Good Morning,  !
It's Thursday, February 4, 2010

As long as people will accept crap, 
it will be financially profitable to dispense it.
--- Dick Cavett


A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he wants.
A woman will pay $3.99 for a $2 item that she
doesn't want but that is on sale.


A woman marries a man expecting he will change,
but he doesn't.
A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change
but she does.







If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
goes to Ula Webb-Chambers, 40, of Gainesville, Florida

Pick it up so I can hit you again
A Gainesville woman is accused of hitting a former boyfriend 
on the head with a tire iron and then ordering him to pick it 
up so she could hit him again. 

Ula Webb-Chambers, 40, of 2928 S.W. 39th Ave., was arrested 
Wednesday afternoon on charges of aggravated domestic battery 
and aggravated domestic assault.

According to an arrest report by Gainesville police Officer Shawn Barnes, 
Webb-Chambers and the man had lived together for about 15 months 
before separating earlier this month.

The man told police Webb-Chambers drove up to him near the 
St. Francis House and began arguing with him over money. The man 
said he began walking away but Webb-Chambers put her car into 
reverse and accelerated as she drove backward toward him. He told 
police he ran between two Dumpsters at the back of the homeless 
shelter to avoid being hit. 

The man said he tried to get away from Webb-Chambers by running 
across the street toward a Gainesville fire station but Webb-Chambers 
followed, taking a tire iron from the trunk of her car and running toward 
him screaming things like, "I got something for you," and, 
"The firemen ain't gonna help you."

According to police, Webb-Chalmers caught up with the man about a 
block away and hit him on the back of the head with the tire iron. The 
man said Webb-Chambers then dropped the tire iron and screamed 
at him, saying, "Pick that thing up so I can hit you again."

The man told police that he was dazed but able to get away and that a 
friend picked him up and drove him to an area hospital.

In an arrest report, Barnes wrote that the man had a large bump on the 
back of his head and likely had a concussion. Webb-Chambers reportedly 
denied having an part in the incident.

Webb-Chambers was booked into the Alachua County jail.



A women goes to her boyfriends parents house for dinner.
This is to be her first time meeting the family and she is very
nervous. They all sit down and begin eating a fine meal. The
woman is beginning to feel a little discomfort, thanks to her
nervousness and the broccoli casserole. The gas pains are
almost making her eyes water.

Left with no other choice, she decides to relieve herself a
bit and lets out a dainty little fart.
It wasn't loud, but everyone at the table heard the poot.
Before she even had a chance to be embarrassed, her
boyfriends father looked over at the dog that had been
snoozing at the women's feet, and said in a rather stern
voice, "Ginger!"

The woman thought, "this is great!" and a big smile came
across her face. A couple minutes later, she was beginning
to feel the pain again. This time, she didn't even hesitate.
She let a much louder and longer fart rip.
The father again looked at the dog and yelled, "Ginger!"
Once again the woman smiled and thought, "Great!"

A few minutes later the woman had to let another one rip.
This time she didn't even think about it. She let rip with a
fart that rivaled a train whistle blowing.
Again, the father looked at the dog with disgust and yelled,
"dad gomit Ginger, get away from her before you smell like her!"


From the Tech Support Pits:
From: Sandie
Re: How do you utilize 7 mouse buttons?

Dear Webby
I got a new Logitech mouse, and it has seven functions. 
What should I assign all those to?
Sandie

Dear Sandie
You can change those assignments any time, but here is how I
set them. The regular left and right clickers are best left
as they are. 
3 Pushing the scroll wheel down I assign to double-click / Enter. 
4 Thumb button: Back a page
5 Pinkie (right side) button: Forward a page
6 Tilting the scroll wheel LEFT: Copy
7 Tilting the scroll wheel RIGHT: Paste



With Microsoft mice the pinkie button is farther forward,
and you can use Thumb / Pinkie for copy / paste,
which seems more logical, 
but with Logitech it is too far back and you WILL accidentally
activate it quite often. Accidentally jumping a page forward
is not a big deal, but accidentally pasting whatever has been
copied last, is a major nuisance.

Because the pinkie button on Logitech mice is so poorly
situated and much too trigger-happy, you might want to 
assign it to do nothing at all. Otherwise you will do a lot
of cussing about an otherwise quite good mouse.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


To get acquainted with his new Parish, the Priest decided to
call on someone daily. One he selected was a young
widow, her husband, according to the index card, had died
two years ago.
After knocking at the door, he was greeted by a young lady
with a baby in her arms.

He said, "I'm sorry, I must have the wrong address, I was
looking for the widow Laffitte."
"You've found her Father." smiled the lady.
"Well, according to the card here, it says your husband died
over two years ago." he said glancing at the baby in her
arms.
"That's correct Father, he surely did... but I didn't."


Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com

Use Photos to Make Greeting Cards
I have not bought a greeting card of any kind for more years than 
I can remember. How easy it is to make all kinds of beautiful 
cards with personalized photos from your own computer. 
Print Shop is the software I began with but I have used 
Print Artist for years. My grandchildren have made their 
own school valentines using this program. I can't remember 
the time they bought Valentine's cards for their friends. If 
you are a photography buff many of your very own photos 
can be easily inserted in your cards. And pick your own words 
or special quote to insert inside the card. When you are 
finished you will wonder why you ever spent money on those 
store bought cards. 
By Karen from Davis, CA

Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day,
or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun
Highly recommended!
If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:


An elderly woman had just returned to her home from an evening
worship service and was startled to find an intruder in her house.
Catching the man in the act of burglarizing her home, she yelled,
"Stop! Acts 2:38!"
(Repent and be baptized, every one of you, in the name of
Jesus Christ so that your sins may be forgiven).

As the burglar stopped dead in his tracks, the woman calmly
called the police and explained what she had done. Shortly,
several officers arrived and took the man into custody.
As he was placing the handcuffs on the burglar, one of the
officers asked
"Why did you just stand there? Was it her Bible quote ?"
"Bible Quote???" screeched the burglar.
"She said she had an AXE and TWO 38's!


Ophelia Dingbatter's News

No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.

Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the confirmation request
.
If you don't get it, then you, your mother or your ISP have Ophelia blocked

After having their 11th child, an Alabama couple
decided that was enough, as they had no room in the
trailer for a larger bed.

So the husband went to his doctor/veterinarian and
told him that he and his wife/cousin didn't want to
have any more children. The doctor/veterinarian told
him that was a procedure called a vasectomy that could
fix the problem but that it was expensive.

A less costly alternative, said the
doctor/veterinarian, was to go home, get a cherry bomb
(fireworks are legal in Alabama), light it, put it in
a beer can, then hold the can up to his ear and count
to 10. 

The Alabamian said to the doctor/veterinarian, 
"I may not be the smartest man in the world, but I 
don't see how putting a cherry bomb in a beer can next 
to my ear is going to help me."

"Trust me," said the doctor. So the man went home,
lit a cherry bomb and put it in a beer can. He held
the can up to his ear and began to count: "1, 2, 3, 4,
5," at which point he paused, placed the beer can
between his legs, and resumed counting on his other
hand.

This procedure is aparently also approved in West Virginia and
Arkansas.






