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It's Wednesday, February 3, 2010

The release of atomic energy has not created a new problem. It has merely made more urgent the necessity of solving an existing one. --- Albert Einstein Nothing is more conducive to peace of mind than not having any opinions at all. --- Georg Christoph Lichtenberg
The Boy Scouts were out collecting bottles for a fund raising activity. One ambitious young man knocked on a door and a sour-faced lady came to the door and asked: "What do you want, Sonny?" "D-d-do you have any beer bottles for the Boy Scouts, M-m-m-ma'am?" he asked. "Look here, young man, do I look like the kind of lady who would drink beer?" replied the lady. "S-s-sorry, Ma'am," was his reply. "W-w-what about vinegar bottles?"
Every newspaper in New York sent a reporter and a staff photographer to the office of a local ophthalmologist when it was learned that he recently performed a successful sight- saving operation on the wife of the country's most celebrated mural artist, who, in addition to paying the doctor's usual fee, had gratefully insisted on painting one of his contemporary masterpieces across an entire wall of the doctor's waiting room. The mural turned out to be an immense multicolored picture of a human eye, in the center of which stood a perfect miniature likeness of the good doctor himself. While cameras clicked and most of the newsmen crowded around the famous artist for his comments, one cub reporter drew the eye specialist aside and asked: "Tell me, if you can, Doctor-what was your first reaction on seeing this fantastic artistic achievement covering an entire wall of your office?" "To tell the truth," the physician replied, "my first thought was, thank goodness I'm not a hemorrhoid specialist!"

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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Joshua Algers, 28, in Colorado Springs Drunk dad told kids to bite officers COLORADO SPRINGS (UPI) -- Police in Colorado said a drunken man arrested in a McDonald's play area told his young kids to "bite the officers' faces off." Colorado Springs Police said Joshua Algers, 28, was found passed out drunk in a McDonald's play area at about 4 p.m. Wednesday and officers placed him under arrest upon learning there was a warrant out for his arrest, the Colorado Springs Gazette reported. Algers became aggressive when police called the mother of the children to come pick them up, and then instructed the kids to "bite the officers' faces off," a police report said. The suspect resisted the officers and was subdued with a Taser, police said. He was arrested on suspicion of assaulting a police officer and the original warrant, which officers did not specify.
A kid comes home from college. His father is a farmer, and he's shoveling all the manure out of the outhouse onto the strawberries to fertilize them. The kid says, "Hey, Pop, learned in college there's an easy way to do everything." They go downtown and get some dynamite, they're gonna rig it up under the outhouse and blow the solids into the strawberry patch. They get it all rigged up, but they don't see Grandma coming to use the outhouse. BaBooom! The manure goes flying, and so does Grandma. Ploop!...she lands in the strawberries. They go running up to her... "Grandma, Grandma! My God, are you all right? Are you all right?" She says, "Yeah, I'm fine. Whoo! I'm certainly glad I didn't let that one go in the kitchen!"
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Tunia Re: Need more disk space Dear Webby I desperately need more disk space quickly. My daughter keeps sending me pictures from her honeymoon, to keep for her, in case the silly dingbat loses her camera again. I already cleaned out anything that I think isn't absolutely necessary, but she keeps sending more and more pictures every night. Tunia. I tried an HP USB connected DVD burner last year, but even the local computer shop could not get that to work right. Dear Tunia You need a USB connected hard drive. You can get 1 TeraByte (1000 GigaByte) drives in a USB enclosure for under $90 at Tiger, CompUSA, Walmart, BestBuy and many other places. They simply plug in and work. No fuss at all. Have FUN! DearWebby
A woman was complaining to a policeman about the neighbor across the way. She took him up to her abode and pointing across the court said, "It's an outrage the way those nudists are carrying on in that apartment--I'm ashamed." The cop looked across the court and said, "I can't see anything going on in there." "Is that so?" she cried, "you just put this chair up on that dresser and stand on it! Take these binoculars and you'll see plenty."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Save Juice from Canned Fruit Save your juice from canned peaches. Freeze it in ice cube trays then when solid move over to a Ziploc bag and store in freezer. Use them in your glass instead of ice when drinking iced tea. It is good with any tea, but especially good with raspberry tea. By Mom from Missouri Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

A nursery school teacher was delivering a station wagon full of kids home one day when a fire truck zoomed past. Sitting in the front seat of the fire truck was a Dalmatian dog. The children fell to discussing the dog's duties. "They use him to keep crowds back," said one youngster. "No," said another, "he's just for good luck." Then a third child brought the argument to a close... "They use the dog," she said firmly, "to find the fire hydrant."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
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"How long will it take to pull my tooth?" The patient asked the dentist. "Only two seconds" "How much will it cost?" "Fifty dollars." "For only two seconds of work?" "Well," The dentist answered coolly, "I can pull it very, very slowly and make it last an hour if you prefer."

Models of Yore
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Well, , that's all for today. Have FUN ! Dear Webby from Webby.com





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