Monday, December 6, 2010, 11:17 AM
Good Morning, !
It's Monday, December 6, 2010
When I was a kid, living in the mountains of Austria, this was the
day when St Nicolas came by, accompanied by a scary devil.
It struck me as a bit incongruous that they showed up in a beat
up old Volkswagen Beetle, but the roar of the big huge devil
quickly had me quaking in my socks, and when one smite of
St Nicolas's bishop's staff made the devil cringe and whimper,
I was duly impressed!
However, when St Nicholas started reading the long list of
my sins, the devil cheered up and eagerly rattled his chains.
He did hit and cuff me around a bit, but kindly St Nicholas
stopped him, before things got out of hand.
After a solemn promise to improve my behavior, they made me
stand outside the front door, while they did their number on
my sister.
She was still sniffling when dad called me inside again.
This time St Nicolas was really beaming and he mentioned
a few token good things I had done. Then he pulled a nicely
decorated pillow case from under his robe and started
dispensing glazed gingerbread, cookies, pear-bread, a chocolate
and an orange. For a mountain kid in post-war Austria, that
was eye popping STUFF!
I barely noticed when Dad escorted them out and handed them
the bottle of the medicinal Schnaps from the pantry. St Nicolas
and the devil took a good swig from the bottle and an envelope
dad gave them, and roared away in their old Volkswage Beetle.
At the time it all made sense, and was truly impressive.
As the fear of the devil waned, it was replaced with the threat
of being sent to Jagdberg, a juvenile jail / reform school, in
a scary looking old castle with skyhigh walls.
Then in University, a professor asked for a volunteer to be
Santa at Jagdberg, staring straight at me.
Duh, yeah, OK, if nobody else ....
They couldn't find a devil, so I had to go alone.
They gave me the suit and wig and beard, and the directions.
That was the year when Santa showed up on a motorcycle.
The staff there noticed my nervousness, so they gave me some
medicinal Schnaps first, and a few basic instructions.
After the first class they gave me more Schnaps and a few
hints with the stack of papers, one per inmate for the next class.
Then I got into the swing of things, roared like the devil of my
childhood when reading a student's misbehaviors, and smiled
like a proud grandpa, when praising them for their
accomplishments.
Around midnight I had finished with all the inmates, and kinda
faked it with the staff. (I didn't have any good/bad lists for the
staff and had to make them up.)
Then they gave me a sandwich and a big mug of coffee for my
parched throat and ushered me out.
Still in the Santa Suit I hopped on my bike and roared homewards,
well, to my girlfriend's place anyway, and just as the sky turned
light in the East, I did make it home. I briefly paused at the entrance,
where I had seen my first Santa. Life had come full circle.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
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The conventional view serves to protect us from the painful job of thinking.
--- John Kenneth Galbraith
Sanity calms, but madness is more interesting.
--- John Russell
Thanks to Moe for this story:
The Texas Department of Labor claimed a small Tom Green
County farmer was not paying proper wages to his help and
sent an agent out to Investigate him.
Department of Labor Employee: "I need a list of your employees
and how much you pay them."
Farmer: "Well, there's my farm hand who's been with me for
3 years. I pay him $400 a week plus free room and board."
"Then there's the mentally challenged worker. He works about
18 hours every day and does about 90% of all the work around
here. He makes about $10 per week, pays his own room and
board, and I buy him a bottle of Bourbon every Saturday night
so he can cope with life. He also gets to sleep with my wife
occasionally."
Department of Labor Employee: "That's the guy I want to talk
to...the Mentally challenged one."
Farmer: "That would be me."
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Thanks to Martin for this story:
Arthur is 90 years old. He's played golf every day since his
retirement 25 years ago. One day he arrives home looking
downcast.
"That's it," he tells his wife. "I'm giving up golf. My eyesight
has got so bad. Once I've hit the ball, I can't see where
it went."
His wife sympathizes. As they sit down, she has a suggestion.
"Why don't you take my brother with you, and give it one
more try."
"That's no good," sighs Arthur. "Your brother is a hundred
and three. He can't help."
"He may be a hundred and three," says the wife, "but his
eyesight is perfect."
So the next day, Arthur heads off to the golf course with his
brother-in-law. He tees up, takes an almighty swing, and
squints down the fairway. He turns to the brother-in-law.
"Did you see the ball?"
"Of course I did!" says the brother-in-law.
"I have perfect eyesight."
