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Today is Thursday, Aug 11

Does that look like the gene pool needs more chlorine?

Monika Konczyk,32, a recent immigrant from Poland, 
jumping from her apartment, after rioters set the ground floor 
shops on fire. 
She was caught by a Romanian man named Adrian.

Have FUN!

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The truth is rarely pure and never simple. --- Oscar Wilde Golf is played by twenty million mature American men whose wives think they are out having fun. --- Jim Bishop
A housewife, an accountant and a lawyer were asked "How much is 2+2?" The housewife replies: "Four!" The accountant says: "I think it's either 3 or 4. Let me run those figures through my spreadsheet one more time." The lawyer pulls the drapes, dims the lights and asks in a hushed voice, "How much do you want it to be?"
Back by popular demand: Competition BBQ Secrets Still the best book for and about BBQ! Not just large competition recipes, but secrets for any type of BBQ, large or intimate. Now you can afford it: Competition BBQ Secrets

In a hat shop a salesgirl gushed, "That's the hat for you! It makes you look ten years younger." "Then I don't want it," retorted the customer. "I certainly can't afford to put on ten years every time I take off my hat!"
Thanks to Sue for this picture: Estern Kingbird
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Lorena Tavera, with and without $2000 make-over Lorena Tavera, 21, in El Paso However, she is known to police and they had no problem recognizing her. Former Miss El Paso USA arrested for shoplifting A local beauty queen was arrested for shoplifting Friday for allegedly taking a $69 shirt from the Dillard's at Sunland Park Mall. El Paso police arrested Miss El Paso USA 2008 Lorena Tavera at 6:45 p.m. Friday after store employees reported the theft. The workers told police that Tavera, 21, took the shirt and hid it in a plastic shopping bag before walking out without paying for it. Employees stopped Tavera outside the store and had her wait until police arrived. Tavera faces a charge of theft for an item over $50 but under $500. She also had two outstanding traffic warrants. Jail records show she was booked into the El Paso County Jail early Saturday and released Saturday afternoon after posting bond, which totaled $728. A reporter from Channel 9-KTSM who contacted Tavera on Monday quoted her as saying details of the incident were "misconstrued, and it's twisted." She declined further comment to the station, telling them she needed to contact her lawyer. According to a biography posted online, Tavera attends the University of Texas at El Paso and hopes to start a marketing company to promote fashion designers. Tavera was also crowned Miss El Paso Teen USA in 2006. Two years later, after winning the Miss El Paso USA pageant, she placed sixth at the Miss Texas USA pageant.
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A patient was waiting nervously in the examination room of a famous specialist. "So, who did you see before coming to me?" asked the doctor. "My local General Practitioner." "Your GP?" scoffed the doctor. "What a waste of time. Tell me, what sort of useless nonsense did he con you into?" "He told me to come and see you."
Daily tip from Reuse Cardboard From Tissue Box Open up the glued end of an empty large tissue box so it is now flat. Trim off the logo area. You can use the plain white area if you wish. Trim off ends and save them. You can get three tiny gift tags from the ends. You can make 4 cards, 1 bookmark, and 24 tiny tags from a single box or 7 cards and 21 tags from one box! For gift tags, punch a small hole in the top and add a ribbon to tie on to the gift. Attach a ribbon to the top of your bookmark the same way. Not all boxes measure the same, so don't worry if you don't come up with the same cuts or think you made a mistake. By duckie-do from Cortez, CO Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the list, you can vote for it here:
Our neighbour used the word hypochondriac to describe the phase her teen-age daughter was going though. One day the girl was convinced that the pain on her left side was appendicitis. Her mother explained that the appendix is on the right. "So that's why it hurts to much," her daughter wailed. "My appendicitis is on the wrong side."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
There was a mine in a small town that completely collapsed. one of the engineers who miraculously survived the disaster went into the local watering hole. The bar was empty except for one lonely soul at the other end of the bar. "Hey bartender" said the Engineer, "I'll have a beer and pour another one for my friend down at the end there." The bartender responded, "I'm sorry sir but that guy's a commie and union organizer, and we don't serve his kind around here." "Well, you'd better because if it weren't for that guy, I wouldn't be here. You remember when the mine that caved ? Well I was in the mine and so was that guy. When the last of us were escaping, he held the roof of the mine up with his head! So get him a beer and if you don't believe me, look at the top of his head and you'll see that it's flat from holding the roof up." The bartender skeptically served the commie his beer and then came back to talk to the Engineer: "I saw the flat spot on his head but I also couldn't help noticing a big huge bruise under his chin. What is that all about?" The engineer responded: "Oh...that's where we put the jack."


Earl says he used to yearn for a pretty women. Now the "Y" is silent.

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