Computer goes on standby mysteriously 

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Good Morning,  !
It's Monday, February 15, 2010

Calamities are of two kinds: misfortunes to ourselves, and good fortune to others. --- Ambrose Bierce Life is like driving a car at night. You can only see as far as the headlights, but if you pay attention, you can make the whole trip that way. --- Socratex
Dear Webby, Thank you for the humor letter, we all appreciate you and your hard work. Might be fun, but it's still hard work. I am writing to suggest that this might be a good time to rerun the joke about the folks that moved to Minnesota, and enjoyed the snow for awhile, but it got to be a real drag. I hope that was enough description, it was written as a diary. Thanks, Betty Dear Betty December 11, 2005 that Classic was requested by Rosie. So here it is again: =================== Dear Webby, a few years ago you had a hilarious diary of a snow shoveler. Have you still got it, and could please you print it again ? Rosie Sure, Rosie! Here it is: Diary of a Snow Shoveler: December 8: 6:00 PM. It started to snow. The first snow of the season and the wife and I took our cocktails and sat for hours by the window watching the huge soft flakes drift down from heaven. It looked like a Grandma Moses Print. So romantic we felt like newlyweds again. I love snow! December 9: We woke to a beautiful blanket of crystal white snow covering every inch of the landscape. What a fantastic sight! Can there be a more lovely place in the Whole World? Moving here was the best idea I've ever had. Shoveled for the first time in years and felt like a boy again. I did both our driveway and the sidewalks. This afternoon the snowplow came along and covered up the sidewalks and closed in the driveway, so I got to shovel again. What a perfect life! December 12: The sun has melted all our lovely snow. Such a disappointment. My neighbor tells me not to worry, we'll definitely have a white Christmas. No snow on Christmas would be awful! Bob says we'll have so much snow by the end of winter, that I'll never want to see snow again. I don't think that's possible. Bob is such a nice man I'm glad he's our neighbor. December 14: Snow lovely snow! 8" last night. The temperature dropped to -20. The cold makes everything sparkle so. The wind took my breath away, but I warmed up by shoveling the driveway And sidewalks. This is the life! The snowplow came back this afternoon and buried everything again. l didn't realize I would have to do quite this much shoveling, but I'll certainly get back in shape this way. I wish l wouldn't huff and puff so. December 15: 20 inches forecast. Sold my van and bought a 4x4 Blazer. Bought snow tires for the wife's car and 2 extra shovels. Stocked the freezer. The wife wants a wood stove in case the electricity goes out. I think that's silly. We aren't in Alaska, after all. December 16: Ice storm this morning. Fell on my rear end on the ice in the driveway putting down salt. Hurt like you can't believe. The wife laughed for an hour, which I think was very cruel. December 17: Still way below freezing. Roads are too icy to go anywhere. Electricity was off for 5 hours. I had to pile the blankets on to stay warm. Nothing to do but stare at the wife and try not to irritate her. Guess I should've bought a wood stove, but won't admit it to her. God I hate it when she's right. I can't believe I'm freezing to death in my own living room. December 20: Electricity's back on, but had another 14" of the stuff last night. More shoveling. Took all day. That dumb snowplow came by twice. Tried to find a neighbor kid to shovel, but they said they're too busy playing hockey. I think they're lying. December 21: Called the only hardware store around to see about buying a snow blower and they're out. Might have another shipment in March. I think they're lying. Bob says I have to shovel or the city will have it done and bill me. I think he's lying. December 22: Bob was right about a white Christmas because 13 more inches of the white crud fell today, and it's so cold it probably won't melt till August. Took me 45 minutes to get all dressed up to go out to shovel and then I had to use the bathroom. By the time I got undressed, went, and dressed again, I was too tired to shovel. Tried to hire Bob who has a plow on his truck for the rest of the winter; but he says he's too busy. I'm sure he is lying. December 23: Only 2" of snow today. And it warmed up to 0. The wife wanted me to decorate the front of the house this morning. What is she nuts?!! Why didn't she tell me to do that a month ago? She says she did but I think she's lying. December 24: 6". Snow packed so hard by snowplow, I broke the shovel. Thought I was having a heart attack. If I ever catch the son of a gun who drives that snowplow, I'll drag him through the snow by his ears. I know he hides around the corner and waits for me to finish shoveling and then he comes down the street at a 100 miles an hour and throws snow all over where I've just been! Tonight the wife wanted me to sing Christmas carols with her and open our presents, but I was busy watching for that snowplow. December 25: Merry Christmas. 