly, a stewardess happened to over-hear
that part of the conversation and remembered from the
passenger list that Jean-Claude had only paid
half-fare. A few minutes later, the stewardess asked
Jean-Claude if he had $50 with him.

Jean-Claude, slightly embarrassed, replied, "I only
have $10, enough for a bus and a coffee after we arrive
in Boston..  Why you ask?"

Stewardess:"I wanted to know if you wanted to buy this
used parachute."

Jean-Claude, "What for?"
Stewardess, "You only paid half-fare and you're over
18. We are half-way on our flight and you have to leave
now."


A passenger train is creeping along, slowly. Finally
it creaks to a halt. A passenger sees a conductor
walking by outside. "What's going on?" she yells out the window.

"Cow on the track!" replies the conductor.

Ten minutes later, the train resumes its slow pace.
Within five minutes, however, it stops again. The
woman sees the same conductor walk again.

She leans out the window and yells, "What happened?
Did we catch up with the cow again..?"

-------
Yeah, I remember that train. It had little porches at
each end of the wagons and signs posted: "Picking
flowers while the train is in motion is not
permitted." Seems the locomotive engineer got
annoyed when the flower pickers passed the train.


Thanks to Martin for sending this picture by his nephew Greg


  Twin Lakes Colorado

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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
goes to Marilyn Cole, 35, and Rashieka Stewart, 23, of Muskegon, Michigan

Thief arrested for headbutting, urinating on Wal-Mart 
security guard
MUSKEGON COUNTY — Marilyn Cole, of Muskegon, faces trial on 
charges of stealing goods from a local Wal-Mart store, then 
head-butting and urinating on a security guard.

Cole, 35, waived her probable-cause hearing on charges of 
unlawful imprisonment, unarmed robbery and interfering with 
a crime report. The hearing had been scheduled for Tuesday.

Her accomplice, Rashieka Stewart, 23, of Muskegon earlier 
waived her probable-cause hearing and faces trial on one 
count of unarmed robbery.

According to Roosevelt Park Police Chief Bill Regan, the women 
tried to steal merchandise, including make-up and curtains, from 
the Henry Street Wal-Mart on Halloween night.

Regan said the women broke away from a security guard who tried 
to detain them at the front door. The security guard ran after them 
and tried to block Cole from getting into the passenger’s seat of the 
car in which she and Stewart were preparing to flee.

Regan said Cole “head-butted” the security guard, who fell 
backwards into the vehicle. The chief said Cole then sat on the 
man. He grabbed his phone and called 911, but Cole allegedly 
fought for the phone and then urinated on him.

Stewart drove away with the security guard still in the vehicle 
and Cole holding him down, according to the chief.

The incident ended when the women stopped in the parking 
lot of Acme Bedding Co., 660 W. Broadway, where authorities, 
still on the phone with the security guard, arrested Stewart and Cole.

Marylin Cole



From the Tech Support Pits:
From: Erin
Re: Best Word Processor

Dear Webby:
What IS the best word processor out there?
 Erin
Thanks again.
Rosalie

Dear Erin
If somebody has been using WordPerfect for twenty years,
then Corel Office Word Perfect is the best word processor
for them. If somebody has been using Microsoft WORD for
fifteen years, then that program is the best for them.

If you have hundreds or thousands of employees, or half a
dozen, for whom you have to buy a word processor, then
Open Office Writer is the best for you, because it is free and
because it uses the Worldwide Open Standard.

The actual performance differences are negligible and change
with every update. WordPerfect and WORD have been battling
it out with nitpicking little differences that are generally ignored
except by computer magazine testers, who have never bought
a program in their life. Currently Open Office is slightly
ahead in usability and useful features, but that can change any
moment. For example, just today there was an update for 
Corel Office. I haven't noticed any changes in the stuff I actually
use, but I am sure bored magazine testers will find what is new 
and will write plenty about it in 3-4 months.

The actual usage differences between the Big Three are small,
as long as you are not trying to save a document as a web page.
Open Office does that way best and produces nice and clean
HTML, that can be easily updated. If you try that with MS WORD, 
you wind up with an awful mess and get told to scribble it on
a used napkin next time, or to pick up the MS WORD doc with
Open Office Writer and save it as a web page from there.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


More than anything, a young man from the city wanted
to be a cowboy. Eventually he found a rancher who took
pity on him and gave the lad a chance.

"This," he said, showing him a rope, "is a lariat. We
use it to catch cows."

"I see," said the man, trying to seem knowledgeable as
he examined the lariat. "And what do you use for
bait?"

(City Slickers Beware! Cows love chasing and scaring you!)


Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com

Put Ads at the Bottom of the Garbage Can
Ever wonder what to do with all the paper advertisements and 
leftover grocery ads that you always end up throwing away? 
Here's something my mother has passed along to me. Fold 
them up and fit them into the bottom of your garbage cans 
throughout the house. You may need to fiddle around with it 
a little bit to make sure it's sitting on the bottom snugly, edges 
may stick up but that's OK.

The paper ads on the bottom will soak up any liquids that may 
drip through your bags. This saves on time and hassle in 
cleaning your garbage can. Especially handy for the kitchen 
garbage as raw meat juices or liquids inevitably seep through.
By Pookster

Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day,
or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun
Highly recommended!
If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:


The other night, Joe and his wife were going out for
dinner. She put on eyebrow pencil, eye shadow,
eyeliner, eyelashes, mascara, toner, blush, lipstick,
and a dozen other mysterious concoctions, and 
then asked: "Does this look natural?"


Ophelia Dingbatter's News

No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for adults.

Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the confirmation request
.
If you don't get it, then you, your mother or your ISP have Ophelia blocked

It was little Michael's first visit to the country,
and feeding the chickens fascinated him.

Early one morning he caught his first glimpse of a
peacock strutting in the yard. Rushing indoors
excitedly, Michael sought his grandmother.
"Oh, Granny," he exclaimed, "one of the chickens is in
bloom!"






 » DNA


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Well, , that's all for today.

Have FUN !
Dear Webby from Webby.com

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---

Printmaster versus MS WORD 

Friday, December 4, 2009, 03:40 AM

   
Good Morning,  !

It's Friday,  December 4, 2009
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!

When my kids become wild and unruly,
I use a nice safe playpen.
When they're finished, I climb out.
--- Erma Bombeck

Any child who is anxious to mow the lawn
is too young to do so.
--- Bob Phillips


Upon entering the little country store, the stranger
noticed a sign saying:
DANGER! BEWARE OF DOG!
posted on the glass door. Inside he noticed an old
hound dog sound asleep on the floor half way between
the door and the cash register.

He asked the store manager, "Is THAT the dog folks are
supposed to beware of?"

"Yep, that's him," he replied.

The stranger couldn't help but be amused.
"That certainly doesn't look like a dangerous dog to
me. Why in the world would you post that sign?"

"Because," the owner replied, "before I posted that
sign, people kept tripping over him and bashing their
teeth out on the counter."


I couldn't help overhearing a man at a nearby
pay phone. "I know it's something you want,"
he said earnestly, "but I don't think tattoos are
a good idea. And the same goes for body piercing.
As long as you're living in my house, I think you
should respect my wishes."

I was secretly cheering him on for his fatherly
firmness.

Then came the 'coup de grace': "Besides, Ma,
you're 75 years old! You don't NEED a tattoo and a
nose ring!"


Thanks to Dianne for this picture:


  

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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
goes to Adam Bauer, 19, Lacrosse, Wisconsin

Too dumb to drink
University of Wisconsin-La Crosse student Adam Bauer has 
nearly 400 friends on Facebook. He got an offer for a new one 
about a month ago. “She was a good-looking girl. I usually 
don’t accept friends I don’t know, but I randomly accepted 
this one for some reason,” the 19-year-old said.

He thinks that led to his invitation to come down to the 
La Crosse police station, where an officer laid out photos 
from Facebook of Bauer holding a beer — and then 
ticketed him for underage drinking.

The police report said Bauer admitted drinking, which he 
denies. But he did plead no contest in municipal court 
Wednesday and will pay a $227 fine.

He was among at least eight people who said Wednesday 
they had been cited for underage drinking based on photos 
on social networking sites.


From the Tech Support Pits:
From: Rosalie
Re: Printmaster versus MS WORD

Dear Webby:
I look forward to receiving you Humor Letter each morning; 
you start my day with a smile. Thanks much.
 
You have always answered my questions for me - 
What is the difference between using Microsoft Word and 
Print Master? A friend asked me for help about a question in 
Print Master. I have never used this program as I have always 
used Microsoft Word both at work and now at home. Is Print 
Master program new as I never heard it before.
 
Thanks again.
Rosalie

Dear Rosalie
Printmaster is a very basic word processor with some simple 
graphics editing tools thrown in, all at about the level of 
Microsoft Works, if you remember history. Printmaster is 
popular and well known on the Mac side, but relatively unknown 
on the Windows and Linux side. It costs $40, but there are a 
few pirated clones available free. 

MS WORD is a heavy duty word processor in the same class 
as Open Office Writer or Corel Office WordPerfect, and the 
same as those other two, made for professional word processing 
all day, and the occasional, rare bit of graphics when the boss 
isn't watching.

