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Good Morning,  !
Today is Sunday, September 18

Thanks to Amy:
CORRECTION:  The two idiots from your "Bonehead" story are 
from Upper Darby, PENNSYLVANIA.  I'm ashamed to say that 
we grow 'em pretty dumb in PA!
Amy

OOOPS!
The story was all over the British sites, and none would admit
what state they are in. That, the writing style, and the 
obsession about the boneheads being Lebanese, led me to 
jump to the wrong confusion. Thanks for the correction!

Have FUN!
DearWebby


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"The squeaky wheel doesn't always get greased; sometimes it gets replaced." --- John Peers When all men think alike, no one thinks very much. --- Walter Lippman
A farmer named Muldoon lived alone in the countryside with a pet dog which he loved and doted on. After many long years of companionship, the dog finally died so Muldoon went to the parish priest:"Father, my dear old dog is dead. Could you be saying a mass for the creature?" Father Patrick replied, "I am so very sorry to hear about your dog's death. But, unfortunately we cannot have services for an animal in the church. However, there's a new denomination down the road, no telling what they believe, but maybe they'll do something for the animal." As he was leaving, Muldoon said, "I'll go right now. Do you think $500 is enough to donate for the service?" Father Patrick: "STOP! Stop! Stop! Why didn't you tell me the dog was Catholic?!"
Are you tired of slow computer start-ups due to too many sloppy updates and unnecessary programs? PC Optimizer PRO will fix all that and get you an even faster start-up, than when your computer was brand new. Get the PC Optimizer PRO now!

Two intrepid explorers met in the heart of the Brazilian jungle. "I'm here," declared one, "to commune with nature in the raw, to contemplate the eternal verities and to widen my horizons. And you, sir?" "I," sighed the second explorer, "came because my young daughter has begun violin lessons."
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Joshua Seto, 27, in Chandler, AZ Shot his own penis Police say the man and his girlfriend had been on their way to the store at about 7:30 p.m. when the woman pulled her pink .380 caliber, semi-automatic Taurus, specially made to promote breast cancer awareness, from her purse. Seto took the gun and jammed into his waistband, where it went off. The bullet struck Seto's penis, then entered and exited his left thigh, according to a police report. The couple didn't immediately drive to a hospital, instead walking to a bench at the parking lot. Someone else prompted the man's girlfriend, Cara Christopher, to call 911, Favazzo says. "He's still conscious, there's just a lot of blood," Christopher told dispatchers, who then instructed her to apply pressure to the wound with a cloth. "It looks pretty bad." Seto was treated at a local hospital, but police had no update on his condition as of Thursday morning, and urge everybody to use proper holsters and not treat guns like the rubber decoys used by TV thugs. Actors are cute, but usually not smart enough to be allowed near real guns.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Shonda Re: Internet Explorer can't open pages Dear Webby, I need help with Internet Explorer. Internet Explorer can't open web pages. I have to keep trying untill I can get online.Can you help me? Thank you Shonda Dear Shonda Internet Explorer is just a browser. It requires, that you are connected to the Internet. If you are not, it tries to call whatever you use for connecting and wake it up, but that is no guarantee, that you will be connected immediately. You will have to contact your ISP and get them to figure out, why you are not properly connected to them. Have FUN! DearWebby
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The new preacher, at this first service, had a pitcher of water and a glass on the pulpit. As he preached,he drank until the pitcher of water was completely gone. After the service, someone asked an old woman of the church, "How did you like the new pastor?" "Fine," she said, "but he's first windmill I ever saw, that ran on water."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Reuse Junk Mail Envelopes To save money on buying envelopes, take any pre-addressed envelopes that come in the mail that aren't going to be used and put white labels over the address. Make sure not to use envelopes that are obviously not suited to your purpose. Even the envelopes with the see through windows can be used. Just put the white label over the window part. We haven't purchased envelopes in ages! By fossil1955 from Cortez, CO http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
"What is AOL?" "It's an organization set up to give Internetters someone to make ethnic jokes about and be prejudiced about and hopefully ease off on Mac users."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
One night, a lady stumbled into the police station with a black eye. She claimed she heard a noise in her back yard and went to investigate. The next thing she knew, she was hit in the eye and knocked out cold. An officer was sent to her house to investigate, and he returned 1-1/2 hours later with a black eye. "Did you get hit by the same person?" his captain asked. "No," he replied. "I stepped on the same rake...."

Sweet Tooth

The District Judge in our county is a no-nonsense woman who has never left any doubt as to her professionalism. What those of us who work in the court didn't know was whether she had a sense of humor. The matter was put to rest the morning an older woman was testifying before the judge. Several times during the proceedings the woman addressed the judge as "Honey." Finally the judge looked the woman in the eye and said, "That's Judge Honey."





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