Standard screen laptop 4:3 

Zoom the font size for best readability  
Good Morning,  !
It's Sunday, May 23, 2010

To err is dysfunctional, to forgive co-dependent. --- Berton Averre "Man shapes himself through decisions that shape his environment." --- Rene Dubos Everybody is ignert, just on different topics. --- Socratex
How many members of your sign does it take to change a light bulb? ARIES: A crew. You want to make something of it? TAURUS: One, but just try to convince them that the burned-out bulb is useless and should be thrown away. GEMINI: Two, but the job never gets done-they just keep discussing who is supposed to do it and how it's supposed to be done! CANCER: Just one. But it takes a therapist three years to help them through the grieving process. LEO: Leos don't change light bulbs, although sometimes their agent will get a Virgo in to do the job for them while they're out. VIRGO: Approximately 1.000000 with an error of +/- 1 millionth. LIBRA: ER, two. Or maybe one. No, on second thought, make that two. Is that OK with you? SCORPIO: That information is strictly secret and shared only with the Enlightened Ones in the Star Chamber of the Ancient Hierarchical Order. SAGITTARIUS: The sun is shining, the day is young, we've got our whole lives ahead of us, and you're inside worrying about a stupid burned-out light bulb? CAPRICORN: I don't waste my time with these childish jokes. AQUARIUS: Well, you have to remember that everything is energy, so.... PISCES: Light bulb? What light bulb?
A woman walks into a busy butcher's shop. She's examining all the meats and poultry on display when she grabs a dressed chicken and holds it up. The butcher watches as she raises one leg, sniffs it, picks up the other leg, sniffs it, then squeezes the chickenbreast to check for firmness. Finally, she puts the bird back in the case. "What's wrong?" the butcher asks. "I'm not sure that chicken is fresh," she says. "Well, lady," says the butcher, "would you pass, if I tested you the same way?"
Thanks to Joan for sending this picture:
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to James Neal, 56, La Jolla, California Former NASCAR driver nailed for eluding cops in high-speed chase According to the Los Angeles Times, Neal, a small-time racer in the 1980s at the now defunct Ascot Park in Gardena (Calif.), led Orange County sheriffs on a chase from San Clemente to La Jolla on Monday, before a blown engine stopped him. The chase started oddly enough when authorities attempted to stop Neal for driving his 2003 Chevy Corvette without a front license plate. Seeing the police behind him, Neal gunned it and dared police to keep up with him as he reached speeds of 140 mph. Unfortunately for Neal, his Corvette's engine could not sustain such speeds, and it blew up, bringing an end to the chase and landing him in police custody. Neal pleaded guilty to misdemeanor felony evasion and reckless driving on Tuesday, and was sentenced to a month of jail and probation.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Frank RE: Laptop that is not widescreen Dear Webby Are regular screen laptops extinct? I can't find one anywhere. They all seem to have deteriorated to the sawed off wide screen format. Salespeople tell me I get more on the side, but that obviously is a lie, as anybody working with spreadsheets or graphics knows. Just like the BS about "economies of scale becuse wide screen TVs use the same aspect ratio" is a total lie too. Have you ever seen a laptop size TV in the last year or two? On THIS planet? Was it handheld, or did it have a boom to clamp it to the arm of your easy chair? My wife is just as upset that we can't find 4:3 ratio laptops, but she is a lot less polite about it. Doesn't ANY company care what the buyers WANT and DEMAND? If you know of any, please tell me! Frank Dear Frank You are absolutely correct. I have propped a laptop on a stand beside my 4:3 monitor, and when displaying the same spreadsheet or web page at the same width resolution, on the laptop the bottom third is missing. They lied to you. Same as when they lied to you about Blonde Windows being faster than XP. And no, Laptop makers gon't give a hoot about what you want, same as Microsoft doesn't. You are a dumb sheep, and a low screen with Blonde Windows is good enough for you. I keep searching for a decent laptop too, but about all you can do is look for refurbs and used laptops, or, at home anyway, connect the laptop to a standard 4:3 monitor. Have FUN! DearWebby
A man answers the phone and has the following conversation: "Yes, mother, I've had a hard day. Nancy has been most difficult - I know I ought to be more firm, but it is hard. Well, you know how she is. ........ "Yes, I remember you warned me. I remember you told me that she was a vile creature who would make my life miserable and you begged me not to marry her. You were perfectly right." .......... "You want to speak with her? All right." .......... He looks up from the telephone and calls to his wife in the next room: "Nancy, your mother wants to talk to you!"
Daily tip from Organize With 5 Gallon Plastic Buckets Home and especially garage organization can be as short as a trip to your local fast food restaurant. Five-gallon pickle buckets have a huge list of uses: fishing, gardening, storage, etc. They are usually free, and you are doing the green thing by not filling the dump. By WM from INat Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the list, you can vote for it here:

Father Murphy was playing golf with a parishioner. On the first hole, he sliced into the rough. His opponent heard him mutter "Hoover!" under his breath. On the second hole, the ball went straight into a water hazard. "Hoover!" again, a little louder this time. On the third hole, a miracle occurred and Fr. Murphy's drive landed on the green only six inches from the hole! "Praise be to God!" He carefully lined up the putt, but the ball curved around the hole instead of going in. "HOOVER!!!!" By this time, his opponent couldn't withhold his curiosity any longer, and asked why the priest said "Hoover". "It's the biggest dam I know."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the confirmation request
. If you don't get it, then you, your mother or your ISP have Ophelia blocked
A secretary, a paralegal and a partner in a big law firm are walking through a park on their way to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp. The lawyer picks it up and rubs it, and a genie comes out in a puff of smoke. The genie says, "I usually only grant three wishes, so I'll give each of you just one." "Me first! Me first!" says the secretary. "I want to be in the Bahamas, driving a speedboat, without a care in the world." Poof. She's gone. "Me next! Me next!" says the paralegal. "I want to be in Hawaii, relaxing on the beach with my personal masseur, an endless supply of pina coladas and the love of my life." Poof. She's gone. The genie looks at the lawyer. "You're next," he says. Says the lawyer, "I want those two back in the office right after lunch."
" target="_blank" >">
ARCHIVE: If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
Well, , that's all for today. Have FUN ! Dear Webby from

[ view entry ] ( 209 views )   |  permalink  |  print article  |   ( 3 / 976 )

<<First <Back | 107 | 108 | 109 | 110 | 111 | 112 | 113 | 114 | 115 | 116 | Next> Last>>