There are no similarities in usage between Printmaster and the 
three professional word processors. What works in your word 
processor, probably does not work or is done differently in 
Printmaster, and vice versa.
Have FUN!
DearWebby


An employment interviewer for a big company in New
York was talking to an attractive young woman applying
for a job. Looking over the application form, the
interviewer noticed that the girl had not answered one
important question concerning transportation to and
from work. "What about your bus line?" the
interviewer asked her.

"I don't think I mentioned it," came the pleased
reply, "but it's a 38D."


Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com

Discounted Banking Services For Seniors
For senior citizens, check with your bank to see if they have any 
special services for seniors. I questioned some things on a bank 
statement regarding a debit payment that I did not authorize. 
In the process I asked about another item from when I had 
ordered new checks because the amount was wrong from 
what I had. The employee said why order checks as I had 
been doing when I could get new checks through the bank 
for free. Granted they don't have special pictures on them, 
but at my age, I don't need special pictures. She also said 
with this type of account, if I used an 'out of system' ATM, 
I would get the charge for that system, but I would not get 
a charge from my bank, too, as I previously did. Saving 
even the little amounts add up over time. By the way, I 
bank at National City. Check with your bank to see what 
services they have for seniors. 
By Linda from Bloomington,IL

Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day,
or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun
Highly recommended!
If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:


The basketball coach stormed into the university
President's office and demanded a raise right then and
there.

"Please," protested the college President, "you
already make more than the entire History department."

"Yeah, maybe so, but you don't know what I have to put
up with," the coach blustered. "Look, I'll Give you an
example."

The coach went out into the hall and grabbed a jock
who was jogging down the hallway. "Run over to my
office and see if I'm there," he ordered.

Twenty minutes later the jock returned, sweaty and out
of breath.

"You're not there, sir," he reported.

"Oh, I see what you mean," conceded the President,
scratching his head. "I would have phoned first."


Ophelia Dingbatter's News

No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for adults.

Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the confirmation request
.
If you don't get it, then you, your mother or your ISP have Ophelia blocked

A minister was planning a wedding at the close
of the Sunday morning service.

After the benediction he had planned to call the
couple down to be married for a brief ceremony
before the congregation. For the life of him, he
couldn't think of the names of those who were
to be married. So he simply asked:
"Will those wanting to get married please come to the front?"

Immediately, nine single ladies, four widows,
tree widowers, two single men and a lady in a formal
wedding gown stepped to the front.






 » Christmas TV and movies schedules


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Have FUN !
Dear Webby from Webby.com

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---

Can you scan for viruses/malware from DOS? 

Thursday, December 3, 2009, 02:18 AM

   
Good Morning,  !
It's Thursday,  December 3, 2009

The big rewards come to those who travel 
the second, undemanded mile.
--- Bruce Barton

Everyone has a right to a university degree in America, 
even if it's in Hamburger Technology.
--- Clive James


Three little boys were concerned because they couldn't
get anyone to play with them. They decided it was
because they had not been baptized and didn't go to
Sunday school. So they went to the nearest church.

But only the janitor was there. One said, "We need to
be  baptized because no one will come out and play with
us. Will you baptize us?"

"Sure," said the janitor. He took them into the
bathroom and dunked their heads in the toilet bowl, one
at a time. Then he said, "Now go out and play."

When they got outside, dripping wet, one of them asked,
"What religion do you think we are?"

The oldest one said, "We're not Katlick, because they
pour the water on you. We're not Bablist because they
dunk all of you in it. We're not Methdiss because they
just sprinkle you."

The littlest one said, "Didn't you smell that water?"
"Yes. What do you think that means?"
"I think that means we're Pisscopalians."


 ordered a cup of coffee with no cream at the
corner restaurant.
The waitress replied, "I'm sorry, you'll have to have
it with no milk because we're out of cream."


Thanks to Robert for this picture:


  
Dear Webby,
It's been a nice sunrise and sunset week.
Here is a neat sunset in Reno, Nevada.
Take Care
Robert

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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
goes to the Arizona State University School of Journalism

Reporters resent being confronted with facts
Hecklers in the audience broke into a loudly sung version of 
"Bohemian Rhapsody" and forced a high-profile Arizona sheriff 
to abandon a First Amendment forum sponsored by Arizona State 
University's journalism school. Maricopa County Sheriff Joe Arpaio 
was asked by a panel of journalists Monday night to explain his 
relationship with the media, his various law enforcement policies 
and whether his office conducts racial profiling. Arpaio told 
the panel that his office is an "equal opportunity law enforcement 
agency" that will arrest anyone who violates the law.

Later in the interview at ASU's Walter Cronkite School of 
Journalism and Mass Communication, protesters began singing 
a version of "Bohemian Rhapsody" and chanting as Arpaio 
was asked about a federal investigation and his policies on 
illegal immigration.

When ASU journalism school staff refused to restore order,
the sheriff told the panel the childish behavior was "ridiculous" 
and he left the stage.

Seems their minds were made up and they resented anybody
trying to confuse them with facts.


From the Tech Support Pits:
From: Eddie
Re: Can you scan for viruses/malware from DOS?

Dear Webby
Just wnat to know if you know a way to scan for viruses/malware 
in CMD? ---- And do you need any additional software?
Eddie

Dear Eddie
Yes, sure you can run McAfee from DOS. 
Just reboot into safe mode with command prompt
and run McAfee from there.

More info is at http://snipurl.com/tj9lp
Have FUN!
DearWebby


A grandmother overheard her five-year-old granddaughter
playing "wedding."

The wedding vows went like this:

"You have the right to remain silent, anything you say
will be turned around and used against you, you have
the right to have an attorney present. You can't kiss the
bride today, because she has a headache."


Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com

Dog House for Firewood Storage
Re-purpose your Igloo Shaped Dog house for storing some 
firewood. Our dog refused to use the Dog-Loo we bought her 
years ago. I got the idea to store a stash of firewood in it to 
keep it dry and easily accessible by our back door. Our 
woodpile is located in the far end of our yard, which is 
exposed to the elements. So having some dry wood stored 
in the 'dog house', keeps it available for when my husband 
gets the urge to use the fireplace. He also uses the dry 
wood for his smoker grill. I see the dog-loo's at Garage Sales 
and on the roadside for trash pickup, and it seemed they 
would be handy for other uses. 
By Mary C. from Orange Park, FL

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Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day,
or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun
Highly recommended!
If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:


Three wives were bemoaning their husbands' attitudes
towards leftovers. "It gets rough," one said. "My
husband is a Movie Producer and he calls them
'reruns'."

"You think you have it bad," was the reply. "Mine is a
Quality Control Engineer and he calls them 'rejects'!"

"That's nothing compared to me," said the third lady.
"My husband is a mortician. He calls them 'remains'!"


Ophelia Dingbatter's News

No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for adults.

Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the confirmation request
.
If you don't get it, then you, your mother or your ISP have Ophelia blocked

A dog thinks:
Hey, these people I live with feed me, love me,
provide me with a nice warm, dry house, pet me,
and take good care of me . . . They must be Gods!

A cat thinks:
Hey, these people I live with feed me, love me,
provide me with a nice warm, dry house, pet me,
and take good care of me . . . I must be a God!






 » Lumiere Technology


ARCHIVE: If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the
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Well, , that's all for today.

Have FUN !
Dear Webby from Webby.com

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---

Is there a fix for a dead mouse? 

Wednesday, December 2, 2009, 03:51 AM

   
Good Morning,  !
It's Wednesday,  December 2, 2009

"Give me chastity and continence, but not yet."
--- Saint Augustine (354-430)

"Life is pleasant. Death is peaceful. It's the transition
that's troublesome."
--- Isaac Asimov


The software engineering field is staffed
primarily by men; the ratio of male to female
software engineers is on the order of 15 to 1.
This makes it pretty easy for women to find
potential mates among their peers.

However, software types have a well-earned
reputation for being, well, a little strange.
While discussing the prospect of working in the
software industry, one woman commented to another:

"The odds are good, but the goods are odd."


The new Librarian decided that instead of checking
out children's books by writing the names of
borrowers on the book cards herself, she would
have the youngsters sign their own names. She
would then tell them they were signing a
"Contract" for returning the books on time.

Her first customer was a second grader, who looked
surprised to see a new Librarian. He brought four
books to the desk and shoved them across to the
Librarian, giving her his name as he did so.

The Librarian pushed the books back and told him
to sign them out. The boy laboriously printed his
name on each book card and then handed them to her
with a look of utter disgust.

Before the Librarian could even start her speech
he said, scornfully, "That other Librarian we had, was 
a lot smarter. She learned how to write herself!"


Thanks to Mike for this picture:


  
This is the sun rise at my house here in Nevada 
I live 17 miles east of Carson City.
Mike

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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
goes to Jochen Naumann, 37 of Leipzig, Germany

German tourist made false bomb threat at Disney World
ORLANDO, Fla. (AP) -- A German tourist has been arrested on 
charges of making a false bomb threat while visiting Walt Disney World.