 »  Tugs
 


ARCHIVE: If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the
Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog

If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
Thanks for your votes!

Please give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter

Well, , that's all for today.

Have FUN !
Dear Webby from Webby.com

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---

Need more space fast 

Tuesday, February 2, 2010, 10:53 PM

   
Good Morning,  !
It's Wednesday, February 3, 2010

The release of atomic energy has not created a new problem. 
It has merely made more urgent the necessity of solving an existing one.
--- Albert Einstein

Nothing is more conducive to peace of mind than not having any opinions at all.
 --- Georg Christoph Lichtenberg


The Boy Scouts were out collecting bottles for a fund
raising activity. One ambitious young man knocked on
a door and a sour-faced lady came to the door and asked:
"What do you want, Sonny?"
"D-d-do you have any beer bottles for the Boy Scouts,
M-m-m-ma'am?" he asked.
"Look here, young man, do I look like the kind of lady
who would drink beer?" replied the lady.
"S-s-sorry, Ma'am," was his reply. "W-w-what about
vinegar bottles?"


Every newspaper in New York sent a reporter and a staff
photographer to the office of a local ophthalmologist when
it was learned that he recently performed a successful sight-
saving operation on the wife of the country's most
celebrated mural artist, who, in addition to paying the
doctor's usual fee, had gratefully insisted on painting one of
his contemporary masterpieces across an entire wall of the
doctor's waiting room.

The mural turned out to be an immense multicolored picture
of a human eye, in the center of which stood a perfect
miniature likeness of the good doctor himself.

While cameras clicked and most of the newsmen crowded
around the famous artist for his comments, one cub reporter
drew the eye specialist aside and asked:

"Tell me, if you can, Doctor-what was your first reaction
on seeing this fantastic artistic achievement covering an
entire wall of your office?"

"To tell the truth," the physician replied, "my first thought
was, thank goodness I'm not a hemorrhoid specialist!"







If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
goes to Joshua Algers, 28, in Colorado Springs

Drunk dad told kids to bite officers
COLORADO SPRINGS (UPI) -- Police in Colorado said a drunken 
man arrested in a McDonald's play area told his young kids to 
"bite the officers' faces off." 

Colorado Springs Police said Joshua Algers, 28, was found 
passed out drunk in a McDonald's play area at about 4 p.m. 
Wednesday and officers placed him under arrest upon learning 
there was a warrant out for his arrest, the Colorado Springs 
Gazette reported. 

Algers became aggressive when police called the mother of the 
children to come pick them up, and then instructed the kids to 
"bite the officers' faces off," a police report said. 

The suspect resisted the officers and was subdued with a Taser, 
police said. 

He was arrested on suspicion of assaulting a police officer and 
the original warrant, which officers did not specify. 



A kid comes home from college. His father is a farmer, and
he's shoveling all the manure out of the outhouse onto the
strawberries to fertilize them.

The kid says, "Hey, Pop, learned in college there's an easy
way to do everything."
They go downtown and get some dynamite, they're gonna
rig it up under the outhouse and blow the solids into the
strawberry patch. They get it all rigged up, but they don't
see Grandma coming to use the outhouse. BaBooom!
The manure goes flying, and so does Grandma.
Ploop!...she lands in the strawberries. They go running up
to her... "Grandma, Grandma! My God, are you all right?
Are you all right?"
She says, "Yeah, I'm fine. Whoo! I'm certainly glad I didn't
let that one go in the kitchen!"


From the Tech Support Pits:
From: Tunia
Re: Need more disk space

Dear Webby
I desperately need more disk space quickly. My daughter keeps
sending me pictures from her honeymoon, to keep for her, in 
case the silly dingbat loses her camera again. I already 
cleaned out anything that I think isn't absolutely necessary,
but she keeps sending more and more pictures every night.
Tunia. I tried an HP USB connected DVD burner last year,
but even the local computer shop could not get that to work
right.

Dear Tunia
You need a USB connected hard drive. You can get 1 TeraByte
(1000 GigaByte) drives in a USB enclosure for under $90 at
Tiger, CompUSA, Walmart, BestBuy and many other places.
They simply plug in and work. No fuss at all.
Have FUN!
DearWebby


A woman was complaining to a policeman about the
neighbor across the way. She took him up to her abode
and pointing across the court said,
"It's an outrage the way those nudists are carrying on in that
apartment--I'm ashamed."
The cop looked across the court and said,
"I can't see anything going on in there."
"Is that so?" she cried, "you just put this chair up on that
dresser and stand on it! Take these binoculars and you'll
see plenty."


Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com

Save Juice from Canned Fruit
Save your juice from canned peaches. Freeze it in ice cube 
trays then when solid move over to a Ziploc bag and store in 
freezer. Use them in your glass instead of ice when drinking 
iced tea. It is good with any tea, but especially good with 
raspberry tea.
By Mom from Missouri

Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day,
or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun
Highly recommended!
If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:


A nursery school teacher was delivering a station wagon
full of kids home one day when a fire truck zoomed past.
Sitting in the front seat of the fire truck was a Dalmatian
dog. The children fell to discussing the dog's duties.
"They use him to keep crowds back," said one youngster.
"No," said another, "he's just for good luck."
Then a third child brought the argument to a close...
"They use the dog," she said firmly, "to find the fire hydrant."


Ophelia Dingbatter's News

No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.

Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the confirmation request
.
If you don't get it, then you, your mother or your ISP have Ophelia blocked

"How long will it take to pull my tooth?" The patient
asked the dentist.
"Only two seconds"
"How much will it cost?"
"Fifty dollars."
"For only two seconds of work?"
"Well," The dentist answered coolly, "I can pull it very,
very slowly and make it last an hour if you prefer."






 »  Models of Yore
 


ARCHIVE: If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the
Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog

If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
Thanks for your votes!

Please give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter

Well, , that's all for today.

Have FUN !
Dear Webby from Webby.com

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---

How to test your Internet connection speed? 

Monday, February 1, 2010, 11:43 PM

   
Good Morning,  !
It's Tuesday, February 2, 2010

There are many who dare not kill themselves for fear of what 
the neighbors will say.
--- Cyril Connolly

The squeaking wheel doesn't always get the grease. 
Sometimes it gets replaced.
--- Vic Gold

Computer games don't affect kids, I mean if Pac Man affected us as kids, 
we'd all be running around in darkened rooms, munching pills and 
listening to repetitive music.
--- Marcus Brigstocke


The housewife answered the phone and listened with relief
to the voice in her ear. "How are you, dear? What kind of
day are you having?"
"Oh, mom, the baby won't eat, the washing machine is
broken, I've not been able to get out of the house to shop, I
twisted my ankle and have been hobbling around. On top
of that, the house is a mess and we're supposed to have
two couples over for dinner tonight."
"Now dear, just stay calm. Sit down, relax, close your
eyes, and I'll be over in 1/2 hour. I'll do the shopping, clean
up the house, and cook your dinner for you. I'll take care of
the baby when I get there and call a repairman I know
who'll get the washing machine fixed. In fact, I'll call George
at the office and tell him he ought to come home and help
out for once."
"George? Who's George?"
"Why, that's your *husband*, dear."
"Mom, I don't have a husband."
"Is this 234-5678?"
"Uh, no, it's not. I think you have a wrong number." The
housewife paused, then got rather hysterical:
"But, but, but, you're still going to come over and help me,
aren't you?"


