Expired Microsoft WORD and EXCEL 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Monday, May 23

Thank you, Elizabeth!
Thank you, Staza!
Thank you Rebbie! 
 My Heroes!


Today's picture reminds me of a trip down the Musqua, Nelson 
and Liard river many years ago, in 72. I left with three friends 
at 4am, at the end of a wild party. We were going to try and 
get jobs at the construction of the Smokey Mountain pipeline.

Yes, we were quite naive and not very sober. 
We rafted with an abandoned plywood river boat. No motor, 
not even a paddle. 
It was quite an adventure!

A few hours before we got to Fort Liard, the sky behind us
looked just like in that picture, except the Liard river is about 
three times as wide. We KNEW we were going to get soaked. 
So I suggested cutting some saplings on the shore, and tying 
up all the blankets we had as sails, because, I figured, the
wind would hit us before the rain.

Pretty soon we were clipping down that river at incredible
speeds. Picture 4 bearded hippies (remember , it was 1972)
on a rickety "boat", that looked like a hijacked sand box,
with four blankets rigged in a rather haywire fashion,
trailing a long steering oar and a fair bit of white water, 
just a hooting and hollering, and knowing, that if we hit a
log jam or gravel bar doing 50 miles an hour, it would be
very messy and very painful.

The log jams had been dynamited before the ice went out,
and were just at the upward tips of islands. We managed to
avoid hitting any of those and got to Fort Liard, just as the
first big drops fell. We hit the shore and rode the bow wave
up the sand about 30 feet, grabbed our stuff and ran up the
bank to the porch of an abandoned store. 

After all our stuff was safe and dry, we stood out in the 
downpour for a very overdue shower. 
 
Have FUN!
DearWebby



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Most people would succeed in small things, if they were not troubled with great ambitions. ---Henry Wadsworth Longfellow Some are born great, some achieve greatness, and some hire public relations officers. --- Daniel J. Boorstin
Thanks to Donnie for this story: Sarah dropped in on her sister Molly and found her sitting at the kitchen table, staring blankly at a half-empty cup of coffee, her three kids squabbling loudly in the other room. "What's wrong Molly?" she asked. Molly told her that she had morning sickness. Surprised, Sarah said, "Hurray! I didn't even know you were pregnant!" "I'm not," the harried middle-aged mother replied. "I'm just sick of mornings." ----------- Try changing the coffee grounds more frequently!
Do you remember the smell and taste of REAL tomatoes? REAL tomatoes, that you could bite into, and smell a tomato sandwich from across the room? If you prefer REAL tomatoes like that, to the bland, tough- skinned stuff, that has been modified for mechanical harvesting, long distance transport and the convenience of the stores, the answer could be on your balcony or window sill. Organic Tomato Magic Use Method, not chemicals!

Mrs. Jones was reading a letter at breakfast. Suddenly she looked up suspiciously at her husband. "Henry," she said, "I've just received a letter from Mother saying she isn't accepting our invitation to come and stay, as we do not appear to want her. What does she mean by that? I told you to write and say that she was to come at her own convenience. You did write, didn't you?" "Er, yes, I did," said the husband. "But I couldn't spell convenience, so I made it risk."
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If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Charles Smallwood, 40, in Acron, Ohio Duct Tape Sticks Akron Man to 10 Years in Prison (Akron) - An Akron man who pleaded guilty to aggravated burglary and robbery will spend six years in prison. 40-year-old Charles Smallwood was also sentenced to an additional four years on two other pending cases for a total ten year sentence. The victim, who was 91-years-old at the time of the offense, was awakened around 2:30 a.m. on August 5 when two men broke into his house. The burglars put duct tape on one of the windows so there would not be noise when they broke in. The burglars went to the victim’s bedroom and pushed him around and hit him with a screwdriver, demanding money. The victim began to yell, at which point they found some money in the pants he had worn that day. They took off before police got there. The victim could not identify the suspects, so DNA was taken from the duct tape on the window. There was a hit on Smallwood and a swab was obtained. His DNA matched the DNA on the duct tape. Summit County Prosecutor Sherri Bevan Walsh says, “The number of uses for duct tape just increased by one – crime solving.” Smallwood was on community control for a 2009 case for failure to comply with a police officer when he committed this offense. He was also awaiting sentencing on a 2010 case for breaking and entering.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Elsie Re: Expired Microsoft WEIRD and EXCEL Dear Webby We got a few computers for work from Dell. They came with some kind of sneaky trial of Microsoft office pre-installed. Now, all of a sudden, that stopped working, and we are supposed to pay serious money, just to keep using it. All we need is WEIRD and EXCEL, none of the other stuff. What do bigger companies do about that? Elsie Dear Elsie Not just bigger, but also small companies use Open Office. It is free. It will pick up WORD and Excel files, and even lets you save them in WORD or Excel format, not just in Open format. You can continue using the old format, and gradually switch to the Open format. You can download it from http://www.openoffice.org/ Open Office Write and Calc do everything WORD and Excel used to do, but the switch may take some people a bit of getting used to. It's well worth it, though. Have FUN DearWebby
Aquaponics is back! They were just overwhelmed with orders and their server could not cope. Aquaponics is on special for $37 instead of the normal $97! Actually, if you act like you were leaving the site, you can get it all for $19! What's Aquaponics? Isn't that the top secret technology some pros use to grow medicinal herbs and stuff in half the time and two to ten times the crop per square foot? Yes, it sure is! It is the technology of combining a fish tank, that produces all the nutrients the plants need, with hydroponics, that cleans that stuff out of the water and preps it for the fish. Very neat and clean WIN-WIN deal! You don't need a shark tank on your balcony. The book tells you how small a fish tank is enough for your tomatoes and carrots and parsley and mushrooms and herbs. If you have a closet, balcony, or garden space, grab Aquaponics, while it is on sale! AND, they throw in $300 worth of additional books! By the way, there is no weeding necessary with Aquaponics!

Just as she was celebrating her 80th birthday, our friend received a jury-duty notice. She called to remind the people at the clerk's office that she was exempt because of her age. "You need to come in and fill out the exemption forms," they said. "I've already done that," she replied. "I did it last year." "You have to do it every year," she was told. "Why?" came the response. "Do you think I'm going to get younger, or are YOU getting too old and forgetful?"
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Use Rosemary For Skewers Rather than buying skewers I use branches off of my rosemary bush. I cut them approximately 12 inches long. After thoroughly washing the branch, I strip the leaves and either dry them in the oven or use them fresh. I use a knife to put a point on the branch and "thread" on onions, pineapple, chunks of chicken and bell peppers. The taste imparted when put on the barbecue is heavenly. Equally successful is roasting them in the oven at 375 degrees F. This is just my favorite recipe. Your imagination and taste can guide you to the food you put on your skewers. By Maryinaz from AZ http://www.thriftyfun.com/ http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
As the manager of our hospital's softball team, I was responsible for returning equipment to the proper owners at the end of the season. When I walked into the surgery department carrying a bat that belonged to one of the surgeons, I passed several patients and their families in a waiting area. "Look, honey," one man said to his wife. "Here comes your anesthesiologist."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
That baseball bat joke reminds me of this one: A man who had just undergone a very complicated operation kept complaining about a bump on his head and a terrible headache. Since his operation had been an intestinal one, there was no earthly reason why he should be complaining of a headache. Finally his nurse, fearing that the man might be suffering from some post-operative shock, spoke to the doctor about it. The doctor assured the nurse, "Don't worry about a thing. He really does have a bump on his head. About halfway through the operation we ran out of anesthetic."

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