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Good Morning,  !
Today is Thursday, July 28

I had to drive into Calgary for a heart stress test. 
Sounds scary, but it was just sitting in a chair, shirt off
with a dozen EKG leads stuck onto freshly shaved and sanded
spots on my chest, and waiting for 40 minutes, 
then walking and jogging on a treadmill, that got faster AND
steeper every three minutes.

Well, I have to admit, that big, ugly GE treadmill beat me. 
After nine minutes the nurse was holding on to my belt at
my back, in case I keeled over. I don't think she could 
have stopped me from falling down, if I did, but it probably 
would have been fun, if she had tried.

After 9 minutes I was getting quite short of air and told her, 
that was enough. I am definitely not in the same shape any 
more, that I used to be at age 20. 
However, the heart handled the stress test just fine. Not a
single malfunction during the entire test.

I realized, though, that I need to shift my exercising from
casual to challenging. 
9 minutes is not long enough '-)

Have FUN!

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Words ought to be a little wild for they are the assaults of thought on the unthinking. --- John Maynard Keynes What looks like wrestling to some, might be dancing to others. --- Andy Griffith
There was an old lady wandering around the supermarket calling out, "Crisco, Crisssssssco!" Soon a store clerk approached. "Madam, the Crisco is in aisle D." The old lady replied, "Oh, I'm not looking for the cooking stuff, I'm calling my husband." "Your husband's name is Crisco?" The old lady answered, "Oh, no, no, no. I only call him that when we're out in public." "Well, what do you call him when you're at home?" "Lardass"
Do you want to reverse your electrical meter and power bill? You CAN! Legally! Not a sneaky gimmick, not turning things off or down, just simple know-how. The Power 4 Home system shows and explains every step. If you are still paying for electricity, then this is for YOU!