A report from the Orange County Sheriff's Office says 37-year-old 
Jochen Naumann of Leipzig, Germany, was going through the security 
checkpoint at the entrance of the Magic Kingdom Sunday when he told 
a Disney employee he had two bombs in his back pack.

The report says the Disney employee questioned Naumann and he 
repeated the threat.

A sheriff's deputy had a bomb-sniffing dog check Naumann's bag 
and no explosive devices were found.

The report says Naumann claimed he was only joking. He was 
arrested on a charge of making a false report of a bomb and 
taken to the Orange County Jail.

Jail records show bond was set at $10,000. 


From the Tech Support Pits:
From: Jai
Re: Is there a fix for a dead mouse?

Dear Webby
My mouse quit working.  Is there a fix or is it dead forever?
Thanks,
Jai

Dear Jai
All mice do eventually die, usually after the warranty expires.
If it is just the cord, and the mouse lights up when you mess 
with the cord, it can be replaced easily, if one has a bunch 
of dead mice to salvage cords from. Sometimes you can 
just shorten the cord. It usually goes bad in the first few 
inches from the mouse.

But if that is not the case, about all you can do is replace it.
Have FUN!
DearWebby


Mary had a little lamb,
The doctor was surprised!
But when Old McDonald had a farm,
The doctor nearly died.


Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com

Use Maps as Wrapping Paper
This wrapping paper idea came from one of my friends years 
ago. Use outdated atlases and maps for colorful, cool-looking, 
and good quality wrapping paper. I use mostly for birthday 
gifts, but cut out a silhouette of Santa in his sleigh and/or 
reindeers and attach for Christmas gifts. If you like this 
idea but don't have any maps to use, pick up some free 
ones at travel and visitor's centers the next time you are 
traveling. 
By Britt from Boston, MA

Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day,
or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun
Highly recommended!
If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:


THINK OUTSIDE YOUR BOX
You are driving along in your car on a wild, stormy night. You
pass by a bus stop, and you see three people waiting for the bus:

1. An old lady who looks as if she is about to die.
2. An old friend who once saved your life.
3. The perfect man (or) woman you have been dreaming about.

Which one would you choose to offer a ride to, knowing that there
could only be one passenger in your car. Think before you
continue reading. This is a moral/ethical dilemma that was once
actually used as part of a job application.

You could pick up the old lady, because she is going to die, and
thus you should save her first; or you could take the old friend
because he once saved your life, and this would be the perfect
chance to pay him back. However, you may never be able to find
your perfect dream lover again.

The candidate who was hired (out of 200 applicants) had no
trouble coming up with his answer.

THINK ABOUT IT BEFORE YOU SCROLL DOWN. THINK THINK THINK


WHAT DID HE SAY?




He simply answered: "I would give the car keys to my old friend,
and let him warm up while taking the old lady to the hospital. 

I would stay behind and wait for the bus with the woman of 
my dreams."


Ophelia Dingbatter's News

No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for adults.

Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the confirmation request
.
If you don't get it, then you, your mother or your ISP have Ophelia blocked

An Englishman, a Scotsman and an Irishman were trying to get in to see 
the Olympics without tickets.  So they got to the stadium during one of 
the main events and discussed how they would be able to attend without 
paying. 

The Englishman walked around the stadium and saw a pole lying on the 
ground and picked it up.  He walked to the entrance and said, "Peter. 
England. Pole throwing." The guards let him in without hesitation. 

The other two saw this and are amazed.  The Scotsman saw a manhole. 
He picked up the cover, carried it under his arm to the entrance and 
said, "Mc Gregor. Scotland. Discus throwing."  The guards let him in also. 

The Irishman was very frantic, since both his friends were inside. 
He walked around the stadium and found a roll of barbed wire. 
He picked it up, walked to the entrance and said,  "Murphy. 
Ireland. Fencing." 






 » Mona Lisa Sydney Style


ARCHIVE: If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the
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Have FUN !
Dear Webby from Webby.com

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---

UPS/FedEx/DHL Delivery Failure virus 

Tuesday, December 1, 2009, 03:24 AM

   
Good Morning,  !
It's Tuesday,  December 1, 2009

Consistency is the last refuge of the unimaginative.
--- Oscar Wilde

A life spent making mistakes is not only
more honorable, but more useful
than a life spent doing nothing.
--- George Bernard Shaw


Bulletin Board Bloopers:
The outreach committee has enlisted 25 visitors to
make calls on people who are not afflicted with any
church.
---------------------------
The Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning
at 10am. All ladies are invited to lunch in the
Fellowship Hall after the B.S. is done.
---------------------------
The Rev. Merriwether spoke briefly, much to the
delight of the audience.
---------------------------
Due to the Rector's illness, Wednesday's healing
services will be discontinued until further notice.
---------------------------
The concert held in Fellowship Hall was a great
success. Special thanks are due to the minister's
daughter, who labored the whole evening at the piano,
which as usual fell upon her.


"What am I supposed to do with this?" grumbled a
motorist as the policeman handed him a speeding
ticket.

"Keep it," the cop said.  "When you collect four of
them you get to buy yourself a bicycle."


Thanks to Dani for this picture:


  
Sunrise from our kitchen window  11 30  09.
Dani

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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
goes to Frater Osiris Xnoubis in Eastbourne, England

Goth robber jailed for bizarre bank job
1:20pm Saturday 28th November 2009
A goth robber held up a bank but then gave away all the money 
he had stolen.

Frater Osiris Xnoubis was dressed from head to foot in black 
leather when he carried out the bizarre robbery.

He handed a note to terrified cashier Laura Sulling telling 
her he was armed and demanded she hand over the cash 
in her till.

Xnoubis, a Pagan worshipper, stuffed £6,570 into a bag 
and told her to “have a nice day” before calmly walking 
out of the HSBC branch in Terminus Road, Eastbourne.

He walked a few yards to The Gildridge pub where he handed 
barmaid Gemma Clark a £20 note for a bottle of beer and told 
her to keep the change.

After downing his drink he left and went to nearby Harrisons 
sandwich bar.

He handed the bag of cash to astonished owner Clive Benneys, 
who was also his landlord, saying: “You are good people, help 
yourselves.”

Xnoubis left the shop and promptly went to the police station in 
Grove Road where he confessed to the robbery.

At Hove Crown court yesterday, Xnoubis, of Glynde Road, 
Eastbourne, was jailed for three-and-a-half years after 
pleading guilty to robbery.

Justin Rivett, defending, said Xnoubis had a knife hidden 
on him during the robbery but did not show it to bank staff.
He said a psychiatric report confirmed Xnoubis was suffering 
from depression but was not mentally ill. 
------------
Can't say the same for whoever wrote that psychiatric report,
or the British reporter, who does not know the difference between
Pagan worshippers and Goth fans.



From the Tech Support Pits:
From: Roland
Re: UPS/FedEx/DHL Delivery Failure virus

Dear Webby
The newest virus circulating is 
The UPS/FedEx/DHL Delivery Failure.
Any truth to this one? If so hope my McAfee will catch it. 
Cheers, 
Roland

Dear Roland
That virus is not attached to the email.
You get it, if you are silly enough to click on a link in that email.

If you ARE concerned about a UPS/FedEx/DHL parcel,
call their 1-800 number or check on their web site,
but don't open any email from them, unless you have
MailWasher and see the actual URL hidden under the link.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


A number of children from the neighborhood were
invited to Mrs. Johnson's for dinner. She decided to do
something different while serving the meal.

"Where are you originally from?" she asked one child.
"California," said the boy.
"Well then, I will give you the left wing."
She turned to another boy and asked, "Where are
YOU from?"
"New York," he answered.
And she said, "You get the right wing."
She turned to the third boy and asked, "Where are
you from?"

He said, "I'm from Florida and I'm not hungry!"


Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com

Keep Your Freezer Full
Being single, I don't have my freezer full of food all the 
time. Keeping your freezer full saves money on your 
electric bill. I now keep empty spaces full by filling 
milk jugs with water. I also have clean fresh water on 
hand at all times in case of an emergency.
By April from Buffalo, NY

Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day,
or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun
Highly recommended!
If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:


Linda and Jill are having coffee when Linda
notices that Jill seems troubled and asks her,
"Is something bugging you? You look anxious."

"Well, my boyfriend just lost all his money and
life savings in the stock market," Jill explained.

"Oh, that's too bad," Linda sympathized. "I'm sure
you're feeling sorry for him."

"Yeah, I am," Jill said. "He'll miss me."


Ophelia Dingbatter's News

No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for adults.

Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the confirmation request
.
If you don't get it, then you, your mother or your ISP have Ophelia blocked

A man was going up to bed, when his wife told him
he'd left the  light on in the garden shed - she
could see it from the bedroom window. But he said
that he hadn't been in the shed that day.

He looked himself, and there were people in the
shed, stealing things.

He rang the police, but they told him that no one
was in his area, so no one was available to catch
the thieves.

He said  OK, hung up, counted to 30 and rang the
police again.

"Hello.  I just rang you a few seconds ago because
there were  people in my shed?  Well, you don't
have to worry about them now, I've just shot
them." And hung up.

