What are spreadsheets? 

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Good Morning,  !
It's Wednesday, October 20, 2010

We had another beautiful fall day, and the wind picked up
quite nicely. For a while I watched the leaves from the hills
to the West of us go by, on their way East towards Ontario.
Most will probably get shredded on the way, and fertilize 
some field somewhere on the prairies. The wind will keep
going, and Ontario can expect an "Alberta Clipper" in about
five days.
Have FUN!

The difference between truth and fiction: fiction has to make sense. ---Mark Twain Few things are harder to put up with than a good example. --- Mark Twain Smoking is one of the leading causes of statistics. --- Fletcher Knebel
An English landowner and his Irish manservant ran into each other in hell one day. "My lord," the Irishman exclaimed, "What are you doing here?" The landowner sighed. "I'm here because I lied, cheated, and stole to pay the debts run up by that playboy son of mine. But you were a faithful, loyal servant. Why are you here?" "For fathering that playboy son of yours," the Irishman replied.
Jeff had gone to propose to his girlfriend and returned home crying bitterly. "What happened, son?" his father asked, eagerly awaiting her response. "Did she accept?" "No, she sure didn't," sobbed Jeff. "When I told her what you advised me to say, she slapped my face and told me to get out." "Did you begin by telling her what I told you to say, what I told your mother when she accepted my proposal? 'Sweetheart, time stands still when I look in your eyes.' Did you tell her that?" asked his father. "More or less, but maybe I got it mixed up a bit," Jeff groaned. "I said, 'My Dear, you have a face that would stop a clock'!"
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Thanks to Sandie for this picture: Click through the picture to the large version. Rare Poinciana tree
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Noemi Duchene, 44 and Luis Del Castillo, 45 in El Paso, Texas Trash bag clad robber tries to hold up jewelry store while getaway wheelchair waits outside Two people are in police custody following an unbelievable attempted jewelry store heist in El Paso, Texas. Security camera footage shows 44-year-old Noemi Duchene and 45-year-old Luis Del Castillo arrive outside of Estate & New Jewelry late Tuesday morning with Del Castillo pushing Duchene in her wheelchair. Duchene then gets out of her chair, covers her head and upper body with a large black trash bag and enters the jewelry store while Del Castillo waits with the chair. Once inside Duchene pulls a kitchen knife and demands "everything". Store owner Linda Bradely decided not to comply and drew a stun gun in response. "We're chasing each other around like keystone cops," Bradely recalls. "I knew I could outrun her because she was obviously not very quick." A store customer eventually tackled Duchene and held her until police arrived. Del Castillo was still waiting outside with the wheelchair and was also arrested. Investigators say the pair live in an apartment across the street from the jewelry store.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Olga Re: Spreadsheet Mystery Dear Webby, What you wrote about spreadsheet tricks is awesome. But at the moment, I don't even know what a spreadsheet is. Can you please start at the beginning, explain what it is and how to use it? Just put five years of college into a couple of paragraphs, like you usually do. Thanks Olga Dear Olga I should have stayed in the paid education system. I'd be eating meat instead of oat meal. Spreadsheets are like graph paper. The horizontal rows are nubered from the top down, the vertical columns have letters from left to right. Each rectangle in the graph paper is called a cell and has an "Address". The top left corner cell is A1. The cell to the right of it is B1. At the right, after Z comes AA, AB, AC and so on. After AZ comes BA, BB, BC, and so on. The cell below A1 is A2, the one below that is A3, and so on. The row numbers and column letters are shown in the margin. You can write text, numbers or formulas into any cell. Lets say you write into A1: Name, into B1: Hours into C1: Wage Then into A2 to A10 write a bunch of names, one per cell. Into C2 to C10 you write the hourly wages of those people. Now comes the fun part! Into D1 write Gross, and into D2 write =+B2*C2 Hit ENTER and then copy C2 and paste it all the way down to C10. The hard part is done. Now simply enter numbers into the B (Hours) column. When you do, their gross wage, before deductions, appears in Column D. Naturally, if you were doing payroll, you would have additional columns for the deductions. This is just to illustrate the concept. Now, below D10 write into D11: ======= and into D12: =SUM(D2:D10) Hit ENTER, and it shows the total sum of all the wages in that column. Now go to the right of that, into E12 amd write: =D12 That shows the same number as in D12 Now imagine you copied