Parental Controls 

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"Keep your head and your heart going in the right direction and you will not have to worry about your feet." --- Socratex
A Chicago lawyer named George successfully defends a major crime lord from charges of dealing drugs, racketeering, murder, kidnapping, and selling arms. As he is leaving the courtroom, an indignant old woman grabs him by the arm. "Young man, where are your Christian scruples? I believe you would defend Satan himself!" "I don't know," George says, "what has your kid done this time ?"
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Three boys are in the school yard bragging about their fathers. The first boy says, "My Dad scribbles a few words on a piece of paper, he calls it a poem, they give him $50." The second boy says, "That's nothing. My Dad scribbles a few words on a piece of paper, he calls it a song, they give him $100." The third boy says, "I got you both beat. My Dad scribbles a few words on a piece of paper, he calls it a sermon. And it takes eight people to collect all the money!"

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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Mark Bausch, 56, in DeLeon Springs, Florida Man robbed blind woman DELEON SPRINGS, Fla. -- A DeLeon Springs man forced his way into a blind woman's home, pushed her to the ground and stole a pet bird he had traded to her, deputies said. According to the Volusia County Sheriff's Office, Mark Bausch regretting trading his pet sun conure to the 64-year-old woman and her 81-year-old mother in exchange for $50 and a computer. Bausch went to the women's home on Ponce DeLeon Boulevard on Thursday afternoon and demanded the bird back, saying he missed his pet and the computer ran too slow, deputies said. When they refused Bausch's request, he forced his way into the home, shoved the blind woman to the ground and went into her bedroom, where he shoved her again, took the bird and fled in his truck, deputies said. Using a description from the women, deputies said they were able to find Bausch, who was in his truck along with the bird. The sun conure is valued at around $300. Bausch was arrested and charged with home invasion robbery, grand theft and abuse of a disabled adult. He is being held on $13,000 bond at the Volusia County Branch Jail. The woman suffered minor injuries in the altercation.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Jaye Re: Parental Controls Dear Webby, Your the best there is anywhere on the Net!!! And probably elsewhere too. Your advice is always right on! Anyway i want to ask you a question...I have a 6 year old Granddaughter who is so................Computer savvy... Yes i said 6 and she knows a lot since when she was only a baby her Dad held her while he worked the Puter. She has been going to YouTube and at first it was OK since it was silly Dora stuff and games. Now we find out she has been going to places not fit for an Adult let alone a 5 year old... Where do I go for the Parental stopping her? I would really appreciate your advice also. Thank you , Jaye Dear Jaye I am most definitely not an expert on parental controls. I will mention your plight, and hopefully a reader will respond with good information. Personally, I would be more in favor of educating her about what is good for her and what isn't, than in giving her an incentive to become a better expert in parental controls, than you are. Have FUN! DearWebby
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A man was stranded on the proverbial deserted Pacific island for years. Finally one day a boat comes sailing into view, and the man frantically waves and draws the skipper's attention. The boat comes near the island and the sailor gets out and greets the stranded man. After awhile the sailor asks, "What are those three huts you have here?" "Well, that's my house there." "What's that next hut?" asks the sailor. "I built that hut to be my church." "What about the other hut?" "Oh, that's where I used to go to church."
Daily tip from Cleaning Vinyl Records To clean the grooves of old records, dip a shaving brush in a mixture of equal parts distilled water and triple distilled vodka. Brush the mixture into the grooves of the record and dry with a tack cloth. By duckie-do from Cortez, CO Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the list, you can vote for it here:
A young man was visiting his brother and sister-in-law and was surprised to find his young nephew, Timmy, helping them bake the cupcakes. After they were done, his sister-in-law allowed Timmy to put the icing on. When he had finished, he brought them to the table. "The cupcakes look delicious, Tim." his uncle said. He took a bite while looking at the other cupcakes. "Timmy these are so good." As he finished one and took another he again complimented his little nephew. "The cupcakes look beautiful, Tim," his uncle said. "How did you get them iced so evenly?" And he took a large bite while waiting for the answer. His nephew replied, "I licked them."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
The FDA just approved a new drug for obesity; they say it causes modest weight loss when combined with diet and exercise. Of course, beer combined with diet and exercise does the same thing


A guy goes to the Patents Office with some designs. He tells the clerk. "I'd like to register my new invention, a folding bottle." "Oh sure says the clerk, "what do you call it?" "A fottle," says the inventor "That's a silly name., can you think of anything else?" "I'll think about it," says the inventor. I've got something else here a folding carton "And what do you call that?", asks the clerk. "A farton." "Thats rude....You can't possibly use that name!" "Gee" says Inventor, "then your'e going to HATE the name of my folding bucket!"

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