"Where did it go?" asks Arthur.
"Can't remember."
Thanks to Sandie for this picture:
Click through the picture to the large version.
Bactia Grape Wax
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
Thanks for your votes!
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
goes to Catherine Renee Watson, 36, and Daniel McGuire, 40.
83 jugs of moonshine in the trunk
The sweet and innocent and hard done by dame, Catherine Watson,
is a former law enforcement officer, and does know better,
So does Daniel McGuire.
Lake Wales, Florida - Polk deputies say they have arrested a
Tennessee man who was transporting 83 jars of moonshine to
a Sebring bar.
Daniel McGuire, 40, was spotted by a Lake Wales police officer
with several containters of moonshine in the trunk of his car on
December 1. After asking the Polk Co. Sheriff's Office for
assistance, deputies made a traffic stop on McGuire's car the
next day.
They found 83 quart-size jars of moonshine that McGuire
claims he was delivering to a restaurant manager in Sebring.
McGuire was arrested and charged with Possession of
Moonshine, Transportation of Moonshine, Moving or
Concealing Alcoholic Beverages with Intent to Defraud State,
and Conspiracy to Violate the Beverage Law.
The restaurant manager was also arrested.
Catherine Renee Watson, 36, was charged with Conspiracy
to Violate the Beverage Law. Deputies say Watson is the
manager of the "Cowboys" bar in Sebring and also a former
law enforcement officer in Glades, Hendry, and Hardee counties.
From the Tech Support Pits:
From: Ryana
Re: Mail with no sender showing
Dear Webby,
Can MailWasher filter out email, where the sender address
is hidden? None of the tools I tried, can do that.
Second question: Does MailWsher assign points for bad
stuff and when a mail exceeds a certain number of points,
it kills it?
Ryana
---------------------
Dear Ryana
Yes, sure. Click together a filter like this:
If the From field
does not contain"@"
or not "."
then hide the message from the messages list ,
and and automatically (without warning or notification)
delete the message.
I have no idea if spammers still use that trick, because
I have used that filter almost 10 years, and have not seen
a mail with a hidden sender field since.
Re second question: No. Either you are pregnant, or not.
The same with the mail. Either it is spam, or not.
There is a hierarchy, though.
If you set a filter to take precedence over the friends list,
it will kill mail even if and address, that is in your friends
list, is forged in as the sender. However, if you don't give
the priority to that filter, then your friends can discuss
or joke about stuff, that normally triggers that filter.
You have even more control yet, by moving filters up or
down the list. Once a mail has been OK'd or killed, it won't
be checked by any further filters.
There is no mushy "almost pregnant" sillyness.
MailWasher makes just very precise yes or no decisions.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
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A man picked up is young son from school to take him to a
dental appointment. Knowing the parts for the school play
were supposed to be posted that morning, he asked his son
if he got a part in the play.
With great enthusiasm, the boy said that he had and said,
"I play a man who's been married for twenty years."
"That's great, son," the dad said. "Keep up the good work
and before you know it, they'll give you a speaking part."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Color Coordinated Totes for Storing Holiday Items
I like using different colored totes for storing different
holiday items. I use colors resembling the holiday,
such as orange or black for Halloween and red and
green for Christmas. It makes looking for them in
storage a lot easier. I can find them in just a glance.
By Jazalay from Frisco, TX
http://www.thriftyfun.com/
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day,
or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun
Highly recommended!
If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
For their 20th anniversary Nina and her husband vacationed
in Hawaii, where they went snorkeling. After an hour in the water,
everyone got back on the boat, except for Nina and one handsome
young man. As she continued her underwater exploring, she noticed
that everywhere she swam to, he swam.
Nina snorkeled for another 40 minutes. So did he.
Nina felt very flattered and, as she took off her fins, asked him
coyly why he had stayed in the water for so long.
"I'm the lifeguard," he replied matter-of-factly. "It's my job to stay in
the water till the last tourist is back on the boat."
 Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun
for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe.
If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
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A small, uncertain, and nervous witness was being cross-examined.
The lawyer thundered, "Have you ever been married?"
"Yes, sir," said the witness in a low voice. "Once."
"Whom did you marry?" demanded the lawyer.
"Well, a woman," the humble witness replied.
The lawyer said angrily, "Of course you married a woman.
Did you ever hear of anyone marrying a man?"
The witness said meekly, "Um, I don't know about yours,
but MY mother did."
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