"I hope you didn't take it personally, Pastor," an
embarrassed woman said after a church service,
"when my husband walked out during your sermon."
"I did find it rather disconcerting," the preacher replied.
"It's not a reflection on you, sir," insisted the church goer.
"Ralph has been walking in his sleep ever since he was a kid."







If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
goes to a 43 year old robber in San Diego

Robber calls police to complain about interruption
SAN DIEGO  — A man who was busy robbing his elderly victim 
Saturday became so upset when a bystander tried to break up 
the crime by punching the robber in the face, that he, the robber, 
called police to report an assault.

Bad move.
Once they put two and two together, police officers located the 
83-year-old victim, who confirmed the crime, and arrested the 
43-year-old man for suspected elder abuse and robbery, said 
San Diego police Officer David Stafford.

Police were called at 4 p.m. to Akins Avenue at 62nd Street 
near a trolley station, where the robber had the elderly man 
pinned against a wall and was rifling through his pockets when 
the bystander interrupted the crime, Stafford said.

No other information was available about the robber, or the 
35-year-old man who came to the victim’s aid.



In a test of emergency systems  some boy scouts
impersonated wounded persons who were to be picked
up and cared for by the emergency units. One Scout was
supposed to lie on the ground and await his rescuers,
but the first-aid people got behind schedule, and the Scout
lay "wounded" for several hours.

When the first-aid squad arrived where the casualty was
supposed to be, they found nothing but a brief note:
"Have bled to death and gone to McDonalds for a refill."


Girls are attracted to boys, even at an early
age. At an early age, boys are attracted to dirt.


From the Tech Support Pits:
From: Peggy
Re: How do I find my Connection speed

Dear Webby
How do I find my connection speed on the computer I am using?  
Thank you, 
Peggy

Dear Peggy
Here are 3 free sites to test your connection speed:

http://internetfrog.com/mypc/speedtest/

http://us.mcafee.com/root/speedometer/test_3000.asp

http://www.pcpitstop.com/internet/bw.asp

Have FUN!
DearWebby


The pastor was doing is weekly "children's message"
with the children gathered around him down front.
He was talking to the youngsters on their level about
being good and going to heaven. At the end of his talk,
he asked, "Where do you want to go?"
"Heaven!" one of the girls cried out enthusiastically.
"And what do you have to be to get there?" the
preacher asked.
"Dead!" yelled one of the boys.


Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com

Simple Household Bookkeeping System
I keep every receipt (utilities, grocery, medical, etc.) 
in a plain legal sized envelop labeled for the month 
(Example: Jan 09) until the end of the year. I keep 
them in a drawer with my bank statements.

At the end of the year I have 12 legal envelopes the same 
size as my 12 bank statements. I bundle them with rubber 
bands. I begin a new check register each January 1, and 
stop with Dec. 31. I put the check register with the bundled 
envelopes.

At the end of the year I store them in plastic totes. On the 
envelope I will write whether there are important receipts for 
items which could possibly need to be exchanged like a new 
appliance. I have done this for over 20 years.

By Jeanne from Elysian Fields, TX

While that is a paper keeping system, it is not really a
bookkeeping system.

Since you DO have access to a computer, you can use a simple
spreadsheet. Spreadsheets are a LOT easier to use than you
imagine.
Label the cells in the first column with numbers starting with 0. 
There is a button for doing that automatically.
Label the top cell to the right of it DATE.
Label the top cells in the columns to the right of it with the
categories you need for tax purposes, like Meds, or categories
you want to track, like utilities, maintenance, groceries, etc.,
and a comment column at the end.

Let's say your first receipt is for medication. Write a 1onto
it's top corner, type the date from the receipt into the date
column, and the amount on the same row but in the MEDS column,
and a comment, if you want, on the same row in the comment
column.

One of the biggest advantages of a journal like that is that
you not only can find any specific item fast, but that you
SEE your expenses. You can spot trends.

You can give each column a different color background,
and use a different color font for different months.
And yes, you most certainly can sub-total each month,
and of course total each column at year end.

My description may sound difficult and tedious at first
reading, but it's actually really easy and even fun.
I would be surprised, if you don't some day highlight a 
month and hit the GRAPH button. You can make a colorful
pie chart showing how your money is used, or a line
graph showing trends. "Hmmm, fuel expenses are creeping
up. Will have to have a word with Junior!"
Each category will have a different colored line and you
can tell at a glance if there is a change.

To find a receipt, you check the number in the first
column, then dig out the receipt with that number in the
top right corner.

Doing the taxes is of course a lot less tedious if you have
the yearly totals of each category at the bottom.

And you can of course do the same with income.

Spreadsheets like Calc (in Open Office), Quattro (in Corel
Office), Excel (Microsoft), etc, are free or cheap. The only
part that is difficult is getting started with them.
Have FUN!
DearWebby

Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day,
or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun
Highly recommended!
If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:


George and Nancy get along just great, except that she's a
"backseat driver" second to none. After years of putting up
with her pestering, he finally decided he had enough and
advised her that he would no longer drive with her in the
car.

Later that day, on his way home from doing some shopping
at the mall, he heard his cell phone ring, just as he was
merging onto a freeway.

It was Nancy. By chance, she had entered the freeway right
behind George.
"Honey," she said, "your turn signal is still on. And put on
your lights; it's starting to rain."

George did have the grace to say "Thank you!", 
before he tossed his last cell phone out the window.


Ophelia Dingbatter's News

No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.

Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the confirmation request
.
If you don't get it, then you, your mother or your ISP have Ophelia blocked








 »  Harmony of colors
 


ARCHIVE: If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the
Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog

If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
Thanks for your votes!

Please give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter

Well, , that's all for today.

Have FUN !
Dear Webby from Webby.com

[ add comment ]   |  permalink  |   ( 3.2 / 23 )

---

How to install Spybot-Search&Destroy 

Sunday, January 31, 2010, 10:00 PM

   
Good Morning,  !
It's Monday, February 1, 2010

In archaeology you uncover the unknown. 
In diplomacy you cover the known.
--- Thomas Pickering

The more original a discovery, the more obvious it seems afterwards.
--- Arthur Koestler


An angel appears at a faculty meeting and tells the dean
that in return for his unselfish and exemplary behavior,
the Lord will reward him with his choice of infinite wealth,
infinite wisdom, or infinite beauty. Without hesitating,
the dean selects infinite wisdom.
"Done!" says the angel, and disappears in a cloud of smoke
and a bolt of lightning. Now, all heads turn toward the
dean, who sits surrounded by a faint halo of light. At
length, one of his colleagues whispers, "Say something."
The dean sighs and says, "I should have taken the money."


As an elderly lady was boarding the plane, she said to the
flight attendant, "Do these things crash very often?"
The attendant replied,
"No -- just once!"







If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
goes to Jason Miles, 22 of Crestview, Florida

"Man You Don't Know How Much Weed I Smoke"

CRESTVIEW -- A man pulled over for failing to maintain a 
single lane and for speeding was arrested after telling police 
he had $2,000 worth of "weed" in his trunk.

