One click Hibernate for Windows 7 

Zoom the font size for best readability  
Good Morning,  !
It's Saturday, July 10, 2010

Our constitution protects aliens, drunks and U.S. Senators. --- Will Rogers
A girl walked up to the information desk in a hospital and asked to see the "upturn". "I think you mean the 'intern', don't you?" asked the nurse on duty. "Whatever," said the girl. "I want to have a contamination." "You mean 'examination,'" the nurse corrected her. "Whatever, I want to go to the 'fraternity ward,' anyway." "I'm sure you mean the maternity ward." To which the girl replied: "Upturn, intern; contamination, examination, fraternity, maternity.... what's the difference? All I know is I haven't demonstrated in two months, and I think I'm stagnant."
Two priests were riding very fast on a motorcycle. They were stopped promptly by a policeman, who said, "What do you think you are doing? You were going mighty fast there, Father." The priest says, "We were just taking the bike for a spin...see how it runs." The policeman shakes his head. "I am going to have to give you a ticket. Driving like that isn't safe. What if you have an accident?" The priests say, "Don't worry, my son. Jesus is with us." The policeman says, "In that case, I have to book you. Three on a motorcycle falls under reckless driving."
Let me see those instructions for the GPS!
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD and goes to a 50 year old drunk in Madison, Wisconsin Man threw tantrum over brandy MADISON, Wis., July 8 (UPI) -- Wisconsin police said a robbery victim threw a temper tantrum in the middle of a Madison road when officers told him his brandy was being booked as evidence. Madison police spokesman Joel DeSpain said the 50-year-old man decided to buy a bottle of brandy to share with two white male teens he was talking to Friday in James Madison Park and the teenagers then robbed him of the booze and his wallet at gunpoint, The Capital Times, Madison, reported Thursday. DeSpain said the suspects fled but police dogs led officers to two backpacks believed to belong to the teenagers. "The brandy was in one backpack," DeSpain said. "The victim became very upset when informed it was evidence and he wouldn't be getting it back immediately." The spokesman said the man lay down in the road and demanded the return of his brandy. "He was arrested later on for making false 911 calls, (that were more failed attempts at retrieving his liquor," DeSpain said. Charges for supplying liquor to minors won't be added until the teens are caught.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Dolores RE: One Click Hibernate Dear Webby, Do you have a one click solution to make Windows 7 hibernate? It takes way too long to shut down and start up every day, so we just put it into hibernation. Yeah, yeah, I know it was a dumb idea to get a W7 computer, so please don't rub it in. Waking W7 up from hibernation is almost as fast as starting a cold XP machine, and even my daughter can wait that long without getting into too much mischief. Thanks Dolores Dear Dolores Right click on the desktop and select New -> Shortcut Paste the next line into the Location field: C:\Windows\System32\rundll32.exe powrprof.dll,SetSuspendState 0,1,0 Hit NEXT Name it Hib or whatever you want Hit FINISH Assign a suitable icon to it, and drag it into a corner, where you won't accidentally hit it, because that Hibernate shortcut is faster than anything else on Windows 7, and will turn the screen black like a lightswitch. The hard drive light will continue to blink, while Windows puts everything away, but the screen, mouse and the keyboard will be off. Have FUN! DearWebby
When Joe stopped the bus to pick up a kid for preschool, he noticed an older woman hugging him as he left the house. "Is that your grandmother?" Joe asked. "Yes, she's come to visit us for summer." "How nice," he said. "Where does she live?" "At the airport," Chris replied. "Whenever we want her, we just go out there and get her."
Daily tip from Summer Library Programs Most local Libraries have great summer reading programs. It's free, it's fun and it's educational! Our local libraries have a wonderful program for kids. The child colors in a circle on a chart for every 20 minutes they read and when they get halfway around the chart, they get a free pizza. When they get to the end of the reading chart they get a wonderful arts and crafts box full of goodies! My 6 year old granddaughter is reading up a storm this summer so she can get that prize at the end! Each library has different summer programs, call yours and ask what they offer. Your kids will thank you for it! No more "Mom, I'm bored!" this summer! By Cyinda from Near Seattle "Bored" ? When I looked anything less than harried and in a hurry, I got sent to weed the raspberry rows or the garden. I did my reading at night, under the blanket, with a flashlight connected with thin speaker wires to the door bell transformer, and the lightbulb in it replaced with a bicycle light bulb. By the time I was 10, I finished a book in two nights. Have FUN! DearWebby Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the list, you can vote for it here:

Webby, not sure whether you will get this or not but the last joke with the priests reminded me of one I heard several years ago: Here goes: A preacher was driving down the highway when he came up behind a car weaving all over the road. He figures that the driver in the vehicle must be drunk. The preacher decides that he should pass and get on down the road so there will have no chance of being in a possible accident. He starts around the car and hits a slick spot in the road and the car goes off in a deep ravine but lands right side up. The drunk stops and staggers over to the edge of the road and yells, "Hey Buddy, are you okay?" The preacher answers back and says, "Yes, thank you, the Lord is riding with me." To which the drunk replies, "Well, you had better let him ride with me before you kill him."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the confirmation request.
Two babies in a hospital nursery: "I'm a little girl." "I'm a little boy." "How do you know you're a little boy?" "Wait till the nurse goes out and I'll show you." When the nurse left, the baby pulled up his gown. "See? Blue booties."

Awesome Avian Photos
ARCHIVE: If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
Well, , that's all for today. Have FUN ! Dear Webby from

[ view entry ] ( 478 views )   |  permalink  |  print article  |   ( 2.9 / 82 )

<<First <Back | 106 | 107 | 108 | 109 | 110 | 111 | 112 | 113 | 114 | 115 | Next> Last>>