Filled in by Ophelia 

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Good Morning 
It's Tuesday, June 21

Today we will have a very tame version.
Dear Webby had a Glaucoma and Cataract exam this afternoon,
and they  messed up his eyes with some kinda poison, that 
dilated them and put them totally out of focus. With total 
disregard for the victim, they didn't give him any antidote. 

They had those medicines in the Roman Empire. I vaguely
remember translating a piece about fashion drugs. High
Society ladies used to take Belladonna to enlarge their pupils,
so that any twerp they looked at, thought it was an admiring 
and interested glance reserved for the hottest hunk in town.

And they also had the opposite or antidote, which they took
before going out into the bright noon sun or if seated facing
the evening sun. It narrowed their pupils without squinting 
or frowning and did not interfere with dedicated flirting.

The exam showed that his eyes are OK, or will be, when that
stuff wears off, but they want to repeat the procedure in 
Octoer. Don't ask him how he feels about that!

Well, to make a long story short, they did not give Dear Webby
any antidoote, and he can't see well enough to read anything.

I know he can sorta typo without constantly looking at his 
keyboard, but that is not good enough for writing a decent 
newsletter. So he wrote me and asked me to fill in for him 
and send my newsletter out to his list.


Ophelia Dingbatter Please, help me stay online!
Since 1/1/11 free counters 568 Subscribers. Countries

Farmer John lived on a quiet rural highway. But, as time went by, the traffic slowly built up at an alarming rate. The traffic was so heavy and so fast that his chickens were being run over at a rate of three to six a day. So one day Farmer John called the sheriff's office and said, "You've got to do something about all of these people driving so fast and killing all of my chickens." "What do you want me to do?" asked the sheriff. "I don't care, just do something about those crazy drivers!" So the next day he had the county workers go out and erected a sign that said: SLOW: SCHOOL CROSSING Three days later Farmer John called the sheriff and said, "You've got to do something about these drivers. The 'school crossing' sign seems to make them go even faster." So, again, the sheriff sends out the county workers and they put up a new sign: SLOW: CHILDREN AT PLAY That really sped them up. So Farmer John called and called and called every day for three weeks. Finally, he asked the sheriff, "Your signs are doing no good. Can I put up my own sign?" The sheriff told him, "Sure thing, put up your own sign." He was going to let the Farmer John do just about anything in order to get him to stop calling everyday to complain. The sheriff got no more calls from Farmer John. Three weeks later, curiosity go the best of the sheriff, and he decided to give Farmer John a call. "How's the problem with those drivers. Did you put up your sign?" "Oh, I sure did. And not one chicken has been killed since then. I've got to go. I'm very busy. They all want to buy stuff.." He hung up the phone. The sheriff was really curious now and he thought to himself, "I'd better go out there and take a look at that sign... it might be something that WE could use to slow down drivers." So the sheriff drove out to Farmer John's house, and his jaw dropped the moment he saw the sign. It was spray-painted on a sheet of plywood: NUDIST FARM Go slow and watch out for the chicks!
From the year 2000: The AMA and NZMA have declared that the long term implications of drugs or medical procedures must be more fully considered. Over the past few years, more money has been spent on breast implants and Viagra than on Alzheimer's Disease research. It is now projected that by the year 2010 there will be thirty million people wandering around with huge breasts and erections who are unable to remember what to do with them. ---------- Thirty Million seems to have been an under-estimate!
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A general store owner hires a young female clerk with a penchant for very short skirts. One day a young man enters the store, glances at the clerk, and glances at the loaves of bread behind the counter. "I'd like some raisin bread, please." the man says politely. The clerk nods and climbs up a ladder to reach the raisin bread located on the very top shelf. The man, standing almost directly beneath her, is provided with an excellent view. As the clerk retrieves the bread, a small group of male customers gather around the young man, looking in the same direction. Pretty soon each person is asking for raisin bread, just to see the clerk climb up and down those steps. After a few trips, the clerk is tired and irritated. She stops and fumes at the top of the ladder, glaring at the men standing below. She notices an elderly man standing amongst the throng. "Is yours raisin too?" the clerk yells at him testily. "No," croaks the feeble old man... "But it's startin' to twitch."
Click through for the big version Judging by his description, that could be Dear Webby trying to look at his monitor today.
At school, a boy is told by a classmate that most adults are hiding at least one dark secret, and that this makes it very easy to blackmail them by saying, "I know the whole truth" even when you don't know anything. The boy decides to go home and try it out. As he is greeted by his mother at the front door he says, "I know the whole truth." His mother quickly hands him $20 and says, "Just don't tell your father." Quite pleased, the boy waits for his father to get home from work, and greets him with, "I know the whole truth." The father promptly hands him $40 and says, "Please don't say a word to your mother." Very pleased, the boy is on his way to school the next day, when he sees the mailman at his front door. The boy greets him by saying, "I know the whole truth." The mailman drops the mail, opens his arms and says, "Then come give your FATHER a big hug."
For clean, family safe humor and tech tips, try the newsletter
of my friend and coach, Dear Webby
Dear Webby's Humor Letter

The young man had just gotten his driver's permit and his father had agreed to take him out in the family car for practice. The son opened the driver's door and got in the car. His father opened the back door and got in the car. "Dad," said the lad, "aren't you going to sit up front with me?" "No," said the Dad, "I'm going to do what you've done for the past fifteen years. I'm going to sit behind you and kick and knee the seat."
Mysterious Persian Hangout
If you are reading this on Dear Webby's list, he will be back tomorrow.

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