Within five minutes there were half a dozen police
cars in the area, an Armed Response unit, the
works.

Of course, they caught the burglars red-handed.
One of the policeman said to this man:

"I thought you said you'd shot them!"
"Must have missed."






 » Mona Lisa Sydney Style


ARCHIVE: If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the
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Well, , that's all for today.

Have FUN !
Dear Webby from Webby.com

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---

Mystery Ad 

Monday, November 30, 2009, 04:11 AM

   
Good Morning,  !
It's Monday,  November 30, 2009

"Great things are not accomplished by those
who yield to trends and fads and popular opinion."
--- Charles Kuralt

"Defeat doesn't finish a man -- quit does. A man is
not finished when he's defeated.
He's finished when he quits."
--- Richard Nixon

"There are victories of the soul and spirit.
Sometimes, even if you lose, you win."
--- Elie Wiesel


When I consider how sweaters tend to make me
sweat, I'm a lot less inclined to wear my windbreaker.


Two youngsters were closely examining bathroom
scales on display at the department store.
"What is it for?" one asked.
"I don't know," the other replied. "I think it tells
you when somebody messed up. When mom when
stands on it, she gets more upset than when my
sister brings her report card home."





  From my office window Nov 29

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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
goes to Robert McCray, 37 in Dade City, Florida

Deodorant thief goes back to jail
DADE CITY — His nickname is Priest and he had a $40 drug debt 
to pay off. So on Thursday afternoon, Robert McCray — a 37-year-old 
felon with "Thug Life" tattooed on his chest — headed into a CVS 
Pharmacy on U.S. 301, according to the Dade City Police 
Department.

He needed something to barter off his debt. Authorities say McCray 
chose deodorant. He stuffed 19 packages of antiperspirant 
— $84 worth — inside his jacket and tried to head outside, the 
police report said.

Store employees noticed the stolen sticks and stopped McCray, 
the report said. They told him to pay for them. He dropped four 
packages on the ground, the report said, and tried to flee.

The employees weren't having it. They tried to hold him. He 
fought. The employees won and detained him until police officers 
arrived.

McCray told police he took the deodorant to pay back a friend 
over a drug debt. The report said officers found a crack pipe 
and small bag of crack cocaine on McCray.

A CVS manager declined to talk Friday about what happened, 
so it is not known whether any employees were hurt. McCray 
has a swollen, bruised eye in his mug shot.

McCray, of 38520 Wilson St. in Dade City, is charged with retail 
theft, resisting a merchant, possession of crack cocaine and 
possession of drug paraphernalia. He remained at the 
Land O'Lakes jail Friday in lieu of $5,450 bail.

McCray has previously served six prison sentences for a total 
of eight years on convictions for drugs, grand theft auto and 
burglary.


From the Tech Support Pits:
From: Robert
Re: Mystery Ad

Dear Webby
who is betty sue and why is the message the same every day?  
i'm very curious about this.
the part on the left that says 
Dear Bubba
All is forgiven. I still love you. Please come back!
Ps. Congratulations on your lottery win! 
Your Betty-Sue 

Robert

Dear Robert
hat is just a goofy classified ad, or actually a place holder 
for one. hat is just a goofy classified ad, or actually a place holder for one.. 
For just $50 a month, you can put YOUR ad there, for all the world to see.

In the spirit of Christmas, I'll reduce that to $40 per month for any 
subscribers. And if your ad is funny enough, I'll sneak it in free for 
a day or two, 

Have FUN!
DearWebby


Customer: "I'd like an under the mouse mat, please."
Salesperson: "Certainly sir, we've got a large
variety, $1.95 each.."
Customer: "But will they be compatible with my
computer?"
Salesperson: "Hmmm, have you got one of those
new Windows 7 machines ?"
Customer: "Yes, it's a 17" !"
Salesperson: "Then you better get one of these
$29.95 mousepads"
Customer: "But, is it Microsoft approved ?"
Salesperson: "Well,...to be on the safe side, maybe
you should better get one of these bue ones for
$49.95."


Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com

Making a Christmas Wreath for Nothing
Find a pine tree with branches close to the ground. Cut enough 
branches for you to make a wreath. Make a circle base with 
the branches and then build on with other branches. I used 
twine to bind the wreath, you can use craft wire or even ribbon. 
Break out your old Christmas decorations and decorate the 
wreath any way you like.
By Jen from APO, AE

Make sure you get the branches from the forest, not from
anywhere in town. Dogs use the trees for pee-mail, and more
and more schools and public buildings spray their trees with 
skunk oil, to deter unauthorized harvesting. Also avoid
boulevards or any town owned treed areas.

You can't smell it until the branches warm up inside the house,
but by then apparently it is too late.

Have FUN!
DearWebby

Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day,
or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun
Highly recommended!
If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:


Doug goes to a doctor and says: "Doctor, my wife
recently has lost her voice. What should I do to help
her get it back?"

The doctor replies, "Try coming home at 3 in the
morning!"


Ophelia Dingbatter's News

No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for adults.

Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the confirmation request
.
If you don't get it, then you, your mother or your ISP have Ophelia blocked

Harold and Bob are out in the woods hunting,
when Bob falls to the ground. He doesn't seem
to be breathing, his eyes are rolled back in his head.

Harold whips out his cell phone and calls 911. He
gasps to the operator, "My friend looks like he's dead!
What can I do?"

The police operator, in a calm soothing voice says,
"Just take it easy. I can help...
First, lets make sure he's dead."

There is a silence, then a shot is heard...

Harold then says, "OK, now what next...?"






 » Hubcap Cafe


ARCHIVE: If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the
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Have FUN !
Dear Webby from Webby.com

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---

Best free graphics program 

Sunday, November 29, 2009, 05:12 AM

   
Good Morning,  !
It's Sunday,  November 29, 2009

Too many have dispensed with generosity
in order to practice charity.
--- Albert Camus

"Why not go out on a limb?
Isn't that where the fruit is?"
--- Frank Scully

A stitch in time would have confused Einstein.
--- Unknown

It's official: Rap music does cause crime. Research
shows that in over half the shootings that occur on the
street, the gunman hits a boombox!


"Hey Bubba, what do you think about gun control?"
"A delicate lil woman like you, yall have to use 
both hands, Betty-Sue"


Thanks to Sandie for this picture:


  A Monarch on November 28 !

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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
goes to Christopher Walker, 19, from Birmingham, England

Robbery across the street from home
Hapless crook Christopher Walker stole £25,000 before fleeing 
to his nearby home.

Walker was was seen running into his own property opposite 
the bank after attacking the guard with a stick outside Lloyds 
Bank in Birmingham's Lea Village.

Birmingham Crown Court heard it was an incompetent spur of 
the moment robbery.

Walker, 19, from Birmingham, was jailed for two and a half 
years after admitting robbery on October 22.

"What makes this so serious is the significant amount of 
money involved, the use of a disguise and the use of a 
weapon to hit a security guard who is entitled to go about 
his work without fear of attack," said Her Honour Judge 
De Bertodano.

The court heard how Walker was caught by police within minutes 
because he was seen running into his home after attacking 
the cash-in-transit security guard with a stick.

He had just been made redundant from his job as a council 
grass cutter and was short of cash.

Walker covered his face with a T-shirt, before picking up a 
stick, which he used to strike the back of the guards knee 
from behind.

All of the cash was recovered from the loft space of Walkers 
next door neighbour which adjoined his house. 


From the Tech Support Pits:
From: Alissa
Re: Best free graphics program

Dear Webby
You mentioned that there are a lot of free graphics programs
available on the net. At the time I thought, that was rather lazy,
but was too busy to write then. So I am telling you now, 
That was LAZY!

I need a free graphics program for an adult continuing education
program. What is the best among all the free ones?
By the way, it has to be able to run on older machines.
Alissa

Dear Alissa
The best of the free ones is definitely GIMP. You will find it every
bit as good and powerful as the $700-$1,000 Photoshop program,

All the options in it are a bit overwhelming, and I would 
definitely advise to step through the tutorials. It is not as easy 
to use as Paint Shop Pro, but there are tons of tutorials available.
There are entire web sites dedicated to just GIMP tutorials:
http://gimp-tutorials.net/
http://www.gimp-tutorials.com/
http://www.gimpguru.org/Tutorials/


You can download GIMP from http://www.gimp.org/downloads/

Unlike Photoshop and PaintShop Pro, the stars amongst the 
for sale programs, GIMP runs fine on Windows, Linux and Mac, 
even on older machines, and you don't have to learn a new program
just because of switching Operating Systems..

Have FUN!
DearWebby


My home church welcomes all denominations,
but mainly they prefer tens and twenties.


Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com

Storing Gift Wrap Under The Bed
I use an under the bed storage box for organizing my gift 
wrapping. Along with all the wrapping paper (including 
some I have recycled). I keep scissors and cellophane 
tape, ribbons, sticky labels and card tags along with 
birthday cards and a few left over Christmas cards.
By Monique from Somerset, U.K

If you don't have wheels on your under the bed storage drawer,
or if they are too small for the type of carpet that you got,
pick up some of the "Crazy Carpet" plastic sheets that the
kids leave lying around, or buy some. They are cheap. 
Attach the sheets to the bottom of the drawer with little
brads or picture frame nails. Even the heaviest drawer will
slide on carpet as if it had ball bearing drawer rails.
Have FUN!
DearWebby

Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day,
or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun
Highly recommended!
If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:


It had been snowing for hours when an announcement came
over the intercom:
"Will the students who are parked on University Drive
please move their cars so that we may begin plowing."

