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Good Morning,  !
It's Wednesday, May 4, 2011

There were no calls for election recounts. Election talk was
dropped like a fart in polite company. It wasn't really a serious
interruption of the hockey season. Some pundits are muttering 
to themselves, but the real topics are hockey, Bin Laden,
Gadafi, and Syria.

Have FUN!

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Insanity is hereditary. You get it from your kids! --- Socratex Reality is the leading cause of stress amongst those in touch with it. --- Jane Wagner
One day, while a woodcutter was cutting a branch of a tree above the river, his axe fell into the river. When he cried out, an angel appeared and asked,"Why are you crying?" The woodcutter replied that his axe has fallen into the water. The angel went down into the water and reappeared with a golden axe. "Is this your axe?" the angel asked. The woodcutter replied, "No." The angel again went down and came up with a silver axe. "Is this your axe?" the angel asked. Again, the woodcutter replied, "No." The angel went down again and came up with an iron axe. "Is this your axe?" the angel asked. The woodcutter replied, "Yes." The angel was pleased with the man's honesty and gave him all three axes to keep, and so the woodcutter went home happily. One day, while he was walking with his wife along the riverbank, the woodcutter's wife fell into the river. When he cried out, the angel again appeared and asked him, "Why are you crying?" "Oh, Angel, my wife has fallen into the water!" The angel went down into the water and came up with Jennifer Lopez. "Is this your wife?" the angel asked. "Yes!" cried the woodcutter. The angel was furious. "You liar! That is an untruth!" The woodcutter replied, "Oh, forgive me, my angel. It is a misunderstanding. You see, if I said 'no' to Jennifer Lopez, you will come up with Catherine Zeta-Jones. Then, if I also say 'no' to her, you will thirdly come up with my wife, and I will say 'yes.' Then you will make me feed all three of them! But angel, I am a poor man and I will not be able to take care of all three wives, so that's why I said yes the first time."
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The construction foreman ordered one of his men to dig a hole 8 feet deep. But after the job was done, the boss returned and explained an error had been made and the hole wouldn't be needed. "Fill 'er up," he ordered the worker. The worker did as he'd been told. But he ran into a problem. He couldn't get all the dirt packed back into the hole without leaving a mound on top. He went to the office and explained his problem. "Honestly!" the foreman snorted. "The kind of help I get these days! There's obviously only one thing to do. You'll have to dig that hole deeper!"
Thanks to Dad for this picture. Click through the picture to the large version. He even managed to get his reflection in there!
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Bradley Gummow, 35, in Bartow, Florida Bartow teacher charged with drug possession Bartow police say they pulled over 33-year-old Bradley Gummow for a traffic stop shortly before 11 a.m. at the intersection of Polk Street and Baker Avenue. While talking with Gummow, cops say they observed a plastic bag in his mouth and called in a K-9 unit. Police say when they asked Gummow what was in his mouth, the suspect turned and refused to cooperate with officers. Gummow allegedly began resisting police until he was shot with a Taser stun gun. He then spit out what turned out to be five individual bags containing marijuana, weighing a total of 4.7 grams. Gummow is an 11th and 12th grade teacher at Bartow High School, assigned to teach International Baccalaureate and Advanced Placement students. Before Monday's arrest, Gummow was on probation for reckless driving involving alcohol. He is now charged with possession of marijuana, violation of probation, and resisting an officer without force or violence.
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Eunice went to the dentist the other day. It was discovered that she had a cavity that would have to be filled. "Now, Eunice," asked the dentist, "what kind of filling would you like?" Without hesitation Eunice replied, "Chocolate, please."
Daily tip from Saving Money on Office Beverages Here's my tip about saving money on snacks. I am a administrative assistant at a small office. I noticed that all of us were going out to the local convenience store and buying cans of Diet Coke (the most inexpensive pop) for 79 cents. I got everyone together and told them of my observation. We then decided that we could save money by buying more together instead of buying a few cans at a time. What we do now is every weekend I buy a case of regular pop and a case of diet pop. Each person wishing to have one puts 30 cents into the money box, and we have our drink! The bonus is that our business has improved from all of us being around more, plus when we entertain we don't have to rush out and buy drinks - we just charge the business the same rate. 30 cents x 12 cans = $3.60, which is a 12 pack of pop plus tax. We stock up when they're on sale as well - so there's plenty around. It's just a thought to watch people at your office and building and try to work together to save money for everyone! Concetta from Westmont, IL Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the list, you can vote for it here:
When my sister's husband died, she went to the bank to put his affairs in order. The young clerk looked up their joint account and then asked, "Which of you is deceased?" "I am", she told the clerk, "but my husband was in such deep shock about it, that they buried him instead of me." "Well, if you are deceased," the teller muttered, "you can't have a bank account and it goes to him. But if he is buried, he can't sign the checks!" "That's OK", my sister told her, "they take VISA anywhere. I'll be responsible for the checks, and you can send the VISA bills to him."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
Kim was telling her friend how she gets her son out of bed in the morning. "I just open his door and toss the cat on his bed. He sleeps with his dog."

Sweet Scent

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