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Good Morning,  !
Today is Wednesday, September 14

Thank you Millie!


Summer has gone into hiding. It cooled off to 7 degrees 
above freezing and I decided to wear long pants and a jacket
for my evening walk, the first time since spring. Without a 
wind, I'd tough it out, but today I ruled on the side of comfort.
The wind is supposed to calm down a bit tomorrow, and we'll
see the sun again. I am not putting the summer shorts away 
just yet!

Have FUN!
DearWebby


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If I had to live my life again, I'd make the same mistakes, only sooner. --- Tallulah Bankhead There are more fools in the world than there are people. --- Heinrich Heine
The minister asked, "Is there anyone in the congregation who wants a prayer said for their shortcomings?" "Yes" said a man in the front pew. "I am a spendthrift. I throw money around like it is growing on trees." "Very well" said the pastor. "We will join in prayer for our brother...just as soon as the collection plate has been passed."
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Rev Jesse's church moved to the empty warehouse beside a liquor store and topless bar, because their old church could not hold all the faithful. The liquor store and especially the topless bar were a real thorn in Rev Jesse's side, especially because some members had the annoying habit of sneaking out during the sermon and coming back rather inebriated, AFTER the collection plates had been hauled around by the deacons. He called the bar evil and a work of the devil and really got some steam up one day, when a nearby storm cut the power and the lights went out. Well, like any proper church, they had enough candles for the deacons and a few other good donors. Rev Jesse lambasted the bar and called for the Good Lord to smite it and burn it to the ground. Just then some very close and very noisy lightning caused somebody to flinch and set the Reverend's wife's wig on fire. The wig got tossed, but unfortunately it landed in the wardrobes at the side entrance and set everything there on fire. Eventually, they got the fire almost under control, but not until it had spread to the adjoining bar. To make a long story short, the bar burned to the ground. Naturally, Rev Jesse claimed the credit for that for himself and the Good Lord, and was not in the least bit shy telling everybody about how he and the Gold Lord had defeated the evil bar next door. Just as naturally, when the bar owner sued the church for damages, Rev Jesse reversed his rethoric and insisted, that it was not a miracle, just an accident. The matter went to court and quite amused the judge. "So, here we have a sinner, who claims the Good Lord accomplished a miracle, and a preacher, who claims that the Good Lord can't do that." Since the fire had started in the church, just seconds after Rev Jesse had called upon the Good Lord to smite the evil bar, the judge sided with the sinner and ordered the church to pay for rebuilding the bar.
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Yoenis Cristo Banos, 28, in Hialeah, Florida Big Sucker SEPTEMBER 8--Driving a minivan outfitted with a generator-powered vacuum system, a Florida man yesterday surreptitiously siphoned 250 gallons of gasoline from a Citgo outlet before the station’s owner became suspicious and called cops. When Broward County sheriff’s deputies arrived at the Oakland Park gas station, they arrested Yoenis Cristo Banos, 28, on a felony grand theft charge. A search of Banos’s Dodge Grand Caravan revealed that the vehicle’s rear seats were removed and replaced with three huge plastic tanks and a generator used to power the illegal siphoning system. One of the plastic drums held 255 gallons of diesel fuel, valued at $1019.75, according to a sheriff's report. Banos allegedly parked the van above a compartment leading to the underground vaults storing the Citgo station’s fuel supplies. He then somehow dropped hoses into the reservoir and began sucking up the gasoline into the van’s plastic tanks. When Broward County Sheriff’s Office deputies discovered the large amount of gasoline inside the van, a hazardous materials team was called to the station to remove the diesel fuel. After being booked on the grand theft charge, Banos was freed from custody after posting $1000 bond. It is unclear what the unemployed Hialeah resident planned to do with the stolen gas. The tanks look like two 100 gallon and one 250 gallon tank. If he had not been interrupted and had filled all tanks, that would have been about 1700 kg (3750 lb) of fuel.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Bob Re: Forward just part of a mail Dear Webby, You know when someone forwards a cute email with grapics, it usually has a 1,000 other names before you. How does one get rid of the prior name lists and still keep the grapics? I would like to forward it without all the previous names. It is not a photo type, it's when you have a short verse and then an object or person that moves and then another verse and so on. Thanks, Bob Dear Bob With Eudora I would highlight the part that I want to forward, hit Forward, put in the destination address, and hit Send. I don't know how the other 657 email programs do it, but the same trick might work OK in many of them. Have FUN! DearWebby
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Two priests died at the same time and met Saint Peter at the Pearly Gates. St. Peter said, "I'd like to get you guys in now, but our computer is down. You'll have to go back to Earth for about a week, but you can't go back as priests. So what else would you like to be?" The first priest says, "I've always wanted to be an eagle, soaring above the Rocky Mountains." "So be it," says St. Peter, and off flies the first priest. The second priest mulls this over for a moment and asks, "Will any of this week 'count', St. Peter?" "No, I told you the computer's down. There's no way we can keep track of what you're doing." "In that case," says the second priest, "I've always wanted to be a stud." "So be it," says St. Peter, and the second priest disappears. A week goes by, the computer is fixed, and the Lord tells St. Peter to recall the two priests. "Will you have any trouble locating them?" He asks. "The first one should be easy," says St. Peter. "He's somewhere over the Rockies, flying with the eagles. But the second one could prove to be more difficult." "Why?" asketh the Lord. "He's on a snow tire, somewhere in southern Argentina."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Use Plastic Paper Clips to Hold Bias Tape on Curved Edges I have a rather unorthodox way of attaching bias tape to some items. I just insert the fabric into the fold and stitch it down. Since the place mats are oval shaped, I was having trouble holding them flat and in place. I bought a box of the little plastic paper clips, and they are working just fine. I just stitch a ways and remove them. They are much less expensive than the quilting clips. By MartyD from Houston, TX http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
Bill was noted for his tact. One night he was awakened at four am by his ringing telephone. "Your dog's barking, and it's keeping me awake," said an irate voice. Bill thanked the caller, told him he would check it out and politely asked his name before hanging up. The next morning at four o'clock, Bills called back his neighbor told him: "Sir, I don't have a dog."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
Joe woke himself up with a loud "Hello!" to someone in his dream. As the next day came and went, Joe thought the nocturnal outburst was his alone to remember. But that night, as he and Margaret were getting ready for bed, she said dryly, "If you see anyone you know tonight, just wave."

» Big cats

A dinner party of different nationalities had arrived at a restaurant. They each ordered a glass of wine, but when the wine arrived they noticed that each of the glasses had a fly in it. * The Swede demanded to have new wine in the same glass. * The Englishman demanded to have new wine in a new glass. * The Finn picked the fly out of the wine and drank the wine. * The Russian drank the wine, fly and all. * The Chinese ate the fly but left the wine. * The Israeli caught the fly and sold it to the Chinese. * The Roman drank two thirds of the wine and then demanded to have new wine. * The Norwegian took the fly and went off to fish for cod. * The Irishman ground the fly and mixed it in the wine, which he then donated to the Englishman. * The American sued the restaurant and claimed for a 65 million dollar compensation for mental suffering. * The Scotsman grabbed the fly by the throat and roared: 'Now spit out all that you swallowed!!'





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