Twenty minutes later there was another announcement:
"Will the twelve hundred students who went to move 26
cars please return to class."


Ophelia Dingbatter's News

No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for adults.

Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the confirmation request
.
If you don't get it, then you, your mother or your ISP have Ophelia blocked

Two guys are driving through Texas when they get
pulled over by a state trooper.  The trooper walks up,
taps on the window with his nightstick, the driver
rolls down the window, and the trooper smacks him
in the head with the stick.

The driver says, "Why'd you do that?"
The trooper says, "You're in Texas, son.  When I pull
you over, you'll have your license ready."
Driver says, "I'm sorry, officer, I'm not from around
here."

The trooper runs a check on the guy's license, and
he's clean.  He gives the guy his license back and
walks around to the passenger side and taps on the
window.The passenger rolls his window down, and
the trooper smacks him with the nightstick.

The passenger says, "What'd you do that for?"
The cop says, "Just making your wishes come true."
The passenger says, "Huh?"
The cop says, "I know that two miles down the road
you're gonna say, 'I wish that schmuck would've tried
that stuff with me!' "






 » Arctic ice


ARCHIVE: If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the
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Well, , that's all for today.

Have FUN !
Dear Webby from Webby.com

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---

How do you clean Norton off a machine? 

Saturday, November 28, 2009, 03:07 AM

   
Good Morning,  !
It's Saturday,  November 28, 2009
"Life is a tragedy when seen in close-up,
but a comedy in long-shot."
--- Charlie Chaplin

"Life is what happens while you are making other plans."
--- John Lennon

"Associate yourself with men of good quality if you
esteem your own reputation. It is better be alone than
in bad company."
--- George Washington


A  salesman from New York traveling in Kansas left his
snazzy rental car out in a hail storm. When the storm
was over he checked the car and found out it was
covered with small dents. He went to the local garage
and inquired how he could  fix the problem himself.

The mechanic told him to blow on the tailpipe and the
dents would pop out again.

He took the car to the motel where he was staying,
parked it and proceeded to blow on the tailpipe.

A local  came by and inquired what he was doing.
He explained that he was blowing on the tailpipe to
remove the dents.

The local  responded,
"That's not gonna to work, not unless you roll up the
windows real tight first."


While proudly showing off his new apartment to friends,
a college student led the way into the den.
"What is the big brass gong and shovel for?"
one of his friends asked.
"That is the talking clock", the man replied.
"How's it work?" the friend asked.
"Watch", the man said then proceeded to give the gong
an ear shattering whack with the shovel.
Suddenly someone screamed from the other side of the
wall
"KNOCK IT OFF, YOU IDIOT! It's two fourty five in the
morning!"


He loved working on Staten Island, but he wasn't crazy
about the ferry. Miss a ferry late at night, and you
have to spend the next hour or so wandering the streets
of lower Manhattan.

So when he spotted a ferry no more than fifteen feet
from the dock, he decided he wouldn't subject himself
to an hour's wait. He made a running leap and landed on
his hands and knees, a little bruised maybe, but safely
on deck.

He got up, brushed himself off, and announced proudly
to a bystander, "Well, I made that one, didn't I?'

"Sure did," the bystander said. "But you should have
waited a minute or two. The ferry is just about to
dock."





  

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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
goes to John Ford, 35, in Twinsburg, Ohio

Habitual burglar caught himself, again
TWINSBURG, Ohio (UPI) -- Police in Ohio said they have video 
footage of a bank robbery suspect eating the note he allegedly 
used to demand money from a teller. 

Twinsburg police said a dashboard mounted camera on a police 
cruiser recorded John Ford, 35, eating a piece of paper while 
officers searched his clothing for weapons Thursday, the 
Akron (Ohio) Beacon-Journal reported. 

"He grabbed it in his mouth, just like Pacman," Patrolman 
Daniel Biada said. "He just ate it right there." 

Police said they discovered a .38-caliber pistol and an 
undisclosed amount of cash covered in red ink inside Ford's 
vehicle. 

Authorities said Ford walked into a FirstMerit branch in 
Streetsboro Thursday and handed a teller a note demanding 
money. He did not display the gun inside the bank, police said. 

Police said they were investigating whether Ford was 
connected to bank robberies in nearby Stow and Akron. 

Eating the note is tampering with evidence and usually adds
a year of free room and board in jail.


From the Tech Support Pits:
From: Rheta
Re: How do you clean Norton off a machine?

Dear webby:
 My daughter has a computer with Norton on it. And its out 
 of date now. I was telling her she could get red of Norton for 
 good. But I can't remember what to do anymore.
 
And  here's a big one for you. my daughter and drand daughter 
are taking some classes on line. but they need Microsoft Office. 
they both have windows 7 now. all new computers comes with 
Vista. and 7 in them.... ok my question is sence i still have 
microsoft office. on about 30  3.5" disk's can she use them?  
if not what do you sugest they use? 
  Rheta 

Dear Rheta
Go to my Tool Box. and grab the Norton Remover.
It's way down, just above the IE7 blocker.

The smart people can still get XP computers. Just go in 
through the Business entrance. XP computers are not subsidized 
by Microsoft, and so, even though they are older, cost more
than the subsidized Windows 7 computers. But to slow down the
migration of Industry and Commerce to Linux, they ARE still
available.

Your old Microsoft Office can not be installed on those W7 machines,
partly because it is a paid for program and licensed for only
one machine, and partly because they don't have 3 1/2" floppy
drives.

Tell them they can use Open Office. It is free, and it can open 
MS Word and other MS files, and even save them back into that 
format, not just the Open Standard, that is used by Industry 
and Commerce. Industry and commerce are not silly enough 
to pay for Microsoft Office, when they can get a better 
Office program for free.

There is a link to it in my Tool Box.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


An old farmer wrote to a giant mail order company and asked for the
price of their toilet paper. The company wrote back telling him to
look on page #346 of their catalog. He wrote another letter to the
company that said: "If you had not stopped sending me
catalogs, I would not need any toilet paper."


Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com

Organizing Serving Bowls, Platters and Utensils


Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day,
or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun
Highly recommended!
If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:


 had been misbehaving and was sent to bed.
After a while  emerged and informed mother
that  had thought it over and then said a
prayer.

"Fine", said the pleased mother. "If you ask God to
help you about your misbehaving, He will help you."

"Oh, I don't need help with misbehavin' ", said
. "I asked Him to help me not to get
caught quite so much."


Ophelia Dingbatter's News

No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for adults.

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As the storm raged, the captain realized his ship was
sinking fast. He called out, "Anyone here know how to
pray?"
One man stepped forward, "Aye, Captain, I know how to pray."

"Good," said the captain, "you pray while the rest of us
put on our life jackets - we're one short."






 » Cool Pictures


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---

What is the difference between a virus and a worm? 

Friday, November 27, 2009, 03:21 AM

   
Good Morning,  !
It's Friday,  November 27, 2009
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!


Only two of my personalities are schizophrenic,
but one of them is paranoid
and the other one is out to get him.
--- Socratex

"Modern art is what happens when painters stop looking
at girls and persuade themselves they have a better
idea."
--John Ciardi

"Modern Art" ? Isn't that an oxymoron like "Dry
Water", which, according to people in the military is
like "Military Intelligence" ?

"What would men be without women? Scarce, sir, mighty
scarce."
--Mark Twain


A little boy was roughhousing with his dog. His mother
said to him,
"Now, Peter, I know you love Spot, but you're loving
him too much. How would you feel if someone huge picked
you up and squeezed you so hard you couldn't breathe?"

The boy thought a moment and then said, "I guess I'd
think it was my  birthday and Aunt Edna was here!"


Mother: "How's your history paper coming?"
Son: "Well, my history professor suggested that I use
the Internet for research and it's been very helpful."
Mother: "Really?"
Son: "Yes, so far I've located 17 people who sell
history papers on that topic!"


A lady was sitting in a fine restaurant one night.
While she was waiting for her date, she wanted to make
sure everything was perfect. So, as she bends down in
her chair to get the mirror from her purse, she
accidentally farts quite loudly just as the waiter
walks up.

Sitting up straight now, embarrassed and red faced,
knowing everyone in the place heard her, she turns to
the waiter and demands "Stop That!"
The waiter looks at her dryly and says
"Sure lady, which way did you fire it ?"


Thanks to Frank for this pretty angel.
He wants you to pass her on!


  

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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
goes to Randy Eugene Cliett in Haines City, Florida

Habitual burglar caught himself, again

Randy Eugent Cliett was extracted from the ventilation system 
at the supermarket in Haines City this morning — five years after 
he was convicted of breaking into the same business.