20 more inches of the miserable slop tonight. Snowed in. The idea of shoveling makes my blood boil. God I hate the snow! Then the snowplow driver came by asking for a donation and I hit him over the head with my shovel. The wife says I have a bad attitude. I think she's an idiot. If I have to watch "It's a Wonderful Life" one more time, I'm going to scream! December 26: Still snowed in. Why did I ever move here? It was all HER idea. She's really getting on my nerves. December 27: Temperature dropped to -30 and the pipes froze. December 28: Warmed up to above -20. Still snowed in. THE B***CH is driving me crazy!!!!! December 29: 10 more inches. Bob says I have to shovel the roof or it could cave in. That's the silliest thing I ever heard. How dumb does he think I am? December 30: Roof caved in. The snow plow driver is suing me for a million dollars. The wife went home to her mother. Nine more inches of snow predicted. December 31: Set fire to what's left of the house. No more shoveling. January 8: I feel so good. I just love those little white pills they keep giving me. Why am I tied to the bed?
He said... "This coffee isn't fit for a pig!" She said..."No problem, I'll get you some that is."
Thanks to Lillemor for sending this picture: Broken taillight.jpg
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Rafael Ramos, 54, in New York Police: Suspect impersonated Paul Simon NEW YORK (UPI) -- New York police said they arrested a man who allegedly tried to withdraw money from Paul Simon's bank account by impersonating the musician. Police sources said Rafael Ramos, 54, attempted to withdraw $4,300 from Simon's account at a Citibank branch Wednesday using the recording artist's name, bank account number and Social Security number, the New York Post reported Thursday. However, the bank teller was familiar with Simon's work and recognized that the 6-foot-1 Ramos was taller and years younger than Simon. Ramos fled the bank but was arrested a short time later. Police said he was in possession of a forged driver's license and credit card bearing Simon's name. The suspect was charged with attempted larceny and hospitalized for depression. Simon told police he does not know Ramos and investigators said they do not know how the suspect got the singer's private information.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Katie Re: Standby Dear Webby, Love your Humor Letter! Can you tell me how to stop my computer from going into 'Stand by' mode on its own? I have it marked as 'never' on the properties page. That doesn't seem to make a difference. When it does this, I donít know how to get it started again except to pull the plug and start from scratch. I would appreciate your input. Sincerely, Katie Dear Katie Most likely your computer is overheating. Turn it off but leave it plugged in so that it has a good ground to conduct static away, open it up, vacuum the dust bunnies out, snap the duct off the processor heatsink and clean the heat sink with Q-tips and rubbing alcohol or Windex. Snap it all back together and it will run nice and cool without going into heat exchaustion. Have FUN! DearWebby
Goodman was a moderately successful stockbroker who dreamed of making the big money someday. He took his friend out for a drive, and he chose the route carefully in order to impress on him the possibilities of the brokerage business. "Look at that yacht," he said as they drove slowly past a marina. "That 96' beauty belongs to the senior partner at Merrill Lynch. That one over there 104' is owned by the head of Goldman, Sachs. And look at that huge 210' yacht out there. That's the pride and joy of the top seller at Prudential-Bache." His friend Morris was silent. Goodman turned to look at him and saw a pained look on his face. "What's the matter?" Goodman asked. "I was just wondering," Morris said. "Why aren't there any customers' yachts?"
Daily tip from Valentine's Day Tradition: A Home Cooked Meal My husband has everything and is difficult to buy for. So, on Valentine's Day every year, I make him a fancy, multi-course meal that I research a couple weeks ahead of time. I create a festive menu on my word processor complete with cupid clip-art and fancy fonts one week before V-Day. Then, I post the menu in an highly visible location on the wall. Having the menu posted builds anticipation and reminds us of the special night as it grows near. Every year I'm surprised how this ritual never grows old, and I'm just as excited to prepare it as he is to eat it. This is undoubtedly is more special than any bottle of after-shave, neck tie or wallet. By Sara from Cape Cod, MA Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the list, you can vote for it here:

====From Marcy The music on the postcards is not as loud as it used to be. You must have turned down the volume if the Internet. Please correct your mistakes immediately and turn up the Internet where it is supposed to be so that I can hear it properly! Marcy==== Hi Marcy The volume control is in the little speaker icon on your task bar. If that is turned up, check for the setting on your speakers, or if there is maybe a short circuit between your earphones.
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
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We need some other words for "death." The old ones are outdated. It's trite to say, "Ed's passed away." Just say, "He's pearly-gated."

Ľ Cold Picking
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Well, , that's all for today. Have FUN ! Dear Webby from

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