Distorted perspective 



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It's Saturday, September 11, 2010

Nine years ago today, the world changed.
Don't worry, I am not going to get maudling and philosophical on
you. Instead, I will observe a moment of silence.






Have FUN!
DearWebby

"You don't get ulcers from what you eat. You get them from what's eating you." --- Vicki Baum Lack of money is no obstacle. Lack of an idea is an obstacle. --- Ken Hakuta
Thanks to Roland for this story: Our local paper runs a popular column called "10 Questions" that spotlights people who live in our community. In addition to the usual inquiries about occupation and age, people are asked questions that give a snapshot of their personalities. Recently one woman was asked, "What's the strangest thing you ever bought?" She answered, "Dog toothpaste." Next question: "What is the most common thing people say to you?" Her answer: "Where did you get such white teeth?"
Church was planning a chili supper for the homeless, and Florence agreed to prepare four gallons of her rather mild variation. The man in charge of organizing the program asked Florence how she would describe her chili -- three alarm or four alarm. After hearing some of the ingredients that went into other chili donations, Florence replied, "I guess you'd call mine false alarm."
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Two rural church deacons who were having a sociable beer in the local tavern when they saw their minister drive by and take a good long look at their pickup trucks parked outside. One deacon ducked down and said, "I hope the reverend didn't see us or recognize my pickup." The other replied indifferently, "What difference does it make. God knows we're in here... and he's the only one who counts." The first deacon countered, "But God won't tell my wife."
Click on the picture for the Large Version Before 911
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD and goes to Darius McCollum, NY, NY Bus thief arrested for 27th time NEW YORK (UPI) -- A New York man with a history of impersonating transit workers and joyriding in subway trains allegedly stole a bus in New Jersey, police said. Investigators said Darius McCollum, who has been diagnosed with Asperger syndrome and has extensive knowledge of Metropolitan Transportation Authority procedures, entered an unsecured bus depot in Hoboken early Tuesday and stole a Trailways coach that had been parked with the keys still inside, the New York Post reported. Police tracked the bus using its satellite global-positioning system and pulled it over at 9 a.m. EDT in New York. A police report said the suspect acted "like a gentleman" toward officers. McCollum was charged with grand larceny and possession of stolen property. He has previously been arrested 27 times during the past three decades, often for stealing subway trains, the report said.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Kathy Re: Distorted perspective in pictures Dear Webby, I noticed that with my new, and much lighter, camera, I often get pictures of buildings that appear to lean. My old camera may have done it too, but I never noticed it as much as I do now. Is there a way to correct that distorted perspective, or is that actually important? My pictures are just for fun and memories. Kathy Dear Kathy You are just getting too critical of yourself. For fun memory pictures the distortion is not only quite acceptable, but can be an extra source of enjoyment. The distortion actually emphasizes the emotions of the location. For example, if you take a picture of a building at the end of a long, narrow street, the buildings on the side appear to be looming or leaning in, quite like what YOU felt at the time. A painter, who paints the scene with perfectly perpendicular houses, would not be able to convey the emotions of the time and place, like you do with your pictures. For fun and memories pictures, consider it a bonus feature! If you were to take the pictures for an architectural project, where everything is supposed to look perfectly perpendicular, then you would have to stand way back and use big expensive telescope lenses, the opposite of wide-angle lenses. You CAN cheat a bit by standing farther back, rest the camera on something, and take the shot with maximum zoom at the highest resolution the camera can handle. Then, if the picture is for example 4000 x 3000 pixels, crop it down to 800 x 600. In that center portion there will be very little distortion, and if the camera was perfectly steady during the shot, the picture will be sharp enough to safely enlarge it to 1024 x 768, without getting fuzzy. Have FUN! DearWebby
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Wouldn't it be nice to tell the principal of your college or highschool what you REALLY think about him/her? Well,... if you like YOUR principal as much as Jim liked HIS principal, then you'd better keep your mouth shut. Jim knew he'd get kicked out of the college if he expressed his true feelings, so he remained silent for the last four years. But yesterday was his graduation. And as he walked across the stage, the principal handed his diploma scroll to him (nicely rolled up and tied with a ribbon). Once she handed it to Jim, he thought he could finally tell that @#$& what he REALLY thought about her. So he leaned across her podium and looked her straight in the eye. "You dumb twit," he said. "You're so darn ugly,... you could practice birth control by just leaving the lights on!" And then he walked off the stage, and went home. Today, he finally unwrapped his diploma scroll, framed it, and hung it in the living room, where it proudly proclaims to the world: "In order to receive your diploma, please present this certificate to the principal of your college after final grades have been posted!"
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Donate School Clothes to the Schools With school starting I wondered if there were children in need of clothing, especially middle and high school age. A lot of kids this age would be too proud to ask for help, and embarrassed not to have new clothes. Guidance counselors at schools usually would know of those in need. Call ahead to check to donate good clean clothing. If the school doesn't mind helping distribute to those in need, the kids can pick out their sizes and keep their dignity. By Peggy from Cortland, OH http://www.thriftyfun.com/
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Why did the Newfie businessman go fishing instead of attending a meeting? "Just for the halibut."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
There was a dance teacher who talked of a very old dance called the Politician. "All you have to do" she told her class, is this: two steps forward, three steps back, then side-step, side-step, turn around"

1000 Skies





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