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Good Morning,  !
Today is Wednesday, September 14

Summer was back this afternoon. Somehow I feel a lot more 
energetic in shorts and a short sleeve shirt. 

Have FUN!

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People who say they sleep like a baby, usually don't have one. --- Leo J. Burke I respect faith, but doubt is what gets you an education. --- Wilson Mizner
A man was going to attend a costume party dressed in a costume of the devil. On his way it began to rain, so he darted into a church where a revival meeting was in progress. At the sight of his devil's costume, people began to scatter through the doors and windows. One lady got her coat sleeve caught on the arm of one of the seats and, as the man came closer, she pleaded, "Satan, I've been a member of this church for 20 years, but really, when you look at all the gossiping I've done, you'll see that I've really been on your side all the time."
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From Carol: Dear Webby Once upon a time, long, long ago, you had a joke about a granny and the Hawaian Good Luck Sign. Can you PLEASE, pretty please, dig that out and print it again ? I got show it to proof that I am not nuts. Thank you sooo much! Carol No problem, Carol! Here it is: The Letter from Gramma: The other day I went up to a local Christian bookstore and saw a "honk if you love Jesus" bumper sticker. I was feeling particularly sassy that day because I had just come from a thrilling choir performance, followed by a thunderous prayer meeting, so I bought the sticker and put it on my bumper. I was stopped at a red light at a busy intersection, just lost in thought about the Lord and how good He is and I didn't notice that the light had changed. It is a good thing someone else loves Jesus because if he hadn't honked, I'd never have noticed! I found that LOTS of people love Jesus! Why, while I was sitting there, the guy behind started honking like crazy, and then he leaned out of his window and screamed, "For the love of GOD! GO! GO! Jesus Christ, GO!" What an exuberant cheerleader he was for Jesus! Everyone started honking! I just leaned out of my window and started waving and smiling at all these loving people. I even honked my own horn a few times to share in the love! There must have been a man from Florida back there because I heard him yelling something about a "sunny beach"... I saw another guy waving in a funny way with only his middle finger stuck up in the air. I asked my teenage grandson in the back seat what that meant. He said that it was probably a Hawaiian good luck sign or something. Well, I've never met anyone from Hawaii, so I leaned out the window and gave him the good luck sign back. My grandson burst out laughing...why, even he was enjoying this religious experience! A couple of the people were so caught up in the joy of the moment that they got out of their cars and started walking towards me. I bet they wanted to pray or ask what church I attended, but this is when I noticed the light had changed. So, I waved to all my sisters and brothers, grinning of course, and drove on through the intersection. I noticed I was the only car that got through the intersection before the light changed again and I felt kind of sad that I had to leave them after all the love we had shared, so I slowed the car down, leaned out of the window and gave them all the Hawaiian good luck sign one last time as I drove away. Praise the Lord for such wonderful folks! Grandma
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Peter Quill, 45, San Juan Capistrano, California Can't handle generator noise SANTA ANA (CBS) — A San Juan Capistrano bonehead is behind bars after assaulting his neighbor with a flashlight over an allegedly noisy generator during a blackout, that left thousands of local homes without power. Peter Quill, 45, is accused of hitting his neighbor, Anthony Morales, over the head with a flashlight after complaining about the loud hum of a generator he was using during the widespread power outage, authorities said. Neighbors say Morales is a Los Angeles firefighter. Quill reportedly confronted Morales shortly before 11 p.m. on Thursday and demanded that he turn off the generator due to the excessive noise, said Orange County Sheriff’s Department spokesman Jim Amormino. When Morales refused repeated demands, Quill then allegedly returned to Morales’ home with a flashlight and attempted to turn off the generator himself, said Amormino. Morales was hospitalized with lacerations and a possible concussion, said Amormino. Many residents and businesses in Orange County used gas generators to power their homes overnight during the outage that lasted through early Friday morning, according to officials. Quill was booked into Men’s Central Jail on charges of assault with a deadly weapon, Amormino said. He is being held on $25,000 bail. Usually the real cause of fights over emergency generators is not over their noise, but caused by envy and the inability to donate power from the generator to neighbors, who spent their money on other things. Generators usually make less noise than a lawn mower and are not a big deal, though it can get rather noisy if every house in a circle has one running.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Brig Re: Most powerful filter Dear Webby, I know you are a wiz at making filters in Mailwasher. What is your most powerful filter, and can we have it, please? Brig Dear Brig I checked the cute pie chart in Mailwasher, and my "Boundary" filter does just a hair over 20% of all the filters together. Here it is: If the entire header contains ="----=_ or ----------bound-- then mark the message as mail to be deleted, automatically. Considering how many filters I have, 20% is a huge chunk of the 4000 - 5000 pieces of mail sent towards me every day. Looking at that pie chart in Mailwasher can really cheer me up! Have FUN! DearWebby
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Part of my job as a public-health nurse is teaching new parents how to care for their infants. As I was demon- strating how to wrap a newborn, a young Asian couple turned to me and said, "You mean we should wrap the baby like an egg roll?" "Yes," I replied, "that's a good analogy." "I don't know how to make egg rolls," another mother said anxiously. "Can I wrap my baby like a burrito?"
Daily tip from Use Plastic Paper Clips to Hold Bias Tape on Curved Edges I have a rather unorthodox way of attaching bias tape to some items. I just insert the fabric into the fold and stitch it down. Since the place mats are oval shaped, I was having trouble holding them flat and in place. I bought a box of the little plastic paper clips, and they are working just fine. I just stitch a ways and remove them. They are much less expensive than the quilting clips. By MartyD from Houston, TX Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the list, you can vote for it here:
Judi was out driving around and found herself out in the country. She stopped when she saw a farmer tending to one of his animals. "Sir," Judi asked, "why doesn't this cow have any horns?" The farmer thought for a moment, and, in a patient and kindly tone said, "Well, ma'am, cattle can do a powerful lot of damage with their horns. Sometimes we farmers keep 'em trimmed down with a hacksaw. Other times we can fix 'em up by putting a couple of drops of acid where their horns would grow in and that stops 'em cold." Judi nodded. The farmer continued. "Then some breeds of cattle don't even grow horns. But the reason THIS cow doesn't have any horns, ma'am, is because it's a horse."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
Thanks to Myrna for this: Diet is something most of us do religiously. We eat what we want and pray we don't gain weight.

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Thanks to Leo for this: My wife and I were traveling on the Kansas Turnpike, bucking 30 to 45 m.p.h. crosswinds. At the tollbooth, I asked the attendant, "What do you people do in Kansas when the wind quits?" The tollbooth attendant didn't miss a beat. She answered, "We take the rocks out of our pockets."

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