Good Morning,  !
It's Wednesday, May 26, 2010

Don't take life too seriously. You'll never escape it alive anyway.
--- Elbert Hubbard

 Never forget that only dead fish swim with the stream.
--- Malcom Muggeridge


One Sunday a young child was "acting up"
during the morning worship hour. The parents
did their best to maintain some sense of order
in the pew but were losing the battle. Finally,
the mother picked the little fellow up and
walked sternly up the aisle on her way out.

Just before reaching the the foyer, the little one
called loudly to the congregation,
"Pray for me!
Pray for me!"


In Canada the late night news used to
broadcast this message: "It's 11 o'clock do you
know where your children are?

In England they say
"Its 11 o'clock do you know where your wife is?

In France they say "It's 11o'clock
do you know where your husband is?"

In Washington they say Its 11 o'clock
do you know what time it is?"




If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
goes to Elizabeth Moffett, 35,in Columbia, MO

Woman Arrested After Trying to Run Man Down
Police say a Columbia woman used a phone call from jail to 
harrass a man she had earlier tried to run over with her car.

Elizabeth Moffett, 35, was arrested Sunday afternoon after 
trying to run over the man with a 1997 Ford Contour on 
Jefferson Street. Police say she then backed into an 
adjacent yard.

After officers caught up with her nearby and arrested her, 
Moffett was taken to jail. There, she asked to speak to an 
attorney, police say, but used the call to contact the man 
she had tried to run over.

A Columbia Police Department spokeswoman called the phone 
conversation "pretty ugly."

Witnesses said Moffett was under the influence of crack 
cocaine. 


From the Tech Support Pits:
From: Sharon
RE: Are there legit business opportunities on the net?

Dear Webby; 
I love your humor letter & find it so enjoyable to start my 
day. thanks so much for your time.

Since you are one person I know I can trust I have a question 
that you may have an answer for.
I see a lot of "online work at home" offers. I am wondering if 
you know of any site I can check to see if they are legit or not. 

I know some of them are not, especially if they say you can 
make several hundred dollars in one day. If it sounds too good 
too be true it probably isn't. But some do sound ok. Not too hyped up.

There are couple of surveys I do get paid for doing & have for 
several years. Not a  whole lot at one time but they do pay.
I'm not looking to become a millionaire overnight but would like to 
make a few bucks since I am home & have some free time.
I'd appreciate your answer.
Have a purrfect day, 
Sharon

Dear Sharon

There is no list of bona fide business ventures.
Nobody has the time to check them all out, and nobody, or 
not enough people would pay them for doing that work.

Here is some general tips and tricks:

If you find out about a business in an email that has 
--your address forged in as the sender address 
--a sender address that you can not reply to, but have to use an 
   address in the body of the message 
--has a weird domain name ending or long and awkward name, 
   then it is guaranteed a fraud.
  
Links with weird and encrypted URLs are perfectly legit and normal
for getting you TO a site, but the destination site 
better show up with a clean and respectable domain name!

Unless the scheme involves YOUR creativity, it is most likely a fraud.
All vetures are EITHER based on your creativity 
OR 
based on the gullibility of you and your victims.

Some surveys do pay, but if you track your time on ALL the 
survey work you do, you will find that you would make 25 times 
more per hour knitting socks and watching youTube movies.

If you want to make money, you have to create something, 
that some people want.
An example are the postcards. Snap together a nice postcard site. 
It's easy, and actually a lot of fun. All the hard work is already done 
in the templates. Your creativity comes in with finding or taking 
pictures, that people would want on cards they send. 

Then you check the stats to see which pictures are in demand, and 
get more of that type. And dump the ones that are not in demand. 
If you do that tuning, and have descriptive text, that the search 
engines can catalog, you'll quickly get good traffic. 

Once you have traffic, you can sell stuff. With enough traffic, you 
can sell anything. 
Naturally, selling stuff related to your theme is a lot easier. 
You can get private label rights eBooks cheap, reword them a bit, 
and sell them. For even more profit, write them from scratch.

The recipe is simple:
1) Open a web site and start goofing around to get comfortable 
    with web basics
2) Use postcards to create targeted traffic.
3) Create something that is in demand by your target audience.

Some people DO make good money by knitting socks, especially 
when they plow their profits back into the business and get a 
table-top knitting machine, but you will probably be happier with 
selling downloadabe eBooks, mainly because with those have 
to hassle with shipping stuff, and you don't have to knit new 
books for each client. 

Keep in mind, though, First things FIRST, and in THAT order.
Without traffic, nothing moves. (pun intended)

Have FUN!
DearWebby


An organization is like a tree full of monkeys.
They are all on different limbs... at different
levels. Some are climbing up, some are
climbing down. The monkeys on the top look
down and see a tree full of smiling faces.

The monkeys on the bottom look up and see
nothing but a bunch of .....


Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com


Freeze Foods Before Grating
I used to hate cleaning the grater when I was little. 
Well, before grating anything, make sure the food is hard 
or frozen. This will help keep the food from clogging the grater.

Frozen ginger will grate into fine powder without all the 
stringy fibers sticking to holes. You don't have to peel it 
either. Just wash the whole thing before freezing.

Frozen cheese can be frozen and crumbled on a grater easier 
than the soft kind. I would buy a block instead of the cubed or 
grated kind. Frozen cubes are just better processed in the food 
processor. Just add them sparingly before dumping the whole 
bag into the machine.

Frozen meat can be grated if allowed to defrost a little. The fat 
will grate easier than the red part. And that is what you want to 
grate first anyway. If you don't, it will clog up the holes worse 
than the meat will.

By Middlekid from Science Hill
http://www.thriftyfun.com/


Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day,
or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun
Highly recommended!
If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:


Having just moved into his new office, a pompous,
new colonel was sitting at his desk when an airman
knocked on the door. Conscious of his new position,
the colonel quickly picked up the phone, told the
airman to enter, then said into the phone, "Yes,
General, I'll be seeing him this afternoon and I'll pass
along your message. In the meantime, thank you for
your good wishes, sir."
Feeling as though he had sufficiently impressed the
young enlisted man, he barked at him: "What do you
want?"
"Nothing important, sir," the airman replied, "just here
to hook up your telephone."


Ophelia Dingbatter's News

No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.

Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the confirmation request
.
If you don't get it, then you, your mother or your ISP have Ophelia blocked

During training exercises, the lieutenant driving down
a muddy back road encountered another car stuck in
the mud with a red faced colonel at the wheel.
"Your jeep stuck, sir?" asked the lieutenant as he
pulled alongside.
"Nope," replied the colonel, coming over and handing
him the keys, "Yours is."






 »  B.O.V.


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Well, , that's all for today.

Have FUN !
Dear Webby from Webby.com

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