Queer links 

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Good Morning,  !
It's Saturday, August 14, 2010

Money can't buy happiness, but neither can poverty. --- Leo Rosten One man alone can be pretty dumb sometimes, but for real bona fide stupidity, there ain't nothin' can beat teamwork. --- Edward Abbey
An elderly woman had just returned to her home from an evening church service when she was startled by an intruder. As she caught the man in the act of robbing her home of it's valuables, she yelled, "Stop! Acts 2:38!" (....repent and be baptized....) The burglar stopped dead in his tracks. The woman calmly called the police and explained what she had done. As the officer cuffed the man to take him in, he asked the burglar, "Why did you just stand there and not run away? All the old lady did, was yell a scripture to you." "Scripture??" replied the burglar, "Man, she said she had an axe and two 38's!!!"
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Two women were trying on shoes in the store. When I slipped a shoe onto one woman's foot, the end of my tie got caught beneath her heel. Unaware of my predicament, she stood up and started toward the mirror. For a few seconds, I found myself crawling along the floor beside her, trying to get her attention. "Look, Martha," her friend said. "he wants to go home with you!"
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Here's the deal, TODAY I'm giving away something, that makes me $136,808 per month....I don't know if it will make you $136,808 per month, but it makes ME that much, and you would be CRAZY to not let me give it to you...and yes, it's legal :)
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Are you even a little bit curious to know what it is, that I want to give you?
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A SHORT HISTORY OF MEDICINE: "Doctor, I have an ear ache." 2000 B.C. - "Here, eat this root. That will be one payment on my sandals, please." 1000 B.C. - "That root is heathen, say this prayer. That will be one payment on my donkey, please." 1850 A.D. - "That prayer is superstition, drink this potion. That will be one payment on my wagon, please." 1940 A.D. - "That potion is snake oil, swallow these pills. That will be one payment on my Buick, please." 1985 A.D. - "That pill is ineffective, take this antibiotic. That will be one payment on my Mercedes, please." 2002 A.D. - "That antibiotic is artificial. Here, eat this root! That will be one payment on my yacht, please."
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD and goes to Desmond McKenna, 44, in manchester, England The mugger who apologised to his victims is jailed for robbery He carried out a string of vicious robberies across Manchester using a Rambo-style hunting knife, but was dubbed ‘Saint Des’ because he kept saying sorry to his victims. In one audacious raid McKeena, 44, ordered a petrified building society cashier to hand over cash totalling £1,067, but added: ‘I know I'm going to get caught and I'll pay for everything I've done. I'm sorry for doing that.’ In another robbery he said ‘sorry love,’ as he threatened his victim with his huge knife. However, his apologies were brushed aside by Judge Martin Rudland at Manchester Crown Court, who told him: 'The risk you pose is acute and overwhelming.' McKenna, of Old Trafford, was sentenced to serve six years before being considered for parole.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Barbara Re: Queer links Dear Webby Is there any way to force links to be underlined, even if some nuisance queer "designer" hid the underline, that shows when some text is a link? It really annoys me, especially when those queers then use underline instead of bold on text, that is not a link, and have SOME links, for example in ads on the side, underlined like honest links. Thanks Barbara Dear Barbara Unfortunately the only solution is to write to the owner of the site, and tell them about it. Quite often they are not aware of the problem, and will gladly tell the "designer" to follow accepted standards and not try to push some weird concept just to show, that she or he is "different". If they have a forum, don't be shy! Quite likely you will trigger quite a storm from people who feel like you do. Have FUN! DearWebby
A man was being proselytized by group of friends: "Come join our study group. We want to discuss mankind's relationship to God." "I'm married; I learned long ago that my opinions don't matter." "But, when you die, will you go to heaven or to hell?" "Wherever my wife tells me to."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Paper Towels as Packing Material When packing household items to move I use paper towels, the recycled kind. When I unpack, I reuse the paper towels for cleaning jobs! By Kate from Gainesville, FL http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

Three couples are in line at the Pearly Gates. St. Peter says to the first couple, "Sorry, I can't let you in." "Why not?" asked the husband. "Because all the two of you ever cared about was drinking. You were either stone drunk or hung over. You didn't have a sober day in your marriage." said St. Peter. "That's not true!" pleaded the couple. "Really, now." said St. Peter. "What's your wife's name?" "Sherry", said the man "See, you even married a woman named after a drink!" said St. Peter just as he released a trap door, sending them straight down to hell. Then he a told the second couple they couldn't get in to Heaven, either. "Why not?" asked the second husband. "Because all you ever cared about was making money, and you didn't care how you did it. You would cheat anybody, anytime to make your fortune." said St. Peter. "You even cheated your own brothers and sisters out of their inheritance!" "That's not true!" pleaded the husband. "Oh, really?" queried St. Peter "What's your wife's name?" "Penny", said the husband. "See?" said St. Peter, "You even have wife named after money." At which point he released the trap door sending them down to hell. The third husband, grinning, said to his wife, "Well, Fanny, I'm sure glad we were not interested in booze or money!"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
To be happy with a man, you must understand him a lot and love him a little. To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot and not at all try to understand her.

» Utah in 3D

Matt went into Doc Steven's office for his annual checkup, and the Doc asked if there was anything unusual he should know about. That left it pretty wide open, so he told the Doc that he found it real strange how his suit must've shrunk just sittin' in his closet, because it didn't fit when he went to get ready for a wedding recently. The Doc said, "Suits don't shrink just sittin' there. You probably just put on a few pounds, Matt." "That's just it, Doc, I know I haven't gained a single pound since the last time I wore it." "Well, then," said Doc, "You must have a case of Furniture Disease." "What in the world is Furniture Disease?" Matt asked. "Furniture Disease, Matt, is when you reach that stage in life when your chest starts slidin' down into your drawers."

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