The 25-year-old Crestview man was stopped Jan. 22 after a 
Crestview Police Department officer noticed him speeding 
on James Lee Blvd. The driver, Jason Miles, appeared nervous 
and there was a strong odor of marijuana coming from inside 
the truck, the officer noted.

When the officer asked him if there was anything illegal in 
the truck, Miles said, "I got $2,000 worth of weed in the truck!"

During a search, police found 110 grams of marijuana, two 
digital scales and a package of peach-flavored cigars. He was 
charged with possession of marijuana with intent to distribute 
and possession of paraphernalia.

After being read his rights, Miles told police he only sold the 
marijuana on weekends because he was a full-time student 
during the week. He also said he sold some and kept some.

"Man, you don't know how much weed I smoke," he told the officer.

He has a March 2 court date.



A teacher was giving a lesson on the circulation of the
blood. Trying to make the matter clearer, he said:
"Now, boys, if I stood on my head the blood, as you know,
would run into it, and I would turn red in the face."
"Yes, sir," the boys said. "Then why is it that while I am
standing upright in the ordinary position the blood doesn't
run into my feet?"
A little fellow shouted, "'Cause yer feet ain't empty."


From the Tech Support Pits:
From: Hubcap
Re: How do I install Spybot

Dear Webby
I would like to download Spybot search and destroy on my 
Vista home premium computer from you web site but don't know 
quite how to do it. Any help appreciated.
Hubcap

Dear Hubcap
Just click on the Spybot-Search&Destroy button in the left side menu.
Scroll down to where it says DOWNLOAD and click on the blue cube.
That gets you to the Mirrors. Depending on your connection speed,
pick the one closest to you.

It will ask you where on your computer you want it.
Most people are fanatic Easter Egg Hunters and tell it to put it ANYWHERE,
and then go hunt for it later.
I tell it to put it into E:\TOOLS\Spybot

After it has downloaded, tell it to RUN.
It will again ask you where you want the program to be set up.
Again, tell it to do it in a place like E:\TOOLS\Spybot
or let it go to the Windows default place at 
C:\Program Files\Miscellaneous\Stuff and Such\Programs\More Stuff\
In your case it probably makes little difference, since it
produces a desktop icon anyway.

When it finishes the installation, run it.
It will show you what it found, and you can un-check stuff that
you might want to keep, for example the cookies from your bank.
Then hit the "Fix It" button, and it does.
That's all there is to it.
Have FUN!
DearWebby


You are 100% Texan if you have ever had this
conversation :
"You wanna Coke?"
"Yeah."
"What kind?"
"Dr. Pepper."


Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com

Set Up A Pet Care Savings Account
I see a lot of requests for advice about sick pets from people 
unwilling or unable to go to the vet due to the expense. Here 
is what has worked for me. I have added pet care into my 
weekly budget. I started a savings account and each payday 
the amount I have determined I can afford goes directly into 
that account. I do not use it for anything except vet costs. 
It adds up quickly and I always have enough for at least a 
checkup in that account. Pets who receive regular checkups 
have less emergencies in the long run, as trouble can be 
detected before it is too late. We owe them nothing less. 
By Kelly from Portland, OR

Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day,
or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun
Highly recommended!
If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:


A man and his little girl were on an overcrowded elevator.
Suddenly a woman in front turned around, slapped him and
left in a huff.
The little girl remarked, "That's okay, Daddy, I didn't like her
either, she was stepping all over my toes. That's why I
pinched her."


Ophelia Dingbatter's News

No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.

Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the confirmation request
.
If you don't get it, then you, your mother or your ISP have Ophelia blocked

Upon entering the little country store, the stranger noticed a
sign saying "DANGER! BEWARE OF DOG!" posted on
the glass door. Inside he noticed a harmless old hound dog
asleep on the floor..
He asked the store manager, "Is THAT the dog folks are
supposed to beware of?"
"Yep, that's him," he replied.
The stranger couldn't help but be amused. "That certainly
doesn't look like a dangerous dog to me. Why in the world
would you post that sign?"
"Because," the owner replied, "before I posted that sign,
people kept tripping over him and knocking their teeth out
on the counter."






 »  Awesome Footwear
 


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Have FUN !
Dear Webby from Webby.com

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---

Humor: Spybot 

Saturday, January 30, 2010, 11:34 PM

   
Good Morning,  !
It's Sunday, January 31, 2010

Spare no expense to save money on this one.
--- Samuel Goldwyn

Bureaucrats write memoranda both because they appear to be busy 
when they are writing and because the memos, once written, 
immediately become proof that they were busy.
--- Charles Peters

History is more or less bunk.
--- Henry Ford


A preacher said to the farmer,"Do you belong to the Christian
family ?" "No", he said, " they live two farms down ".
"No,no, I mean are you lost ?"
"No, I've been here thirty years."
"I mean are you ready for Judgement Day?"
"When is it ?"
"It could be today or tomorrow ".
"Well, when you find out for sure when it is , you let me know .
My wife will probably want to go both days !"


A golf pro was helping this attractive young woman with her
swing when his zipper got caught in the rhinestones on the
back of her skirt. Needless to say this was embarrassing to
both of them since their relationship had been purely
platonic up to that point anyway. They decided to walk
together in this lock-step back to the clubhouse where
certainly a pair of needle-nosed pliers would fix the
problem.

Just as they turned the corner to the clubhouse a German
Shepherd ran up and threw a bucket of water on them.



Thanks to Sandie for this picture:


under a Live Oak in Ft Myers, FL

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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
goes to Douglas J. Koufman in Palm Beach

MIAMI -- Authorities say a Miami man cleaned out his elderly 
mother's savings, worth over $800,000.

Douglas J. Koufman is charged with exploitation of an elderly 
person or disabled adult for more than $100,000. The 57-year-old 
surrendered Tuesday at the Palm Beach County Jail and posted 
bail Wednesday.

According to an affidavit by the Palm Beach County Sheriff's Office, 
Koufman misappropriated at least $873,000 from his mother's trust fund.

His mother, Charlotte Koufman, is now 88 and suffers from dementia.

Records show the woman's trust contained over $2 million in July 2004.


Three residents at the Funny-Farm are at the doctor's office for
their annual  intelligence test.
The doctor asks the first man, "What is three times three?"
"274," he replies.
The doctor asks the second man, "What is three times three?"
"Tuesday," replies the second man.
The doctor says to the third man, "Okay, your turn. What's three
times three?"
"Nine," says the third man.
"That's great!" says the doctor.
"How did you get that?"
"Easy," says the third man. "I subtracted 274 from Tuesday."



From the Tech Support Pits:
From: Johnny
Re: Spybot

Dear Webby
Wish I knew about the Spyware two weeks ago. 
Had to shut my computer down until son could fix it. 
Johnny

Dear Johnny
It pays to look at the side menu in the Humor Letter every 
now and then. I have donated free space there for 
Spybot-Search&Destroy for 10 years now.
Everything you see there is an "Essential" that we put on 
every Webby computer, before we let a user touch it.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


Lucy went to college. However, she really worried her
folks because all she ever wrote home about was boys and
good times. Her mother decided to have a serious talk with
Lucy when she came home for a weekend. The mother
started out by saying, "Now, dear, if you are only going to
college to find a husband, it certainly will be expensive
shopping."
"Yes, I know, Mom," said Lucy, "but what a supermarket."


Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com

Store Important Items In Dishwasher in an Emergency
If you ever need to leave in a hurry because of a flood approaching, 
a good place to store important items (computer tower, pictures, etc.) 
is in your dishwasher. It has a watertight seal that will protect your 
items. You could also put items in your front loading clothes washer. 
It will not work with a top loader clothes washer.
By Fred from Michigan

Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day,
or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun
Highly recommended!
If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:





Ophelia Dingbatter's News

No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.

Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the confirmation request
.
If you don't get it, then you, your mother or your ISP have Ophelia blocked








 »  Baby Birds
 


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Have FUN !
Dear Webby from Webby.com

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---

Short URLs 

Friday, January 29, 2010, 10:17 PM

   
Good Morning,  !
It's Saturday, January 30, 2010

Life is not merely to be alive, but to be well.
--- Marcus Valerius Martial

An economist is a man who states the obvious 
in terms of the incomprehensible.
--- Alfred A. Knopf


An inter-church gathering was well attended when someone
suddenly cried
"FIRE!"
The Methodists gathered in a corner to pray.
The Baptists hollered "Everyone in the water !"
The Lutherans nailed a paper to the door declaring fire was evil.
The Episcopalians formed a procession and marched out in an
orderly manner.
The Unitarians concluded the fire had as much right to be there
as anyone.
The Christian Scientists agreed there really wasn't a fire.
The 7th Day Adventists said it was "the vengeance of an angry
God."
The Presbyterians formed a committee to study the problem.
The Catholics passed the plate to cover the damages.

The janitor grabbed a fire extinguisher and put the fire out.


Two young medical students were standing on a street corner
observing people as they passed and discussing any
abnormalities with each other that they may have seen in
passers-by. They saw this old fellow sort of duck waddling
down the street at a slow pace. The two students
introduced themselves to the gentleman and told him that
they didn't agree with each others diagnosis of the
old mans problem.

One says, "my friend thinks you have a bad case of hemorrhoids,
and I think you have a hernia."

The old man said, "Well, I thought it was a going to be fart,
but it looks like all three of us were wrong with our guessing."


Thanks to Lillemor for sending this picture:




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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
goes to Jessica Kathleen Alexander, 18, and Tammy Nicole Ortega, 29,
from Telford, Tennessee

2 cheap Tennessee hookers jailed
Two Telford, TN women have been arrested and charged with filing 
a false rape report. Washington County, 
TN investigators arrested Tammy Nicole Ortega, age 29, 255 
Browning Road, Telford and Jessica Kathleen Alexander, age 18, 
255 Browning Road, Telford. Both were charged with 
Filing a False Police Report. Both women claimed they went 
outside their residence to check on barking dogs and two men 
threw them down and started raping them. Both women later 
recanted, telling Sheriff’s investigators that the rapes did not happen. 


Ortega and Alexander stated they met a man on a telephone 
chat line, then offered to meet him and have sex in exchange for a 
pack of cigarettes. Police say the women met the male subject and 
did indeed trade sex for a pack of cigarettes. After the sex, the man left, 
and the women decided to file a police report claiming they were raped. 

Alexander later stated they filed the false police report because they 
didn’t enjoy the sex.

Ortega was charged with an additional count of Filing a False Police Report 
from an incident in November of 2008, in which she reported a 
Vandalism/Arson to the front porch of her rented residence. Ortega stated 
she gave false information to Sheriff’s Deputies regarding the incident. 
The investigation is ongoing and more arrests are pending.

Tammy Nicole Ortega is being held in the Washington County Detention 
Center on a $10,000.00 bond and is scheduled for arraignment in 
Jonesborough Session Court on January 29, 2010 at 9:00am.

Jessica Kathleen Alexander is being held in the Washington County 
Detention Center on a $5,000.00 bond and is scheduled for arraignment 
in Jonesborough Session Court on January 29, 2010 at 9:00am 



From the Tech Support Pits:
From: Annabel
Re: Short URLs 

Dear Webby
Sometimes you use some very short URLs for links.
How do you get those?
I realize that some yahoos are griping and sniveling about them,
and call them "cloaking" and deceiving, but I sure prefer the shorter
ones.
Annabel

Dear Annabel
Depending on the browser and version of subscription a subscriber
has, a long URL can really mess up the formatting. Whenever a URL
is longer than an average line, I shorten it.

You can go to http://snipurl.com, or similar sites, and paste the
long URL. They shorten it down for you.It is a free service.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


A Hunter walking through the jungle found a huge dead
dinosaur with a pigmy standing beside it. Amazed, he
asked: "Did you kill that?". The pigmy said "Yes."
The hunter asked "How could a little guy like you
kill a huge beast like that?"

Said the pigmy: "With my club."

The astonished hunter asked: "How big is your club?"
The pigmy replied: "There's about 60 of us."


Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com

Reuse the Plastic Bags You Already Have
Instead of buying re-usable bags for your purchases, save and 
re-use the plastic bags that you already have at home. I bought 
the re-usable ones, and found that I did not have enough of them. 
I buy a lot of groceries at a time, and just simply did not have 
enough bags. Buying as many as I needed was a cost factor; 
plus, I always wound up not having them in the car, which 
totally defeated the purpose in the first place. Then I thought 
of just keeping the plastic bags that I already had, in the car. 
Takes up far less space, didn't cost me anything, and I have 
lots more of them.
By Carole from Locust Fork, AL

Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day,
or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun
Highly recommended!
If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:


Walking up to a department store's fabric counter, a
attractive young woman asked,
"I want to buy this material for a new dress. How
much does it cost?"
"Only one kiss per yard, " replied the smirking male
clerk."
That's fine," replied the woman. "I'll take ten yards."
With expectation and anticipation written all over his
face, the clerk hurriedly measured out and wrapped
the cloth, then held it out teasingly. The girl snapped
up the package and pointed to a little old woman
standing beside her. "Grandma will pay the bill," she
smiled.


Ophelia Dingbatter's News

No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.

Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the confirmation request
.
If you don't get it, then you, your mother or your ISP have Ophelia blocked

An IRS man asks a farmer, "How much is
your prize bull worth?"
The farmer says, "For tax purposes, or has
he been hit by a train?"






 »  Sea Photos
 


ARCHIVE: If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the
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Well, , that's all for today.

Have FUN !
Dear Webby from Webby.com

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---

Can I check Gmail from any computer? 

Friday, January 29, 2010, 12:20 AM

   
Good Morning,  !
It's Friday, January 29, 2010
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!

Diplomacy is the art of saying 'Nice doggie' until you can find a rock.
--- Will Rogers

Every composer knows the anguish and despair occasioned 
by forgetting ideas which one had no time to write down.
--- Hector Berlioz        

The man who goes alone can start today; but he who travels
with another must wait till that other is ready.
--- Henry David Thoreau             


Thanks to Roland for this confession:
I was in the restaurant yesterday when I suddenly realized I 
desperately needed to pass gas. The music was really, really 
loud, so I timed my gas with the beat of the music.

