Online Voting 

Zoom the font size for best readability  
Good Morning,  !
It's Thursday,  December 17, 2009

"It's so simple to be wise. Just think of something stupid to say and then don't say it." ---Sam Levenson
A granddaughter came to spend a few weeks with Nancy, and she decided to teach her to sew. After she had gone through a lengthy explanation of how to thread the machine, the granddaughter stepped back, put her hands on her hips, and said in disbelief: "You mean you can do all that, but you can't operate my Game Boy?"
There were 2 Irishmen walking along looking for jobs, when they came across a sign saying: TREE FELLERS WANTED. "Ohhh, to be sure, too be sure!" said one. "What a shame there are only the too of us!"
Where is that?
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Francis Viliar, 36, in Boston, Mass Dopey crook mutilated his finger tips BOSTON (AP) - Police said a Boston man wanted for drug trafficking tried to hide his identity by cutting off his fingertips. State Police spokesman David Procopio said Monday that Francis Viliar admitted to police that he paid someone $400 to slice off the fleshy pads at the ends of his fingers. The 36-year-old was arrested Friday after state police pulled him over for speeding in Brockton. He was charged with giving a false name and carrying a dangerous weapon. During booking, officers discovered that his fingertips were covered in scar tissue. FBI specialists were still able to identify Viliar, who had 13 warrants, using ridges from the prints.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Lillian Re: Vote! Dear Webby, *Please* put in a little message for me, in your newsletter ! * Webby only needs.. ...*1,118 Votes*..... to hit the* 50,000* mark !! Come on everybody let's do it !!!! Webby has earned it !!!! .... (*Thanks for all the wonderful info you give us !! * ) Lillian Victoria, B.C. Thanks, Lillian! Have FUN! DearWebby
A Guy and his wife are riding two up on a bike along a twisty road with a 55MPH limit. A cop pulls them over. "Had you going about 70 in 55 back there," says the cop. "Not me," says the guy, "Could be your radar picked up someone else or something, but my speedometer was set right on 55." The wife pipes up, "You were to going 70. I've told you 20 miles back you were going to get stopped if you didn't slow down." "Quiet please!" mumbles the guy. "Can I see your proof of insurance?" asks the cop. "Sure, my card is right here in my wallet." The wife says, "That card's no good and you know it. You haven't paid the last premium and the company sent you a cancellation notice." "Damn," yells the guy. "Would you shut up for a minute?" "Ma'am," says the cop. "Does this guy always talk to you like this?" "Only when he's been drinking."
Daily tip from Stacks Books Under Lamps With the cute lamps that I'd like for my living room being to expensive for me right now, I have to make due with what I have, so I've taken little, less expensive lamps and put them on books! It looks real cute and all you have to do is pile-up some books, what ever height you'd like and put the lamp on top. Hard cover, paperback, cookbooks; they all work! My daughter has started do it also. She's not much of a reader now, working and being busy with children, so she picked some up at yard sales and library sales! Hope this helps someone out! By Corky from Dunkirk, NY You better make a cage for those tall stacks of books, otherwise you are just one little nudge away from a major mess and a broken lamp! Oak or plastic wood look L-shaped corner molding is cheap and works well. It can be glued and screwed to a bottom and top piece of wood. If you tie the stack first with flower wire, hay wire or dental floss, from corner to corner, while somebody sits on the stack, and then hide the wire with the corner molding, the stack will be as solid and steady as a concrete column. Another trick for nice floor standing lights is to make miniature antique gas light poles. The trickiest part is making a form for the pedestal, however, it does not have to be perfect! Then get a pipe and bend it, so that it has a fairly tight right angle at the bottom and touches the form, when the upright part is in the center of the pedestal, and a gentle lamp post curve at the top. Electrical conduit works well, is cheap, and you can get a fitting to match any lamp for less than a dollar. Fill the form with cheap gypsum and water mix. You can stretch it by tossing rocks into it, but not near the outside. Also get a bunch of old rope, or make some from rags. Gypsum hardens fast, and after half an hour or so the pedestal is solid. Wrap the rope or rags around the pole and smear it with gypsum. Mix small batches for that, because it hardens quickly! Once it starts hardening, you can NOT soften it by adding water. Look at a picture of an old gas light pole. Most are 8-sided, and some are nicely fluted. Cut a scraper with the desired shape from a coffee can lid, and use that to scrape the column. Gypsum is only about as hard as cheese during the first few hours, and not much harder after that. It can be shaped easily. You can stop at any time and do another section the next weekend. When you got the column finished and it has dried completely, you can paint it with a bronze patina look-alike paint. Shove the lamp cord through the pipe after removing the pedestal form, attach the lamp to the top, and you have a floor standing lamp that looks like you paid thousands of dollars for it, and is heavy enogh so that kids won't knock it over. Have FUN! DearWebby Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the list, you can vote for it here:

Over dinner one evening, a wife says to her husband, "I met this horrible and rude man downtown this morning, and right away I knew he was a troublemaker. He started to insult me. He used really bad language. He even threatened me!" "How did you meet this fellow?" her husband asked, very concerned. "Well," she says, "we met by accident. I ran into his wheelchair with the car."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the confirmation request
. If you don't get it, then you, your mother or your ISP have Ophelia blocked
Jack had the toughest time of his life. First, he got angina pectoris and then arteriosclerosis. Just as he was recovering from these, he got tuberculosis, pneumonia and pythisis. Then he got hypodermics. Appendicitis was followed by tonsillectomy. These gave way to aphasia and hypertrophic cirrhosis. Jack completely lost his memory for a while. He had diabetes and indigestion, as well as gastritis, rheumatism, lumbago and neuritis. It was the hardest spelling test he ever took.

ARCHIVE: If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
Well, , that's all for today. Have FUN ! Dear Webby from

[ view entry ] ( 236 views )   |  permalink  |  print article  |   ( 3 / 759 )

<<First <Back | 112 | 113 | 114 | 115 | 116 | 117 | 118 | 119 | 120 | 121 | Next> Last>>