Erratic newsletter times 

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It's Thursday, February 11, 2010

The more I study religions the more I am convinced that man never worshipped anything but himself. --- Sir Richard Francis Burton I have often regretted my speech, never my silence. --- Xenocrates (396-314 B.C.)
One day a little girl was sitting and watching her mother do the dishes at the kitchen sink. She suddenly noticed that her mother has several strands of white hair sticking out in contrast on her brunette head. She looked at her mother and inquisitively asked, "Why are some of your hairs white, Mom?" Her mother replied, "Well, every time that you do something wrong and make me cry or unhappy, one of my hairs turns white." The little girl thought about this revelation for while and then said, "You must have been REALLY wicked to turn ALL of grandma's hairs white!"
A local preacher was dissatisfied with the small amount in the collection plates each Sunday. Someone suggested to him that perhaps he might be able to hypnotize the congregation into giving more. "And just how would I go about doing that?" he asked. "It is very simple. First you turn up the air conditioner so that the auditorium is warmer than usual. Then you preach in a monotone. Meanwhile, you dangle a watch on a chain and swing it in a slow arc above the lectern and suggest they put 20 dollars in the collection plate." The very next Sunday, the reverend did as suggested, and lo and behold, the plates were full of 20 dollar bills. Now, the preacher did not want to take advantage of this technique each and every Sunday. So therefore, he waited for a couple of weeks and then tried his mass hypnosis again. Just as the last of the congregation was becoming mesmerized, the chain on the watch broke and the watch hit the lectern with a loud thud and springs and parts flew everywhere. "Crap!" exclaimed the pastor. It took them a week to clean up the church.

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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Ian Stafford, 59, mayor of Preesall and Knott End in Lancashire, England Mayor gets prison for stealing lingerie PRESTON, England (UPI) -- The mayor of a small coastal town in northern England has been sentenced to two years in prison for stealing women's underwear. Ian Stafford, 59, mayor of Preesall and Knott End in Lancashire, pleaded guilty to four counts of breaking and entering, the Daily Mail reported. "I feel deeply ashamed at the whole scenario because I have hurt people who have been excellent friends -- I could not wish for better," Stafford said. "I wish I had said something to someone earlier. I am not proud of any of this, I am sickened. I wish I could turn the clock back." Stafford, a bachelor, worked as a handyman in Knott End-on-Sea, a small town on Morecambe Bay. He had keys to many of the houses in town. Investigators say he was caught on videotape stripped to the waist, taking underwear out of drawers and using it for sexual acts. Police said they found more than $1,000 worth of lingerie in his home, some of it stored in bags labeled with the names of the original owners.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Judy Re:Erratic newsletter times Hi Webby, Your newsletter is getting here earlier & earlier, not that I mind, but then I don't get to read it in the a.m. Thanks for doing such a good job. Judy Dear Judy Yesterday I had to send it half a day early, before going to the airport for flying home. I figured better early than late or not at all. It will be back in your morning mail as usual. Have FUN! DearWebby From Mellie Dear Webby, I was going through my emails when it occurred to me that yours is the best of all of them. You have a little something for everyone, but you also go the extra mile to help people with the world of computers. The pictures are amazing, and I really enjoy the pictures of your father's plants. I just wanted to thank you for all your hard work and for you to know it's appreciated. Mellie :-)
Church Bloopers This afternoon, there will be a meeting in the south and north ends of the church. Children will be baptized at both ends. ---- The ladies of the church have cast off clothing of every kind and they may be seen in the church basement on Friday afternoon.
Daily tip from Valentine's Day Letter For those of you who may not feel "artistic", please consider this unique Valentine's Day Gift: A Valentine's Day Letter. Cut some 8x11 inch paper in half and fold into a booklet. Name it "I love you for..." On each subsequent page write one little memory, from your past that helps endear you to your loved one. You may add photos or memorabilia if you want! This even helps remind YOU of how blessed you are! These type of Valentine's letters to parents are especially nice! Many times, they don't get the loving attention that they once gave us and don't realize how precious their love for us is in our memories! I did this for my parents anniversary and after they passed on, found it amongst their "saved possessions". I know it meant a lot to them (and even more to me once I found it again many years later.) Treasure each other! : D By AHA! from Sterling, PA Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the list, you can vote for it here:

Two doctors are walking down the corridor of the hospital. First doc asks, "Did you tell that politician in room 316 that he was going to die?" "Sure did", second one answers. First doc says, "Darn! I wanted to tell him!"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
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Two little boys are in a hospital laying on stretchers next to each other outside of the operating room. The first kid leans over and asks, "What are you in here for?" The second kid says, "I'm in here to get my tonsils out, and I'm a little nervous." The first kid says, "You've got nothing to worry about. I had that done when I was four. They put you to sleep, and when you wake up they give you lots of Jell-O and ice cream. It's a breeze!" The second kid then asks, "What are you here for?" The first kid says, "A circumcision." And the second kid says, "Whoa! I had that done when I was born. I couldn't walk for a year!"

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Well, , that's all for today. Have FUN ! Dear Webby from

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