that whole effort from A1 to E12, and pasted it 52 times down th sheet for 52 weeks. At the bottom of all that, below the last item in the E column, do a sum of the E column, and it shows you the annual total. If you left a blank row between each week, that sum would be in E574. Go up to the top, and into cell F1 write: =E574 Now, whenever you enter hours anywhere, in any week, the annual total shown in F1 changes. Whenever you do anything in a spreadsheet, it recalculates everything and updates all results. I kept it simple to just show the concept. There is almost no limit to what you can do with a spreadsheet. You could for example use an IF formula. IF the wage is below a certain number, use this tax rate, else use that. Or you could calculate overtime. IF the weekly hours are over 40, then take the hours over 40 and multiply the by 1.5 and add those to 40. Speadsheets are also used to play with text. Here is an actual example from my invoicing spreadsheet: =CONCATENATE("Dear ",K92,"! Thank you for your payment of $",S92," on "&TEXT(R92, "mmmm dd, yyyy")," for Invoice #",O92,". Your account has been updated and your invoice at http://clients.webby.com/inv/",I92," has been marked paid. Thank you for being a valued client!") Instead of K92, the spreadsheet of course shows whatever name is typed in that cell. The same goes for all the other cell references. Spreadsheets are pretty neat magic and are ideal for automating any number or text manipulation. Have FUN! DearWebby
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A big executive boarded a New York to Chicago train. He explained to the porter, "I'm a heavy sleeper, but I want you to be sure and wake me up at 3:00 am for the stop in Buffalo. Don't care what I say, no matter what silly excuse I will have to try and sleep more, you just make sure I get off in Buffalo." The next morning the executive woke up in Chicago. He was furious. He found the porter and really gave him an earful before hustling off to purchase a return ticket. After he left, a co-worker said to the porter, "How can you stand there and let that passenger abuse you like that?" "That's nothing," said the porter. "You should have heard the guy whom I kicked off the train in Buffalo!"
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Seasonal Flag Care and Tips I like to display one of the larger decorative banners on the flagpole on my porch for all the seasons, holidays and occasions. They're nylon, nearly indestructible, and can be washed in the washer when they get dusty. But after a season or two (especially the summer ones), they become faded and the vibrant colours aren't as nice. Here are a few idea for dealing with your seasonal banners: http://www.thriftyfun.com/ If you want to have sucess with small back yard or balcony farming with a minimal investment of time or money, check out Food Wealth. Avoid mistakes and focus on what works! DearWebby Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
Virginia was talking with her four year old son, Brent. He was asking her why all their relatives from Wisconsin talk funny and sound like their noses are plugged up. "They think we have an accent," she replied. "But they have an accent, right?" Brent asked. "They talk funny." "Everybody talks in different ways," she tried to explain. "To them, we sound like we talk very slow and all our words are d-r-a-w-n out." His eyes got big, and he whispered seriously, "Oh, no. You mean they hear funny too?"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
An old fellow came into the hospital almost dying due to an infected gallbladder. After what seemed aeons of tests and preparations, the gall bladder surgeon removed the gall bladder without any fuss or problem and had the patient sent up to the post-op ward. The charge nurse there insisted that all patients be up and walking in the hall the day after surgery, to help prevent blood clots forming in the leg veins. The nurses walked the patient in the hall as ordered, even though the head nurse had to raise her mighty voice, once, and keep her stern gaze on him the first three days as two student nurses half carried, half dragged him up and down the hallway. On the fifth day they were able to walk him hangin on to only one nurse, and on the tenth day the nurse noticed that the reason he was hanging on now had not much to do with balance and support any more, especially when walking the trails on the roof garden with Linda After two weeks the patient was ready to go home. His family came to pick him up and thanked the surgeon profusely for what he had done for their father, telling him he was a miracle worker. The surgeon was pleased and appreciated the thanks, but told them that it was really a simple operation and that they had been lucky to get him into the hospital time. "Oh no,doctor, you don't understand," they said, "Our father hasn't walked in over ten years!"

Coast Ghosts

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