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Good Morning,  !
Today is Wednesday, Aug 31

The British media, once the noisiest whiners about Gullible 
Warming, are now complaining about cold summers.

Metro UK Aug 30/11

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"Character is easier kept than recovered." --- English Proverb "Would you want to do business with a person who was 99% honest?" --- Sydney Madwed
Sign seen in an animal shelter: "All children left unattended will be given a free kitten." In another one: Re your lost kid: If there are no remains in the alligator pen, wait 24 hours.
Paleo Cookbook Brand new Paleo diet cookbook with over 370 recipes. List of safe and non-toxic foods. Even the intro will have valuable info. 395 pages, no special skills required. Printable eBook. Currently with these bonuses: plus 29 page herb and spice guide, plus 8 week meal planner Paleo Cookbook

Many people hold down two jobs, so I wasn't surprised when my hairdresser mentioned to me that he also worked part-time at the race track. "That's interesting," I said. "What do you do?" As he finished styling my hair, he replied, "I groom horses."
Thanks to Betty for this picture of her yucca: Click trhough for the big picture.
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Christopher Parker, 24 from Eau Claire, Wisconsin Farm Boy in the city "I am a dumbass white boy from Wisconsin." That’s the best Christopher Parker, 24, could offer Chicago cops Wednesday morning after he was pulled over during a traffic stop and officers found a handgun, a stack of cash, and a load of marijuana in his SUV. Parker, pictured in the mug shot at right, allegedly offered police $100,000 if they would let him go, according to a police report. "I know that’s more than your salary," he said, adding, "Take the car, take the money. I don't care. Just let me walk, bro. Please let me go." Along with describing himself as a “dumbass,” the Eau Claire resident noted that, "I watch ‘Gangland,’ and I came to the South Side of Chicago to act like a big baller. I borrowed a gun from a friend for protection, and I was scared to be driving down here. I’m on vacation with my family and I have the gun because my girlfriend is scared, too." [“Gangland” is a History Channel series that focuses on criminal organizations across the United States.] Along with gun and drug counts, Parker was charged with trying to bribe a cop. He is being held in the Cook County jail in lieu of $90,000 bail. Considering that gun related fatalities are six times higher in Chicago than in Afghanistan, he was lucky to get caught early in his silly game.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Kim Re: Filter Tips Dear Webby, How about some more filter tips ? That ISO filter works great. Like you suggested with new filters, I kept it red and visible for a month, and there was not a single false alarm, but it caught 10 or more spams every day. I put it on auto-delete now. Now I need something for all the spams that just have pictures and randowm text. Thanks Kim Dear Kim I catch those by filtering for "font color=white" OR "font color=#FFFFFF" That even nabs those PayPal scam-spams. Without the quote marks. It might also get the odd Christmas Cheer letter from your mother-in-law with white text on green background, but if you keep an eye on the filter for a month, you should be able to spot and rescue those (if you want '-) Have FUN! DearWebby
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A man goes to see the doctor because he has a sore throat. The nurse tells him to take all his clothes off and sit on the bench in the hall. The man tries to protest, but the nurse doesn't listen and just repeats the same orders then leaves the area. The man complies with her orders and joins another naked man sitting on the bench. The man starts complaining to the man already sitting there, that he only has a sore throat and doesn't understand why he has to take all his clothes off. The man who was already sitting on the bench nude, looks at the other man and says "You think that's bad, I'm just here to fix the air conditioner."
Daily tip from Make Flavored Drinks with Soda Water Use carbonated spring water, which is available cheaply from chains like Asda (Walmart in US), to make up orangeade, lemonade, etc. This enables you to have a wide choice of fizzy drinks without either buying big bottles of pop which go flat quickly, or individual cans/bottles which cost more. By Verity Eileen from Norfolk, UK It is easy to make better than bought Ginger Ale and Root Beer. Lots of good recipes on the net. If you have berry or fruit syrup, it is eaven easier. You can use a bit of yeast to produce the carbonation, or a CO2 kit. Have FUN! DearWebby Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the list, you can vote for it here:
Little Susie came running into the house after school one day, shouting, "Daddy! Daddy! I got 100 in school today!" "That's great, Sweetheart," said her daddy. "Come in the living room and tell me about it." "Well," began the confession, "I got 50 in spelling, 30 in math, and 20 in science."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
The anniversary party had turned into a marathon with numerous guests coming and going. At one point, a man knocked on the door, was greeted heartily though no one knew who he was, and was led to the bar in the basement. He sat there happily for about an hour before a strange light dawned on his face. "You know," he confided to his host, "I wasn't even invited to this party. I just came over to tell you that some of your guests' cars are blocking my driveway. My wife's been sitting out in the car waiting for me to get them moved."

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After the birth of their child, an Episcopal priest, wearing his clerical collar, visited his wife in the hospital. He greeted her with a hug and a kiss and several squeezes, and gave her some more when he left. Later, the wife's roommate commented: "Your pastor is sure friendlier than mine."

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