Good Morning,  !
It's Wednesday, December 8, 2010
Thank you Helene ! 
Thank you Cheryl !
Thank you Cookie !

If you are in Great Britain, this might be a good Christms to
celebrate elsewhere. The earliest wintry blast for 17 years
put GB right back into the cold ripple, crippled the transport
network and already claimed at least 13 lives. 

Six or more inches of snow are predicted for next week,
and most definitely a White Christmas, with temperatures 
in the -20s inthe northern half and Scotland.

Hundreds of motorists are still battling to get hoime after
Scotland endured what it's transport minister, Stewart Stevenson
called the "worst snow and ice conditions since the 60's".

The government advised that, if you can't stay away, stay home.

A baby boom is expected late August 2011.

Have FUN!
DearWebby



If you can help with the server cost 

please donate what you can!



The man who has nothing to boast of but his illustrious ancestry
is like the potato - the best part under ground.
--- Thomas Overbury


Thanks to Manin for this one:
A young Law student, having failed his Law exam, goes up 
to his crusty old professor, who is renowned for his razor-sharp 
legal mind.

Student: "Sir, do you really understand everything about 
this subject?"

Professor: "Actually, I probably do. Otherwise I wouldn't be 
a professor, would I?" 

Student: "OK. So I'd like to ask you a question. If you can 
give me the correct answer, I will accept my marks as it is. 
If you can't give me the correct answer, however, you'll 
have to give me an "A". 

Professor: "Hmmmm, alright. So what's the question?"

Student: "What is legal but not logical, logical but not legal, 
and neither logical nor legal? "

The professor wracks his famous brain, but just can't crack 
the answer. Finally he gives up and changes the student's 
failing mark into an "A" as agreed, 
and the student goes away, very pleased. 

The professor continues to wrack his brain over the question 
all afternoon, but still can't get the answer. So finally he calls 
in a group of his brightest students and tells them he has a really, 
really tough question to answer: "What is legal but not logical, 
logical but not legal, and neither logical nor legal? " 

To the professor's surprise (and embarrassment), all the 
students immediately raise their hands.

"All right" says the professor and asks his favourite student 
to answer

"It's quite easy, sir" says the student "You see, you are 
75 years old and married to a 30 year old woman, which is 
legal, but not logical. 

Your wife has a 22 year old lover, which is logical, but 
not legal. 

And your wife's lover failed his exam but you've just given 
him an "A", which is neither legal, nor logical."



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My Parents had not been out together in quite some time.
One Saturday, as Mom was finishing the dinner dishes, my father
stepped up behind her and asked. "Would you like to go out, girl?"

Not even turning around, my mother quickly replied,
"Oh, yes, I'd love to!"

They had a wonderful evening, and it wasn't until the end of the
evening that Dad finally confessed that his question had actually
been directed to the family dog, laying near Mom's feet on the
kitchen floor.




Click through the picture to the large version.

If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
goes to Lawrence Bidlack, 46, in Geneva, Ill

Principal clocked at 103 mph in 45 mph zone 
GENEVA, Ill. (UPI) -- The principal of a suburban Chicago 
school could face up to a year in jail after allegedly driving 
his sports car 103 mph in a 45 mph zone, police said. 

Police said Lawrence Bidlack, 46, principal of Geneva 
Middle School North, was pulled over after he was clocked 
driving his Porsche nearly 60 mph over the speed limit in 
Campton Hills and is now facing a misdemeanor charge 
with a possible one-year sentence, the Chicago Sun-Times reported.

The Sun-Times said Bidlack couldn't be reached for comment 
and Geneva School District 304 Superintendent Kent Mutchler 
said it will be up to the courts to decide the principal's fate. 
-------------
Not setting a good example!


From the Tech Support Pits:
From: Trevor
Re: Can you lock titles in Excel?

Dear Webby,
Can you lock title rows and side columns like in other 
spreadsheets? I am pretty sure you can by now, but I can't
find anything in the Excel help about that.
What do you know about it?
Trevor
---------------------
Dear Trevor
In the early days of spreadsheets there was fierce competition
with huge law suits. For example, Lotus123 sued Borland Quattro
for using the same "Look And Feel", because Borland had been
reasonable and kept the gas pedal on the right. Even though
Borland had developed their own, much better and faster code,
they initially kept the user interface similar to VisiCalc, which
had been adopted by Lotus. To make a long and sordid story short,
the courts told Borland to change the user interface and make
it look different from Lotus.

That became tradition, and when Excel came along, they didn't
want use the term "Locked Titles" for fear of getting sued by 
Borland Quattro. So they called it "Freezing a pane" and are 
still extremely careful about never mentioning anything about 
locking a title row or title column.

You CAN do it, though, even without using Quattro to install
locked title rows and then saving it in Excel format.

Just highlight the row BELOW the one, that you want locked,
click on WINDOW and select FREEZE PANEL.

To lock a column, highlight the column to the right of it, 
click on WINDOW and select FREEZE PANEL.

It does the same as VIEW, Locked Titles.

For those, who are new to spreadsheets, Borland sold Quattro
to WordPerfect, to use in their Office Suite. Then later Corel
bought Word Perfect, added their graphics and is now selling
Corel Office, still including Quattro and Word Perfect.
  
Have FUN!
DearWebby



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"Grandma, where did I come from?"
I responded quite nervously because my son and daughter-in-law
were out of town and since I did not know how much about the
"Birds and the Bees" they had told Sally, I was stalling until they
returned home: "Well, honey, the stork brought you."

"Where did Mom come from then?"
"The stork brought her, too."
"OK, then where did you come from?"
"The stork brought me too, dear."
"Okay, thanks, Grandma."

I did not think anything more about it until two days later when
I was cleaning Sally's room and read the first sentence of her paper,
"For three generations there has been no sex in our family,
which is probably the reason everybody is so grouchy."

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Saving Money on Shampoo
For the cleanest, softest, fluffiest hair imaginable for 
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the rest of the way with a half and half solution of vinegar 
and water. The lather will be the richest ever, and your hair 
will squeak. It lifts the oils off your scalp so your hair stays 
clean looking longer and it rinses clean.There is no need 
to use creme rinse or conditioner, either. I use plain old 
Suave shampoo, about a dollar a bottle, and it makes my 
hair look and feel better than any expensive shampoo I 
have ever tried. The vinegar smell does not linger - try it! 

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Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day,
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Highly recommended!
If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:


The case concerned a will
Kelly was a witness.
"Was the deceased," asked the attorney, "In the habit of 
talking to himself when he was alone?"

"I don't know," said the  Irishman.

"Come now man, you don't know and yet you pretend you 
were intimately acquainted with the deceased?"

"Well, Mr. Lawyer," said Kelly, "I never happened to be 
with him when he was alone. "



Ophelia Dingbatter's News

No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun 
for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. 
If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.


Working as a cargo handler for a major package delivery company,
I came across an express envelope with shipping instructions that
puzzled me, particularly the line describing the contents.

The description read, "Instructions for the Ass of God."

At first I thought I was processing one of our company's 
most momentous pieces of freight. Then I found out that
the name of the destination was the "Assembly of God" church,
and the parcel contained some kind of printer manual.





 »   Microscopic Pictures

Overheard while waiting in line at the bank:
Don't wear your glasses on a blind date.
You'll look better, and he will too.

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