After a couple of songs, I started to feel better. I finished 
my coffee, and noticed that everybody was staring at me....

Then I suddenly remembered that I was listening to my iPod.

...and how was your day? 


It's comforting to know that real estate agents are required to be more
candid about the properties they represent these days. A Newport Beach,
California Internet listing of a duplex revealed that the other inhabitant
possessed two cats and "a Scottish terrorist."
Taken from Steve Harvey's column in the LA Times.
------------------------------------
Well you got to watch those Scots. There is aparently no sound on earth
more terrifying than a bunch of Scots coming home from the bar and
deciding to practise their bagpipes indoors.






George had minor surgery after a bad accident and gets on the bus one
afternoon. He looks quite bedraggled and more like he had been in a bar
fight than being hit by a cab, and is still a bit groggy from the anesthetic
staggers up the aisle, and sits down next to an elderly woman.

She looks George up and down and screeches at him:
"I've got news for you. You're going straight to hell!"
George jumps up out of his seat and shouts:
"Hold it, driver. I'm on the wrong bus! 
I don't wanna go where SHE goes!"

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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
goes to 

Sleepy burglars
STUART, Fla. -- Four Miami-area men were arrested Tuesday 
after they broke into a Stuart business and stole nearly 
$10,000 worth of equipment, including 22 chainsaws, according 
to the Martin County Sheriff's Office.

Martin County sheriff's deputies arrested Armando Garcia and 
Abel Lahera, both of Miami; Emilio Moreira, of Hialeah; and 
Jorge Amador, of Cutler Bay.

Deputies were called to a burglary at Stuart Lawn & Garden, 
3326 SE Dixie Highway, at about 3:30 a.m.
Surveillance video from the store showed a white van with one 
wheel that was a different color than the others. The video also 
showed two men entering the store and removing items.

"It was mainly items that they knew they were after because 
they didn't spend any time looking around," said Justin Suggs, 
vice president of Stuart Lawn & Garden.

Deputies said they later found the van abandoned at Harbor Bay Plaza 
in Sewalls Point. The suspects were found sleeping in a nearby 
Jaguar and taken into custody.

According to the arrest affidavit, one of the suspects told investigators 
that they burglarized the store, parked the van in a parking lot and 
left in the Jaguar. It stated that they planned to wait a few hours 
and then blend in with the morning traffic.

Stuart Lawn & Garden had a sign outside the store Tuesday that read, 
"The Last 4 Idiots Who Broke In Here And Stole From Us Are At The 
Martin County Correctional Facility Getting Acquainted With BUBBA."

All four suspects are charged with burglary and grand theft. They 
were each being held on $10,000 bond. 


From the Tech Support Pits:
From: G!
Re: Can I use Gmail from any computer?

Dear Webby
I have often considered changing mail providers but I've had 
yahoo since 1996 (and grown very fond of my address ... 
Can I access Gmail from any computer?  
G!

Dear G!
Yahoo may give you the same warm feeling as a full diaper, 
and in much the same way, it doesn't really earn you a lot 
of respect.

Yes, you sure can use Gmail from any computer, UNIX, Linux, 
Windows, or Mac, anywhere in the solar system where you can 
go onto the net and open a browser. A lobby computer in a hotel 
or hospital or old-folks home, or the one at the Contractor's desk 
at the Home Depot is just fine. 

You don't have to dump Yahoo, in order to use Gmail. You can still 
be "That thilly yahoo", whenever you crave that warm and wet feeling, 
but at least you will have reliable mail for the important stuff on the side.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


It had been snowing for hours when an announcement came over the
intercom:
"Will the students who are parked on University Drive please move their
cars so that we may begin ploughing."

Twenty minutes later there was another announcement: "The twelve
hundred students who went to move 26 cars may now return to class."


Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com

Once a Week Cooking
There are no "leftovers" at our house! We prefer to call them 
pre-planned meals. We buy meats on sale and I usually spend 
a Sunday evening cooking. I often make meat loaves, barbecued 
spare ribs and baked chicken. These are all proportioned to what 
my husband and I will eat at one meal and then sealed in our 
food saver bags.

Off to the freezer they go for whatever meal we want. For a working 
gal it sure saves time preparing dinner. Just snip the corner of the 
food saver bag and pop into the microwave. Open a can or two of 
veggies or make a fresh salad and you have a quick and delicious 
meal - real quick!
By MissMakeDo

Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day,
or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun
Highly recommended!
If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:


Before marriage, a man will lie awake all night thinking
about a word his lover said.
After marriage, he'll fall asleep before his wife finishes talking.


Ophelia Dingbatter's News

No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.

Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the confirmation request
.
If you don't get it, then you, your mother or your ISP have Ophelia blocked

The widow lay crying on her psychiatrist's couch.
"We were married twenty-five years before he died," she said,
dabbing away a tear. "Never had an argument in all those
years."
"Amazing," said the doctor. "How did you do it?"
"Well,  I outweighed him by fifty pounds."






 »  Sea Photos
 


ARCHIVE: If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the
Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog

If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
Thanks for your votes!

Please give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter

Well, , that's all for today.

Have FUN !
Dear Webby from Webby.com

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---

Restore Media Player 

Wednesday, January 27, 2010, 11:47 PM

   
Good Morning,  !
It's Thursday, January 28, 2010


Your imagination is your preview 
of life's coming attractions.
--- Albert Einstein
                       

A linguistics professor was lecturing to his class one day.
"In English," he said, "A double negative forms a positive.
In some languages, though, such as Russian, a double negative
is still a negative. However, there is no language wherein a
double positive can form a negative."

A voice from the back of the room piped up, "Yeah, right."


A pious man, who had reached the age of 105, suddenly stopped 
going to church. Alarmed by the old fellow's absence after so many 
years of faithful attendance, the pastor went to see him. He found 
him in excellent health, so the pastor asked, 
"Why after all these years don't we see you at services anymore?"

The old man lowered his voice. "I'll tell you, reverend," he whispered. 
"When I got to be 90, I expected God to take me any day. But then I 
got to be 95, then 100, then 105. So, I figured that God is very busy 
and must've forgotten about me, 
and I don't want to remind Him!"


Thanks to Len for this picture:



The preacher was having a heart-to-heart talk with a backslider of his flock,
whose drinking of moonshine invariably led to quarreling with his neighbors,
and occasional shotgun blasts at some of them.
"Can't you see, Ben," intoned the parson, "that not one good thing comes
out of this drinking?"
"Well, I sort of disagree there," replied the backslider. "It makes me miss
the folks I shoot at."

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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
goes to Whitney Alison Holte, 21, of Knoxville, Tennessee

Not a sugared donut
When officers pulled a 21-year-old Knoxville woman over on 
Airport Highway in Alcoa early Thursday, she allegedly told 
officers it was a powdered donut she was eating when they 
came to the window.

But a field test on the substance indicated the white powder 
she put in her mouth was not from a sugary pastry, but, rather, 
was cocaine, according to an Alcoa police report.

Whitney Alison Holte was arrested and charged with possession 
of a Schedule II substance with intent to sell or deliver and 
three attachments for contempt; she was also cited with driving 
on a suspended driver's license, driving without proof of insurance, 
failure to maintain her lane of traffic and possession of drug 
paraphernalia.