Three men go on a trip to the desert. One is smart, one is average, and the third is Bambo. The smart guy says, "I brought water, so we won't go thirsty." The average guy says, "I brought food, so we won't go hungry." Then, they ask Bambo what he brought, and Tim says, "I brought this car window, so we can roll it down, if we get hot." But wait, there's more! As it turns out, the window Bambo brought came from a stolen car. The three men are arrested, taken to jail, and put in separate cells. Somehow, the smart guy manages to get hold of the keys, and unlocks each of their cells. They then proceed to escaping through a window. The smart guy goes first, and sees a wall blocking his escape route. He also sees a tall tree next to the wall, which he starts climbing, figuring this was the only way to get past the wall. As the smart guy reaches the top of the wall, a guard on the other side hears him. "Who's there?" asked the guard. The smart guy replies with a convincing "Meow. Meow." "Oh," says the guard, "it's only a cat in a tree." So the smart guy gets away. The average guy goes next. He climbs the same tree, and the same guard hears him. "Who's there?" "Tweet, tweet. Tweet, tweet." "It's only a bird in a tree," the guard mutters. And, last but not least, it is now Bambo's turn to escape. Now Bambo has been watching the others make their escapes, and he likes their approach. So, he climbs the same tree, to get over the same wall, and meets the same guard. Meanwhile, Tim has been concentrating - what's wrong with that picture? -: Ok, animal noises. Think animal noises. Of course, the guard hears him, and asks, "Who's there?" "Moooo. Moooo." Naturally, that gets all three of them caught. All three men are recaptured, and taken, as targets, to the firing range as punishment for their jailbreak. The smart guy, as usual, goes first. They bring him out, and the man in charge yells, "Ready...Aim..-" But before he got a chance to continue, the smart guy yells, "Earthquake!!" Everyone ducks and covers, and the smart guy gets away. Next, the average guy is brought out. Again, the man in charge yells, "Ready...Aim..-" "Tornado!!" They all scatter, and the average guy gets away. Finally, they bring Bambo out. Once again, Bambo has been watching the other two, and, once again has been concentrating - twice in the same day?! -: Natural disasters. Natural disasters. Remember, natural disasters are the key to escape. Once again, the man in charge yells, "Ready...Aim..-" "Fire!!!" yells Bambo.
Thanks to dad for this picture: Click through the picture to the large version.
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Jeffrey Boreman, 37 in Largo Florida Man put fake bomb on own car LARGO, Fla., July 23 (UPI) -- Police in Florida said they arrested a man accused of strapping a fake bomb to his car before taking it in for an oil change. Largo police said they were called to the Jiffy Lube on Walsingham Road July 16 by a mechanic who discovered the device while working on the 2004 Nissan Maxima brought in by Jeffrey Boreman, 37, the St. Petersburg (Fla.) Times reported Friday. Lt. Edward Sohoski said police determined the device was a fake after it was removed and detonated by a team consisting of the bomb squad and agents from the FBI and the Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco, Firearms and Explosives. Sohoski said security camera footage from a Target store depicted Boreman purchasing several of the items used to create the hoax bomb. "There's evidence he's distraught over a pending divorce," Sohoski said. Police said nearby business were evacuated and traffic was backed up for hours as a result of the incident. Boreman was charged with planting a hoax bomb and was released Thursday on $10,000 bail.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Sharron Re: Google wants info Dear Webby re your International Bonehead : - Shanda Kidd I would absolutely love it if they handed out these kind of stiff penalties to the villians over in my country. The judges here in Australia are either scared of the criminals or they're in their pay - maybe a bit of both. And I hate "plea bargaining" thats what got the honeymoon murderer only 18 months. BTW - I know it isn't your problem but I too have problems receiving your newsletter - I do get it spasmodically but usually I check it out at the site. The strange things is - I never have problems getting ThriftyFun. I was going to set up an email account with Google but they wanted too much info Still I do enjoy your newsletter Kind Regards Sharron Dear Sharron I agree 100% with your view about treating criminals! Don't worry about Google wanting info. You can make up every bit of it, as long as you mark it down somewhere. All that info is just to help you retrieve your password, in case you forget it. You can call yourself "My Grandma", born January 12, 1798, whatever! Just take a screen shot and save that, so that you can check it, if you ever need to. Nobody at Google gives a hoot about how close to reality that info is, as long as you have a record and can use it for password retrieval. I'll send you a Gmail invitation. Be as silly and ridiculous on it, as you want. Once you got it set up, subscribe with that address, and make a filter in Gmail, so that it never puts mail from into the spam, no matter what naughty words I might mention. There is no rush with it, but sooner or later you'll have to do it anyway. Preferably before y7mail censors their own invoices. Have FUN! DearWebby
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Thanks to Ellie for this story: One day I took my 6-year-old son with me to visit a friend at work. Everyone there knew me, and I was offered a cup of coffee. That day, as one of the employees went to make more coffee, my son followed her and asked, "What are you doing?" "I'm making your mom's favorite drink," she answered. Imagine my shock when I heard my son say, "Wow! You know how to make beer?"
Daily tip from Organizing Craft Patterns I love to sew, but one thing I don't like is trying to get the pattern pieces back into those little envelopes that have the pattern in it originally. I knew I had to do something. I went to an office supply store and bought some cheap file folders. I sew them along the sides then cut the pattern envelope to the size of the file folder and tape or glue it on the outside. It is so much easier to fold the pattern pieces to fit the file folder. I bought a file cabinet at an auction for $1.00 and I was set. No more frustration. By Carole from Klamath, CA Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the list, you can vote for it here:
In the subway train the conversation turned to the merits and demerits of various ways of preserving health. One stout, florid man held forth with great eloquence on the subject. "Look at me!" he said. "Never a day's sickness in my life, and all due to simple food. Why, gentlemen," he continued, "from the age of twenty to that of forty I lived an absolutely simple regular life --- no effeminate delicacies, no late hours, no extravagances. Every day, in fact, summer and winter, I was in bed regularly at nine o'clock and up again at five in the morning. I worked from eight to one, then had dinner --a plain dinner, mark my words! After that, an hour's exercise; then.." "Excuse me, sir," interrupted the facetious stranger in the corner, "but what were you in prison for that long ???"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
An airline captain was breaking in a very new stewardess. The route they were flying had a stay-over in another city. Upon their arrival the captain showed the stewardess the best place for airline personnel to eat, shop and stay overnight. The next morning as the pilot was preparing the crew for the day's route, he noticed the new stewardess was missing. He knew which room she was in at the hotel and called her up wondering what happened to her. She answered the phone, crying, and said she couldn't get out of her room. "You can't get out of your room?" the captain asked, "Why not?" The stewardess replied, "There are only three doors in here," she sobbed, "one is the bathroom, one is the closet, and one has a sign on it that says 'Do Not Disturb'!"

Puerto Rican Rain Forest

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