Good Morning,  !
It's Thursday, December 9, 2010
Thank you Bill ! 
Thank you Lawrence!

A friend forwarded me an article about how the WikiLeak supporters
had attacked Sarah Palin's site with a massive Denial Of Service
attack, to silence her and prevent her from speaking out against
WikiLeaks.

Huh ?
On one hand, the leaky kids demand free speech and freedom
of information, but woe unto anybody, who dares speak out
against them. They seem to be even more immature, 
than I had thought they were!

Have FUN!
DearWebby



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please donate what you can!



"A person needs a little madness, or else
they never dare cut the rope and be free."
--- Nikos Kazantzakis

If your parents never had children, chances are you won't, either.
--- Dick Cavett


While carpenters were working outside the old house I had just bought,
I  busied myself with indoor cleaning.  I had just finished washing the
floor  when one of the workmen asked to use the bathroom.

With dismay I looked from his  muddy boots to my newly scrubbed
floors. "Just a minute," I said, thinking of a quick solution.
"I'll put down newspapers."

"That's all right, lady," he responded. "I'm already potty-trained."



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On vacation one year I went to a resort in Wyoming.  As part
of the usual activities, a neighboring ranch invited guests from
our resort to participate in a cattle drive.  After watching 20
make-believe cowpokes whooping and hollering, I rode up to the
ranch owner and asked her how many cowboys it normally takes
to drive a herd of that size.

"One," she replied, "and a dog."




Click through the picture to the large version.

If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
goes to Robert Osewski, 20, in Bolingbrook, Ollinois

Convicted burglar hits same house 
BOLINGBROOK, Ill., Dec. 7 (UPI) -- Police in Illinois said a 
man on probation for burglary returned to the same home 
and took many of the same items.

Bolingbrook police Lt. Mike Rompa said "a laptop computer, 
camera, Wii and Xbox video game systems, a platinum and 
diamond engagement ring, other jewelry, stocks, bonds and 
$50 in change -- roughly $20,000 worth of property" was 
stolen during the Nov. 30 break-in.

Investigators said similarities to a May 28, 2009, burglary at 
the same residence led them to interview Robert Osewski, 20, 
who was on probation for the crime.

Osewski and alleged accomplice Anthony Gant, 21, were arrested 
and charged with residential burglary. Osewski was charged 
with an additional count of possession of stolen property.

Police said some of the stolen items were recovered in a 
Lemont forest preserve.


From the Tech Support Pits:
From: Ada
Re: Excel graph trick

Dear Webby,
or should I call you Mr Excel?
My boss saw a graph of something or other, that had the current
points on the graph projected to the right, as if there was not
going to be any changes from today to year end.

He tried and cussed for hours, but just couldn't find a way to
do that. I tried too, and couldn't either. 
We have the date in column A,
then today's weight of one client in column B,
and the change up or down from yesterday in column C.
Column C is used on the graph, showing the daily changes.
Then D and E are for the 2nd client, F and G for the 3rd, and
so on.

That much works OK, but he doesn't want the line for future
dates to drop to zero as if the client had died, and is quite
obsessed about that.

Can you help me look good?
Thanks
Ada
---------------------
Dear Ada
There is no command or choice for that in Excel. You have
to do it with a little formula.
Let's assume today is day #341
In column B341 you have some weight number.
In column C we want either the difference between today and 
yesterday, or else, if there is no weight number in column B, 
we will just repeat yesterday's number in Column C.

In a formula, you wold say that like this: (in C341)
=IF(B341<>"",+B341-B340,+C340)

IF B 341 is NOT empty,
then B341 - B340,
else what is in yesterday's C: C340

Copy that from C341 all the way to year end or 
a few hundred lines down into column C.

Highlight C341 down to the bottom, CTRLC to copy that,
go to E341, CTRL V to paste,
go to G341, CTRL V to paste, and so on.

Now when you look at the graph, each person's jaggy line ends
with a perfectly level laser beam from today to the right end 
of the graph, in the same color as their jagged history line.

Just straight math and easy to understand graph.

However, if you were a COGR (Consensus Of Grant Requestors) 
Scientist, then you would modify that formula to
=IF(B341<>"",+B341-B340,+C340*1.035)
to make the projected future lines curve ever steeper upward.

A smart COGR scientist of course will expect some criticism
and a need to quickly adjust. You probably don't have anything
in cell A1, so write 1.015 into that cell, and modify the formula to
=IF(B341<>"",+B341-B340,+C340*$A$1)
and copy that into columns C, from day 2 to the last day 
of the sheet. Copy that column into columns E, G, I, etc.

Whatever fudge number or COGR factor you put into A1,
the spreadsheet will use that in place of $A$1 in the formula.

Now, by simply changing the secret number in A1, you change
how the future projection curves up or down.

In your business a negative number like -1.01 might look 
better, for a slight downward trend.

Yes, you too can be a COGR scientist!
  
Have FUN!
DearWebby



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A mouse returned from the laboratory to his cage and told a
fellow mouse, "I've finally got Dr. Snooker trained."

"You have?" asked the other.

"Yes, explained the first mouse. "Every time I press down the
bar, he gives me food. You should try it too!"

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
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I wrap up cinnamon sticks with plaid ribbon and use it on 
gifts along with the bows as an "extra" gift. I also use the 
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Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day,
or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun
Highly recommended!
If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:


A New Mom took her baby daughter to the supermarket for the first
time. She dressed her in pink from head to toe. At the store, she
placed her in the shopping cart and put her purchases around her.

At the checkout line a small boy and his mother were ahead of them.
The child was crying and begging for some special treat. He wants
some candy or gum and his mother won't let him have any, she thought.

Then she heard his mother's reply. "No!" she said, looking in her
direction. "You may not have a baby sister today. That lady got the
last one!"



Ophelia Dingbatter's News

No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun 
for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. 
If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.


A man learned shortly before quitting time that he had to  attend
a meeting. He tried unsuccessfully to locate his car-pool members
to let them know that he would not be leaving with them.

Hastily he scribbled a message to one fellow and left it on his desk:
"I have a last-minute meeting. Leave without me.
Dave."

At 7:00 p.m., the man stopped at his desk and found this note:
"Meet us at the bar and grill across the street.
You drove today, you dope."





 »   Balloon Animals

A new miracle doctor was in town.  He could cure anything and
anybody, and everyone was amazed with what he can do.

Everyone except for Schwartz, the town grouch.

So Schwartz went to this 'miracle doctor' to prove that he wasn't
anybody special:
"Hey, doc, I have lost my sense of taste. I can't taste nothin', so
what are ya goin to do?"

The doctor scratches his head and mumbles to himself a little,
then tells Schwartz: "What you need is jar number 43."

Jar number 43? Mr. Schwartz wonders.

So the doctor brings the jar and tells Schwartz to taste it.

He tastes it and immediately spits it out,
"This is gross!" he yells.

"I just restored your sense of taste Mr. Schwartz," 
says the doctor.

So Schwartz goes home very mad.

One month later, Schwartz goes back to the doctor 
along with a new problem, 
"Doc," he starts, "I can't remember!"

The doctor scratches his head and mumbles to 
himself a little and tells Schwartz, 
"What you need is jar number 43..."

Before the doctor finished his sentence,
Schwartz fled the office..

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