She was being held at the Blount County Jail in lieu of bonds 
totaling $12,250 pending 1:30 p.m. Jan. 25 and 9 a.m. Jan. 28 
hearings in Blount County General Sessions Court.



From the Tech Support Pits:
From: Ed
Re: MediaPlayer

Dear Webby
Somehow my media player got trashed. How do I restore it from
the XP Set-up CD?
Ed

Dear Ed
Don't. On the CD you have the 2000 or 2001 version, which is probably
not safe to use these days. Just go to
Media Player 11
and download it straight from Microsoft.
That way you got the newest version.
Have FUN!
DearWebby


My Dad and I were talking the other night about love and marriage. He told
me that he knew as early as their wedding what marriage to my Mom
would be like. It seems the minister asked my Mom, "Do you take this
man to be your husband." And she said, "I do."
Then the minister asked my Dad, "Do you take this woman to be your
wife," and my Mom said, "He better,....."


Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com

Use Over The Door Organizers For Crafts
Keep your craft room organized with this over-the-door hanger 
made for shoes. It's perfect for keeping sharp things up high 
away from small hands. It also separates items nicely, and 
this one is clear so I can easily see where my items are located. 
It also saves a lot of space and is a less expensive version 
than a piece of furniture.
By Ci Ci from Yakima, WA

Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day,
or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun
Highly recommended!
If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:


A customer at Morris' Gourmet Deli marveled at the proprietor's quick wit
and intelligence.
"Tell me, Morris, what makes you so smart?"
"I wouldn't share my secret with just anyone," Morris replies, lowering his
voice so the other shoppers won't hear.
"But since you're a good and faithful customer, I'll let you in on it. Fish
heads. You eat enough of them, you'll be positively brilliant."
"You sell them here?" the customer asks.
"Only $4 apiece," says Morris.
The customer buys three. A week later, he's back in the store complaining
that the fish heads were disgusting and he isn't any smarter.
"You didn't eat enough, " says Morris. The customer goes home with 20
more fish heads. Two weeks later, he's back and this time he's really
angry.
"Hey, Morris," he says, "You're selling me fish heads for $4 apiece when I
just found out I can buy the whole fish for $2.
...You're ripping me off!"
"You see?" says Morris.
"You're smarter already."


Ophelia Dingbatter's News

No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.

Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the confirmation request
.
If you don't get it, then you, your mother or your ISP have Ophelia blocked

A teacher was taking her first golf lesson. "Is the word spelled 'put' or
'putt'?" she asked the instructor.
"'Putt' is correct," he replied. "'Put' means to place a thing where you want
it. 'Putt' means a klutzy but unsuccessful attempt to do the same thing."






 »  Magma
 


ARCHIVE: If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the
Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog

If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
Thanks for your votes!

Please give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter

Well, , that's all for today.

Have FUN !
Dear Webby from Webby.com

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---

More than one USB hard drive 

Tuesday, January 26, 2010, 11:53 PM

   
Good Morning,  !
It's Wednesday, January 27, 2010


The problem with communication is the 
illusion that is has occurred.
--- George Bernard Shaw

Laughing at our mistakes can lengthen our own life. 
Laughing at someone else's can shorten it.
--- Cullen Hightower
                       

A young Jewish man excitedly tells his mother, Mrs. Goldberg, he has
fallen in love and is going to get married. He says to his mother,
"Just for fun, Momma, tomorrow I'm going to bring three women to your
house to meet you, and you can try and guess which one I'm going to
marry."
Of course, Mrs. Goldberg agrees.
The next day he brings three beautiful women into his mother's house and
sits them all down on her couch. They chat for a while with Mrs. Goldberg,
who serves them coffee and pastries.
That evening, after the three women have left Mrs. Goldberg's home, the
son says, "Okay, Momma. Guess which one I'm going to marry."
She immediately replies, "The redhead."
"That's amazing, Ma. You're right. How did you know?"
"I don't like her."


You don't stop laughing because you grow old,
but your age gets mentioned when you stop laughing.


Thanks to dad for this picture:



This arm of an old cactus had to be broken off because it had
grown into the way of the door. To make it more eager to root,
dad laid it onto a shelf to let it dry out.
Then it bloomed!
He just stuck it onto an empty glass to prop it up for the
picture. You can see where it will shoot out roots the moment
it is put into dirt. The amazing part is that it ceated 
"one last blossom", even though it had been broken off, and
was not getting any more water or nutrients.

If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
goes to Christopher L. Schaumburger, 20, Palm Bay, Florida

Burglary or adventure?y
PALM HARBOR — By pedal boat and bicycle, a fleeing burglar 
clad only in boxer shorts couldn't get away quite fast enough, 
authorities say.

Pinellas County sheriff's deputies arrested Christopher L. 
Schaumburger on Monday morning 200 yards offshore in 
Lake Tarpon after witnesses said he burglarized two homes 
on the 3000 block of Marian Drive.

"We've had suspects try to jump in the water before, but 
never before have I seen a pedal boat used as a means of 
escape," said sheriff's spokesman Thomas Nestor, who has 
more than 23 years in law enforcement.

The Sheriff's Office says Schaumburger, 20, first broke into 
the home of Mary Vogelsberg, who heard breaking glass 
around 9 a.m. and found a pair of sunglasses on her windowsill.

She did not see anyone suspicious around. But not long after, 
someone did.

Vogelsberg's neighbor, Nicholas Hammond, awoke to use the 
bathroom and found Schaumburger, a transient, ransacking his 
home, the arrest report said.

Deputies said that when Hammond confronted Schaumburger, 
the man fled and jumped on a bicycle he had hidden a block 
away. Hammond gave chase on foot and eventually caught up 
with the fleeing suspect.

But Schaumburger was armed — with a pocket knife. Hammond 
backed off and called authorities.

Deputies said Schaumburger fled down a street with a dead end 
at Lake Tarpon. With nowhere to go, authorities said he hijacked 
a docked pedal boat and tried to escape across the lake.

A Sheriff's Office helicopter was called in. According to the arrest 
report, the helicopter crew reported that "there was a lone male 
pedaling the boat dressed only in boxer shorts, and the boat 
appeared to be taking on water."

Deputies enlisted the help of resident Robert Putnam, whose 
pontoon boat was docked at the lake, to intercept Schaumburger.

Schaumburger was charged with armed burglary, aggravated 
assault with a deadly weapon and attempted burglary of an 
occupied dwelling. He is being held in the Pinellas County Jail 
in lieu of $65,000 bail.



From the Tech Support Pits:
From: Ilsa
Re: More than one remote hard drive

Dear Webby,
I was told that you can't use more than one remote USB hard
drive without really slowing down the computer and risking
loosing all the data. Is that true?
Ilsa

Dear Ilsa
Not true at all.
Since you are not usually writing to two drives at the same time,
it makes no difference. Just don't try to download different movies
to different drives at the same time. There is no problem with
the writing, but your Internet connection will really get bogged
down.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


A lady answered a knock on the door one day, only to be confronted by a
well dressed young man carrying a vacuum cleaner.
"Good morning," said the young man. "If I could take a couple of minutes
of your time, I would like to demonstrate the very latest in high-powered
vacuum cleaners."

