Helping Out 

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It's Sunday, July 18, 2010

A man's respect for law and order exists in precise relationship to the size of his paycheck. --- Adam Clayton Powell Jr., If you can find something everyone agrees on, it's wrong. --- Mo Udall A mission statement is defined as "a long awkward sentence that demonstrates management's inability to think clearly." All good companies have one. --- From The Dilbert Principle
Little Johnny and his family were having Christmas dinner at his Uncle Rodney's house. Everyone was seated around the table as the food was being served. When Little Johnny received his plate, he started eating right away. "Johnny, wait until we say our prayer." "I don't have to," the boy replied. "Of course you do," his mother insisted. "We say a prayer before eating at OUR house." "That's at OUR house," Johnny explained. "But this is Uncle Rodney's house and HE doesn't have Internet. HIS cooking never burns!"
Flying to Los Angeles from San Francisco the other day, a passenger noticed that the "Fasten Seat Belts" sign was kept lit during the whole journey, although the flight was a particularly smooth one. Just before landing, he asked the stewardess about it. "Well," she explained, "up front there are 17 University of California girls going to Los Angeles for the weekend. In back, there are 25 Coast Guard soldiers . . . What would you do?"
Thanks to Noella for sending this picture from the yard of her borther in Anchorage, Alaska
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD and goes to Daryl Simon, 38, in Queens, NY He couldn't resist one last scam. A career fraudster was sent to the slammer for nearly 24 years after giving a White Plains federal judge phony photos of himself doing charity work at hospitals and schools in a bumbling bid for leniency. Daryl Simon's bald-faced move included sticking a picture of himself into a shot with a physical-therapy patient, then flipping the image and placing it next to a teen student. "Evidence that his image was inserted and flipped can be seen by examining the single detail on his shirt above his fingers -- that detail appears on the left side of the shirt in the top photograph, and on the right side of the shirt in the bottom photograph," prosecutors wrote. Another particularly heartless snapshot shows the 38-year-old scammer purportedly comforting a sickly patient struggling during a rehabilitation exercise. Simon even had the gall to submit fake letters of support from various charitable organizations and individuals, according to the US Attorney's Office. Judge Stephen Robinson saw through the ruse, blasting Simon Thursday for trying to "commit a fraud on the court." Robinson then slapped him with a 285-month prison term -- 50 months more than the maximum under sentencing guidelines -- for credit-card fraud and bail jumping. His brazen crimes included buying a sports car with a fake cashier's check for $29,500, along with numerous credit-card scams and possession of a stolen Mercedes-Benz. His most recent case stems from a 2006 arrest, in which he and a cohort bought electronic gear at a Target store in West Nyack, using phony credit cards in the name of "D. Simon." He pleaded guilty to credit-card fraud the next year, but jumped bail before sentencing. While he was on the lam, he worked as a magician and went by the name Justin Lusion. Two years ago, he was found in Queens.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Carolyn RE: Helping out Webby, thanks for the (large) picture today and thanks also to Lillemor. Do you have a coffee jar etc. for donations. I would like to send $10. I know it isn't much but would get a little something. I do appreciate you very much! Thanks, Webby - I keep voting and hope others are. Carolyn from IN Dear Carolyn Thank you very much! And you are most welcome! If you can help out, I sure would appreciate it! The "coffee jar" funnels straight to the server bills and is in dire straits these days. There is a PayPal Donate button at Thanks! DearWebby
A pastor was giving the children's lesson during a sunday morning service on the Ten Commandments. After explaining the commandment to "honor they father and thy mother," he asked, "Is there a commandment that teaches us how to treat our brothers and sisters?" Without missing a beat, one five-year old boy answered loudly, "Thou shalt not kill!"
Daily tip from Treasure Your Freedom - Join A Historical Group I quit my job a little over a year and a half ago. Since then I have begun doing things I was unable to do while working. I have joined both the Daughters of the American Revolution and the United Daughters of the Confederacy. There is also an organization called the Daughters of Union Veterans of the Civil War. more by By Southeastgeorgiapeach from Jesup, GA at Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the list, you can vote for it here:

Little Johnny's new baby brother was screaming up a storm, and Little Johnny asked his mom, "Where did we get him?" His mother replied, "He came from heaven, Johnny." Johnny said, "Well I can see why they threw HIM out!"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the confirmation request.
Two church members were going door to door. They knocked on the door of a woman who clearly was not happy to see them. She told them in no uncertain terms she did not want to hear their message and then slammed the door in their faces. To her surprise, the door did not close. In fact, it bounced back open. She tried again, really put her back into the job, and slammed the door again. Same results. The door bounced back like it was made of Silly Putty. Convinced one of these rude church members was sticking a foot in the door, she reared back to give the door a slam that would teach them a lesson. Just then, one of the church members said, "Ma'am, before you do that again, you might want to move your cat."

Ajanta Cavest

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