Screams coming from the roof of La Placita Mexico Supermarket 
early Tuesday meant Randy Eugene Cliett got stuck in another 
jam at the popular Polk County grocery.

A veteran Polk County burglar, Cliett spent Monday night trapped 
in a rooftop air shaft at the same 10th Street market where he 
got busted for burglary in 2004, according to acting Haines City 
Pollice Chief Chief Sammy L. Taylor.

"He really had no concept of time. He wasn't sure when it happened," 
Taylor said.

Convicted on 14 of his 16 arrests for burglary, drugs and domestic 
violence since 1990, Cliett finished serving his fifth stretch in state 
prison less than two months ago. That five-year sentence was for 
breaking into the same supermarket at which he was discovered 
Tuesday, police, court and prison records show.

The first officers to reach the roof found Cliett wedged feet first inside 
the narrow air shaft with his arms above his head.
Haines City firefighter grabbed his hands and pulled him to the roof, 
Taylor said. Police charged him with burglary of an unoccupied structure, 
causing more than $1,000 of damage, possession of burglary tools 
and felony criminal mischief.

Cliett was booked into the Polk County Jail, again..



From the Tech Support Pits:
From: Sharon
Re: What is the difference between a virus and a worm?

Dear Webby, 
Thanks for the nice Thanksgivng pumpkin & the beautiful 
fall treee. All of our leaves are gone now. they came early 
& were gone early too.
I was wondering what the difference is between adware, 
malware & worms. Are any of them seroious threats? I have 
the free avast program & several times is sends up a block 
say something has been blocked. I think some of them are 
"worms".
Also I have the free power point program downloaded but 
don't remember where I got it & a friend asked me about 
it. Do you know the site I can tell her about to get it?
Thanks so much for you fun & tips.

Dear Sharon
The border between viruses and worms is a bit murky 
these days. Generally, viruses focus on spreading to other 
machines, while worms focus on gaining control of your 
machine, harvesting data, and using your machine for 
spamming.

Adware just pesters you with ads, but frequently also infects
your computer with a virus or worm.

However, nowadays both viruses and worms try to open 
a back door for hackers or nasty programs or add-ons to 
the initial infection.

All malicious stuff like that is malware.

Programs like McAfee make no distinction between 
viruses and worms, when it comes to protecting a machine. 
They nuke them all. Just when you try to read the detailed 
description they call them by their proper names.

They also clip adware and spyware, unless you clicked to
accept ads in lieu of payment. In that case, they can't legally
cut off a form of payment that you had agreed to.

The free PowerPoint viewer that I use is the one in 
Open Office. It works great for harvesting individual pictures 
from a huge, bulky PPS or PPT file.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


A preacher wanted to mail a letter home when he
arrived in this small town where he was to to preach a
sermon. He asked a young boy where the post office
was. When the boy told him, he thanked him and said,
"If you'll come to the Baptist church this evening,
you can hear me telling everyone how to get to
Heaven."
"Huh! the boy huffed, "You don't even know your way to
the post office."


Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com

Organizing Serving Bowls, Platters and Utensils
As I get out the dishes for the holiday dinners, I also take 
out the serving bowls and utensils I will need. I put a little 
note in each bowl (i.e. cranberries, stuffing. etc.) so when 
I am serving up food I don't have to fumble around finding 
the right size bowl at the last minute.
By Linda from Vista ,CA

Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day,
or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun
Highly recommended!
If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:


A kid walked up to a guy wearing a 10-gallon hat,
leather vest, leather chaps, and sneakers. The kid
asked him, "Mr. Cowboy, why do you wear that big hat?"

The cowboy replied, "Well, son, the big hat protects
me from hot sun and driving rain, and at night I put
it over my face when I sleep on the range, so it
protects me then, too."

"Why do you wear that leather vest?"
"It also helps to keep the weather off me, and it has
pockets where I can keep my cigarettes and matches."

"Well, why do you wear leather chaps?"
"They protect my legs when I'm riding my horse through
rough bushes."
"Well, Mr. Cowboy," the kid finally asked,
"Why do you wear sneakers instead of cowboy boots ?"

"That's so people won't think I'm a truck driver."


Ophelia Dingbatter's News

No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for adults.

Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the confirmation request
.
If you don't get it, then you, your mother or your ISP have Ophelia blocked

The boss of a big company needed to call one of his
employees about an urgent problem with one of the
computers. He dialed the employee's home phone number
and was greeted with a child's whispered,
"Hello?"
Feeling put out at the inconvenience of having to talk
to a youngster the boss asked,
"Is your Daddy home?"
"Yes", whispered the small voice.
"May I talk with him?" the man asked. To the surprise
of the boss, the small voice whispered,
"No."
Wanting to talk with an adult, the boss asked,
"Is your Mommy there?"
"Yes",
"May I talk with her?" Again the small voice
whispered, "No".
Knowing that it was not likely that a young child
would be left home alone, the boss decided he would
just leave a message with the person who should be
there watching over the child.

"Is there any one there besides you?" the boss asked
the child.
"Yes" whispered the child, "A policeman".
Wondering what a cop would be doing at his employee's
home, the boss asked
"May I speak with the policeman"?
"No, he's busy", whispered the child.
"Busy doing what?, asked the boss.
"Talking to Daddy and Mommy and the Fireman", came the
whispered answer.
Growing concerned and even worried as he heard what
sounded like a helicopter through the ear piece on the
phone the boss asked,
"What is that noise?"
"A hello-copper", answered the whispering voice.
"What is going on there?", asked the boss, now
alarmed.
In an awed whispering voice the child answered,
"The search team just landed the hello-copper in the sandbox!"

Alarmed, concerned and more than just a little
frustrated the boss asked, "Why are they there"?
Still whispering, the young voice replied along with a
muffled giggle:

"They're looking for me."






 » Crockpot cooking


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---

How do I make a CD/DVD to show on a TV? 

Thursday, November 26, 2009, 03:22 AM

   
Good Morning,  !
It's Thursday,  November 26, 2009


"Striving for excellence motivates you;
striving for perfection is demoralizing."
--- Harriet Braiker

"Living up to ideals is like doing everyday work
with your Sunday clothes on."
--- Ed Howe

Meetings are indispensable
when you don't want to do anything.
--- John Kenneth Galbraith


One night, a torrential rain soaked Southern Louisiana.
The next morning the resulting floodwaters came up
about 6  feet into most of the homes there.
Mrs. Boudreaux was sitting on her roof with her
neighbor, Mrs. Thibodeaux, waiting for help to come.

Mrs. Thibodeaux noticed a baseball cap, floating near
the house. Then  she saw it float far out into the
front yard, then float back to the house; it kept
floating away from  the house, then back towards
house.

Her curiosity got the best of her, so she asked
Mrs.Boudreaux, "Do you see dat dere baseball cap a
floatin' away from the house, den back again?"

Mrs. Boudreaux said, "Oh yeah, dass my husband; I tole
dat coonass he gonna cut the grass today, come hell or
high water, or he's gonna sleep on da couch!"


A young boy came to Sunday School late. His teacher
knew that he was usually very prompt and asked him if
anything was wrong.
The boy replied no, that he was going fishing but his
dad told him that he needed to go to church.

The teacher was very impressed and asked the boy if his
dad had explained to him why it was more important to
go to church than to go fishing.

The boy replied: "Yes he did. Dad said he didn't have
enough bait for both of us."


A little boy got lost at the YWCA and found himself in
the  women's locker room. When he was spotted, the
room burst into  shrieks, with ladies grabbing towels and
running for cover.

The little boy watched in amazement and then asked,
"What's the matter havet you never seen a little boy
before?"




  Large

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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
goes to Islington Town Hall in North London, England

No Civil Union for straights


To ensure that they are not misquoted, the London Metro 
newspaper's online version is100% graphics, without any
editable text.



From the Tech Support Pits:
From: Grace
Re: How do I make a CD/DVD to show on a TV?

Dear Webby, 
I was wondering if you can tell me what format I should 
use to get a cd to play pictures on the Tv from a burned disc.
I have spent so many hours doing slide shows and videos 
of my grand kids only to find out they are not in the right 
format to put in the dvd player and then not work. I have 
used a DVD-R and a CD-R, and about 3 different programs 
with no luck. Can you tell me how to do it or what program I need?
Thanks 
Grace

Dear Grace
I don't have a TV, so I really don't have any first hand knowledge about that.
Some people say that Nero works for that,
others say Socusoft DVD Photo Slide Show.
That one is at 
http://www.dvd-photo-slideshow.com/slid ... layer.html
or 
http://www.dvd-photo-slideshow.com/download.html

Have FUN!
DearWebby


The mother of three notoriously unruly youngsters was
asked whether or not she'd have children if she had it
to do over again.

"Sure," she replied, "but definitely not the same ones."


Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com

Use Your Turkey Bones for Soup
Think you've got your turkey pretty well stripped? Think again. 
After all that turkey tetrazini, turkey hash, turkey salad, etc, 
try turkey soup. Toss all the turkey bones into a large pot. 
Cover the bones with water, add seasonings to taste, and 
simmer two hours. While the bones are simmering, 
peel carrots, celery and whatever other veggies you like. 
Add these to the pot. Cook an additional hour to hour and 
a half. If desired, add a half pound of egg noodles near the 
end of the cooking time. Once the noodles are cooked 
according to the time specified on the package, remove 
the bones (carefully, so you don't burn yourself). 
Your turkey soup is ready to enjoy. 
By Lelia Jo from Springfield, OH

Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day,
or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun
Highly recommended!
If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:


A clergyman, walking down a country lane, sees a young
farmer frantically struggling to load hay back onto a
cart from where it had fallen off.

"You look hot, my son," said the cleric. "Why don't
you rest a moment, and I'll give you a hand."

"No thanks," said the young man. "My father wouldn't
like it."

"Don't be silly," the minister said. "Everyone is
entitled to a break. Come and have a drink of water."

Again the young man protested that his father would be
upset. Losing his patience, the clergyman said,
"Your father must be a real slave driver. Tell me
where I can find him and I'll give him a piece of my
mind!"

"Well," replied the young farmer, "he's under the load
of hay."


Ophelia Dingbatter's News

No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for adults.

Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the confirmation request
.
If you don't get it, then you, your mother or your ISP have Ophelia blocked

Two Yuppettes were shopping. When they started to
discuss their home lives, one said,
"Seems like all Alfred and I do anymore is fight. I've
been so upset, I've lost 20 pounds."
"Why don't you just leave him then?" asked her friend.
"Oh, No! I can't." the first replied, "I need to lose
at least another fifteen pounds first."






 » Antelope Canyon


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Have FUN !
Dear Webby from Webby.com

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---

Can I make an install CD from an installed game? 

Wednesday, November 25, 2009, 04:01 AM

   
Good Morning,  !
It's Wednesday,  November 25, 2009


"Always listen to the experts.
They'll tell you what can'tbe done and why.
Then do it."
--- Robert Heinlein 


Thanks to Bill for this story:
Big Jake was having his long hair styled at the hairdressers 
when a bus smashed into a car, outside. Draped in a cape, 
his hair divided with aluminium clips, Jake, an ex-paratrooper 
corporal raced out to the bus and found the driver unhurt.

The car driver, however, was slumped over the wheel, 
unconscious. Big Jake lost no time in applying his army 
acquired CPR techniques, including mouth-to-mouth 
resuscitation. The car driver recovered consciousness 
several times, but kept passing out again.

Soon the ambulance arrived with the paramedics and took 
over, and Jake returned to his hairdresser's seat. "I just don't 
understand why he kept passing out," he said to the hairdresser. 
"I did everything they taught me."

"Well, put yourself in the car driver's place," said the hairdresser. 
"He's driving down the street without a care in the world. The next 
thing he knows, he's waking up to see some big guy in a green 
cape, weird hair, with a head full of wires, pounding on his chest 
and kissing him. You'd pass out too."


A young woman doctor tells the story about her 4 year
old daughter. On the way to pre-school, the doctor had
left her stethoscope on the car seat, and her little
girl picked it up and began playing with it.

"Be still, my heart," thought the doctor, "My daughter
wants to follow in my footsteps!"

Then the child spoke into the instrument,
"Wowcome to McDonnahs. Do ya want fwies wif that?"


TEACHER: How old were you on your last birthday?
STUDENT: Seven.
TEACHER: How old will you be on your next birthday?
STUDENT: Nine.
TEACHER: That's impossible.
STUDENT: No, it ain't, Teacher. I'm eight today.

TEACHER: George, go to the map and find North America.
GEORGE: Here it is!
TEACHER: Correct. Now, class, who discovered America?
CLASS: George!

TEACHER: Willy, name one important thing we have today
that we didn't have ten years ago.
WILLY: Me!

TEACHER: In this box, I have a 10-foot snake.
SAMMY: You can't fool me, Teacher... snakes don't have
10 feet.

TEACHER: How can you prevent diseases caused by biting
insects?
JOSE: Don't bite any.

TEACHER: If I had seven oranges in one hand and eight
oranges in the other, what would I have?
: BIG hands!


Thanks to Robert for sending this picture:


  

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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
goes to Adam Garland and Michael Queener at the at the
 Turney Center prison in Tennessee

Inmates Escape, Steal Cigarettes, Return
CLIFTON, Tenn. -- The state Department of Correction said 
two inmates escaped a minimum security prison in southwest 
middle Tennessee on Nov. 7 to steal cigarettes before returning, 
WSMV-TV in Nashville reported.

Adam Garland and Michael Queener are accused of escaping 
through a window in their cell at the Turney Center Annex and 
crawling under a fence.

While out, the men stole cigarettes and tobacco products from a 
convenience store before returning to the prison by going back 
through the window that they had escaped from, officials at the 
corrections department said.

Officers later discovered the contraband, and an investigation 
began.

Queener was serving a 10-year sentence for aggravated robbery. 
Garland was serving a five-year sentence for attempted aggravated 
burglary and theft.

The men will now face escape and burglary charges, and minimum
security days are over for them.


From the Tech Support Pits:
From: Moo Mom
Re: Can I make an install CD from an installed game?

Dear Webby, 
 I was wondering if it would be possible to some how copy a game 
 and all that goes with it that was installed in a friends computer 
 from a game cd or disc , what ever you call them into mine, 
 they no longer have the original cd for me to install the game. 
 can it some how be copied to a blank cd and then installed 
 in mine.?
 Thanks a lot ...
 Moo Mom

Dear Moo Mom
Usually that is impossible.

If that was possible, they would sell only ONE CD,
and everybody would copy it from the machine it was 
installed on.
They couldn't pay their rent in that case.

Look for that game on eBay. There are bound to be some 
people who have outgrown it and are selling the CD cheaply.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


A mother was telling her little girl what her own
childhood was like.
"We used to skate outside on a pond. I had a swing made
from a tire; it hung from a tree in our front yard. We
rode our pony. We picked wild raspberries in the woods."

The little girl was wide-eyed, taking this in. At last
she said, "I sure wish I'd gotten to know you sooner!"


Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com

Baked-on Food
I find the best way to remove any baked on or burned residue 
in pans or casseroles, or burner rings is to sprinkle on some 
dry dishwasher detergent, cover with hot tap water and allow 
to sit overnight. In the morning, it will come off with a wipe of 
the sponge. I haven't found any other method that works 
without scrubbing.
By TwoDogsMom from Vista CA

Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day,
or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun
Highly recommended!
If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:


A lawyer dies on his 40th birthday and finds himself
greeted at the Pearly Gates by a brass band.
Saint Peter runs over, shakes his hand and says "Congratulations!!!"
"Congratulations for what?" asks the lawyer.
"Congratulations for what?!?!?" says Saint Peter.
"We're celebrating the fact that you lived to be 760
years old."

"But that's not true," says the lawyer. "I  was shot on
my 40th birthday!."
"That's impossible," says Saint Peter.
"We've added up the time you billed."


Ophelia Dingbatter's News

No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for adults.

Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the confirmation request
.
If you don't get it, then you, your mother or your ISP have Ophelia blocked

A drunk walks into a bar and says to the bartender
(with a drunken slur), "Tarbender, buy everyone in the
houshe a drink, pour yourschelf one, and gimme the
bill."

So the bartender does just that and hands the man a bill
for $57.
The drunk says, "I haven't got it."
The bartender slaps the guy around a few times, then
throws him out into the street.

The very next day the same drunk walks into the bar and
once again says (with a drunken slur), "Tarbender, buy
everyone in the houshe a drink, pour yourschelf one, and
gimme the bill."

The bartender looks at the guy and figures to himself
that he can't possibly be stupid enough to pull the same
trick twice. So he gives him the benefit of the doubt,
pours a round of drinks for the house, has a drink
himself and hands the drunk a bill for $67.
The drunk says, "I haven't got it."
The bartender can't believe it. He picks the guy up,
beats the living daylights out of him, then throws him
out into the street.

The next day the same drunk walks back into the same bar
and says (with a drunken slur), "Tarbender, buy everyone
in the houshe a drink, gimme the bill."

In disgust, the bartender says, "What, no drink for me
this time?"

The drunk replies, "You? No way! You get too violent
when you drink."






 » Awesome photo gallery


ARCHIVE: If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the
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Have FUN !
Dear Webby from Webby.com

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---

How do I restore from an emergency back-up? 

Tuesday, November 24, 2009, 03:09 AM

   
Good Morning,  !
It's Tuesday,  November 24, 2009


"Under capitalism man exploits man;
under socialism the reverse is true."
--- Polish Proverb

"The difference between fiction and reality? Fiction has to
make sense."
--- Tom Clancy


Little Johnny's class was having an English lesson, and
the teacher called on Little Johnny to recite a sentence
with a direct object.

Little Johnny stood and thought, then said,
"Teacher, I think you have lost weight."

"Why thank you, Little Johnny," the teacher said,
blushing. "But what is the direct object?"

"A good report card next month," he replied....


"When I was a youngster," complained the frustrated
father, "I was disciplined by being sent to my room
without supper.  But my son has his own TV, phone,
computer and DVD player.

"So what do you do?" asked his friend.

"I send him to MY room!"