"Go away!" said the old lady. "I haven't got any money!" and she
proceeded to close the door. 

Quick as a flash, the young man wedged his
foot in the door and pushed it wide open. "Don't be too hasty!" he said.
"Not until you have at least seen my demonstration." 

And with that, he emptied a bucket of horse manure onto her hallway carpet.
"If this vacuum cleaner does not remove all traces of this horse manure
from your carpet, Madam, I will personally eat the remainder."

"Well," she said, "I hope you've got a good appetite because the electricity
was cut off this morning."


Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com

Spray Your Snow Shovel With Silicon
Snow was sticking to my snow shovel until I coated the blade with 
silicon. The silicon spray I used was for my knitting machine but 
I've seen cheaper silicon spray at the hardware store. Now the 
snow doesn't stick. I like not having to lift the same snow more 
than once.
By Holly from Holly, MI

WD40 works as well, and so does ordinary spray-on cooking oil.

For absolute highest performance lasting the longest, use a
Molybdenum Mold Release spray. It produces a dry, waxy feeling
surface, that does not attract dust when the shovel hangs in the
shed. 

Have FUN!
DearWebby

Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day,
or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun
Highly recommended!
If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:


Daughter: Mom, Can I have some money for a new dress?

Mother: Go ask your father, dear. You are getting married in a 
month and you need the practise.


Ophelia Dingbatter's News

No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.

Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the confirmation request
.
If you don't get it, then you, your mother or your ISP have Ophelia blocked

A father noticed that his son was spending way too much time playing
computer games. In an effort to motivate the boy into focusing more
attention on his schoolwork, the father said to his son,
"When Abe Lincoln was your age, he was studying books by the light of
the fireplace."
The son replied, "When Lincoln was your age, he was The President of
The United States and got shot for it."






 »  USA State Lotteries
 


ARCHIVE: If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the
Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog

If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
Thanks for your votes!

Please give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter

Well, , that's all for today.

Have FUN !
Dear Webby from Webby.com

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---

printing labels 

Tuesday, January 26, 2010, 12:51 AM

   
Good Morning,  !
It's Tuesday, January 26, 2010


I believe that banking institutions are more dangerous to our liberties 
than standing armies. 
--- Thomas Jefferson
                       

A wife and husband both talked in their sleep.She loved auctions;
his hobby was golf. One night, the golfer yelled, "Fore!".
His wife yelled back, "Four and a quarter!"


Tom had won a toy at a raffle. He called his 5 kids together 
to ask which one should have the present.
"Who is the most obedient?" he asked.
The children all stared back at him in silence.
Then he asked, "Who never talks back to mother?"
Again the kids appeared to be mystified by the question.
Then Tom asked, "Who does everything she says?"
With that question, the kids were finally able to come to a 
conclusion. The five small voices answered in unison, 
"Okay, dad, you get the toy."






If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
goes to David Field, London, England

Robbers tried to use a cab for a getaway
Two thieves that failed to plan ahead sufficiently were foiled when 
their getaway driver proved uncooperative during a raid on the 
Holyhead branch of Argos.

David Field and an accomplice attempted to make their escape 
with two stolen TVs by the same cab that ferried them to then store.
Having run inside and picked up two widescreen sets, they jumped 
into the back seat with another two accessories and told cabbie 
Darren Renton to “drive”.

Unfortunately for the robbers, their unwilling partner in the crime 
told them: “Are you having a laugh?”

“They really started to panic then, and started offering to make it 
worth my while, to  pay me off,” said Mr Renton.
“But I just told them to get out of the car.”

Three of the thieves escaped when store staff got the two TVs out 
of the boot of the taxi, but Field was caught. Yesterday, Field 
pleaded guilty in court to the theft of a television worth £279 and 
was given a 12-month conditional discharge order, to run 
concurrently with a six-month order given for an earlier offence.



From the Tech Support Pits:
From: Rosalie
Re: printing labels

Good Morning Webby:
You start my mornings off with a good laugh each day.
I need to know how to print labels for envelopes. It's getting difficult 
to write them all out for holidays, etc. What program is the 
easiest to learn?
Thanks for your reply.
Rosalie

Dear Rosalie
Open Office is free and has a very complete word processor included.
It has step by step instructions included for everything from selecting 
the brand and type of label that you use, to merging address lists, 
even huge databases.

Word Perfect, now part of Corel Office, is pretty smooth and 
slick too. Word Perfect got the envelope and label printing licked 
in the days when you still had to lick the labels, and an entire
generation of office workers used nothing but Word Perfect for
tasks like that. You can get OEM versions of Corel Office
from OEM suppliers or on eBay fro $5 - $15.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


An English professor announced to the class;
"There are two words I don't allow in my class.
One is "gross" and the other is "cool."
From the back of the room a voice called out,
"So, what are these gross and cool words?


Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com

Prepare for Tax Time
Here are a few things I do to prepare for tax time.

   1. Start only when feeling sharp, refreshed, and clear headed. 
   If there are errors, it will only delay that return you need so badly.

   2. Have a space where you can leave your papers and documents 
   out for a day or two, and do not have to be gathered up for the 
   evening meal.

   3. Use the free tax services online instead of the expensive tax 
   prep places. Even this old non-tax-savvy granny can do it.

   4. Read the instructions on the site carefully. Mistakes can be made. 
   Read your answers over carefully and double check your figures, 
   even if you are sure you made no errors. You may be surprised to 
   find that info you type often (name,soc. sec. # etc.) can have a typo 
   because of haste.

   5. If you get too frazzled, stop and take a break. A walk, cup of coffee, 
   time with the family etc can give your brain a fresh jump-start.

   6. Have a quiet environment to do your taxes in. Pets running, or kids 
   playing loudly are not helpful to detailed work.

   7. Have all your papers together before you even start. Searching for 
   important stuff can break your concentration and cause some 
   confusion. (Where was I now?) 

By Phyllis from Wisconsin

Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day,
or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun
Highly recommended!
If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:


On a balmy day in the South Pacific, a navy ship spied smoke coming
from one of three huts on an island they thought was deserted. Upon
arriving at the shore they were met by a survivor.
He said, "I'm so glad you're here! I've been alone on this island for more
than three years!"
The captain of the ship replied, "But we saw THREE huts."
The survivor said, "Oh. We'll, I live in one, and go to church in another."
"What about the THIRD hut?" asked the captain.
"That's where I USED to go to church."


Ophelia Dingbatter's News

No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.

Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the confirmation request
.
If you don't get it, then you, your mother or your ISP have Ophelia blocked

One night, a lady stumbled into the police station with a black eye. She
claimed she heard a noise in her back yard and went to investigate. The
next thing she knew, she was hit in the eye and knocked out cold.

An officer was sent to her house to investigate, and he returned 1-1/2
hours later with a bloody nose and a black eye.
"Did you get hit by the same person?" his captain asked.
"No," he replied. "I stepped on the same rake."






 »  Waterfalls


ARCHIVE: If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the
Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog

If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
Thanks for your votes!

Please give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter

Well, , that's all for today.

Have FUN !
Dear Webby from Webby.com

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