How do you assign 7 mouse functions? 

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It's Thursday, February 4, 2010

As long as people will accept crap, it will be financially profitable to dispense it. --- Dick Cavett
A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he wants. A woman will pay $3.99 for a $2 item that she doesn't want but that is on sale.
A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't. A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change but she does.

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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Ula Webb-Chambers, 40, of Gainesville, Florida Pick it up so I can hit you again A Gainesville woman is accused of hitting a former boyfriend on the head with a tire iron and then ordering him to pick it up so she could hit him again. Ula Webb-Chambers, 40, of 2928 S.W. 39th Ave., was arrested Wednesday afternoon on charges of aggravated domestic battery and aggravated domestic assault. According to an arrest report by Gainesville police Officer Shawn Barnes, Webb-Chambers and the man had lived together for about 15 months before separating earlier this month. The man told police Webb-Chambers drove up to him near the St. Francis House and began arguing with him over money. The man said he began walking away but Webb-Chambers put her car into reverse and accelerated as she drove backward toward him. He told police he ran between two Dumpsters at the back of the homeless shelter to avoid being hit. The man said he tried to get away from Webb-Chambers by running across the street toward a Gainesville fire station but Webb-Chambers followed, taking a tire iron from the trunk of her car and running toward him screaming things like, "I got something for you," and, "The firemen ain't gonna help you." According to police, Webb-Chalmers caught up with the man about a block away and hit him on the back of the head with the tire iron. The man said Webb-Chambers then dropped the tire iron and screamed at him, saying, "Pick that thing up so I can hit you again." The man told police that he was dazed but able to get away and that a friend picked him up and drove him to an area hospital. In an arrest report, Barnes wrote that the man had a large bump on the back of his head and likely had a concussion. Webb-Chambers reportedly denied having an part in the incident. Webb-Chambers was booked into the Alachua County jail.
A women goes to her boyfriends parents house for dinner. This is to be her first time meeting the family and she is very nervous. They all sit down and begin eating a fine meal. The woman is beginning to feel a little discomfort, thanks to her nervousness and the broccoli casserole. The gas pains are almost making her eyes water. Left with no other choice, she decides to relieve herself a bit and lets out a dainty little fart. It wasn't loud, but everyone at the table heard the poot. Before she even had a chance to be embarrassed, her boyfriends father looked over at the dog that had been snoozing at the women's feet, and said in a rather stern voice, "Ginger!" The woman thought, "this is great!" and a big smile came across her face. A couple minutes later, she was beginning to feel the pain again. This time, she didn't even hesitate. She let a much louder and longer fart rip. The father again looked at the dog and yelled, "Ginger!" Once again the woman smiled and thought, "Great!" A few minutes later the woman had to let another one rip. This time she didn't even think about it. She let rip with a fart that rivaled a train whistle blowing. Again, the father looked at the dog with disgust and yelled, "dad gomit Ginger, get away from her before you smell like her!"
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Sandie Re: How do you utilize 7 mouse buttons? Dear Webby I got a new Logitech mouse, and it has seven functions. What should I assign all those to? Sandie Dear Sandie You can change those assignments any time, but here is how I set them. The regular left and right clickers are best left as they are. 3 Pushing the scroll wheel down I assign to double-click / Enter. 4 Thumb button: Back a page 5 Pinkie (right side) button: Forward a page 6 Tilting the scroll wheel LEFT: Copy 7 Tilting the scroll wheel RIGHT: Paste With Microsoft mice the pinkie button is farther forward, and you can use Thumb / Pinkie for copy / paste, which seems more logical, but with Logitech it is too far back and you WILL accidentally activate it quite often. Accidentally jumping a page forward is not a big deal, but accidentally pasting whatever has been copied last, is a major nuisance. Because the pinkie button on Logitech mice is so poorly situated and much too trigger-happy, you might want to assign it to do nothing at all. Otherwise you will do a lot of cussing about an otherwise quite good mouse. Have FUN! DearWebby
To get acquainted with his new Parish, the Priest decided to call on someone daily. One he selected was a young widow, her husband, according to the index card, had died two years ago. After knocking at the door, he was greeted by a young lady with a baby in her arms. He said, "I'm sorry, I must have the wrong address, I was looking for the widow Laffitte." "You've found her Father." smiled the lady. "Well, according to the card here, it says your husband died over two years ago." he said glancing at the baby in her arms. "That's correct Father, he surely did... but I didn't."
Daily tip from Use Photos to Make Greeting Cards I have not bought a greeting card of any kind for more years than I can remember. How easy it is to make all kinds of beautiful cards with personalized photos from your own computer. Print Shop is the software I began with but I have used Print Artist for years. My grandchildren have made their own school valentines using this program. I can't remember the time they bought Valentine's cards for their friends. If you are a photography buff many of your very own photos can be easily inserted in your cards. And pick your own words or special quote to insert inside the card. When you are finished you will wonder why you ever spent money on those store bought cards. By Karen from Davis, CA Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the list, you can vote for it here:

An elderly woman had just returned to her home from an evening worship service and was startled to find an intruder in her house. Catching the man in the act of burglarizing her home, she yelled, "Stop! Acts 2:38!" (Repent and be baptized, every one of you, in the name of Jesus Christ so that your sins may be forgiven). As the burglar stopped dead in his tracks, the woman calmly called the police and explained what she had done. Shortly, several officers arrived and took the man into custody. As he was placing the handcuffs on the burglar, one of the officers asked "Why did you just stand there? Was it her Bible quote ?" "Bible Quote???" screeched the burglar. "She said she had an AXE and TWO 38's!
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
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After having their 11th child, an Alabama couple decided that was enough, as they had no room in the trailer for a larger bed. So the husband went to his doctor/veterinarian and told him that he and his wife/cousin didn't want to have any more children. The doctor/veterinarian told him that was a procedure called a vasectomy that could fix the problem but that it was expensive. A less costly alternative, said the doctor/veterinarian, was to go home, get a cherry bomb (fireworks are legal in Alabama), light it, put it in a beer can, then hold the can up to his ear and count to 10. The Alabamian said to the doctor/veterinarian, "I may not be the smartest man in the world, but I don't see how putting a cherry bomb in a beer can next to my ear is going to help me." "Trust me," said the doctor. So the man went home, lit a cherry bomb and put it in a beer can. He held the can up to his ear and began to count: "1, 2, 3, 4, 5," at which point he paused, placed the beer can between his legs, and resumed counting on his other hand. This procedure is aparently also approved in West Virginia and Arkansas.

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Well, , that's all for today. Have FUN ! Dear Webby from

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