Wants faster Internet 

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It's Thursday, March 18, 2010

Nothing is really work unless you would rather be doing something else. --- James M. Barrie The worst moment for the atheist is when he is really thankful and has nobody to thank. --- Dante Gabriel Rossetti
Late one afternoon, the Air Force guys out at Area 51 are surprised to see a Cessna landing at their "secret" base. They immediately impound the aircraft and haul the pilot into an interrogation room. The pilot's story is that he took off out of Las Vegas, got lost and found the base just as he was about to run out of fuel. The Air Force starts a full security check on the guy and hold him overnight. The next day they are finally convinced that the guy really was lost and is not a spy. They gas up his airplane, give him a terrifying "you did not see a base" briefing complete with threats of spending the rest of his life in prison. They say Vegas is that-a-way on this heading and send him off. The next day, here comes the Cessna again. Once again the MPs surround the plane, only this time there are two people in the plane. The same pilot jumps out and says: "Do anything you want to me, but my wife is in the plane and SHE DEMANDS to know where I was last night."
Fidel dies and goes to heaven. When he gets there, St. Peter tells him that he is not on the list and that no way, no how, does he belong in heaven. Fidel must go to hell. So Fidel goes to hell where Satan gives him a hearty welcome and tells him to make himself at home. Then Fidel notices that he left his luggage in heaven and tells Satan, who says, "No hay problema, I'll send a couple of little devils to get your stuff." When the little devils get to heaven they find the gates are locked - St.Peter is having lunch - and they start debating what to do. Finally, one comes up with the idea that they should go over the wall and get the luggage. As they are climbing the wall, two little angels see them, and one angel says to the other, "My goodness! Fidel has been in hell no more than ten minutes and we're already getting refugees!"

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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Pasquale Manfredi, 33, in Calabria, Italy Mafia suspect caught on Facebook Italian police have tracked down one of the country's most-wanted fugitive mafia suspects - on Facebook. Pasquale Manfredi, 33, was on Italy's 100 Most Wanted List and had been on the run for a year, reports The Sun. He called himself Scarface, after the film character, and was accused of being one of the top figures in the Ndrangheta mafia. The 33-year-old, who faces charges of murder, mafia association and drug trafficking, was seized in Calabria. Officers had been tipped off that Manfredi was on Facebook and regularly logged on using his laptop. Using electronic surveillance equipment, officers managed to track Manfredi to an apartment in Isola Capo Rizzuto, near Crotone in southern Italy. According to Italian newspaper La Repubblica, he was arrested as he tried to escape from the roof of the apartment complex. Manfredi had more than 200 friends on his Facebook site and police are going through them systematically, to see if any of them are involved in Mafia activity or are wanted.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Bob Re: Wants faster Internet Dear Webby: I currently have dial-up internet service and I am trying to figure out if I can get a faster internet service through a phone line (rather than using cable). What are my options? Thanks. Bob Dear Bob AOL has never been accused of being second slowest. Check out local ISPs, or Earthlink.net, or Comcast.net or even Verizon. Chances are pretty good that you can get faster dial-up and maybe even DSL. I get 2.4 Mbps (about 70% of 3 Mbps) DSL over the phone line from a local ISP. And for back-up I have dial-up with Earthlink. Have FUN! DearWebby
It was a celebratory mood with the boys at NASA; they had just made the scientific achievement of a lifetime. As they were uncorking a bottle of champagne, The head scientist at NASA, asked everyone to be quiet as he had received a congratulatory phone call from the President of the United States. He picked up a special red phone, and spoke into it. "Mr. President," he said, grinning broadly, "after twelve years of hard research and billions of dollars spent, we have finally found intelligent life on Mars." He listened for a second, and his smile gradually disappeared, replaced by a frown. He said, "But that's impossible . . . we could never do it. . . yes Mr. President," and hung up the phone. He addressed the crowd of scientists staring at him curiously. "I have some bad news," he said, "the President said that now that we've found intelligent life on Mars . . . he wants us to try to find it in Congress."
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One company I worked for had an employee-suggestion competition, the entire staff was to submit entries that would save money for the firm. The winner was a man in my department who suggested we post corporate memos on bulletin boards, instead of printing 200 individual copies for distribution. He got a helium balloon with the company logo and one share of stock. A memo announcing the prize was printed and mailed out to 200 people who walked past the bulletin board every day.
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
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An elderly couple was watching television one evening. "I am going to get a dish of ice cream now," the wife said. Kindly, the husband offered to get the ice cream for his wife. "I'll write it down so you don't forget," she said. "I won't forget," the old gent said. "But, I want chocolate syrup and nuts on it. So, I'll write it down," she replied. "I will get you the ice cream. Don't you worry," replied the husband. A few minutes later, the old man returned with bacon and eggs. His wife said, "See, I should have written it down because you forgot the toast."

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Well, , that's all for today. Have FUN ! Dear Webby from Webby.com

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