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It's Thursday, January 28, 2010


Your imagination is your preview of life's coming attractions. --- Albert Einstein
A linguistics professor was lecturing to his class one day. "In English," he said, "A double negative forms a positive. In some languages, though, such as Russian, a double negative is still a negative. However, there is no language wherein a double positive can form a negative." A voice from the back of the room piped up, "Yeah, right."
A pious man, who had reached the age of 105, suddenly stopped going to church. Alarmed by the old fellow's absence after so many years of faithful attendance, the pastor went to see him. He found him in excellent health, so the pastor asked, "Why after all these years don't we see you at services anymore?" The old man lowered his voice. "I'll tell you, reverend," he whispered. "When I got to be 90, I expected God to take me any day. But then I got to be 95, then 100, then 105. So, I figured that God is very busy and must've forgotten about me, and I don't want to remind Him!"
Thanks to Len for this picture: The preacher was having a heart-to-heart talk with a backslider of his flock, whose drinking of moonshine invariably led to quarreling with his neighbors, and occasional shotgun blasts at some of them. "Can't you see, Ben," intoned the parson, "that not one good thing comes out of this drinking?" "Well, I sort of disagree there," replied the backslider. "It makes me miss the folks I shoot at."
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Whitney Alison Holte, 21, of Knoxville, Tennessee Not a sugared donut When officers pulled a 21-year-old Knoxville woman over on Airport Highway in Alcoa early Thursday, she allegedly told officers it was a powdered donut she was eating when they came to the window. But a field test on the substance indicated the white powder she put in her mouth was not from a sugary pastry, but, rather, was cocaine, according to an Alcoa police report. Whitney Alison Holte was arrested and charged with possession of a Schedule II substance with intent to sell or deliver and three attachments for contempt; she was also cited with driving on a suspended driver's license, driving without proof of insurance, failure to maintain her lane of traffic and possession of drug paraphernalia. She was being held at the Blount County Jail in lieu of bonds totaling $12,250 pending 1:30 p.m. Jan. 25 and 9 a.m. Jan. 28 hearings in Blount County General Sessions Court.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Ed Re: MediaPlayer Dear Webby Somehow my media player got trashed. How do I restore it from the XP Set-up CD? Ed Dear Ed Don't. On the CD you have the 2000 or 2001 version, which is probably not safe to use these days. Just go to Media Player 11 and download it straight from Microsoft. That way you got the newest version. Have FUN! DearWebby
My Dad and I were talking the other night about love and marriage. He told me that he knew as early as their wedding what marriage to my Mom would be like. It seems the minister asked my Mom, "Do you take this man to be your husband." And she said, "I do." Then the minister asked my Dad, "Do you take this woman to be your wife," and my Mom said, "He better,....."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Use Over The Door Organizers For Crafts Keep your craft room organized with this over-the-door hanger made for shoes. It's perfect for keeping sharp things up high away from small hands. It also separates items nicely, and this one is clear so I can easily see where my items are located. It also saves a lot of space and is a less expensive version than a piece of furniture. By Ci Ci from Yakima, WA Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

A customer at Morris' Gourmet Deli marveled at the proprietor's quick wit and intelligence. "Tell me, Morris, what makes you so smart?" "I wouldn't share my secret with just anyone," Morris replies, lowering his voice so the other shoppers won't hear. "But since you're a good and faithful customer, I'll let you in on it. Fish heads. You eat enough of them, you'll be positively brilliant." "You sell them here?" the customer asks. "Only $4 apiece," says Morris. The customer buys three. A week later, he's back in the store complaining that the fish heads were disgusting and he isn't any smarter. "You didn't eat enough, " says Morris. The customer goes home with 20 more fish heads. Two weeks later, he's back and this time he's really angry. "Hey, Morris," he says, "You're selling me fish heads for $4 apiece when I just found out I can buy the whole fish for $2. ...You're ripping me off!" "You see?" says Morris. "You're smarter already."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
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A teacher was taking her first golf lesson. "Is the word spelled 'put' or 'putt'?" she asked the instructor. "'Putt' is correct," he replied. "'Put' means to place a thing where you want it. 'Putt' means a klutzy but unsuccessful attempt to do the same thing."

Magma
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Well, , that's all for today. Have FUN ! Dear Webby from Webby.com





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