The lawyer emailed his client overseas:
"Your mother-in-law passed away in her sleep. Do you want
us to order burial or cremation ?"

Back came the reply, "Take no chances - order both,
but not in that order."





  Utah

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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
goes to a 17 year old bank robber in Warwick, RI

RI teen skipped school, robbed bank
WARWICK, R.I. (AP) - Police say a 17-year-old Warwick boy who 
skipped school to rob a bank has been arrested after leaving 
fingerprints on the threatening note he passed to the teller. 
Warwick police Capt. Sean Collins said the boy handed a 
note riddled with misspellings to a teller Thursday, demanding 
money or "everyone will be shot."

The teller at Coastway Community Bank gave the teen money, 
but he didn't have much time to spend it.

Police said his image was captured on surveillance cameras, 
and his fingerprints were found on the note.

Police said the teen was arrested six hours after the alleged 
theft and faces a first degree robbery charge. The teen, whom 
police declined to identify because he's a juvenile, was being 
held at the Rhode Island Training School.


From the Tech Support Pits:
From: Harlin
Re: How do I restore from an emergency back-up?

Dear Webby, 
I have been reading your emails daily and have found the 
information very helpful.  I have a problem with my computer 
and just wondered if you would not mind helping me out. I really 
enjoy your emails - keep up the good work.
 
I did an emergency backup and the information was stored in the 
D drive.  I am unable to retrieve the information because the folder 
is locked.  How do I get the information out of the drive and put 
back into the proper folders.
 
Thank you for any help you can give me.
Harlin

Dear Harlin
That sounds like you may have used one of the many back-up 
programs that compress and encrypt the files and then lock them, 
so that nobody else can use them. For privacy protection, that is 
definitely a good idea, but it can be a nuisance for retrieval.

You need the exact program, that you used to make that back-up, 
to unlock, decrypt, and expand the files. Without that program, 
the back-up is just wasted space.

Not all, but most of those programs allow you to restore just 
selected files, but some default to a complete, everything or 
nothing, restore. You got to be very calm, cool and focused 
when you do the restore, so that you don't accidentally overwrite 
files that you have updated in the meantime. In some cases, 
it is bet to rename those or copy them to a different location, 
so that they won't get overwritten by the restore.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


Michael strode in to his doctors office and said,
"Doc, my druggist said to tell you to change my
prescription and to check the prescription you've been
giving to a Mrs. Rogers."

"Oh, he did, did he?" the doctor shot back. "And since
when does a druggist second guess a doctor's orders?"

Michael says, "Since he found out that the birth
control pills that you prescribed for me did nothing
about my hemorrhoids, and the salve you prescribed
for Mrs Rogers did not stop her from getting pregnant."


Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com

Use Your Oven Heat to Warm Your House
After using your oven in the winter, turn it off and leave the 
door open so the leftover heat can spread into your home. 
Of course you need to keep small children away until it 
cools, but when it comes to conserving energy and 
money every little bit sure adds up.
By Patricia from Imperial, NE

Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day,
or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun
Highly recommended!
If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:


Norrissa was nervous the night her new boyfriend invited
her and her three young sons to an upscale restaurant
for the first time.

He ordered a bottle of wine with the meal. When the
server brought it, the children became quiet as she
began the ritual uncorking. When the waitress poured a
small amount for Norissa to taste and handed her the glass,
her six-year-old piped up,
"Mom can drink a LOT more than that! Give her the bottle!"


Ophelia Dingbatter's News

No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for adults.

Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the confirmation request
.
If you don't get it, then you, your mother or your ISP have Ophelia blocked

Aaron bought his wife a beautiful diamond ring for
their Anniversary. His friend Benny remarked: "I thought
she wanted one of those pretty 4-Wheel drive cars."

"She did," Aaron replied. "But where in the world was I
going to find a fake Jeep ?!!"






 » Great Books


ARCHIVE: If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the
Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog

If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
Thanks for your votes!

Please give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter

Well, , that's all for today.

Have FUN !
Dear Webby from Webby.com

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MSN blocking subscriptions 

Monday, November 23, 2009, 03:27 AM

   
Good Morning,  !
It's Monday,  November 23, 2009


"I suffer from two phobias:
1) Phobia-Phobia, the fear that
you're unable to get scared, and
2) Xylophataquieopiaphobia,
the fear of not pronouncing words correctly."
--- Brad Stine

It is hard to say whether the doctors of laws or the
doctors of divinity have made the greater advances in the
lucrative business of mystery.
--- Samuel Goldwyn


The story is told of a day when Queen Elizabeth had the
Duke Of Edinbourgh over for a cup of tea. The
conversation turned equestrian and the Queen was
telling the Duke about her new prize horse. After a
spell of ranting and raving over this horse the Duke
said, "Well, then, let's see this fine animal!"

So the Queen and the Duke went over to the stables to
admire the horse. At one point the Queen walked around
the horse, just as it let out an earth trembling fart,
with a smell that brought tears to everybody's eyes and
blistered the paint ... let's just say it was awesome..

The Queen turned a bit red and said,
"Oh, I am terribly sorry about that!"
"Oh, that's quite alright," the Duke replied, "I had
thought it was the horse!"


Little Johnny was sitting in the courtyard turning a
bottle of liquid back and forth, watching the bubbles.
The Priest walked up and asked him what he was doing?
Little Johnny replied, "I'm looking at the most powerful
liquid in the world."

The Priest said, "But Johnny, Holy Water is the most
powerful liquid in the world. Did you know that if you
put Holy Water on your forehead every day, 
bad thoughts will pass away."

Little Johnny said, "Big deal! This is TURPENTINE!
If you put this on a cat's butt, he'll pass a Harley!


 was at a yard sale one day and saw a box marked
"Electronic cat and dog caller -- guaranteed to work."

 looked inside and was amused to see an electric
can opener.


Thanks to Dave for this picture:


  

If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
goes to a dopey Pennsylvanian couple

Woman smuggled drugs to Pa. inmate with kiss
Nov 20, 3:12 PM (ET)

MERCER, Pa. (AP) - A western Pennsylvania woman has been 
ordered to stand trial on charges she passed a drug-filled 
balloon to a state prison inmate while kissing him. State police 
said guards at the State Correctional Institution-Mercer 
became suspicious when an inmate appeared to swallow 
something after a prolonged kiss with a visitor on Oct. 19.

When the inmate wouldn't tell guards what he swallowed, 
they put him in a cell where they could monitor his bathroom 
visits and found a balloon filled with marijuana three days later.

Police charged the inmate, and the woman with conspiracy 
to smuggle contraband and other charges. Both are 41 years old.

A district judge ordered them to stand trial at a hearing on Monday.


From the Tech Support Pits:
From: Beverly
Re: Can't unsubscribe or subscribe

Dear Webby
still messing with this......can't unsubscribe as i'm not in the 
list data base.  go figure.
 
can't you just bypass your system and sign me up by hand???  
if i can get a letter from you, should get the humor letter...
if it is being sent.  I can ...and have ..subscribe,but never 
get the confirmation letter so guess i just get dumped out 
of your system., like must have happened a month or so ago.
BEVERLY 

Dear Beverly
You probably unsubscribed and tried to re-subscribe when 
MSN started censoring your subscription.

Currently you are in the confirmation waiting list.
Until you confirm, and thereby prove that MSN is not censoring
mail from humor@webby.com, there is no point sending your
subscription just to be censored and murdered by the Taliban.

You can try whitelisting humor@webby.com, 
and try subscribing again when the current confirmation 
request times out. It keeps trying for 72 hours. 

In the long run, though, your best bet would be to get a 
respectable and reliable address.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


The Italians have followed the ages old tradition of naming
their boats with a three-letter prefix. For example:
USA uses USS which means "United States Ship."
The British uses HMS which means "Her Majesty's Ship."
and now...Italy is using AMB which apparently means
"At's-a My Boat!"


Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com

Winter Tip: Keep Clean, Dry Socks Handy
Keep a clean pair of dry socks under the seat of your car, 
in your bag or in a coat pocket in case you get your feet wet! 
You'll thank yourself for this thoughtfulness especially if 
you have to spend an entire day with cold wet feet and 
catch a cold due to it!
By Melody_yesterday from Sedalia, MO

Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day,
or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun
Highly recommended!
If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:


"I'm ashamed of you," the mother said. "Fighting with your
best friend is a terrible thing to do!"
"He threw a rock at me!" the boy said. "So I threw one at
him."
The mother stated emphatically, "When he threw a rock at
you, you should have come to me."
The boy quickly replied, "What good would that have done?
My aim is five times better than yours!"


Ophelia Dingbatter's News

No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for adults.

Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the confirmation request
.
If you don't get it, then you, your mother or your ISP have Ophelia blocked

A vacationer e-mailed a seaside hotel to ask its
location. "It's only a stone's throw away from the
beach," he was told.

"But how will I recognize it?" asked the man.

Back came the reply: "It's the one with all the broken
windows."






 » A place between us


ARCHIVE: If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the
Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog

If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
Thanks for your votes!

Please give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter

Well, , that's all for today.

Have FUN !
Dear Webby from Webby.com

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